Lost and Found
by Bugsbunnyaloha
Summary: Steve's life as a CO had brought through many recruits who he molded and created into elite soldiers, but it was one in particular who stood out and he found to be his biggest challenge yet, not knowing her presence would save his life more than once, and mold him into a man he never knew existed. The separation that afflicted them was no match for fate that endured in their favor.
1. Chapter 1

_**Part One**_

Chapter 1

They tried not to look at him as he walked a path back and forth in front of them. They kept their eyes focused forward.

He wore tan Camouflage fatigues with boots that laced up mid calf, the bottom of his pants tucked neatly inside them. He wasn't much older than the five of them, yet his attitude and they way he carried himself showed confidence way beyond his years. Not one person there would have dared to challenge him. His eyes were mostly hidden under the matching Camouflage cap but none of them dared to make eye contact with him either. That would just be stupid. Considering the fact that they were in the middle of the desert, he was well-groomed and his uniform was precise. As he turned his back one of the men adjusted their shirt trying to imitate their Commanding Officers attire.

"Hey!" he bellowed, quickly making his way over to him, placing no personal space between their faces. "Did I tell you to move soldier?!"

"No Sir!" he replied quickly. "I'm sorry Sir!"

"Did I ask you for an apology?!" he screamed at him. "Don't apologize to me again?! Follow rules! I'm not your goddamn babysitter" He shoved him in the chest with one hand, knocking him down on the ground. "Get up!" he yelled down to him as he made his way down the line, looking for another target.

"Yes Sir!" he scrambled to his feet, standing firmly at attention, relieved that he had moved on for now.

Steve moved down the line, examining his five new recruits. He stopped at each one sizing them up, getting a read on who was going to do well and who was going to give him trouble. He was usually dead on with his picks. It was the one at the end of the line that he wasn't sure about. He stood in front of her as she kept her eyes downcast, but stood completely erect and expressionless. He bent slightly, trying to get a reaction out of her, following her eyes as they looked everywhere except at him. He moved around to the back of her, "What's your weapon of choice soldier?" he asked over her shoulder.

"M11 nine millimeter, Sir!" she replied without hesitation.

He leaned over standing as close as he could without actually touching her. "If the enemy comes up behind you, how you going to shoot him? You going to put that M11 on your shoulder and hope for the best?"

"No Sir!"

"Then I ask you again! What is your weapon of choice soldier?!"

"A Sog Seal knife, Sir!"

"Wrong again!" He tapped firmly on the back of her head with his index finger, going down the line and hitting each one of them in the same spot. "This is your weapon of choice! Use it! Protect it! Nurture it!" he walked back in front of them, standing in front of the one he'd shoved down. "Because when it comes down to you and the enemy no weapon will save you unless this," he head-butted him hard enough to be annoying, "can out smart your enemy." He walked back down to the girl. "Never, ever let anyone get up behind you."

She hadn't moved an inch. He couldn't get any kind of read on her except that she wasn't afraid of him. That meant either she was trained well and felt confident to follow rules so she didn't see him as a threat, or she had an attitude that he saw in many of the women that had come through, she wanted to prove she was an equal to any man there and that usually meant she refused to waiver in the face of danger. That he didn't like. Only time would tell which it was.

"I'm Lieutenant Commander McGarrett," he spoke firmly, standing in front of all of them now. "You will refer to me as Commander. I'm not here to wipe your nose, I'm here to keep you from getting your nose wiped off your face." He pointed out toward the desert. "Out there are armed, angry and above all smart Taliban soldiers who never sleep. They have one mission in mind, to kill a United States soldier; preferably a Navy Seal." He wasn't telling them anything they didn't already know, he was just reminding them why they were here and that just because they had graduated BUD/S class two weeks earlier, didn't mean they were ready for what was out there. Not one of them had experienced a mission that didn't consist of twenty men backing them up. In this place they went out on maneuvers where there were only six, and if you didn't watch your back, your brother's back and the one hundred yard radius around you all at all times, you were dead and your brother was dead, or, the worst case scenario, your brother was dead because of you.

"If you listen to me, follow the rules and pay attention, but above all," he walked down the line again, raising his voice. "Listen to me!" He stopped at the end by the girl. "Then you will all live to be old and grey, having earned bragging rights to tell your grandkids how you were one of the elite." He walked back down to the one he shoved. He stood right before him, his hands behind his back, and the brim of his hat touching the soldier's forehead as he stared intimidatingly into eyes that looked straight ahead but not at him. "However, if you try to think for yourselves feeling confident enough that you don't need my guidance then feel free to do that. I'll send a nice note to your Mother telling her you were an exceptional soldier and my condolences on your death!" He tapped the brim of his hat against his forehead, remembering how badly he hated it when his CO would do that to him.

He stepped back and just stared at them, letting the moment sink in and letting them just stand there in the hundred plus heat as the sweat began to drip down the sides of their faces. He turned and walked away, not giving his permission for them to dismiss or any orders for that matter. It was his way of seeing who could listen and who was impatient.

He stepped inside the officer's command center that was somewhat air conditioned only because the computer equipment needed to be kept cool in this heat. He closed the door behind him and went to the window, standing a few feet back so as not be seen and just watched.

"You're such an asshole," his buddy Sean said coming up next to him.

Steve smiled, "The one on the end there is going to be good. He wants to please. I can already tell. He'll be a good follower, but I'm not so sure he'll lead."

"What about the woman?" He looked over at him. "She's your first isn't she?"

"Yep. I don't know yet. Could be she's strong and smart as hell, or could be she'll be weak by wanting to prove herself too much."

"I hate those types. Remember SS Sally?"

Steve looked over at him, never liking that nickname that was given to her. "Yes, but you have to give her credit though. She knew her shit."

"Yeah, but she also couldn't get along with her brothers."

"Maybe it was them that couldn't get along with her. It pissed me off the way that Hank treated that situation. He let those guys get away with stuff that I would have cracked their heads over."

Sean reluctantly agreed, "Yeah I guess you're right. They pretty much got a slap on the wrist for that tampon incident."

Steve huffed, "I would have made them eat em'. One by one."

Sean laughed, "You would have."

"Goddamn right. " He focused back out toward his new recruits, seeing them beginning to communicate with each other, wondering who was going to falter. He knew the guy on the end wasn't going to budge so he pretty much ignored him. It was the other three and the girl he had his eyes on.

"Is he going to come back?" Parker whispered, trying not to make his mouth move.

"What the fuck," Jordan cursed. "It's hotter than shit out here. I can feel sweat running down my ass crack."

"Shut up," Hendricks growled. "You know he's watching us from somewhere."

"He's the worst type of Commander," Jordan griped. "He's bi-polar. You never know what's going to set him off."

Sean took a drink of cool water from the cup in his hand. "The one in the middle sure is a talker."

"That's Jordan. He was a squad leader until it went to his head. He's going to be my problem child." He studied the girl, Baker, who still hadn't moved a muscle, or spoken a word.

Parker looked out of the corner of his eye at Baker. "What should we do?"

She remained silent knowing for a fact that he was watching them. If those idiots couldn't figure that out then that was their problem, and it was going to be a big problem for them, not her.

"I think he was talking to you girlfriend," Jordan mumbled.

"_And there it is_," she thought angrily. That first sign that she was different. It only took fifteen minutes. She refused to acknowledge them, not only because 'girlfriend' wasn't her name, but also because it was hotter than hell out and she didn't want to do fifty because she hadn't followed his rules.

"Hey," Jordan said, leaning slightly forward and turning in her direction. "Can you feel the sweat running down your crack too?"

Baker made no sign that she even heard what he said.

Hendricks did though, "You're big mouth is going to get us all in trouble," he whispered angrily.

Jordan stood back at attention. "Look at her though. She's hot, and I don't just mean from the heat." He didn't like her from the get go. She didn't belong there. He had a strong opinion that she wasn't hard-core enough to go into a battle and come out unscathed. "How long has it been since you've seen a fine looking cut of woman like that?"

Steve watched the three of them conversing. He knew the direction of the conversation had centered on Baker and he was positive that Jordan had instigated it by the other two taking a quick glance in her direction. He also knew that whatever it was he said was not in a positive manner. Yet she stood untouched by it.

"Shut up," Kruska finally spoke up from the other end. He didn't want to get punished again but he couldn't stand by and listen to them berate her. He on the other hand felt that she had passed all the tests and graduated the same as they had. She deserved to be there as much as any of them.

Baker stood steady. She knew this was going to be harder than her BUD/S classes. This was the place where she really had to prove herself if she wanted a career in the Navy.

"How long are you going to make them stand there?" Sean asked, popping the rest of a donut in his mouth.

Steve stood crossed armed, staring out the window. "She's the only one that hasn't moved. She hasn't even changed her course of breathing."

Sean nodded, "Looks like you might have found your star pupil." He glanced over at him, "I could easily see the first woman squad leader coming from your unit."

Steve didn't react to that, but knew it would cause a stir if he did. He wouldn't do it to prove he could, he'd only do it if she were worthy. He really didn't give a shit what the others thought of it. He'd never back down from a challenge and he'd never let someone else's ideals intimidate him. It just didn't exist in his thought process. "We'll see."

He took a long drink of water and then stepped back out into the scorching heat. He walked straight up to Jordan. "I saw your mouth running a marathon out here. These people next to you are your family for the next two months. I certainly hope you were thanking them ahead of time for saving your ass, because believe me, it will happen." He moved closer to his face. "Are you a team player Jordan?" he asked, his voice patronizing, "or are you one of those guys that thinks he's above everyone else, huh?" He moved to the side of him. "I bet you even think you're smarter than me." Steve laughed sinisterly. "Let me give you a bit of advice, you're not. I already have you pegged as weak. You'll turn and run at the first sign of danger," he shoved him with his shoulder as he moved behind him. "Won't you soldier? You'll leave your team behind a man short because you'll be running to the hills looking for a safe spot to hide."

"No Sir!" Jordan bellowed.

"You're a pussy," Steve tormented him. He could see the vein in Jordan's neck swelling over his frustration of not being able to lash out, and worse yet being humiliated in front of the others. "Look at the people standing next to you, all of them! Do you think they give a shit about you? Do you honestly think anyone one of them would risk their life to save yours?" He moved up to the other side of him, "You need to understand clearly boy," his voice low, almost growling, "when you're surrounded by fifty Taliban and all that stands between you and them is your team, you better pray that they feel enough for you to risk their life, or you'll be the first one thrown to the wolves."

He stepped back facing all of them. "I can't teach you to respect one another, you have to earn that respect from your team member. You have to earn it from me. Right now you're just a bunch of misfits that I wouldn't lead to the latrine let alone into enemy territory. There are six other units here in training. My unit has consistently been called upon first for missions. Don't disappoint me."

They all had their own opinions of him. Some already respected him while others hated him, not knowing in time that they would all think back on this first day realizing every word he said was the dead on truth.

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Steve looked through binoculars at the five target ranges six hundreds yards away. Each of his recruits lay before him on their bellies with a scoped rifle in hand, taking shots. He walked over to Kruska, nudging his right ankle with his foot.

"Open your legs a little more and brace the toe of your boot in the ground."

"Yes Sir," he said, digging the toes of his boots into the sand.

Steve looked through the binoculars once again as he took aim and fired. The bullet hit right on the line of the bulls-eye zone. "Good," he said proudly, "good job."

Kruska smiled over his praise, feeling a boost of adrenaline.

Steve moved down to Jordan who fired off rapidly one after the other. He looked at his target, impressed by the accuracy. Everyone was right around the target but not one was center. Steve squatted down next to him, "You're sitting down too low."

"This is how I was taught by my Master Chief, Sir. He was an expert shooter. I was top in my class, Sir."

Steve pretended to act as if he were overly impressed. "Well, good for you! Isn't that something? Top of your class yet you still can't even hit the line around the target." The smiled faded. "You get one shot at your mark, if you miss and have to shoot again, they'll have you pin-pointed with fire raining down on your head so fast you won't know what hit you." He motioned with his head, "Line up again."

Jordan lined up determined to hit his mark to prove the asshole was wrong.

Steve let him take a couple more shots, knowing they would land in the same spot as before. As Jordan lined up for another he stepped over him and bent down, grabbing the collar of his jacket and pulling him up on his elbows. "Pull out the kick stand on the rifle," he ordered him.

"I've always been a free-standing shooter Sir," he argued.

He bent down to his ear, "Are you going to argue with me all fucking day or are you going to do as you're told!"

Jordan reached out and angrily flipped down the stand of the rifle trying to find a comfortable position to take aim.

Steve pulled on his collar again, forcing him back and away from the gun. "Rest it on your shoulder, about right here." He tapped a soft spot just below his collarbone.

Jordan did as he was told; convinced it was the wrong objective to his line of fire. He knew how to handle a rifle. He lined up a shot and pulled the trigger, "_Shit_! he thought angrily as the bullet hit even further off the target.

"Drop your right shoulder," Steve said, "and adjust the scope to point one five."

He did as he was told, cussing him out as he did it. "_He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about_." He lined up again and fired, surprised that it had hit closer.

"Again," Steve said looking through the binoculars.

He fired again seeing it even closer.

"Again. Have patients. Find your mark."

He took an extra second before he fired off another one, hitting it almost directly in the center of the bulls-eye. He looked up from the eyepiece at the target, stunned.

"Good," Steve said moving on. "Now you really are the top of your class."

Jordan looked up at him in awe as he casually moved on down the row as if what he had just taught him was nothing more than common knowledge.

Steve stopped behind Baker as she lined up a shot and fired. He watched through the eyeglasses as it hit just above the target. He used the same method as Kruska, kicking her right ankle. "Spread your feet apart more."

She did it without any question, taking aim and firing off four rounds.

Steve watched as it hit the target dead center in the same spot every time, but not in the bulls-eye zone. He squatted down next to her. "Why were you intentionally missing your mark?"

"Sir?" she asked, looking straight ahead.

"You heard what I said."

"I don't understand Sir."

"Bullshit!"

She glanced down the way as the others continued to fire off their rounds, oblivious to their conversation. "I'm trying my best Sir."

"No you're not, you're giving me your third maybe your fourth best." He grabbed her by the arm, yanking her off the ground. She stood at attention as he took out his pistol from his side holster, holding it out to her. "Hit that target."

"Sir, I…."

He stepped closer, yelling in her face. "I said hit that target soldier and that's an order!"

The other four trainees stopped and looked over, surprised over his outburst toward her. She had been like the prize pupil over the last five days, which only made the separation between them lengthier.

Baker looked up at him as he glared at her. She knew she could hit that target dead-on with anything they gave her to shoot with. She just didn't need something else for the men to use against her so she played it down.

"What's the matter Baker," Steve smiled, belittling her, "are you afraid these good ole' boys here might see you as a real soldier? Are you afraid to step up and be better than them, because if you're afraid of that, then you'll never make it out here. You might as well pack up now and head home little girl because you're just wasting my time."

She hated the way that he spoke to her. It was condescending in the worst way. She'd heard it over and over again from the same arrogant assholes since she'd stood in line that first day along side her other BUD/S recruits. She thought he would be different. He seemed different but he wasn't.

"You're out," he said to her. "Go pack your make up and perfume and I'll arrange a nice comfortable transport home for you sweetie pie."

She grabbed the gun out of his hand and turned her body pointing it toward the target, legs spread apart staring down her arm lining up the mark. She fired every single round out of the magazine in the clip, hitting the bulls-eye thirteen out of the fifteen attempts. She let her arm fall to her side, still holding the gun.

Steve took it from her hand as the other men stared at her and glanced at each other over what they just saw. He put it back in his holster. "If you don't think you're worthy, then no ones going to think that. You need to be better than everyone else, you know that too. If you want it, then Goddamnit, don't make me drag it out of you or I will send you packing. You got that?'

"Yes Sir."

"What?!"

"Yes Sir!"

"I didn't hear you!"

"Yes Sir!" she shouted back at the top of her lungs.

"Good! Now get down and give me a hundred and don't you ever fucking lie to me again soldier."

She dropped to the ground looking over at the others, catching Jordan's eye last before dropping her head down and doing her punishment. She knew that look; it was angry and full of prejudice. He didn't want her there. As far as she knew none of them did. A few had struck up conversations with her, but it only made her feel awkward wondering what the ulterior motive was. She wondered herself sometimes what she was doing there. She wanted it bad and knew she could achieve it, but still had that mindset that if she were better than them at anything then they would never respect her. She would never be a leader and was ok with that, accepting her role as taking orders and not ever giving them. She learned that from every Commander she had been assigned too the further she made it up the pole. They never verbally told her so, but they all held her back in one form or another. It began to feel comfortable as if she found her place in line as long as she kept a low profile, which she had mastered, until now. This Commander wasn't like the others; he wasn't going to let her fly under the wire. She hated him for that.

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Steve sat in his office, which consisted of four walls, a file cabinet and an old desk that had drawers that stuck half the time; his living quarters were in the back beyond a door. He didn't care about comfort it was convenient and did the job. He sat back in the chair that was oddly comfortable considering its surroundings, waiting on hold for Baker's CO from her BUD/S class to come on the line.

"Yes? This is Flagg," he finally heard.

"Commander Flagg," Steve said. "I'm Commander McGarrett with the Seals training unit in Scepter Four. I have one your former students and I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of questions about them?"

"Sure, fire away," the deep voice on the other end said. These types of calls were not uncommon.

"It's about Chief Petty Officer Michelle Baker." He heard a long sigh through the phone before the reply.

"What do you want to know about her?"

"How was she as a BUD/S student? Confident? Assertive? Driven?"

He laughed into the phone. "Smart, strong and capable, but none of those other three."

Steve shook his head, "Ok, that's where I'm confused. How did she make it through BUD/S training of all places if she lacked the three most important aspects?"

"What are you saying McGarrett, that I don't know how to do my job?"

"I'm simply trying to figure her out."

"Let it go and move her on to someplace where she won't get hurt," he instructed. "Don't get caught up in the political web that might come back and bite you in the ass."

Steve couldn't believe what he was hearing. "So you're basically telling me that you graduated her without the skills she needed to pass for political reasons? Why?"

"She passed the course! She can shoot a gun like it's an extension of her hand and she was in the top 1% of the class on all her exams. She might not have been the strongest in the class but she got through the courses and kept up through the rigorous training. She's got stamina, but she lacks confidence around the other men."

"But you passed her anyway? Did you at least try to bring it out of her. Instill some kind of confidence, prove to her that she belonged there," he argued, still wondering why he let her through.

"Listen to me," Flagg said. "I'll be goddamned if I'm going to fail some woman who looks good on paper but can't hold her own in a man's world. All she needs to do is get a feather up her ass and sue us for not passing her all because she was a woman! I'm not putting that stain on my record and I suggest you think the same way."

Steve sat back in his chair shaking his head in disbelief, "So you basically dropped this whole mess in my lap."

"She's not completely without merit. Like I said, she just lacks confidence to speak up. She's smart enough and has great instincts; she just lacks the motivation to let them be heard. Just think of her as GI Jane without the hard-core man qualities," he chuckled.

"Yeah that's amusing," he replied sarcastically.

"I've been training Seals for eighteen years," he defended. "I've failed thousands of men. There were thirty-eight in her class that rang the bell. I don't believe she even considered it once. If I thought she was completely undeserving I wouldn't have let her through. There are lives at stake. If you feel the need to take her under your wing then so be it. Are we done here?"

"Yea, thanks for all your help, Commander." He slammed the phone down. "What a prick." He was almost mad enough to report him but knew that wouldn't solve anything.

He ran his hands over his face groaning when Sean walked in.

"What happened? " he asked. "Is one of your recruits wetting the bed?"

Steve couldn't help but chuckle over that. "Shut up." He sat up putting both arms on his desk as Sean went over to the file cabinet and opened the bottom drawer taking out a candy bar, knowing Steve had a stash in there as well as protein bars.

"I just got off the phone with Baker's CO from BUD/S training."

"So," he said casually, sitting on the edge of his desk opening up a Snickers bar.

"She lacks confidence."

He took a bite talking with his mouth full. "She lacks confidence? How the hell did she get this far lacking confidence?"

Steve shrugged, sitting back in his chair. "I don't know." His attitude spoke as if he had a great chore ahead of him. "She has what it takes, I know she does. She just lacks the initiative to be heard."

"So what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean what am I going to do?"

"What are you going to do?! You going to let her slide by like everyone else or are you going to teach her something?"

"How long have you known me? Have you ever seen me let anyone just 'slide by'?" he used his fingers as quotes.

Sean took another bite and grinned. "There was that girl Melinda from Texas that one time, you let her slide down, but I don't think slide by."

"It was Melissa," Steve laughed, recalling the blond bombshell when he was stationed in Texas for about two months. "She was crazy."

"Crazy in a good way."

"Yeah, up until that one night," he reminded him. They both looked at each other and started laughing over the memory.

Sean stuck the last of the candy bar in his mouth, "How are you going to handle this Baker situation?"

"Carefully, yet firm."

"Shit, she'll probably end up the first four star General after you're done with her." He came off the desk. "Got to go, breaks over."

"All right, catch ya later."

He flipped her file back open filtering through her exam scores and evaluations, both physically and mentally, wondering what it was that made her want to join the Navy in the first place and what it was even more that gave her the drive to become a Seal. That feat alone was impressive, whether her CO's gave her a little leeway or not, the physical and mental determination to get through it, not to mention her test scores were proof enough to him that she could probably do anything she wanted in the Navy, wondering what that was going to be and wondering what in the heck he was going to do with her if she didn't stand up. He blew out a breath, deciding right then that that wasn't going to be an option.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve watched from a distance through night vision binoculars as the five of them made their way through the make shift town that had been set up for training. They were in full gear, each one holding an MK20 machine gun as they made their way carefully through the maze of traps. The objective was to pin point each hazard before it got them first.

As expected Jordan took the lead. Steve hadn't instructed anyone on procedures, as a matter of fact he hadn't given them any direction whatsoever except to make it through, wanting to get a clear vision of how they would react in this type of situation without leadership. Hendricks was behind Jordan as well as Parker. It was clear the three of them had formed a bond over the last three weeks. Kruska and Baker were a couple of steps behind and to the right of three of them.

They had their guns on their shoulders ready to fire the blanks loaded in them. Each one wore an ear and mouthpiece that was routed to Steve, enabling him to hear what they were saying to each other.

Jordan put his fist up, halting them as they approached an abandoned car. He didn't know what yet, but he knew this was going to be a trap of some kind. He carefully made his way back away from it as the other two followed.

Baker sensed something odd in the way it was set up. She felt that uneasiness all around her and instead of backing up, she heard her Commanders voice in her head from the first day, '_don't ever let them sneak up behind you.' _ She turned with her back to the car instead, scanning the area seeing movement in the shadows. She aimed her gun at the potential target, dropping to her right knee. "Enemy moving in," she whispered. "Southeast corner."

Jordan and the others whipped around, scanning the area. He took about ten seconds to evaluate her proposal before shooting it down. "I don't see anything." He turned back around toward the car again. "The cars wired." He was sure this was the hazard at the moment. She was just being paranoid.

Baker glanced over at Kruska as he hesitated before turning back toward the car. She however kept her attention in the area she felt was the most dangerous.

Steve shook his head, holding the mute on his radio. "Why the hell doesn't she force her opinion?! Jesus, I hate that she's a push over. She knows she's right, and she is!" he picked up the other radio by his side, speaking into it. "Move in."

Baker stood back up keeping her eyes on the shadows, walking backward toward the car. She saw them coming before anyone else did. "Incoming! Incoming!" she shouted, firing off her weapon at the approaching enemy. She hit three in the chest with the blank tubes being fired from her gun. The men coming at them were in full protective gear from head to toe.

The other four turned on their heels but not before Parker was taken out by one.

"Shit!" Steve groaned as he stood up, waving his arm at the controllers. "Lights!" he yelled out as the compound lit up all around them. He came off the platform he was on and down to his recruits.

They all quickly got in line, standing at attention. He went straight up to Parker, "What are you standing for?!" he shouted, punching him in the chest, sending him flying backward to the ground. "You're dead!" He walked down the line doing the same thing to Jordan and Hendricks. "You should be dead for not paying attention!" He pointed over at Baker as he spoke to the three of them on the ground. "Baker called it! Never, ever second-guess the actions of a teammate. You're dead because you didn't listen to her!"

He went over to Baker and shoved her in the chest between her breastbone just as hard, knocking her down as well. "You're on the ground because you just let your enemy kill a teammate because you were too weak!" He bent over yelling at her as she lay there. "No more chances Baker! You start proving you belong here or you're out!"

"Yes Sir!" She scrambled to her feet, standing before him. She didn't look him in the eye but she didn't have to too see the disappointment, she could feel it as he shook his head and took an extra second, glaring at her. As he moved on down the line she couldn't help but feel she had let him down more than she had let herself down. That idea she was trying hard to swallow. She respected him and respected his opinion and the more this training continued the more she found herself wanting to please him. She had never felt that way before about a Commanding Officer, but he was different, he truly wanted her to succeed. She decided from that moment on she would never back down again. They would hear her if she had to kick them in the balls to get their attention.

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Steve sat at the table with Sean and two other Commanding Officers drinking beers and enjoying a Saturday night off. It was six weeks into training for their new recruits and a night off was a privilege, both for them and for their trainees. They had just completed their version of hell week and everyone was exhausted.

He looked over toward the door seeing Jordan, Parker and Hendricks walk in. They glanced around the bar not seeing him as they sat down a few tables away out of his line of vision. He was glad for that. It would have made them uncomfortable if they saw he was there, and like him they not only deserved it but they needed a night off. He heard Jordan yell across the bar to the bartender for three shots of tequila and three drafts.

Bruce smiled over him. "Aren't those your recruits over there Steve?"

"Yep," he grinned taking a drink of his beer.

"What time did you make roll call tomorrow?" Sean asked.

"0500," he said shaking his head, knowing they were going to be dragging ass even though he was giving them an extra half hour.

"What's on the agenda?" Bruce asked him.

"A good Sunday breakfast and then a run up suicide hill."

They all laughed.

"They'll be puking their guts out," Bruce assured him.

"Good, then they'll be hungry for lunch and another run down through heat pass." He raised his beer. "We lived through it and so shall they."

The other three tipped their beers against his, laughing and agreeing.

Steve finished off his third beer contemplating another one when Baker walked in. He assumed she would sit with the others who were on their second round of tequila but she went straight to the bar, not being invited to join them, nor taking the initiative.

"Hey Baker," Jordan yelled out. "Can I buy you a drink?"

She glanced over her shoulder at him. "No thanks." She focused back on the bartender. "I'll just take a coke."

"C'mon Baker," he continued on. "Let me buy you at least one drink."

She looked back over at the three of them, wondering if maybe this was their attempt to bring her into the mix. She missed having friends around and the three of them had bonded so closely. She had Kruska but he was a family man with a wife and kid back home and he wasn't much of a talker anyway, except about his wife and kid. '_What the hell_,' she thought. '_At least they're making an effort_.'

Steve liked what he was hearing. It was a positive note.

"Sure, Ok," Baker said. "Thanks."

Jordan pointed at her, "Bartender get my Seal friend there a drink on me. What is your drink of choice Baker?"

She went to say rum coke when he spoke up for her.

"I know. I bet you love blowjobs." He burst out laughing. "No wait, wait!" he chuckled. "Or would you prefer a Pink Lady?" He laughed even louder at that one.

She turned back around on her bar stool feeling like a fool. She had fallen right into his little game. She should have known better, trying to ignore the laughter coming from him, giving it a count of five before she walked over and broke his nose.

The two with him didn't find it as funny.

"Knock it off Jordan," Hendricks said.

"What?" he said grinning over at her. "She knows I'm only joking. Besides, I bet she goes straight for a screaming orgasm." He started laughing again.

Sean and the others at Steve's table looked over at him as he tapped his middle finger on the table as if trying to calm the fury inside before stepping up.

"Hey," Bruce said. "You have to expect a little teasing in this situation. You know she does."

That was exactly the type of bullshit thinking he was sick of. "So if I was to yell across the bar and order you a shot of 'I like being fucked in the ass,' you'd be perfectly ok with that, Bruce?"

"Whoa!" he said holding his hand up. "Ok, ok. I see your point."

"This isn't teasing like she forgot to take the safety off her gun. He wants to belittle her because she's better than he is."

Steve stood up, walking over to their table. Hendricks saw him first, feeling his heart drop to his stomach over the expression on his face. He reached over and smacked the other two on the arm as he pushed his chair back and stood up at attention. "Sir!"

The other two followed suit. "Sir!" they both said simultaneously.

He stared at each one of them wanting to reach over and knock em' out one by one, starting with Jordan. "Well lookey here," he said in a low growl. "Three of the most pathetic looking fucks I've ever seen in my life. Who do you think you are coming into my bar? Disrupting my night. Embarrassing me in front of my colleagues" He walked up to Jordan standing behind him. "You boys obviously were trying to get my attention." He pushed him with his shoulder shoving him forward as he braced his hands on the table to catch himself. . "Well you got it, so drink up and let's go hang out for a while." He reached around him, picking up Jordan's shot of tequila and downed it, slamming the glass back on the table. "Be outside my barracks at twenty-three hundred hours, in your skivvies' with your rifle." He enjoyed the haunted look on their faces, knowing they were in for a world of hurt.

As he turned to go back to his table he heard Parker whisper to them. "That's in seven minutes."

Steve turned on his heel, his patients with them gone. "He went straight up to him, screaming in his ear. "Then you better quit standing there with your dick in your hand and move! Move!" he screamed as the three of them made a quick exit toward the door.

He made his way back over to the table, reaching in his pocket and pulling out a wad of cash, tossing a twenty on the table. "Little fuckers ruining my night," he growled.

Sean grinned up at him. "What are you going to do to them?"

"First I'm going to cool em' off with the hose," Steve said, "and then I'm going to bed, and I'm going to sleep like a baby knowing there are three Navy Seals standing guard outside my barracks."

"You're an asshole," Sean laughed.

"Those boys need to learn to respect their fellow soldier whether she's a woman, black, white, red, orange or green. I don't give a shit. One day she might be the only thing standing between them and an AK 47 pointed at their head. And to tell you the truth, if I lined up Baker against anyone of those boys in a hand to hand one on one she'd probably drop them like a sack of dirt."

He looked over at her as he left the bar. They made eye contact but no words were spoken or no facial expressions exchanged. It was as if they had just passed each other on the street. She was a hard one to read, he thought. She had excelled on just about every level, but she still wasn't ready to lead and that's what he had hoped for from her. She had the skills she just lacked the confidence.

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Steve tossed the hose to the side looking at the three of them as they continued to run in place bare foot and wearing nothing but their underwear. The saturated ground beneath their feet was now a mud puddle. Their bodies were soaking wet and the bottom half mostly caked in mud.

"Get your knees up!" he ordered.

He sat down on the step of his barracks and lit a half smoked cigar. "You three think your pretty smooth don't you? You think you're bad asses because you graduated as Navy Seals." He sat back against the wood post taking a long drag from the cigar and blowing it out in their direction. "I'll tell you one thing, if I wasn't your Commanding Officer and I heard what I did in that bar tonight." He took another drag, resting his head back as he blew it out. "I would have stomped on your fucking heads until those puny brains came spilling out."

Hendricks looked over at Parker. The two men exchanged a look of regret, knowing it was wrong at the time and now they were being punished because they hadn't spoken up.

"Sir!" Hendricks said panting as he continued to run in place. "Permission to speak Sir!"

"Denied. I don't want to hear any bullshit excuses." He sat forward resting his arms on his knees as he looked at them, their bodies beginning to succumb to the fatigue of the workout. "I'm a Lieutenant Commander in the United States Navy. I've seen a lot of messed up shit in the last ten years but I can't say that I've seen a worse display of betrayal and disloyalty to your country as I did tonight. You're all to blame. Every one of you played a part whether you opened your mouth or not." He stood up and tossed the cigar in the mud at their feet. "Stand at attention!" he yelled.

They stopped and stood in the mud that buried their feet up to their ankles, each one praying he'd send them back to their barracks, but deep down inside they all knew that wasn't going to happen. They deserved what they got. At least two of them thought so.

"Goodnight ladies." He turned and walked up the steps to his door.

They all looked at each other, hopeful and confused. He was leaving but hadn't given the release. He'd become famous for that.

"If you move from that spot," he said sternly as he went inside, "I'll bury you in it." He closed the door behind him and turned the light off.

"Fuck!" Parker whispered angrily.

"Shit. He's such a prick," Jordan mumbled.

"You better shut the fuck up," Hendricks blurted out, "or I'm going to risk that threat from him and kick your ass right here!"

"Screw you," Jordan fired back.

"No screw you!" Parker joined in. "The Commander is right. I should have stomped on your head in that bar for what you said to Baker. I should have done something but I sat back and did nothing. But I tell you what, it'll never happen again."

"Why do you hate her so much?' Hendricks asked angrily.

"Because she's better than him," Parker answered. He felt a shove, stumbling to the side. He dropped his rifle and dove at Jordan, taking him down in the mud, shoving his face in it. "How's it feel having mud thrown at you?!" Parker yelled. He jumped up, standing over him. "She's a United States Navy Seal and she's proved herself." He bent over to him, "And the next time you decide to run your mouth, I'll be standing next to her so you better be careful."

"That's the problem," Jordan said. "She needs someone standing next to her. You want to go into battle with someone who you have to watch their back every second?"

"I trust her instincts more than I trust yours," Hendricks confessed. "So whose back do you really think were watching on maneuvers?"

Jordan looked up at them shocked over that. He got to his feet, wiping the mud off his face. "I can handle myself!"

"Yeah," Hendricks huffed, "You proved that tonight."

"Look," Parker said to him. "You're either on this team with us 100% or you're not. Quit the macho bullshit act and really man up. She's good and you know it." He looked over at him as he wiped his hand over his mouth, trying to get the caked on mud off. "Say it!" Parker snapped.

"All right!" Jordan responded, finally getting the message. "All right," he said more calmly. He picked his gun back up and stood at attention. He glanced over at the other two out of the corner of his eye. It sank in more coming from them. He began to hear his Commanding Officers words in his head. '_Betrayal. Disloyalty_.' They were hard to hear now. He severely messed up this time, and he knew it.

Steve stood just inside his door, listening to his men sort out the problem on their own, confident they would do so.

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Baker stood just outside his office door. She reached her hand up and hesitated before knocking twice.

"Yes," Steve said from the other side.

She stuck her head in, "Sir. May I come in?"

He waved her in with his hand as he sat behind his desk. "What's on your mind Baker?"

She stepped inside and closed the door behind her, standing at attention before him, her eyes straight ahead. "I…" she began but her mind went blank with the words she had planned to say.

"Spit it out Baker. What?"

"I just wish you wouldn't have defended me the other night, Sir. I could handle them."

Steve shook his head as if confused, "Defend you? When did I defend you?"

She was even more confused than him that he didn't know. "In the bar Sir."

"I didn't defend you," he snapped, his attitude becoming aggressive. "Do you need to be defended Baker? You need someone looking out for you?" He pointed toward the door as he came around his desk. "Because I could call in a couple of Master of Arms to follow you around if you think you need that. I certainly don't have time for it."

"No Sir! It just seemed…" she paused not sure where this was headed.

"Seemed what?" he leaned back against his desk, arms crossed.

"I wish you hadn't punished them for what they did. I think it might have made it worse. It only makes me look weak." She said it but regretted it the second it passed her lips. She had made a huge mistake, questioning his actions.

He came off the desk, standing in front of her. "Don't flatter yourself, it wasn't for you! I did it to teach them respect. Respect for the uniform no matter who's wearing it. So don't you ever come in here again and try to tell me how I should run my unit, you got that?!"

"Yes Sir!" She swallowed hard, knowing she had pissed him off.

"Drop the girlie tone and answer me! I said, do you understand me?!" he yelled.

"Yes Sir!"

"Good! Then drop down and give me fifty!"

"I apologize Sir. I'll give you seventy-five Sir," she replied wanting to please him now.

He bent down to her face. "You'll give me a hundred now smart ass! And I want to hear you count off every one while I go in there and pull your file and re-assign you to kitchen duty on the first ship out of here."

She dropped to her belly counting off the push-ups as he walked over to the file cabinet and sorted through the files.

He pulled a random one out and slammed it down on his desk as she glanced up at him, frightened that he meant what he said.

"I can't hear you!" he shouted, leaning over his desk. "Sometimes getting that voice heard is a problem for women," he said rubbing his finger up and down his Adam's apple. "You need one these." He grabbed his crouch, "and you need these too. I'm not sure you have the ability to compensate for what you are lacking physically to stick it out in this unit Baker."

"Twenty four! Yes I do Sir! Twenty five!"

He came around and squatted down in front of her. "Why did you join the Navy Baker, huh? Do you really like being around all these men? Or maybe you're just looking for a strong tough husband?"

She looked up, growling out her count off. "Thirty one. Thirty two. Fuck no, Sir. Thirty three!"

He leaned in to her face. "You better keep that head down," he warned her. "Who the hell do you think you are? You come in here to a man's world and think you can just play like the big boys. This isn't boot camp that you're just going to waltzed through by running a couple of miles." He continued to harass her in a whiny voice, "Or do you get upset that you have to get up at four and don't have time to shower?"

"I love being here Sir!"

"Bullshit! Do you also love the way they treat you? Maybe you like the way Jordan was teasing you. Maybe that's a turn on for you. Did you like that Baker?"

"No Sir!"

"Then why the hell didn't you come off that bar stool and defend yourself? I'm sick and tired of watching you lie down and be a doormat! Just make it easy on yourself and everyone else and accept the fact that you don't belong here! You can't hack it."

"Permission to speak, Sir?!"

"Sure," He threw his hands up, feeling like he was getting nowhere with her, "if you must. You got ten seconds to speak your mind and then I don't want to hear your voice again until your gone."

"You say whatever you want!" she growled. "You think whatever you want. You push me as hard as you want. I'm not leaving and I'm not backing down! This isn't a man's world anymore. This is my world!" she felt herself getting fired up. "I love my country and I want it to be the strongest toughest in the world. That's why I'm here and if anyone one of those assholes out there want to talk shit about me, let them speak freely but when the time comes for me to have their back and believe me it will come. They'll know then who the leader and loyal one is, Sir! And they'll all stand behind me when facing the enemy!" '_So fuck you!_' she thought to herself, wanting to scream it at him so badly. She began to count off her push ups again beginning with the last one she could remember, not caring if she had to do extra. She was livid.

She heard his hands clap together slowly over and over as if he were patronizing her, which only infuriated her even more. She took a gamble of getting punished even more by glancing up at him, but didn't see the condescending expression she was expecting. He was actually grinning.

"Congratulations Baker," he said proudly, "I think you might make it after all." It was what he'd been looking to get out of her for the last month. He wanted her to stand up and fight for herself, knowing she had it in her. "Get up," he said, holding back from reaching a hand out to her.

She got to her feet and stood at attention. A little taken back by his change of attitude. She glanced down at the file he pulled, not seeing her name on it anywhere. In actuality, it was a folder that held supply list invoices. She knew then what he'd been trying to accomplish. He just wanted to her to speak up for herself.

"Adese soldier." He went back over behind his desk and sat down. "What are your plans for the Navy Baker? What do you want to do?"

She put her hands behind her back, feeling a little more relaxed. "I don't really know Sir. I guess my goal is to just get through one station and on to the next."

"Do you think about long term? I mean c'mon on, you had to join for a reason. If you could pick a job, what would it be?" He knew she had something in mind by the smile that arose on her face. He was pretty sure it was the first time he'd ever seen her smile, not knowing if she even had teeth. She was attractive, there was no doubt that and he was surprised that he noticed that for the first time as well. He didn't think much of it, she was a student and that's as far as it went.

"Well Sir. I always thought that I could be valuable in Naval Intelligence."

"Really?" he said sitting up, placing his arms on the desk, intrigued over that. "So you have thought about long term?"

"I guess I've just got used to being in the Navy. It suits me I think. I like the structure."

"Me too," he confessed. "I think that's why I joined in the first place."

"How long have you been a Navy man Sir?" she asked. "If you don't mind my asking?"  
>"Ten years. I joined right out of high school." He shook his head as if amazed it had been that long. "I haven't regretted it once either. But that's just me. It isn't for everyone."<p>

"You're good at it," she said, and then dropped her head slightly embarrassed over saying it. This was the most personal conversation she'd ever had with a CO, or the longest. Most just seemed to want her out of their hair.

"I think you should set your sights on Naval Intelligence," he encouraged her. "You're smart. I think it would be a good fit for you."

She looked up at him and smiled as he smiled back. This was the first time she really got to look at him freely without having to sneak glances here and there or without having him yelling at her, and never had she seen him smile. He had a compassionate side; she could see it plain as day. That's probably what made him so good at what he did, she thought. He really cared about people. She couldn't deny also that when he was relaxed and unintimidating, he was damn good looking.

"I have some connections in Naval Intelligence," he informed her, not wanting to or necessarily able to define his inside role since most of his missions were off the screen and came from the top. "If you decide that's what you want to do, then I could help the process."

"Thank you Sir."

"Ok then," he shooed her away with his hand. "You're dismissed." As she turned to leave he spoke up one last time. "And Baker,"

"Yes Sir?" she turned back, standing at his door.

"What I did in that bar was to teach them a lesson about respecting the uniform and every person that wore it. I've never once thought that you needed looking after, let alone defending."

She smiled over his words, feeling that boost of confidence he was so good at instilling. "Yes Sir."

"Ok then," he picked up the supply file off his desk. "I'll put this away then."

"Thank you Sir. I wouldn't want you to lose your supply list," she grinned at him.

He laughed, knowing she'd seen it. "Out! Smart ass."

She closed the door and he stood there for an extra second looking at where she'd been standing, still smiling.


	3. Chapter 3

The sound of the dual bladed Knighthawk Helicopter rotors above their heads was deafening. They all stood up at once and held on to the bar that ran along the ceiling with one hand, steadying themselves. Steve stood in front of them wiping his hands off on a towel after applying his dark green face paint. The others had applied theirs back at base camp. He'd done it so many times he didn't need a mirror to get it on right. He walked down the row examining their attire and making sure they had everything they needed. He stopped in front of Jordan, being forced to yell over the noise.

"Where are your extra clips?"

Jordan flipped open his vest pocket, exposing three loaded clips for his handgun. "I like to keep them in here since I'm left handed, Sir." He looked at him, hoping for that nod of approval, not knowing why he needed it so badly, but over the last six weeks he'd found himself going the extra mile to please him, to please all of them. They had come together as a team and sometimes he felt like he had to work harder than the others for approval and when he got it, it was a boost to his confidence and made him feel apart of the team.

Steve nodded, patting him on the shoulder. "Good thinking."

Jordan nodded, feeling that boost now.

He stopped next in front of Kruska. "How you feeling?"

"A little anxious but ready Sir."

"Excellent. That's how you should feel."

He moved down to Baker. "I want you to signal in our position every ten minutes," he told her as he went over her vest, checking pockets and pulling out her gun from her holster, taking it off safety. "It's ready to fire," he said, slipping it back in. "Did you remember water?" he asked, knowing that was a common forgotten item amongst rookies. They were always too preoccupied with their weapons.

"Yes Sir."

"Good." He stepped back looking at his watch as he glanced over toward the front of the helicopter. His buddy Sean the co-pilot, held up his fist, indicating that they were approaching their drop-off position.

"Listen up!" Steve yelled. "When we reach our drop off site you come out prepared for anything. This isn't a drill, this is what you've been trained for boys and girls. Now isn't the time to question your instincts; now is the time to listen to them. I have the utmost confidence in each one of you. You know the target and you know the risk. The objective is to get in and get out as quickly as possible and back home safely." He went to the door of the helicopter as Sean slid it open. It was dark but he could see the ground they hovered over only about six feet down.

Sean held his fist up to him. "I'll have some cold ones ready for when you get back." It was their standard departure greeting and he never failed him on it either. He never said good luck or any kind of goodbye, considering that bad luck.

"I'll see you in about two hours," Steve said, bumping his fist before he jumped out. Parker, Hendricks, Jordan, Kruska and then Baker followed him.

Sean slammed the door closed as the helicopter made a quick departure down through a gully, leaving them on their own in the dark.

They huddled around him on one knee as he laid out the map, pointing a small light on it, showing them where they were and where they were going and where their pick up point was if they should get separated.

"The camp is here," he pointed on the map and then out toward the darkness. "Just over that hill and down through a gully. It was abandoned about six days ago and we're going to do a quick survey for anything or anyone left behind. There are four journalists who were taken captive two weeks ago and we have reason to believe they were brought here. Be prepared because this might be a recovery mission as well. If they did execute them it wasn't in a civil manner so also be prepared for that." He stuck the light back into its proper place on his vest and folded up the map.

"Spread out, follow my lead and keep quiet. Only speak through your headset." He pulled down his night vision goggles that were attached to his helmet as the others did the same. He waited until each one was armed and ready. "Let's go," he whispered in to the headset.

He made his way through the trees down the slope until they came to the open gully. He motioned with his hand for Jordan and Parker to stay far right and Kruska and Hendricks to the left while he and Baker took the center and lead.

She followed his path down through the gully step for step as he moved quickly from rock to rock and sprinted over level terrain until they came to the end with the camp in sight. He signaled for them to stop and round up.

"Get as many photographs as you can. You know what to look for. We have ten minutes to get in and out. Parker, Hendricks, you take the east end, Kruska Jordan the center, Baker and I will take the west end and work our way to you. We'll exit out the east end and make our way up through those trees to the pick up point. Any questions?"

They all shook their head, having gone over these same instructions several times already before leaving base and what to look for in the rooms.

"Good," he said. "Move out."

The camp was dark and deserted. It consisted of four buildings made of stone and mud mortar with straw mud roofs. The buildings had been there for years, maybe a hundred but had been taken over in recent years by the Taliban, and its long-standing generation of occupants forced to move on.

Steve and Baker approached their destination cautiously as did the others, weapons drawn. He came up to the door and leaned against the wall as she did the same on the opposite end. He used his right arm to open the door that was already partially ajar. It hit the back wall and he entered first taking a quick sweep of the front room as Baker went past taking the back area.

"Clear," she said to him through her headset, hearing the same from the others as they spoke to each other in the other buildings.

He nodded to her as she came back in, pleased with her calm, placid tone. She showed no visible fear whatsoever. He couldn't even note the symptoms of adrenaline rush that most exhibited. She was in complete control.

She went straight to the desk by the wall and pulled open the drawers, examining the contents as he did the same with a box lying on the floor. She laid out the papers on the top of it and began to take snap shots of each one of them. The special cameras they used needed no flash.

Steve glanced over his shoulder toward the door, keeping an eye on his surroundings. He found nothing of value in the box of trash, moving to the back room. He flipped the bed over, knowing they often hid important information in mattresses or tapped to the frame underneath. He took out his knife and stuck it in the upper right corner, dragging it down and across when he heard them first and then seconds later the lights.

Baker hurried into the room with him. "Three trucks just pulled up," she said, her voice not displaying the same coolness as before.

"Shit!" Steve whispered, going past her to the front room. He leaned against the sidewall, looking down at the vehicles, flipping the switch on his radio. "Abort! Abort!" But before he could get the words he heard what he considered the worst possible scenario, machine gun fire. His headset exploded with the voices of his men.

"Commander! Incoming enemy fire! Fuck!"

He recognized it as Kruska as Jordan sounded off next.

"Hedrick's is hit! Hendricks' is hit!"

"I'm ok," he heard him sound off and then another round of heavy fire.

Steve came out the front door moving down toward his men. "We're coming! Lay low! Baker followed next to him as he reached over and pulled her behind him, "Stay single file." He could hear his men talking back and forth to each other, relaying locations of the enemy and then there was no talk, just the sound of their weapons. He knew the difference between an American M60 and an enemy PK machine gun, hearing his men still in the battle.

Baker's heart was beating out of control as the adrenalin raced through her like a freight train. She felt no fear but only an urgency to get to her teammates.

Steve dropped to one knee and fired his weapon at three men hiding behind a truck, hitting two as the other disappeared around the other side. Bullets hit the wall around them as their position became compromised. He dove inside the door of the second building as Baker followed him. He scrambled to the window that had no glass pane only a wood flap, pulling it off the hinge, tossing it aside. Baker lay on the ground aiming out the door at the truck, firing at the legs of the men on the other side.

They heard an explosion and felt the rattle of the building next door, fearing the worst. "Give me your 20!" Steve commanded, dropping the clip out of his machine gun and replacing it, continuing to rain down heavy fire on the trucks, trying to give his men some relief.

"Positioned down in the southeast corner!" Jordan rang out. "You fuckers!" he suddenly screamed firing at two men who came in the back way, killing them both. "Kruska's hit!" he scrambled over to him, seeing the blood coming from his right leg and shoulder.

Parker came in through the back entrance next, holding Hendricks around the waist. Jordan spun around almost firing on them and then halting at the last second. Parker's face dripped with blood from the explosion and his uniform covered in dust.

"This way!" he said to Jordan as he stood at the doorway holding his machine gun in his other hand and surveying his surroundings.

"We're moving out the back entrance, Commander!" Jordan said, scooping up Kruska over his shoulder as another round of fire came at them in the room. "Get down! Get down!" he shouted.

Steve looked over at Baker, "Cover the entrance to the buildings. I'm going to hit them from behind!" He leaned against the wall by the door before going out, getting a visual of his approaching ambush to alleviate his men of the firepower. "I'm moving in!" he said. "Covering front." He came out the door firing down on the truck and running behind it, taking a second before turning the corner of the back end and facing down three soldiers, returning fire with them as one fell and the other two ran to the next truck. He followed behind them with his finger on the trigger as bullets ricocheted off the metal in the direction they fled. He dropped to the ground and rolled under it as three more came around the corner of the third vehicle, aiming right at him.

Jordan stood back up with Kruska over his shoulder as the firing moved in a different direction, knowing it was the Commander and Baker that were taking the blunt of the attack now, knowing how wrong he had been about her. She was literally clearing a path for his escape.

She came off the floor and ran to the door the second Steve exited. She watched him disappear around the back of the truck as more firing rang out. She came out the door moving down toward the other building, seeing two men come running out between two vehicles. She fired at them, hitting one as he fell into the other. He shoved him away, using the hood of the truck as protection and pointed his weapon at her. Steve popped up from under the truck between them and fired his handgun, hitting him in the head.

He ran over to her as the other three came at them. He grabbed her by the arm, shoving her inside the door to the building where Jordan and Kruska had been as bullets penetrated the wall where they had just been standing. "Give me your 20!" he shouted into his headset, feeling that familiar adrenalin rush as his mind was already fixed on calculating his next move.

Jordan carried Kruska and followed behind Parker and Hendricks as he dragged his wounded leg, moving as quickly as possible with the assistance of his teammate. "Heading East behind the buildings."

"Get to the trees!" Steve ordered. "Get up to the pick up point!"

"We'll get the wounded up there and Parker and I will come back down to cover you and Baker, Sir."

"Negative!" Steve ordered. "You stay with the wounded and stick with the plan!"

He looked over at Parker and Hendricks as they made their way to the trees. They all had the same firm expression. "We're not leaving you two behind Sir!"

"You stay with the wounded and get them on that Heli, that's an order!"

"Sir! We can't just…"

"I said that's an order!" he shouted, dropping another clip and shoving a new one in as Baker covered the entrance, firing at the three men, not able to see them but knowing in the vicinity of where they were.

"Yes Sir," Jordan replied. They stopped for a just a second and looked back, hearing the firing, when suddenly one of the buildings exploded.

Steve crawled over to Baker and stood up behind her, firing in the same area. "We can't stay here," he said to her. "We need to make it back to…" he stopped mid sentence seeing a grenade come flying through the door. He grabbed Baker by the back of the collar and flung her into the back room in the far corner.

She hit the wall and felt him press his body up against her just before the explosion that left her ears ringing.

She heard him groan as his body thrust forward against her, knowing shrapnel and debris were bombarding him.

"They're going to be coming," he yelled at her. "Cover the entrance!"

She felt him push off of her and slam his body into the damaged wall that led out the back way. There was no exit like the other building. She aimed her machine gun at the front doorway and laid her finger on the trigger, sending rock chips and wood pieces flying. When she ran out of bullets she dropped the clip, reaching in her flap pocket for another one, glancing over her shoulder as he kicked his way through the wall of stone and mud. She heard yelling from the front and quickly raised her gun, firing another round.

He knew it would go, it was old and weak enough, and it would just take some effort. It was literally their only way out. He raised his foot once more and felt the wall give, using his body once more as a section of it crumbled to the outside from the blow. He grabbed the wall before he fell through looking back over at Baker. "Let's go!"

She ran over to him as he pushed her head down and out through the gaping hole. Once through she quickly inspected their surroundings as Steve came out after her. He pointed his gun inside the room once more and fired a round toward the entrance.

"Go for those trees," he instructed her quietly, not wanting to give away their departure. They weren't ten steps away when the room they had been in exploded, sending rocks and small pieces of debris in their direction.

She pointed toward the direction of the pick up zone, "That way?"

"No," he pointed toward a closer group. "We need to get cover fast."

He stayed behind her but was impressed again with the ground she covered.

They were almost to the trees when he felt a sharp pain strike him in the lower back. His body thrust forward but not enough to knock him over. He knew instantly that he'd been hit. "_Fuck_!" he thought angrily, but made no sound or gave no indication to Baker, not wanting her to stop. They needed to get cover, more so now for her.

As they made their way in he stopped behind a tree. "Keep going!" he told her and turned toward the open field between the buildings and the trees they had just fled, seeing several of them on their tail. He raised his weapon and fired.

Baker stopped and turned, seeing him leaning against the tree and firing at the enemy. She went to go back but did as she was instructed and kept going up. She needed to listen to him. He knew what he was doing and she felt like she was in a fog, everything had happened so fast. She stopped once more and pulled out the radio to alert their new position but couldn't get a signal. She heard some more gunfire and looked down, seeing him coming her way this time. She clipped the radio back on her belt and continued on, knowing he'd catch her quickly.

He wanted to stop but he couldn't. His lower back throbbed from the pain and he could feel the blood begin to gather inside his shirt. He caught up with her and they both stopped. He leaned back against a tree as she did the same. The sweat was pouring from each of them but she felt like she could run a marathon. She'd heard of situations like this.

"Are they coming?" she panted, looking around the trunk.

"They retreated," he paused to catch his breath, "but they'll be back and in numbers." He took a drink of water out of his canteen and handed it over to her. She shook her head but he shoved it toward her. "Drink!" She took it from him and didn't realize how thirsty she was until the water hit her lips. She had to force herself to stop so as not to get sick.

"When was the last time you signaled our position?" he asked

"Just before we entered the room to take pictures. I just tried a couple of minutes ago but couldn't get a signal."

We need to get to the top of the ridge." He tucked the canteen back in its place and pushed off the tree, ignoring the pain that had made its way around to the front of his abdomen. "Let's go."

She took the lead as he motioned for her to go first. She was feeling less of the anxiety being there with him. If they made it up the ridge they could signal for help and even more so they could get in a good position to find cover. Her mind and body felt more in sync than she ever had in her entire life. She had been trained for this and trained well, contributing it mostly to the one trailing behind her. He was without a doubt the strongest and most reliable man she'd ever known. He never gave up on her even when she had almost given up on herself. The Navy was lucky to have him as a Commander and she felt the same way.

Steve watched her gain an extra step every couple of yards and worse yet, he knew the enemy was coming up behind them. It would only be a matter of time and he was slowing her down. His body hurt beyond words and he knew he couldn't go much further or he'd pass out and that might be the death of both of them. He looked ahead at a group of boulders and stopped on the other side of them, leaning back against one and using it as a brace as he sat down. "Baker!" He called out as she stopped and turned.

She looked beyond him for movement in the bushes, assuming he saw something, confused otherwise on why he would stop. It was only maybe another hundred yards. She went back down to him as he slid his backpack off his shoulders.

"I can't make it up to the top. I was hit when were crossing the field." He reached inside and pulled out a piece of cloth and reached behind his back, tucking it into the hole as he winced from the pain.

"What?!" she gasped, kneeling down next him. "Let me see!" She helped him lean forward and could see even in the dark the discoloration that was the blood that had soaked through his uniform. "It's not much further."

They both heard it at the same time. Steve pulled her down to the ground and leaned around the boulder. "Shit! They're fucking moving fast!" he whispered. She crawled over to the other side and could vaguely see them about two hundred yards down. There were at least twenty if she had to guess, and that was only what she could see.

"Get to the top," Steve said, pulling a flap open on his pack and pulling out clips of ammunition. "Alert them of your new position for a pick up."

She stared at him. "Don't you mean our position?"

"Get moving! And when you get up there, find cover! If you can't get a signal move on to the next ridge." He glanced around the rock again.

"Sir?" she said almost hoarse, knowing he was telling her to leave him behind. But she also knew that was a death sentence for him.

He checked the ammo in his handgun setting it on the ground next to him for quick access. "I'll cover you. I can hold them off until you at least get to the top." He looked back up at her as she just stared at him. "I said get moving!"

She shook her head and started to take her backpack off, refusing to leave him when he grabbed her by the front of her vest and pulled her face up close to his. "You get your goddamn ass up that hill soldier! I'm your Commanding Officer and I just gave you an order!" he gripped her tighter, shaking her. "You understand me?!"

She stared at him for a second, seeing the conviction in his eyes. She nodded her head, "Yes Sir," her voice showing the first signs of fear.

He loosened the grip. "Don't come back down here. I'll meet you at the top." He shoved her away. "Now move! Get up there and get us some back up."

She did as her Commander instructed, but knew he'd never meet her at the top. He was going to take out as many as he could before they got him or her. This was her only chance to survive. She didn't look back and began running up the hill through the trees fighting off the pain of knowing he was going to die. She refused to feel the fear. If he wasn't scared then she wasn't going to be either. She wasn't going to let him down and pushed herself harder, making the top of the ridge in record time. She pulled out her radio and flipped it on, getting a signal.

Steve took a couple deep breaths, checking over his supply once more. He glanced around the rocks and could see them approaching about a hundred yards away. He had about a minute to spare.

He laid his head back on the rock looking up through the trees seeing the stars, remembering a time he and Mary laid on the beach with his Dad and watched a spectacular meteor shower. It was a good memory. He felt a wave of regret for not keeping in closer contact with his little sister or his Dad. He should have taken the time. '_Stop_!' he thought. '_You did what you could. Don't have any regrets, not now_.' He took in another deep breath, '_I just thought for sure I'd make it to at least thirty_."

He heard voices and glanced around the rock, seeing them approaching. He turned his radio on.

"How you doing Baker?" he asked calmly.

"I got a signal Sir! Back up is coming! I gave them our position and yours!"

"Good job," he smiled, knowing at least she'd be all right. He picked up his weapon. "You did good tonight Baker. I'm proud of you."

"Thank you Sir," she felt that wave of fear for him but couldn't hear even the slightest amount of it in his voice. It was as if they were just having an everyday conversation and not potentially their last. "Help is coming, Sir. They're close by," she said again as if hoping he'd get her message that he should make a run for it.

Steve flipped his radio off and turned his body, getting in position. "If I'm going," he growled, I'm taking as many as you motherfuckers as I can with me. Come and get me." He got a clear vision and picked out five targets, knowing once he started to fire they would spread out so he needed to get as many as possible and as quickly as possible. He took aim at his first one and fired, picking them off, one by one, getting all five. A small victory, but within a matter of seconds, all hell broke loose.

Baker heard five quick shots ring out below and then the forest erupted in an all out gunfight. She could hear his machine gun and knew he'd turned his radio off. "Damn it!' she growled, pacing back and forth struggling with herself and with his orders to stay put. "This isn't the way it's supposed to be! This wasn't what I was trained for, to stand on a fucking hill!" she growled.

The next thing she knew she was flying down the slope just as quickly as she had gone up it.

She made her way to the right so as not to catch flying bullets and to get a better angle of where he was. She slammed up against a tree and looked down seeing him about twenty yards away still firing as they began to move in on him. Three of them ran toward him, one jumping up on top of the rock about to fire down at him.

Steve dropped the clip out of his machine gun and reached for a new one when he heard the commotion above his head. He reached for his handgun and rolled over on his back, but knew he was too late. This was it, he thought, it's over. He looked up when suddenly the man's chest exploded and his body went backward off the rock.

Baker held her handgun out in front of her and pointed at the next target, only needing one shot as she aimed for the head. She took out four in a matter of seconds and felt as if the bullets were going exactly were she told them too. The tree she was behind started take hits and she dropped to the ground, crawling over closer to where he was. She stood up again behind another tree and took out three more.

"Damn her!" Steve grumbled, rolling over again with a fresh clip and firing into the trees.

Baker dropped the clip out of her gun and quickly replaced it, hearing rustling behind her. She spun around, seeing nothing but the leaves moving and a breeze pick up. She looked up noticing the tree branches shaking not sure what was going on. Suddenly from out of the dark a Combat Helicopter appeared hovering about a hundred feet over her head. She watched the tracers from the guns as the forest below them lit up like the fourth of July.

Steve looked up seeing what she saw and knew this was his only chance. He grabbed his handgun and pushed himself up, making his way up the hill using the trees as leverage, gripping his side.

Baker ran down to him and grabbed his arm, putting it over her shoulder and the other around his waist, hurrying him up the hill. She as well as him had no idea where the strength came from but she practically carried him, keeping a solid footing all along the way. Neither one took even a second to look back, but they could hear the destruction that was coming down on the enemy.

As they came over the ridge they could see the pickup helicopter hovering over the area where she had left the radio with a rock holding down the signal locator giving off a constant GPS of their location.

The door slid open and Sean came running toward them taking the other side of Steve. He knew he was in bad shape and had feared the worst, only to be relieved that he was at least still alive. They put him in first as Sean climbed in and pulled him in the rest of the way followed by Baker. He reached over and slid the door shut, twirling his finger in the air to his partner, informing him to go.

"My men," Steve said, gripping Sean's arm. "Where are my men?"

"Headed back to base," he replied. "Alive, all four." He could see the relief settle over him just over that information. He reached above his head as Steve lay on the floor and opened a compartment door taking out a bottle of oxygen, opening up the valve three quarters and setting the mask over his face. He began to cut away his fatigues around the wound as Baker sat in a flap chair, wiggling out of her backpack. She looked down at Steve as he reached up and lifted the mask off.

"Next time I give you an order soldier, you better follow it."

She tried to stifle her smile, "Yes Sir."

Sean put a bandage over his gunshot wound, commenting on his training of Baker. "I guess you got her all squared away didn't you?" Steve smiled over that as Sean put a hand on his forehead, "Just relax, we'll be back on base in a couple of minutes."

Baker watched Sean work on the wound. She glanced back at Steve's face caught off guard as he stared up at her.

The exchange between them was silent but the gratitude in his eyes spoke volumes. She had saved his life pure and simple. She was without a doubt one of the most courageous people he had ever met.

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Baker walked down the row of empty beds in the infirmary, stopping at the foot of his. His stomach had a bandage that was looped around his waist while the upper half was exposed. She understood now where his strength came from. He was solid with wide shoulders, and the peaceful expression on his face made him seem less intimidating than usual, reminding her again of that time in his office when he threatened to ship her out, only to realize it wasn't a threat at all but only his way of opening her eyes. His face was covered with a five o'clock shadow but it couldn't hide, nor could she deny the features that were just as impressive as the body.

She went to the side of the bed and gently set down the bag in her hand on the table by his bed trying not to wake him, not knowing he was already awake.

"Are you trying to steal my sick rations, Baker?" he blurted out, smiling over her startled expression.

Her face instantly turned red, being surprised by him. "No Sir," she chuckled. "I actually brought you some. I mean some good ones." She held up the brown paper bag.

He looked at it and then up at her, surprised over the visit in itself, but the fact that she brought him something was the real surprise. "What is it?" He looked at her and it was hard to believe she was the same person that had been covered in green face paint standing next to him, firing a machine gun in one of the most intense battles he'd ever encountered. At this moment she could have passed as a schoolteacher, he thought amusingly. The only catch was that she wore fatigues and along with the innocent charm that was being thrown at him, he saw again the woman who would have defiantly caught his eye on the street.

"I ran into your buddy Sean," she reached in the bag. "He said you like these." She pulled out a Snickers bar, showing it to him.

"Ahhh Baker," he moaned blissfully. "Hand it over." He reached for it with a wide grin. The stitches under the bandage pulled and he groaned, putting his hand over his side. "Shit," he moaned, forgetting for just a second where he was.

"Are you ok?" she asked moving quickly to his side.

"Yes," he looked up at her sheepishly. "You brought the one thing that will make me weak," he grinned.

She grinned, opening the top of it and handing it to him. "If I would have known that I would have had a pocket full of these on those mornings when you would make us do Suicide Hill."

He laughed, clutching his side again, but taking the candy bar. He took a bite and moaned happily this time. "Damn that's good. I've been eating this infirmary crap for over a week."

"So you're doing ok then?" she asked.

"I'm fine." He looked at her, wondering if she had any negative lingering effects of that night. "How are you? You doing ok?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I'm fine. Kruska went home on leave the other day. He needed to see his wife and kid for a couple of days."

"I know. I ordered it."

"You did?" she asked, surprised over that.

"Of course. He needed to get his head clear." He took another bite of the candy bar. "I heard you'll be moving on."

"Yes. They won't say where though. Do you know?" she asked nervously.

He knew exactly where they were sending her. At the debriefing of their mission he suggested it to his Commanding Officers. "Yes, but I can't say. They like to keep people in the dark for as long as possible. Don't stress about it. You're going to do well Baker," he said confidently.

She smiled at him, "I leave tomorrow and I just wanted to come by and say thank you for not giving up on me." There was so much more she wanted to say but wasn't sure how much was appropriate and she was also sure he'd heard the same ole' glorifying speeches from other recruits that he'd taken under his wing over the years. She didn't want to be another one of those.

"Don't thank me," he said. "You did it. You were in charge of your own fate."

She nodded but knew that wasn't true. If it weren't for him she never would have lasted as long as she had. "I hope I see you again sometime Sir. It would be a pleasure." She almost choked up over those words, knowing this would probably be the last time she saw him.

He didn't know why but he knew he was going to miss her. "Me too Baker. You take care of yourself." He put his hand out to her as she clasped it firmly. It was the first time she had ever touched him in such a personal way and it felt almost surreal.

She let go and stepped back at attention, saluting him. "Commander," she said feeling a wave of emotions wash over her that caught her off guard. She went to say something but couldn't get it out. She'd never felt this overcome before by another person. Her whole life for as long as she could remember had been about taking care of herself and he was the first one that had ever stepped up and given her a chance, not because he had too but because he believed in her. That was the reason she disobeyed his orders and went down that hill.

"Adese Baker," he sighed, seeing it in her. He'd had men who respected and admired him for the things he taught, not only the physical but the mental as well, but none of those approvals meant as much to him as this one did. She was different. She was unique and he learned a lot about himself along the way too. He admired her just as much. He never thanked her for what she did that night, coming down that hill. She had her orders but did exactly what he would have done in the same situation. He didn't even have the words to express what it meant. She saved his life, how do you thank someone for that. "Baker," he began, feeling it too, an unspoken bond that he felt with her as she stood there with tears in her eyes.

"I have to go," she said quickly, not wanting to hear a thank you from him for that night. She reached in her pocket and set a folded up piece of cloth on the bed next to him. "I want you to have this because I only got it because of you." She backed up, looking at him one more time, "Goodbye Sir." She turned and quickly disappeared around the corner.

"Baker!" he yelled out, but knew she was gone. He picked up the cloth and opened it, breathless over the object that lay inside. He rubbed his thumb over the Navy Expeditionary Medal they had given her for engaging in an armed opposition which deserved special recognition. This was without a doubt the best compliment he'd ever received, leaving him a little choked up as well.

He looked back over in the direction she had just left feeling something that he couldn't quite put a label on, but he knew one thing for sure. He was going to miss her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part Two**

Chapter Four

Steve sat on the balcony of his hotel overlooking the city of Bangkok. He was high enough up that the sounds of the traffic below were only scarcely heard and not distracting in the least. There was a cool breeze on the twenty-first floor that wasn't felt on the concrete below, so he kept his shirt on and was comfortable in that and just shorts. He stretched his legs out setting his bare feet on the other chair and crossing them, feeling relaxed. He brought up his little sister Mary's number on his cell phone and called.

It rang five times before an automated message came on alerting the caller that this person was not available. He waited for the tone to leave a message.

"Hey Mary, it's your big brother, just checking in to see how things were. I think the last time we talked you were debating whether Seattle was worth the rain or not. Let me know what you decided? I'm on furlough for a few days and then out of touch for who knows how long, so call me back if you can. Love ya Sis, talk to you soon."

He made an effort to keep in contact with his family as often as possible ever since that fateful night a little over two years before when he thought his life was over. The regret he had felt over not being more available to them in the past had become just that, a thing of the past. Ever since then he'd kept in touch as often as possible. The recent conversations since then had paid off too. He and Mary had grown closer even though they hadn't seen each other in person, and just speaking with his Dad was like getting a feel of being home.

He brought up his number next. He, unlike Mary answered on the second ring.

"Steve!" he answered happily, always pleased to hear from him. "How are you Son?"

"Hey Dad. I'm good. I'm in Bangkok on furlough for a few days."

"Why didn't you come home?" he asked disappointed.

"I couldn't connect a Navy flight there in time and prices for commercial flights were way over my head for the last minute. I was in the vicinity of Bangkok when they offered me a week, so I came here."

"Where were you before?"

Steve smiled, "I can't say Dad."

"Oh right, right," he said. "I understand."

"So who are you there with?"

"No one, just me. A little early birthday present to myself."

"Speaking of that," his Dad said, "I sent you a Hawaiian shirt for your birthday. Should be there when you get back to the main base."

Steve laughed. "A Hawaiian shirt? That's great! Thanks Dad."

"Just a little piece of home."

"I'll wear it with pride," he grinned. "I tried to call Mary but she didn't pick up."

"She's in Seattle working at some coffee place and living in an apartment with a couple other people. Says she likes it ok, but misses the sun. She's already thinking about heading back south to LA."

Steve laughed over his little sister's wandering spirit. "How you raised two completely different kids is beyond me."

"It had nothing to do with the way you were raised. It had to do with just who you are. Mary can't stand the idea of being tied down to one place and any kind of controlled situation for too long, while you on the other hand can't live without it."

"I'm not that bad." He always was jealous of her ability to just pick up and move on, not knowing where she would end up.

"There's nothing wrong with who you are Son. You're just the type of person that follows the rules. You always have been. Even when you were little, your Mother and I would tell you something just once and that was enough. Mary on the other hand," he blew out a breath, "well you know your sister."

"She's happy though. You have to give her that."

He heard something in that phrase that surprised him. "Are you not happy Son?"

"No, I mean ya, I'm happy. I guess."

"You're going to be thirty in a couple of days. Is that weighing on you?"

"I don't know, maybe a little." He hadn't thought it was bugging him but now that it was really here he had to admit it was a huge milestone in life.

"Is this where you expected to be when you turned thirty?"

Steve laughed, "Where am I? I'm here, I'm there; sometimes I don't know where I am. So no, I guess it's not. I've never had a plan. I'm a Navy man. They make my plans for me and just like you said, I follow the rules they lay out and I go where they tell me too." It made him realize he really had no life, not one for himself at least.

"Well," his Dad said, "maybe it's time you start making a plan. Maybe the Navy way of life isn't in your future; not that it hasn't been an incredible asset, but maybe you've run your course."

He didn't know how to respond to that. The Navy was his life. "I don't know Dad," he chuckled, "what else is there?"

"A wife, kids. Do you ever think about that?"

Steve laid his head back laughing. "I think I'll stick with the Navy. I know how to deal with a screaming CO, but a screaming wife and kids, not so much."

"You're mother never screamed at me, not once. If you find the right girl then you'll think otherwise. Speaking of which. Are you seeing anyone?"

"No," he said with a grin. "You know me Dad. I got a girl in every port. Can't get tied down to just one."

"Laugh now buddy boy but believe me the time will come, and when it does, you won't know what hit you."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Ok Dad."

"Ok Dad," he mocked him in a goofy tone. "Kids always think they're smarter than their parents."

"Alright," Steve sighed. "I hear this going in a direction that I've heard a thousand times." He stood up leaning on the balcony looking down at the street below. "I'm going to go now and grab some chow, meet a nice girl who won't scream at me, fall in love and live happily ever after."

"Smart ass," his dad laughed.

"That you taught me well. I'll talk to you soon Dad."

"Ok, enjoy Bangkok and Happy Birthday. I love you, Son."

"Love you too Dad." He hung up with a grin on his face.

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Steve strolled down a busy street on his way back to the hotel. He wasn't in a hurry unlike the people that walked toward and past him as if they were late for church or something. He stopped at a stand that he had noticed on the way to the place he had eaten, seeing some silk robes that he thought Mary would like. He bartered with the guy for a couple of minutes before moving on. They weren't worth a hundred but he was American and knew that was the American price. He'd come back again a couple more times, knowing the guy would eventually give him a fair price. The whole bargaining system was a way of life here. You either played the game or paid full price and full price was usually off the charts.

He began to feel the midafternoon heat rise as well as the smog from the thousands of cars and motorcycles that raced up and down the streets. He had no plans for the night, just a good book he'd been given from a buddy for the trip. He felt a little jet lagged from coming straight off a mission and then to this, needing a good nights sleep. So an early night was his only plan.

He entered the hotel lobby through two, floor to ceiling glass doors that were opened by a doorman.

Stepping inside the hotel was like stepping inside another city in itself. Outside it was chaos and hazy, which he really didn't mind. He rather enjoyed the mysteriousness of Bangkok. It was his fourth trip there and each time he saw something new and unexpected, except for hotels. He stayed at the same place every time. It was pricey but he wanted to sleep in a nice bed and have the plush amenities that this place offered. It was his way of escaping the Navy lifestyle for a few days, and to live comfortably.

As he walked toward the elevator he glanced over in the bar at the TV, seeing an American football game on. He stopped, knowing sometimes the satellite TV they had in there could catch a game. He didn't care who was playing; it was football. He decided a couple of beers would be a good way to finish the night off and also help him sleep like a baby.

He buddied up to the bar smiling at the young man working behind it who was local, wearing black slacks and a starched white shirt. He recognized him from the last time he stayed there. He ordered a bottle of Coors Light, knowing they kept it in stock for the American businessmen that frequented the hotel. It almost made him feel like he was in a bar back home with the sound of the game in the background.

'_I needed this_,' he thought taking a long drink. The last couple of weeks had been hell. He had been ordered to escort a high ranking military intelligence expert from his home in Afghanistan to a top-secret Naval Intelligence rendezvous where he was going to divulge information that could lead to three of the top wanted Taliban leaders in the world. It was Steve's mission to get him in and out unscathed. Normally it would have been a rather easy ops mission but just days before, it had been leaked that the man was dealing with the Americans and his execution became high priority on the Taliban death list. Nonetheless, it was a success and in turn, Steve was issued a week furlough for a job well done. As he sat there he thought again of what his Dad had said earlier. He got a week furlough for risking his neck. He had made it to thirty, escaping death on more occasions that he could count. He had always loved being in the Navy, but lately things just didn't feel the same. Maybe his Dad was right, maybe he needed to re-evaluate before he re-enlisted for another four years.

The bartender walked over and set a shot of tequila down in front of him.

Steve looked up at him, "I didn't order that."

He pointed with just his finger to the corner of the bar, speaking in broken English. "The woman there, she order, for you."

He'd had women buy him drinks before just to get the conversation started. He found it amusing and in most cases it paid off, but he was tired and it seemed like too much of an effort, deciding to just say thanks but no thanks.

He turned and looked over his shoulder at her as she sat at a table about twenty feet away. She had shoulder length dark hair and a starch white T-shirt on, but even in the dimly lit bar he could see she was attractive, trying to determine how tired he actually was. She raised her hand up as a gesture and all it once it struck him as he recognized her.

"Baker?" he whispered, as if asking himself that question to be sure. He had been trained to act and re-act in seconds to some of the most dangerous situations a soldier could encounter, but all that was hearsay as he sat there stunned.

He finally got his head together as a smile took place of the surprised expression, picking up his beer and the shot, asking the bartender to bring them over another before going over to her table as she rose up, greeting him. "Baker," he said grinning. "Well look at you. All that hard training and now you're buying strange men drinks in bars," he joked.  
>She smiled back at him. "Of all the bars in all the world, you had to walk into mine," she sighed and then chuckled.<p>

Steve laughed, motioning to the vacant chair. "Do you mind?"

"Of course not," she sat back down, resting her arms on the table as he sat down. She never thought she would ever seeing him again, let alone in a bar in Bangkok Thailand. Those feelings of admiration for him came flooding back. He was impressive no matter in uniform or not.

"So how are you Baker?"

"I'm good Sir. How about you?"

"Can't complain," he grinned. It was ironic that she of all people should ask him that question, because he could very easily be six feet under if it wasn't for her. He thought about his earlier struggle with life, deciding it could be worse.

"I saw you come in and it took me a second to realize it was you. This is really a huge coincidence. What are you doing here?"

"I'm just taking a few days of furlough. I was in the neighborhood of Thailand and it sounded like a good place to unwind. What about you?"

She knew what 'in the neighborhood' meant. He had just come off a mission somewhere on this side of the world. She knew better than to ask about it. She shrugged her answer, "Oh you know, girl meets boy, boy asks girl to Thailand for a week and then girl finds out boy has fiancée back home. So girl takes advantage of paid hotel." She smiled uneasily. "Girl should have kicked boys ass and regrets not doing so now."

Steve couldn't help but laugh over her parody of it. "I'm sorry Baker. That stinks, and yes you should have kicked his ass." He moved out of the way as the bartender set down the other shot and Steve slid it over to her.

"Maybe someday I'll run into him in a bar."

He picked up his shot as she did the same, "Until then, forget that asshole."

She raised hers up too, "Already done," she grinned, downing the shot with him; neither one made a face over the strong taste having done plenty of them before.

Steve leaned in, "You just give me his name and I'll make sure something really bad happens to him."

Baker laughed. "You forgot, I work in Naval Intelligence now too."

He smiled, "How do you like it?"

She nodded, knowing he had a hand in arranging it. "It's great. It really is. I see a lot of code names come across my screen, I've wondered if any of them are you." Again, she knew better than to ask him.

"I'm sure I have. I've been busy the last couple of years."

"Are you still training Seal grads?"

"No. I had one class after you and then they moved me up the pole to Special Ops."

She knew what that meant. It was the elite. He was chosen first when the orders came down from the top. "That's impressive Sir."

He gave her a wry smile not wanting to talk about the Navy anymore. He was on a break from that. "So when did you get here? Have you ever been here before?"

"I got here yesterday. It's my first time. This city is huge and complicated," she said shaking her head. "I tried to go get something to eat outside of the hotel but had no idea where I was going. I ended up walking around for two hours and then came back here for a burger," she huffed. "It's crazy."

He smiled over that, remembering his first time there. "I can tell you some good places that are relatively close."

"How far is it to the coast from here?" she asked.

"About an hour or so. You can rent a car here at the hotel."

'That sounds like an idea." The bartender came back over and she looked at him before ordering. "I'm not keeping you from anyone am I?" wondering if he was there with a friend or a woman perhaps.

"Nope. I'm solo on this trip." He pointed with his thumb to the bartender. "You want another one?"

"Sure," she agreed happily, feeling the effects of the first round already. The slight heartbreak really was all but forgotten now.

Steve held his fingers up. "Two more beers."

"And two shots," Baker jumped in, smiling at his raised eyebrow. "We're on vacation Sir," she argued.

He sat comfortably back in the chair, "Ok, two more shots." He leaned across the table to her. "And if we're on vacation, no more 'Sir' please!"

She tilted her head. "Ok but even though I'm in Naval Intelligence, I'm lacking the skills of code breaking. I don't know your first name."

"Steve," he smiled. My first name is Steve." He grinned slyly, "Michelle," revealing that he knew hers.

She was surprised that he remembered her first name, but was even more surprised how much she liked the sound of it coming from him.

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They finished that round and he was quickly feeling the lingering effects of a couple of shots and couple of beers plus the jet lag. He walked her up to her room that was three floors below his and stood at the elevator as she walked down the two doors and slipped the card in the slot, pushing it open just a bit. She waved to him, letting him know she was in. He went to get on the elevator when she called out to him.

"Hey, do you want to hang out tomorrow? I don't know anything about this city and I could use a guide."

He took a quick evaluation of that, knowing it was harmless since it really wasn't a date and she had originally come there to meet someone else. He was her former CO and even though it had been two years it would be extremely frowned upon for him to get involved with a former trainee. He could be accused of giving her special treatment or worse yet he'd get labeled with a sexual harassment suit, which could lead to a dishonorable discharge from the Navy. They had been cracking down on that over the past ten years and he'd seen careers torn apart just over accusations. He also wondered if the 'boy' had done more damage than she claimed and she didn't want to be there alone. Which is what made his decision for him. He was glad he had run into her and thought what the hell, he didn't have anything else to do and playing tour guide might be kind of fun. They were alone in that city; who would know. "Sure. What time do you want to meet?"

She shrugged. "Do you want to meet for breakfast?"

"That's sound good."

"How about nine in the lobby?"

"Nine!" he laughed, "Since when can you sleep that late? You'll be pacing around your room at eight. We'll meet then"

"Ok," she chuckled. "You're right on that. I wish I could sleep that late is what I meant. And just to remind you, we're on vacation. So don't try to slip a Suicide Hill in amongst the tour." She smiled playfully at him as she went inside.

"You big baby," he yelled out getting on the elevator. "Now you sound like a wimpy Marine!" He heard her laugh as the doors closed.

She leaned against the door, smiling, still a little in shock she had run into him like that. She lied when she told him it took her a minute to recognize him. She knew it the second he walked in. He held a presence that was unmistakable. She had been feeling down and even considered leaving the next day, but she felt none of that now, actually looking forward to the next day. He was even better than she had remembered him. And she liked it even more that he hadn't mentioned the last time they saw each other.

She walked toward the bed when her cell phone went off. She glanced down at the display seeing the 'boy's' name appear and declined the call. "Piss off," she said, turning her phone off and tossing it on the bed.

She went in the bathroom and smiled at the oversize tub, "On second thought," she grinned, pulling her shirt over head, "thanks for getting the good room asshole." The alcohol had made her relaxed but a bath was just what she needed. It was a good way to finish off the day and get a good night sleep before her adventure tomorrow with Steve.

She chuckled at that. "Steve," she said out loud, saying it for the first time. "Steven maybe?" She shook her head, not liking that. "No, it's defiantly just Steve."

It still amazed her how different he could be from the man she first encountered as he introduced himself to the team as their Commander. He could be intimidating as hell and turned out to be the bravest man she had ever met; yet this other side of him was kind and charming.

She settled into the tub and closed her eyes, picturing him wounded in the helicopter as he looked up at her. To this day she didn't regret one second of that decision. She had decided a long time ago that if she had died on that hill with him, it would have been her fate. But they didn't die, and now they were thousands of miles away from that hill and that night, going to spend the day together in a foreign city just for the heck of it. If someone had told her this two years ago she would have laughed in their face.

It made her laugh out loud now. Still amazed over the chance of him walking back into her life this night. The odds were incredible, but here they were.


	5. Chapter 5

Michelle leaned against a white pillar in the lobby checking her email as the elevators opened and she glanced up seeing Steve approaching her as he spoke to someone on the phone. She smiled at his attire of a Bob Marley T-shirt, cream-colored cargo shorts and blue and white Nikes, still not used to seeing him so casual.

He rolled his eyes at her as he approached, obviously annoyed with whomever he was speaking with. She felt a wave of disappointment, hoping it wasn't a CO calling him back to duty.

"Yes Mary. I will. I promise." He smiled and shook his head, mouthing the words 'good morning' to her.

She smiled back at him wondering if Mary was his girlfriend. She felt a sudden jealousy toward the woman on the phone, knowing she had no right, but it was there.

"No," he said. "No!" he said more adamantly. He huffed, "Mary! Ok! Hold on." He held the phone out to Michelle. "It's my little sister. She wants to talk to you."

Michelle looked at him oddly and pointed at her chest. "Me?"

Steve looked at her like he was helpless in the situation. "Just talk to her for a second to get her off my back."

She was intrigued at the fact that someone in this life had that much control over him. She was also more than pleased when she heard the words little sister. Michelle shrugged taking the phone. "Ok" she held it up to her ear. "Hello."

"Hi. This is Mary, the annoying little sister. I don't know you but I just want you to promise me to take him out today and make him have a good time."

Michelle laughed, "Ok. Is there anything in particular you would like me to make him do?"

Mary laughed back, "Yes! Make him do something that he wouldn't normally do. Something that is completely out of his element."

Steve rubbed his hand over his mouth getting uncomfortable over the laughing and one-sided conversation that he was hearing. He went to take the phone back when Michelle turned away from him.

"Anything in mind," she asked Mary.

"He hates to dance. Won't do it. Make him dance with you."

Michelle laughed, "Ok, I'll see what I can do. I'm going to give him back the phone before he has a heart attack. Bye Mary" She smiled, giving it to him as she heard Mary laugh on the other end.

"What are you doing to me Mary?" he couldn't help but be amused by them.

"I like her. You have fun today big brother and do as you're told."

"What do you mean by that, do as I'm told?" he looked at Michelle as she just stood there grinning.

"Bye, bye. Love you," Mary said.

"Ok, love you too Sis. You brat," he ended, hanging up before she could get the last word in. "What did she say to you?" he demanded.

Michelle just shrugged. "You'll have to wait until the time presents itself and then I'll tell you." He tried to give her an intimidating glare but she just laughed. "If you want to try and give me the Commander stare down then you'll have to run up and put your fatigues on, because Bob Marley doesn't scare me."

He broke out in a smile, shaking his head and gently shoved her toward the entrance. "Ok brat number two."

Michelle walked ahead of him and glanced over her shoulder already having a great time and they hadn't even left the hotel yet. "Where are we going first?"

Steve pointed down the street as the doorman opened the door and they stepped outside. "There's a really good market down this way, but," he raised his hand as if showing an incline, "its up this really, really, really steep hill."

She didn't see anywhere that there could possibly be a hill and then looked over at his teasing smile, knowing he was threatening Suicide Hill. She went to playfully hit him as he turned to protect himself. "Don't even think about it!" she laughed.

"Come on," he said. "I'll be good. Commander McGarrett is officially off duty. You're stuck with just plain ole' Steve."

"I like Steve," she said innocently, walking past him in the direction he started.

It was the first time he ever heard his name being said in such a way that it caught his attention. He liked it. He also liked the way she wore the cut-off jean shorts she had on. They showed off her long slender legs that ended in a pair of dark blue Reeboks. She had her hair up in a ponytail and a white tank top tucked into the shorts. She was in great shape. '_Of course she's in great shape_,' he thought. '_She's in the Navy_.' His eyes moved down to her butt, admiring that as well. He couldn't help it. It was visually perfect.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket as it vibrated. "Damn he's persistent," she mumbled angrily, shutting it off.

"You ok?"

"Yes," she walked next to him. "It's the 'boy'! He keeps calling and texting me." She looked over at him, "Why do men cheat?"

"Women cheat too," he quickly defended the male species.

"You're right," she corrected herself. "Why do people cheat?"

"You're asking the wrong person that. I couldn't tell ya. I know the motivation of it sometimes but the mind set is what I don't get." He put a hand on his chest. "Personally, I can honestly say that I have never cheated on anyone, ever. I don't think I ever would. I mean if I was that unhappy in a relationship that it was leaning that way, then I'd get out first." He shrugged, "I guess my whole philosophy is that I hate liars, so I wouldn't want to be one."

"I agree," she replied strongly. "Cheaters and liars are in whole world of their own. I can do without either of them in my life ever again."

He looked over at her as they walked, wondering if maybe this 'boy' wasn't her first encounter with that type. He decided to change the subject. "There's a place up here about another block that has a good breakfast."

She put her hand on her stomach, "Good, I'm starving. What are we going to do after that?"

"Well, that depends on you. Do you want to see market places or do you want to see historical architectural places?"

She gasped, "Historical!" she replied eagerly. "This city is a living museum."

He was pleased over her answer, "Ok then, food first and then we'll walk it off."

She smiled happily, "Thanks for hanging out with me today. I know you wanted to relax so whenever you want to head back, just say so, ok?"

"I'm in one my favorite cities in the world," he assured her, "and being able to see it with someone that's never experienced it before, that's fun too me."

She was glad for those words, knowing now he was exactly where he wanted to be. They turned a corner and it was as if the whole city had been hiding there. The streets were lined with hundreds if not thousands of people. Cars, buses and motorcycles tore up and down the busy intersection ahead of them. The deeper they walked into the maze the more congested it became. She dodged around people who were coming at her quickly and moving around her just as quickly. She got separated from him at one point as they spread apart, letting a group get off and on a bus.

He waited for her at the end of the block, being able to easily pick her out of the crowd whose population's normal height was under five six. She was easily five eight. He grinned as she made her way over to him, wide eyed. He pointed at her hip pocket where he phone was. "You better keep that phone on incase we get separated."

"Holy shit," she laughed. "You're not kidding. This place is like a zoo." She pulled it out and turned it back on, seeing another text from the 'boy' and ignoring it, going to her contact list. "What's your number so I have it in here?"

He told her as he did the same with her number.

She slid it back in her front pocket as he put his back in the front pocket of his shorts. She smiled up at him. "Hey look, now we're joined at the hip." Refereeing to the phones placements and each having the others number.

Steve shook his head at her, pointing at their destination for breakfast. "The place is right over there. You aren't going to be throwing out those lame one liners all day are you?" he joked.

"I'll try to control myself."

"Good, and I'll try not to bore you to death with some of my tour guiding."

She went in the door he held open for her. "Well I'm already having a blast, so I can't see that happening."

He was too. They had a comfortable way together that just flowed nicely.

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Michelle stood in awe at the vision before her. "It's beautiful," she sighed. "What's it called again?"

"Wat Arun. It means temple of the dawn. It's really pretty if you can catch it on a clear, sunny morning. It glows like it's made of gold."

"Look at all the detail," she said in awe, "it's amazing."

The building rose up like a tall pyramid pointing toward the heavens, with four identical miniature ones that surrounded it. Every square inch was architecturally designed with some kind of carving that meant something significant. Even the grounds around the magnificent building were astonishing. Statues of guards stood at the entrance with fierce looking faces, along with gold Buddha statues wrapped in orange silk; rows and rows of them. There was so much to take in as they strolled around it.

Steve went into his own detail telling her what he did know about it as they walked around the enormous building. She listened intently and asked him intelligent questions. Questions that he had asked the first time he'd seen it too.

They made it all the way around and back again to the front. She held her phone up, taking pictures of it even more impressed now that she knew the background of it.

"Give me your phone," Steve said with his hand out. "Go stand over there and I'll take your picture."

"Ok," she gave him the phone and went and stood so the enormous building was behind her. She squatted down not wanting to obstruct the view. "How's this?"

"Perfect." He held the phone up, making sure to get it all in place and snapped it. At the same time another text popped up on her screen.

"_Please respond. I miss you. I'm so sorry."_

As she approached Steve felt a little uncomfortable seeing it. "Here," he handed it to her. "He texted again. Sorry, I didn't mean to see it."

She shrugged, "That's ok." She was more interested in the picture. She leaned in to him as they looked at it together. "Nice job," she said. "It's a good one."

He got a hint of her perfume which distracted him for a second, liking it. She looked over at him smiling, her face just inches away from his. "Where to next?"

He got a glimpse of her auburn eyes next that were surrounded by long natural eyelashes, wondering how he'd never noticed them before. She really was naturally beautiful. "There's a," he paused, trying to recall her question, " a floating market not far from here."

She didn't catch his hesitation; too pre occupied with the presence of him being that close to her, not realizing the innocent move had taken on a new life. It was turning into anything but innocent as her heart began to race staring into his blue eyes that held her transfixed on the moment. If he wasn't so damn good looking it would have meant nothing, but he was and it did. "Ok," she said almost breathless, biting her bottom lip and looking down. She took a step back, feeling her palms begin to sweat. "That would be interesting. A floating market."

He saw her blush and was charmed by it, feeling a stroke to his ego. Her sudden bashfulness was sweet and yet he also found it sexier than hell. He wasn't sure if she was attracted to him or if she was just caught off guard by the close encounter. She wasn't like any woman he had ever met. Everything about her was appealing to him and the more he got to know the woman out of uniform, the more he found himself becoming attracted to her, even though he knew she was off limits, he couldn't help but feel disappointed by that.

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They took a taxi to the floating market that was just outside of town on the Amphawa River. Steve paid the driver thanking him in Thai as Michelle stood on the cement walkway looking down the tight corridor at the hundreds of boats filled with fruits, vegetables and fish that looked like a rainbow of colors. The boats were so close together you could almost walk from one side of the river to the other without falling in.

He came up next to her, leaning on the railing. "What do you think?"

"It's unbelievable! How do you get out there?"

"Come on, I'll show you."

She walked with him amazed that he had managed to impress her once more with a place that was like nothing she had ever seen before. She was even more impressed as he bartered with the taxi driver on a price for the ride in Thai, wondering where his talents ended, if they ever did. On the ride over he showed her different places off in the distance and told her a couple of funny stories about his first time in Bangkok. She laughed at one so hard she got a stomach ache. As the day progressed she felt more comfortable and relaxed around him, learning to really appreciate the man outside the uniform. He was certainly unique.

He stepped down inside the rented gondola and reached his hand up to her as she stood on the dock. She thought it a sweet gesture considering she was a Navy Seal and very capable of getting herself in and out of a boat, but she took his hand anyway, stepping down. She sat across from him and reached over pushing off the dock as he took the oars and began to row toward the other market boats.

"I feel like I need a parasol and a fancy dress," she smiled, pretending to twirl an umbrella. "Or maybe you could sing to me like they do in Venice?"

Steve laughed, "Don't get your hopes up. You'd probably jump out of the boat and swim back to shore if I sang."

"Ok then," she smiled, closing her eyes and titling her head back, letting the sun shine on her face. "I'll just enjoy the free ride then. Wake me when we get there driver, but make it quick," she grinned.

Her long legs were stretched out, her feet crossed. He took the oar and gently flipped it, splashing a small spray of water on her.

She shrieked and laughed at the same time, reaching in the river and doing the same to him. He turned his body laughing as the wall of water came at him and then another, twice as much as his attempt.

They were both laughing as he dipped the oar in further this time and soaked her.

"You beast!" she laughed, lunging forward as he went for another dip, grabbing his arm that held the oar. The boat began to rock as they both playfully fought each other for the oar.

The bottom of the boat became slick from the access water and she slipped, falling into him. He went backward off the seat as she landed on top of him bracing her hands on either of him on the bottom, trying to catch herself and stop the boat from tipping. They were both laughing so hard that people on the walkway above began to stare.

"I can't get up," she howled.

He wrapped an arm around her waist as she laid her forehead on his chest, both of them feeling weak from the laughter. "Don't tip us over," he said trying to catch his breath.

She pushed up on her hands looking down at him. "I'm so sorry," she chuckled. "I slipped."

"Don't be sorry," he smiled, holding her in place with his arm. "I'm really pretty comfortable."

She felt her face flush over his playful flirtation, deciding to give it right back. "In that case," she laid her head back down. "Could you give me a back rub?"

He laughed, tickling her side as she pushed up off of him.

"Ok, ok! I'm moving!" She carefully stood up bracing her feet against the edge of the boat, getting her balance as she put her hand down, pulling him back up on the seat. "Truce?" she said holding her other hand up.

"Truce," he replied, getting a hold of the oars again. He grinned over at her as she sat down and ran her hand over her wet hair that did nothing to diminish the beautiful appearance; on the contrary, it made her look sexier than hell. He began to search for excuses that would give him permission to abolish his rule of not getting involved with her.

She smiled back at him, wondering if he'd make a move on her, hoping he would but at the same time feeling nervous about it. She couldn't get past the mind set that he had still been her CO at one time and she had the utmost respect for him in that category, and even though she was damn sure he was one of the most attractive men she'd ever encountered, she was torn, not sure if a kiss from him would feel right or not. But she was willing to give it a shot if he was.

They made their way down to the boats as he eased the gondola up to one that was filled with fruits.

"Have you ever tried a Starfruit?" he asked her as the owner of the boat understood, reaching over for one.

"No," she looked at him oddly, "I've never even heard of it before."

Steve spoke to the man partly in Thai and part English not being all too fluent, but he could get by. The man held up a yellow waxy object that had four pointy sides, but as he cut it in half he showed Michelle the center, which looked like a star, hence the name.

"It's good," he said taking a small piece from the man as he cut another for Michelle. "It's sweet and tastes kind of like an apple." He took a bite, showing her that you could eat the whole thing, not just the inside.

She smiled at the man as she took a bite, seeing the eagerness in his eyes knowing she was trying it for the first time. She was surprised over how juicy it was, but the exotic flavor was all new. "Oh my god, that is really good!" she exclaimed, taking another bite. "I want to buy some of those."

Steve leaned forward and pulled out his wallet from his back pocket, speaking to the man. They decided on six. He handed him the money and Michelle took the brown bag from him, thanking him in English.

He picked up the oars and moved on to the next boat.

"Are those your favorite fruit?" she asked him.

"No, I love Mangos. When I was kid I would eat three or four at a time."

"How in the world did you get hooked on Mangos?" she chuckled, considering that a foreign fruit, like the Starfruit.

"I was born in Hawaii. They're common there."

"You were born in Hawaii?" She didn't know why she found that so fascinating but maybe because like the Starfruit and coming from the East coast it was just a place that was so exotic and out of touch growing up.

"Yep. Have you ever been?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head with a disappointed expression, "but I've always wanted to go there."

"Its beautiful and the people there are even more so." He slowed the boat down with the oars as they approached a busy area. "I've been all over the world and I can honestly say there is no place where the people and scenery are more impressive than home. It's," he paused and she could see the love he had for it in his expression as he described his home, "it's hard to describe until you experience it for yourself. Some people visit and come away with a memorable vacation and that's all," his voice hum-drum, "and then others," he spoke more jubilantly, "they come and feel the Aloha and take away a deep passion to get back as soon as possible, or even stay, willing to give up everything just to be there. I've seen it happen lots of times. The islands have that ability."

The expression on his face was uplifting hearing him talk about his home in such a passionate way. She'd never felt that before about where she came from. It made her want to go to Hawaii all the more now. "You miss it so much, I can tell."

He nodded, thinking of his dad, "Its home. Don't you miss your home?"

She let out a laugh but she wasn't being funny. "My home? No, I don't. I don't even have one really."

He found that sad. "Where were you born?"

"Boston, but we moved up and down the east coast most of my life. My mom didn't like staying in one place for very long."

He found that even sadder, and the way she said it he could hear resentment and anger in her over it. "Where is she now?"

Michelle shrugged. "I don't know, probably jail," she blurted out and then regretted it the second she did. She glanced up at him and then quickly looked away feeling embarrassed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. You don't want to hear about my dysfunctional childhood," she laughed nervously.

He did though, feeling privileged that she would even indulge that to him. He also understood the word dysfunctional. "When I was sixteen my mom passed away. My dad sent Mary and I to the mainland to live with relatives. It happened so fast I didn't even have time to get used to my mom not being there and then neither was the only home I ever knew. So I can kind of understand how you feel."

She looked over at him, completely in awe that he had told her that. It was so unexpected yet so sincere she actually felt his pain over it. "I'm sorry about your mom."

"I'm sorry about yours too."

Something passed between them in that second that neither one spoke of but they both felt it. The transformation from colleagues to friends to something more was happening, and there was nothing either of them could do to stop it.

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Michelle got out of the cab in front of the hotel first, holding her bag of Starfruit and Steve's Mangos. She reached in her pocket for money but he already handed the driver some cash and was sliding out after her.

"How much was it? You paid for the trip there I'll pay for the trip back."

"I got it," he said taking the bags from her.

"Steve," she whined following behind him into the hotel. "Seriously, l didn't spend a dime today. That's not fair. You were doing me a favor."

"Yeah well, it was my pleasure so just forget about it."

She stepped onto the elevator with him as he punched her floor first and then his own. Their day was almost over but she didn't want it to end. "Ok, then how about you let me buy you dinner in place of it?"

Dinner sounded great with her, but she wasn't buying, he thought. "Ok, I'll have dinner with you."

She tilted her head. "I'm buying," she said adamantly.

He rolled his eyes, "What if I say no, are you still going to go with me?"

"Yes." She crossed her arms stubbornly "but I'm not going to eat."

He laughed at her wilfulness as the doors opened on her floor. "I'll meet you downstairs in what, an hour?"

She got off the elevator and turned toward him. "That's sounds good. Don't bring your wallet."

"Then don't bring an appetite," he yelled out as the doors closed.

She laughed once again not remembering the last time she had laughed so much in one day. She stared at the place where he had just been standing, missing him already. She turned and hurried to her room, excited to get ready, already planning what she was going to wear.

He was smiling from the inside out as the doors opened to his floor. She was something. He ignored the little voice in his head telling him to step back. He didn't want too, this was all new to him and besides that, it felt good. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this good, and it was all because of her.


	6. Chapter 6

Michelle stepped off the elevator and saw him standing in the lobby. He had on a pair of nice, dark jeans and a plain black polo shirt, looking like he just stepped out of a GQ photo shoot. Her heart raced as she walked over to him, having to hold back from running.

He glanced up, seeing her come toward him. '_Ok,_ _settle down_,' he told himself, feeling an excitement over her appearance. Her hair was down and she wore a pair of white jeans that showed the curve of her legs, anxious to see her from behind in them, and a dark blue silk tank top that was just a tad bit longer in the back than the front barely covering her stomach. He wished it were just a bit shorter, but then he also liked the way it forced his imagination. She had on a pair of blue Keds that rounded out what he considered an outstanding outfit that she looked perfect in. '_Relax_,' he told himself again, as she stood before him.

"Hi," she smiled, pleased with his expression and the smell of his cologne that sent her senses on full alert.

"I like this," he said, touching the hem of her shirt. "Good color on you." It was an innocent compliment covering what he really wanted to say, which was that she looked so beautiful he wanted to apologize in advance for staring all night. She blushed over his admiration, which only heightened his desire.

"Thank you," she looked down smiling and then back up at him as he held her gaze. She was already having a wonderful time anticipating spending the entire evening with him. "Where do you want to go to dinner?"

"Do you have any place in mind or do you want me to choose?"

"You choose," she said feeling confident that she would approve, it didn't matter at this point anyway; she would have followed him anywhere.

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He picked a nice restaurant at another hotel three blocks away. It was on the top floor with spectacular views of the city at night. They sat at a corner table by the window and he pointed out the places they had been that day. She ordered a steak the same as he, same cut and same cooking style. They thought it amusing having not discussed it before the waiter showed up.

"How long do you plan on being in the Navy?" she asked him. "I mean is this a lifelong career or something you're doing until…I don't know, until something else?"

"I don't know," he admitted truthfully. "I'm up for re-enlistment in the next couple of months. I'm trying to decide if I want another four years or not. If I do sign up then I'm pretty sure it will be my career. What about you?"

"I haven't decided yet. I have about two months left also. A lot could happen in two months, another war could break out."

"Don't say that," he said as if just mentioning it was bad luck. "I don't want another war."

"Me either, not that I've ever been in one."

"You were close enough," he reminded her. "That's as close as you should ever get."

She could hear in his voice that he meant that sincerely. "How many wars have you been in Steve?"

"Two, but ask me how many battles I've been in."

"How many?" she asked.

"I lost count after twenty eight. That's what worries me, I have a feeling my luck is running out." He looked across the table at her, a slight smile at the corner of his mouth. "I thought it had two years ago."

She didn't say anything, but knew what he meant.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything," she replied honestly.

He rested his arms on the table, really looking into her for the answer that he'd wanted for the past two years. "Why did you come back down that hill?"

She didn't even have to think about it. "Because I knew the only reason you were down there was because of me. You stayed behind not because you were injured but because you knew you could hold them off and give me extra time to escape. I heard the first shots and it pissed me off. I was up there hiding and my Commanding Officer didn't teach me to run, he taught me to stand and fight. So that's what I did, because that's exactly what he was doing."

He never expected an answer like that. It was hard to believe the beautiful woman sitting across from him was the same person who had green paint covering her face and who had come to his aid at the very moment he thought his life was over. "I never thanked you for it."

"And don't. I never expected a thank you, nor do I deserve one."

His respect and admiration for her just went through the roof. "I've never met anyone like you before Michelle."

She leaned on the table smiling across at him. "The feelings are mutual Steve."

That conversation was put to rest as they grinned across the table at each other.

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They walked back to the hotel a different way, taking their time, passing a bar with loud eighties music playing, Michelle stopped.

"Let's go in and have a drink. Do you want too?"

The night was still young and he didn't want to go back to the hotel just yet and risk the chance of ending the evening too early. "Sure." He held the door open for her when she grabbed him by the arm.

"I'm buying! Do you hear me?" she threatened. He had given the waiter at dinner his credit card while she went to the ladies room before they even got their food.

He just smiled when she held firm. "I'm serious! Say it!"

"Ok, I'm buying," he teased.

"Steve!" she scolded him as he went in before her.

They sat at the bar as Prince blasted from the speakers. The place was busy, filled with a variety of people including locals as well as Caucasian. He leaned in talking over the music. "What do you want?"

"Beer and a shot." She looked at the bartender as he stopped in front of them, handing him her credit card. "Two drafts and two tequilas please."

Steve shook his head. "Two nights in a row? I don't know if I can keep up with you."

Michelle rolled her eyes, "Oh I'm pretty sure you'll manage."

She picked up her shot glass as the bartender poured two right in front of them.

Steve picked up his as well. "What should we drink too?"

"How about a great day?"

He held it up higher, agreeing to it. They both downed the shot and took a drink of their beers. The song changed to a Rolling Stones tune and Michelle moved on her chair to the music. "Growing up my best friend's mom loved the Rolling Stones. She took us to see them when I was fourteen. Great concert!"

"I've never been to a live concert before," he confessed.

Michelle looked over at him like he was crazy. "What?! Never?"

He shook his head and shrugged and then recanted. "Well I shouldn't say that. I did see Cheryl Crow when she came for a USO show once. But I have to admit I was pretty drunk. My Buddy loved her so I went with him but I fell asleep. It was right before I left for BUD/S camp. Worse hangover of my life."

Michelle laughed, not being able to picture him that drunk. "So you do have a naughty side," she teased. "Maybe if we have a couple more shots I might get a glimpse of him."

"He's a rebel. You better be careful," he warned, winking at her.

She never thought she'd seen anything sexier than that wink. She leaned over the bar getting the bartenders attention and held up two fingers. "Two more shots please." She sat back down smiling over at him. "You have me intrigued now."

He loved everything about her. She was beautiful, gutsy, feisty, fun and made him laugh. He was relaxed around her more than just about anyone he'd ever known. She was exactly what he wanted in a woman but just never knew it, until he met her.

The song changed again to Bon Jovi, _Wanted Dead or Alive_.

Steve leaned over to her. "I bet the Taliban dedicated this song to you and I that night. The fucking pussies."

Michelle was astounded at his boldness, loving it. "We kicked their asses!" she exclaimed, holding up her fist to him as he gladly bumped it with his own. It made her think of that night she went into the unknown, but felt fearless. Working Intelligence had taken her away from gritty part of the Navy that she found the most challenging. He had just reminded her that she was still equal, at least in his eyes.

She slid off her chair. "We should dance to our song."

Steve shook his head, but couldn't help but smile at her attempt. "No, I don't think so." He knew getting that close to her could just be the beginning of his downfall.

She moved in to him. "I promised Mary that I would get you to dance at least once. Don't make me disappoint her. This is like a slow song anyway so I'm giving you a break. You do know how to slow dance, don't you?" She was challenging him.

He gave her a look as if he accepted that challenge and stood up, doing the shot that was sitting on the bar and then took her hand, leading her out to the dance floor.

He turned and faced her as she put a hand on his shoulder a small gap between them.

"That's not how I slow dance," he said, taking her hand and slipping it around his neck all the way as his arm went around her waist. He moved closer to her leaving no space between them. Her other hand rested on his chest, held by his. He whispered in her ear. "This is how I slow dance."

She sighed, wondering if he could feel her heart pounding against him. "It's very nice."

He leaned back just slightly so he could see her. "You approve then?"

"Yes." She stared into his eyes wondering if he was going to kiss her. It seemed like he might.

"Good, then I'll make sure to let Mary know you were successful."

She saw a smile appear just before he rested his cheek against hers. He was freshly shaven before dinner but she could still feel the gentle scratching of his beard that tickled, wondering what it would feel like against her neck if he were kissing her there. Her hand rested on his shoulder and she could feel the muscles through his shirt, knowing he was strong, imagining him in bed and the strength he could exhibit there.

'_Stop!_' she scolded herself, but the thoughts were unstoppable. Her imagination played out the scenario as he held her close. She wanted him, but still refused to make that first move. It had to come from him.

He knew this was a mistake the second he put his arm around her but he couldn't avoid the challenge she had set forth. He wanted her to see him as someone beyond the Drill Sergeant that barked out orders, that really wasn't who he was, and he wanted her of all people to know that. He didn't mind dancing, especially if he had the right partner, and he did. He was dangerously close to breaching that code of ethics the Navy had forced on him that seemed unfair to him now. He just knew the inevitable was coming, either that or he was going to have to break apart from this evening, from this vacation because what he had set out to avoid was on a collision course with the rules he had promised to uphold.

The song ended and they went back over to the bar and sat down. Michelle took her shot, enjoying the aftermath of him. "If I promise to be a good girl, could we do that one more time?"

He didn't answer but just slightly grinned at her. '_Sure_,' he thought '_if you don't mind me laying you down on that dance floor and having my way with you_.'

She looked down at her cell phone as it went off two times in a row with multiple texts.

"The 'boy'?" he asked.

"I swear I think I might change my number," she growled.

"Do you want to get rid of him once and for all?"

She looked over at him and the expression on his face was as if he were challenging her now. "What are you thinking?"

He picked up his phone off the bar and patted his lap. "Jump up here."

She was a little taken back but knew what he was planning. She lifted her leg to do just that when he put an arm around her waist and lifted her up easily setting her there on his lap. She giggled over his effort and felt that first exhibit of strength as she wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"Excuse me," Steve said to a young Asian woman walking by, holding the phone out to her. "Would you mind getting a picture for us?"

She nodded and smiled, taking the phone.

He looked at Michelle. "Smile big for the 'boy'."

They both did just that as they looked at the phone.

"One more for good measure," he said and kissed her neck as she laughed over the surprise of it and the girl took the picture.

He kept his arm around her so she couldn't slip off and took the phone back. They both laughed at the pictures. "What's his number?" Steve asked setting up the delivery.

Michelle happily gave it to him. He typed in the caption of the text before he sent it. '_Move on, she has._' He showed it to her for approval. She took the phone and added something, giving it back to him. He smiled as he read it. '_Move on asshole, she has_.' "That should do it," he said confidently and pushed send. He set the phone back on the bar and slipped his hand under her knees, lifting her up and setting her back on her bar stool.

She regretted having to take her arms back from around his neck.

"If that doesn't work then I'll have to resort to other measures," Steve threatened.

"Like what?" she asked, intrigued over his willingness to get involved all for the sole purpose to protect her.

"Maybe set up a little recon mission," he joked, "and visit him in his barracks late one night."

"Go on," she smiled, setting her elbow on the bar and resting her head in it.

"Drag him out by the shirt collar and teach him some respect."

Michelle laughed, "Use some of those Special Ops defense mechanisms that never leave a mark?"

"Hell ya. He'd be begging for your forgiveness."

She sat back up again. "You'd do all that for little ole' me?"

He reached up and moved a piece of hair that was about to fall in her eyes. "All you'd have to do is ask."

That move of his was what she'd been waiting for. The desire in her eyes matched the tone of her voice. "What else would you do for me?" The question was bold but it was the way in which it was delivered that alternated the tone of the conversation. The alcohol was giving her confidence.

He didn't have to guess anymore if she was attracted to him, she practically voiced it right there. What he saw in her eyes, he felt too. "What do you want?"

She kept her gaze on him as she spoke. "I want to get out of here."

He felt it was an open invitation in which she was giving him permission to take her anywhere he wanted. His room was a thought that jumped all over his head, but the bar in their hotel where they had met up the night before was a good start. He slid off the bar stool and slipped his phone in his pocket. "Let's go."

She stood up with him not caring where they were going, following him out. Once in the street he went in the direction of the hotel, or so she thought, confused over which way since they had walked back down a different street. As they turned the corner they landed on the main street and even at this time of night it was still packed with people and vendors trying to make that last bit of push for revenue to top out the day.

He looked over his shoulder at her. "Stay close." It wasn't just a request so she wouldn't lose him but he also knew the people who came out after dark in the city and some of them were sketchy. She was a trained Navy Seal but he still felt as the guardian anyway.

She reached out walking directly behind him in the crowd and took a hold of the bottom of his shirt, following his path. He stopped suddenly and she ran into the back of him, her body slamming into his. Her hand went around his waist to catch herself and she felt him grip her arm as they stood in the crowd that waited for the traffic light. He didn't let go and kept her close, running the tips of his fingers over her forearm. He felt incredibly wonderful.

She put her other hand on the side of his body, moving it slowly up and down over his shirt, returning the nice gesture. He could feel her warm breath on his neck and that along with the caressing was about driving him mad. He turned his head slightly, catching her in his peripheral view staring at him. He never wanted anyone so badly in his entire life as he did her, right then right there. The decision whether or not she was worth the risk of his career no longer applied, she was.

The light turned green, giving them permission to cross as the crowd began to move again. He started walking and moved her hand behind his back and reached around with his other, holding it with both of his as they crossed the street. Once there he broke from the crowd needing to get her alone by leading her into a space between two buildings and turned to her.

She was ready for it. She was begging for it, he could see it all over her. His only concern now was her career; if this would label her in any negative way then he'd walk away.

She knew his hesitation, this wasn't just about the two of them; it was about careers and the loyalty he had built with the Navy for years before she was even a thought. She knew it could backfire and suddenly felt guilty for putting him in that position. "Steve," she whispered. "I don't want you to do anything that could jeopardize what you have worked so hard for. I know being with me could hurt your reputation." She looked down feeling regret and not realizing just how badly those words actually hurt to say, but she needed him to think about what he was doing.

"What about you?" he declared. "I worry about your reputation too. Those rules are there to protect us, to protect you."

She looked back up at him, flattered that he had considered her. "Protect me from what?" she grinned. "You?"

When she laid it out like that he realized how ridiculous it was. He was the last thing she had to fear and she knew it too. "Maybe," he teased, sliding his arm around her waist.

"Or maybe you need protection from Me." She stood her ground looking up at him not feeling any of that nervousness she thought she would.

He slowly moved in on her, "Now that's a risk I'm willing to take," he whispered before her kissed her.

It was even better than she had anticipated. She could taste the last shot of tequila on his tongue as he played mercilessly with her; each one bringing everything they had been harboring throughout the day to the table. She cupped the back of his neck, pulling him in closer as he leaned her back against the wall of the building, pushing himself into her. This kiss was going to change everything; he knew it right then and there.

They finally broke and stared at each other, both amazed over the impact of it. She gripped the back of his shirt in her fist, just trying to hold on, feeling weak. He held her face with his hand, running his thumb over her bottom lip, replacing it with his lips over and over until they succumbed to another intense kiss that lasted even longer the first one.

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The doorman held the door open as they entered hand in hand. He forewent the bar like he had planned and went straight for the elevators. The doors closed but neither had pushed a button as of yet. He wanted to be alone with her but didn't want it to go any further than what both of them wanted. He wasn't sure what that was but what he did know was that he didn't want the night to end just yet.

"I have some wine in my room," she said, "Do you want to have a glass and sit out on the balcony?"

She was inviting him up but was also making it clear it wasn't necessarily for the obvious reasons a woman invites a man back to her room for, mentioning the balcony.

"Yes," he said, getting the whole picture loud and clear and he was more than okay with it.

She pushed her floor as the elevator began to move up. He didn't kiss her but took her hand he was still holding and kissed the back of it instead. "When you get tired and want to throw me out just say so."

She smiled, pleased that he had given her the upper hand. She didn't have a timeline nor did she want to think about one. She was having a great time and didn't want it to end. "Okay," she agreed.

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He leaned against the railing as she brought him a glass of wine in the plastic cups from the coffee maker. "Sorry, it's all I have."

"Works for me." He took the cup and tapped it against hers'. "Cheers."

She drank with him, both of them looking at each other over the rims of the cup as they did. It was past one o'clock and just the thought of him leaving her was torture, but it had been a long day with the sightseeing and with the tequila shots and she was getting tired. "I don't want you to take this the wrong way but I'm getting sleepy," she said.

He took that as his cue, "Okay," he said almost regretful.

"But I don't want you to leave…" She bit her bottom lip, "You can stay here if you want. I mean, sleep here if you want." Part of her wanted him to take advantage of the situation while the other half wanted to take it slow and just lay down with him.

Again, he didn't feel like it was an invitation for sex, she was just simply feeling that anxiety separation that he was too. He set his glass down on the table and took her hand leading her into the bedroom.

She set her glass down on the nightstand, taking his gesture as a yes as they both kicked their shoes off. He laid down first on top of the white down comforter, scooting over as she slid in next to him. He held his arm out as she more than happily nestled up next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. He brought his arm down and around her, holding her in place.

"This is way too comfortable," she sighed, closing her eyes.

He couldn't have agreed more, squeezing her. "So what are we going to do tomorrow?" he asked.

"This," she smiled, laying her arm across his chest, settling in.

"That sounds like a nice day."

She giggled and reached up kissing his cheek. "Thank you for a great day today."

"Best time I ever had here," he admitted truthfully.

He closed his eyes feeling more content than he could ever remember as they both drifted off.

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Michelle opened her eyes facing the sliding glass door. It was still dark outside and she looked down, seeing his arm around her waist and at the same time felt his body up close behind her. It felt so good having him there. She was glad she had asked him to stay. She thought of the 'boy' she was supposed to be there with and wondered if it wasn't an act of fate that played a part in this outcome. The coincidences were so unusual that she just couldn't let it rest with chance. She felt they were thrown together in this mix for a reason. She just didn't know what it was yet.

"Are you awake?" he whispered.

She heard his voice softly in her ear and rolled over, looking up at him. "I didn't know you were. How did you know I was?"

He smiled down at her. "Your breathing changed." He moved his hand over her belly sitting up on his elbow.

She shook her head at his insightfulness. "Is that something you were taught too, breathing skills?"

"No, it's just something I figured out all by myself." He leaned down and kissed her. "I'm pretty smart."

She chuckled over that. "I know. It makes me a little nervous though that you are so well trained in the breathing habits of women in bed."

"Are you accusing me of being a player?"

"No!" she replied quickly and then looked up at him. "Are you?"

"I'm not a virgin if that's what you're asking, and I'm guessing you're not either. But I can also name every woman I've been with by name and not one has been a regret or a one-night stand. The reason I know about breathing habits is because when Mary and I were sent to live in LA she was ten and scared. She would come in my room and sleep with me and I could always tell when she would finally fall asleep, because of her breathing."

He never ceased to amaze her. "I'm sorry I said that." regretting it, now that she knew the truth.

"Don't be sorry. If you want to know something about me, just ask. I don't have anything to hide."

She wanted to test him on that. "When we were in the elevator tonight, what were you thinking?"

He smiled, "You have to ask that? You know I was thinking this." He dove into her neck, growling and kissing her over and over.

She giggled and squirmed, putting her hands on his chest, gently shoving him.

He rose back up grinning and kissed her once. "Mmm, yummy."

She looked up at him seeing a boyish charm in him that was what most attracted her to him. "You are so playful and…" she paused.

"What?"

"Fun, charming, exciting…"

He raised an eyebrow over that last one. "Exciting?"

She shrugged shyly, "Well yes, you're very exciting."

He wrapped a hand around her waist and pulled her closer to him, "Really? Well then, you tell me, what were you thinking in the elevator?"

Her face flushed, which he thought was the sexiest thing ever, hoping she was thinking the same thing he was.

"I was thinking that I didn't want the night to end. But ask me what I was thinking the first time you kissed me?"

He leaned over her, fascinated with that. "What were you thinking the first time I kissed you?"

"That no one had ever kissed me like that before. It was probably the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me."

He stared down at her amazed over that confession, because he'd been told a lot of things but never had he been referred to as being romantic. "I guess it's just the woman I was kissing that brought it out in me."

She liked that reply. "Are you worried about breaking the rules?"

"I've always followed their rules," he said quietly. "I've never had a good enough reason to break them…until now."

"I don't want to get you in trouble," Michelle said feeling her heart begin to race out of control as he slid an arm under her shoulders.

"Too late for that," he whispered. "I'm in deep," he brought his lips closer to hers, "deep trouble."

She felt a moan escape when he kissed her. His arm lifted her off the bed as hers went around his neck. He shifted her legs by moving his knee between them as she welcomed the seductive effort. That along with the kiss had her imagination running wild.

Her hand went under his shirt touching bare skin, which sent her nerves on full alert as he reacted to it by pushing his hips down into her.

He was in a bed with her, which seemed so convenient yet it felt completely off limits too. He didn't deny that he wanted her but he argued with himself if this was the right time. If it had been anyone else he was assured there would be no discussion, but she was different. He knew it the first time he met her, and even more so during that first kiss, even she recognized it.

He pulled back, looking down at her as she breathed heavily from the kiss, knowing he was in the right setting to take her if he wanted too. He just couldn't do it. It astounded him. The willingness was there, oh it was there all right, but his conscience was playing havoc with him.

"Shit!" he groaned, rolling off of her and sitting back against the headboard. He ran his hands over his hair.

"What's wrong?" Michelle asked, sitting up next to him.

"I can't do this." He pushed off the bed, standing up and looking around the floor for his shoes.

"Do what?" she chuckled, "We didn't do anything."

"We were going to though."

"What makes you think that?"

He gave her a look as he bent over picking up his shoes.

She laughed over it. "You're pretty confident that you were going to get to second base aren't you?" she teased.

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, questioning whether she was even going to stop him?

"If you were so sure, then why did you stop?"

He sat down in the chair across from the bed and slipped his right shoe on. "Because."

"Because why?"

"I don't know," he said irritably. "Just because." He looked over at her as she scooted to the end of the bed and sat staring at him. Her hair was slightly tousled from the kiss and her face looked so beautiful in the light coming from the window he had to look away. The temptation was pushing him.

"Is it me?" she asked with a hint of disappointment in her voice that he caught right away.

"No," he replied quickly. He held the other shoe in his hand and stared at the ground, sighing. "Maybe a little, but not in the way that you think."

She huffed, "I'm thinking that you aren't as attracted to me as much as you first thought." She felt like she might cry, surprised she would so easily shed tears for him, but they were there, teetering on his reply.

"Michelle," he said sincerely, "look at me."

She turned her face in the opposite direction toward the window.

"I'm even more attracted to you than I first thought. That's the problem. I'll be thirty years old in two days and I'm sitting here across from someone who has me more confused and wound up than anytime in my entire life, and for the first time I don't know what to do." He needed to get his head around this and being here with her wasn't going to do it. He couldn't think straight sitting across from her let alone lying in a bed with her.

"I don't understand," she said finally looking at him. "I mean I didn't invite you up here to have sex. You know that, right?"

"Yes, and I didn't come up here for that either." He looked her straight in the eye, "You know that too, right. This wasn't my intention."

"I do."

She began to understand now. He was feeling guilty over what might transcribe if they continued on. She respected that and more than anything else she was thrilled that he respected her enough to stop. "So you like me huh?" she grinned.

He slipped his other shoe on and rolled his eyes, shaking his head mumbling. "Do I like you? That's a loaded question." He stood up and put his hands on her shoulders, keeping her in place and bent down and kissed her. "Goodnight, Baker. I'm going back to my room like a good boy. If you need me I'll be in a cold shower."

She laughed and took his hand as he turned to leave, stopping him. "Can we still hang out tomorrow?"

He looked back down at her as she waited for his reply. He was dazed over the feelings that erupted as she innocently smiled up at him, leaving him uncertain on why he was leaving. "Jesus, Michelle," he protested, "You are so beautiful." He walked away shaking his head as if that was a horrible thing, "I'll meet you in the lobby at 8:30. Try and tone it down visually, ok? For my sake?" He walked out leaving her with a smile.

She lay back on the bed with her hands over her heart. Convinced he was the one she would change her life for, all he had to do was ask.

He stood in front of the elevator as the doors opened, glancing back at her room once more before forcing himself to get on. The doors closed and he felt a separation from her that actually hurt, wondering again why he left her.

He came in his room and tossed the room key on the table, staring at his bed that was the exact replica of the one three floors below picturing her in it. He peeled his shirt over his head mumbling to himself that he was doing the right thing. He didn't quite understand what was right about it but his gut was telling him so and he always followed his gut. He took his jeans off and laid them across the chair grabbing a pair of basketball shorts and slipping them on. The room felt stuffy or was he still wound up from her? Either way he felt like he was suffocating.

He slid the door to the balcony open and stepped out, bracing his hands on the metal railing that ran along the front and sides, looking out at the city that was settled in for the night. He glanced at his watch surprised that he was so wide-awake at two thirty in the morning. Her image flashed before him and he knew exactly why he had left. She had him on the run. He groaned over his dilemma, wiping his hands over his face when he caught a hint of her perfume on his palms. He put his hands back over his face and breathed it in, feeling that incredible sensation that had been following him all day, up until the time he left her room. He missed her; he actually missed her. Suddenly, without warning it was as if clarity had found a home in his head and at the same time he heard a noise below him, looking down and seeing her on her balcony three floors below and over one. She stood at the railing looking out wearing nothing but a white t-shirt that barely covered her.

That gut feeling he had been listening too was full of shit. He wasn't doing this to protect her; he was doing it to protect himself. He knew it plain as day as he stared at her. He knew it even more as she slowly looked in his direction and then as if his presence was somehow guiding her, she looked up seeing him too.

She felt it from three floors away. The way he was staring at her as he stood there shirtless sent a warm rush all they way through to her core. She had to reach out and brace her hand on the railing as the other one went over her heart, trying to calm the hysteria as it beat out of control, gripping the material of her shirt in a fist, having to almost convince herself the beautiful apparition above staring down at her wasn't a dream, he was real.

He heard his Dad's words in his head convinced that this is what he was talking about, finding it amusing that it would happen to him right after that conversation as if his father knew it were coming and was just warning him. He'd never felt this way about a woman before, using his chivalry as an excuse to shield himself from feelings that were bordering chaos, chaos that could take his life in a direction that was unfamiliar and borderline frightening, and it was exactly what his father had warned him of. Her appearance below him at that second was all he needed to clear his head. He wanted to climb over and make his way down to her so badly it took all he had to pull away from her line of sight.

He went in the room and grabbed his room key off the table and slipped it in his pocket of his shorts, going for the door. He went to the elevator and pushed the button over and over, looking up at the number display, seeing it in the lobby as it made its way to him. He lost his patience feeling that urge to get to her and went through the door to the stairs.

Michelle watched him disappear into his room, taking a step in that direction, wanting to call out to him but was still breathless from the encounter. Her body was on fire, wanting to climb up the railing and into his room. She went back into hers' going for a pair of shorts. She was going to go to him and demand an explanation.

She practically laughed at that reasoning knowing she just wanted to go to him, period. She heard a knock on her door and then another as if the person on the other side was impatient to get in. A smile erupted on her face and she ran to it, knowing it was Steve.

She opened it up, seeing the heavenly image before her, shirtless and barefoot.

"Did you forget something," she teased, thrilled that he was there.

"Shut up," he grinned, pushing his way into her room, wrapping an arm around her waist as he walked by her, pulling her away from the door as he let it close on its own.

She backed up at his pace, smiling at his eagerness. He leaned her back against the wall, holding her there with his body and kissed her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and decided that this had taken the spot as the most romantic thing that had ever happened to her. His body was warm and his muscles flexed as he lifted her up, pushing a knee between her legs as she played along by wrapping them around his waist, encouraging his seduction.

He held her suspended off the ground as the kissing intensified taking it to the next level. She locked her ankles together as he pulled down on his shorts, freeing himself and then did the same to her, slipping his hand inside of her panties from behind and moving them to the side to give him access. The wetness that surrounded her only encouraged him, knowing how badly she wanted him too.

When he touched her there her body shuttered, aching for him. She didn't have to wait long as he lifted her again, pinning her against the wall as he slowly slid her down until he was inside her.

She gasped as he filled her and then began to move her, not just himself. She had never felt anything so incredibly good in her life. The muscles in his shoulders tightened as he slowly made love to her against the wall.

She felt weightless as he held her, pushing into her over and over again.

The sensation of her was incredible, not just between his legs, but all over his body. She tightened her legs around him and kissed him, which only made his efforts more dynamic.

She felt it rise from within and race through her as she said his name over and over not wanting him to stop even after her first orgasm settled in her. She only encouraged him by keeping up the pace; wanting that feeling again and confident he could bring it.

He pushed off the wall and carried her to the bed, laying her down. She scooted back as he followed her, helping to lift her shirt over her head and then remove her panties. She pulled him down on top of her as they quickly picked up where they left off, free of any encumbrances.

"You feel…so good," she shuttered, trying to get the words out between gasps as he kept the most amazing pace.

He liked what she said and told her so by the kiss that proved her point. He couldn't get close enough to her, taking in every second of this moment letting his guard down and just allowing himself to feel everything she had to offer. He'd had good sex before but this was the first time he ever truly made love to a woman, and the difference between them was astounding.

He rose above her, looking down at her with different eyes. He put his hand on her throat and slowly slid it down her body, feeling the sweat between her breasts and the feel of her heart pounding beneath his palm. "God Michelle," he said in voice that was as sincere as the way he looked at her, "you are so beautiful." He meant every word lying back down on her as her hands roamed over him, holding him just as tightly, caressing his body all the while moving with him at the most extraordinary pace bringing them both close to ecstasy.

He knew it was going to be climatic, intense and overall amazing but what he experienced was something that left him dazed and without a clue as to how he had managed to get through life this far without it. His mind as well as his body was shattered when it was over. The bond he felt with her afterward was priceless. He couldn't let go of her, holding her even closer and searching out her lips, craving more even as he lay there completely satisfied.

The kiss was filled with emotion that filled her up. She was as high as she could get, wanting to shout it out.

She felt his hand slide down her body as his head rested on her shoulder. The tenderness remained which made her smile. She felt like a virgin all over again, never experiencing anything like that before, wondering if it was the same for him. As if he could read her mind he rose up on his elbow, looking down at her. His finger tips moving over her delicate features. "I was warned about girls like you," he grinned. "I just never thought it would happen to me." He leaned down and kissed her, and then rested his head back on her shoulder.

He felt it too, she thought happily, running her hand over his hair, holding him in place.

He didn't know how to live for someone else; he'd been alone for so long it was all he knew, but he could change for her. He could easily change for her.


	7. Chapter 7

Michelle leaned across the small table as he held the fork out to her. She took a bite of his eggs and grinned, leaning over further, demanding a kiss, which he eagerly obliged, ignoring the other patrons in the hotel restaurant or his own lifestyle, which never consisted of public affection, but this morning was different from any other in his life.

"Those taste so good," she said licking her lips and then tilted her head. "Everything seems better this morning. I wonder why that is?"

He leaned over this time and kissed her. "If you don't know then maybe I better take you back up to the room and remind you."

She giggled, reaching under the table with her hand on his bare knee, stroking it. "Promise?"

He smiled over her playfulness, feeling the exact same way she did. It was the best breakfast he'd ever had, coming off the best night of his life and sitting across from the most beautiful woman he'd ever met. He was feeling pretty damn good.

"Besides that," he smiled motioning up toward the room, "what do you want to do today?"

She shrugged, taking a bite of her pancakes and washing it down with some orange juice. "Maybe walk over to that market place?"

"That's a good idea. There's a robe I was looking at for Mary over there."

Michelle's eyes suddenly lit up. "Hey, didn't you say last night that you were going to have a birthday in the next couple of days?"

Steve sat back and rolled his eyes. "Yes. I'm going to be thirty tomorrow. Jesus," he groaned, "thirty. I can't believe it."

She huffed, "You look damn good for thirty." She held up her glass as a toast before taking a drink, "Damn good!"

"Well that compliment makes it a little easier. Thank you."

"You're welcome." She bit off the end of a piece of bacon. "We should do something really fun tomorrow."

He hesitated just before putting a fork full of eggs in his mouth. "It's my birthday. Do I get to choose the really fun thing?" he smiled devilishly.

She waved him off. "Oh you'll get that anyway. But let's go someplace fun tomorrow."

He laughed at her reply over his suggestion, taking the bite of food.

"Let's rent a car and go to the coast," she suggested wide eyed.

"Ok, whatever you want."

"No," she said adamantly, "Whatever you want. It's your birthday. What do you want to do?"

"I want to rent a car and go to the beach and then come back and do that other thing and maybe in between too."

He laughed with her, reaching in his pocket for his phone that buzzed. He looked at the text message and laughed even harder, holding it out to her.

She leaned over reading the return message from the 'boy' over the picture from the night before.

"_Fuck you asshole! You can have her."_

Michelle rolled her eyes at it as Steve pulled it back and typed a return text and held it back out for her to see.

"_Already did, twice!" _

She burst out laughing as the people at the next table looked over in their direction. "Send that!"

He did and then stuck it back in his pocket. "What's his title anyway? He's not an Admiral is he?" Steve chuckled.

"No!" Michelle laughed again. "He's a Lieutenant. He was a BUD/S drop out. Rang the bell."

"Pussy," Steve huffed.

"I know," she agreed. "He's on the flight deck now of a carrier. This was going to be our first trip together." She let out a sigh of relief. "I'm so glad I never slept with him."

"You didn't?" he said with a pleased smile.

"No, not that he didn't try over and over," she rolled her eyes. "I think that was his only goal." She caught his grin and commented on it. "You're glad I never slept with him, aren't you?"

He sat back; trying to act nonchalant over it "It's none of my business."

She leaned her elbows on the table, looking at him. "What if I told you that I actually did I just didn't want to say it?"

He leaned over toward her. "Then I'd be mad that you lied to me, not that you slept with him."

She sat back grinning. "Well I didn't lie and I didn't sleep with him."

"And to live up to my own standards of the truth," he confessed, "I'm glad you didn't sleep with him."

He was honest; she loved that about him amongst a hundred other things. She hadn't met too many men in her life who were honest and the ones she thought held that quality ended up being anything but, yet she truly believed he was genuine.

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As they approached the busy market area she reached up and held his forearm so they wouldn't get separated. He looked down at the touch and then at her, smiling over it.

"I won't lose you, I promise," he assured her. "And I'm in no hurry, so stop where you want and take as long as you want."

They did just that. She tried some more exotic fruits that she'd never heard of before and saw sushi being made from scratch in the window of a restaurant.

He explained to her the elements of the barter and never say 'yes' right off the bat at something she wanted. She took his advice and got a necklace for half the price that had been originally quoted, feeling ecstatic over the good trade more than the merchandise.

He came upon the stand with the silk robes and did the same bargaining; getting the guy down to sixteen hundred Thai Baht's which was equivalent to fifty US dollars. He pointed toward the red one and then a dark blue one too.

"What color hair does Mary have?" Michelle asked him.

"Blond," he replied handing the man a hundred dollar bill.

"Both of those colors will look good on her then."

He took the bag from the man and pulled out the blue one, wrapping it around her shoulders to see the color on her. "I got this one for you. I loved that shirt you had on last night, blue is a good color for you."

She looked up at him shocked. "This is for me?"

He stepped back admiring it on her. "Yep, it's a good buy."

She pulled it around her, admiring the soft material, glancing back at up at him seeing he was just as pleased with the purchase as she was. "Thank you," she said sincerely reaching up and kissing him. "I love it."

He took it back off of her and put it in the bag. She forewent his arm this time and took his hand, which he liked, which also surprised him. He never thought of himself as an affectionate person, but with her it was easy and felt natural.

They had lunch in a small café that served sandwiches and Cha Yen, the Thai version of Iced Tea, making plans for the next day.

"What time should we leave in the morning?" she asked.

"To get there and get a full day and then back again I'd say around eight. It's about a good two hours to get to some of the good beaches. There are places closer but the water's not so good. It's mostly shipping and industrial. The good beaches are north."

"I just realized that I didn't bring a bathing suit," she sighed.

"Well then, I guess that's our after lunch quest; get you a nice bikini."

"Bikini?" she laughed. "Maybe a one piece."  
>"What?!" he objected. "No way! That body was made for a bikini. Besides," he said smug, "it's my birthday and get whatever I want."<p>

She shook her head at him. "I don't have the tan like the Hawaiian girls do. Not much sunning in Germany."

"You'll look great, and I've been to Germany. They have sun, sometimes." He felt that first wave of disappointment, being reminded that after four days they would go their separate ways, wondering exactly to what extent that meant. She answered the question for him.

"Will you come visit me in Germany?" She wasn't sure if the timing was right, but she only had four days and wanted to put it out there for him to ponder. The answer she got wasn't what she had expected.

"Sure I would. It's not that hard to get a flight there. Cargo planes are in and out all the time hauling supplies. I wish I could return the invitation but I live in the barracks. I have my own room but you know how that is. Not exactly the privacy you want when you've got a girl."

"I do," she nodded, knowing all too well the conditions of the barracks; paper thin walls and beds that puts a prison cot to the challenge of which is more comfortable. "They got me an apartment on base. It's nothing fancy, but it's a one bedroom, living room and a kitchen. Typical. I decorated it the best I could so it's homey."

"Naval Intelligence has its perks." He tried to imagine her decorating style, deciding he didn't have a clue about any decorating style. "I don't even own a bed," he huffed, wondering again what kind of life he was leading.

"Mine is really comfortable," she said, trying to let him know it was ok if he came to her place every time. "You'll sleep like a baby, and you can come anytime you want."

He liked the added bonus she threw in there, making the invitation open. His schedule was hectic which he assumed hers probably was too, knowing she was on call probably as much as he was. "Maybe I'll just pop in unexpected and surprise you once in a while. Like I said it's an easy jump for me to get there."

"I love surprises," Michelle smiled, hoping he did just that. She had four days with him and knew it could be a couple of weeks if not more before she saw him again.

They finished lunch and came out of the café into what had turned from a sunny afternoon into a cloudy one. The market sensed something they didn't as the streets began to clear of people and shops began to close up.

"Wow, a storm must be coming."

"I guess so." He took her hand and started making his way back toward the hotel.

By the time they got there it was a heavy downpour. The doorman saw them running and held it open for them as they both came in laughing and soaking wet.

"Oh my God!" Michelle declared, running her hand over dripping wet hair. "That is the hardest rain I've ever been in!"

Steve wiped his hand over his face as one of the clerks from behind the desk came out with towels for them. "Holy shit! That's a typhoon out there!"

They each took a towel as the clerk told them of the impending storm that had come from the coast. Neither one had been watching too much TV over the last couple of days and knew nothing of it. He let them know the hotel was safe and to stay off their balconies until it had passed and if they needed anything to be sure to let the front desk know. Room service was going to be available all night if they got hungry not wanting their guests to venture out.

They went to their separate rooms to change and then decided to meet in his room to order dinner.

Michelle came through her door and peeled the shirt over her head, dropping it and the bag with the silk robe on the bed. She stopped suddenly, hearing the rain pound against the sliding glass door being blown in from the wind. It seemed to be getting worse. She feared their coast trip for his birthday the next day was going to be ruined because of this. But even if they were going to be stuck in the hotel all day, she grinned, it would still be a good day just being able to spend it with him.

She slid her shorts off wanting to hurry and get to his room, missing him already. She opened up the dresser and grabbed something to wear and then changed her mind.

Steve slid a pair of sweats on, forgoing a shirt. The weather outside was hot even with the pouring rain, and everyone in the hotel seemed to have their air conditioners on because his wasn't working all that great, and opening up the sliding glass door was out of the question. He threw a dirty shirt and pair of underwear in the closet, closing it along with his freshly unpacked suitcase.

He took a last look around the room when she knocked on the door. A smile erupted on his face and he couldn't help but laugh over his jubilation of her arrival. "You need to settle down," he scolded himself. "Jesus man, get a hold of yourself." But when he opened the door and saw her in nothing but the new blue robe he had bought for her, every bit of good sense he was trying to establish flew out the window.

The look on his face was priceless, and better than she was hoping for. "Do you like my new robe?" she asked, sliding her hands over it, showing off her nipples through the thin material.

He reached out, putting an arm around her waist and pulled her up to him. "You look unbelievable in that, even better than I imagined you would." He lifted her up, carrying her inside. "Get in here!" He kicked the door closed with his foot.

She held on around his neck as he set her down by the bed. He held her hand and stepped back looking at her again up and down. "Damn! I used to think you looked good in camouflage but this tops it all."

She moved up against him surprised over that statement. "Were you attracted to me back then?"

He never wanted to admit it to anyone, not even himself knowing how wrong it would have been, but it was true. "I'm not going to confirm nor deny that."

It was clear to her, it showed in his smile and even more so in the kiss he gave her as his hands roamed over the soft silk, hugging her tightly. It occurred to her then that what she was feeling was genuine but even more so the realities of their lives outside this fantasy they had going were genuine too. They would have to separate soon. That thought hurt, but she pushed it from her mind, it wasn't happening tomorrow so don't dwell on it, she thought.

"What do you want for dinner?" she asked.

He picked her up and playfully threw her on the bed, crawling up to her as he ran his hand over her body. "You."

She giggled as he dove into her neck, kissing her over and over until he finally rested his head on the pillow next to her as they faced each other grinning.

"I like your idea of dinner."

"I like you," he spoke sincerely, meaning every word of it.

"I like you too." She reached up, touching his face with her fingers, gently gilding them over his unshaven whiskers. "Did you mean what you said today at lunch," she asked, needing to hear it again for her own assurance. "You want to come and see me?"

"Yes," he replied without hesitation. "As often as I can. Until you get sick of me," he grinned.

She leaned in and kissed him. "I won't. I'll look forward to every visit."

"We'd have to keep it quiet. If my CO or yours found out, it wouldn't be good. They both know I was your CO and it just makes me nervous that they might take it the wrong way and the repercussions could be difficult for you."

"And you," she reminded him.

"I'm not worried about me." He ran his hand through her still slightly damp hair. "You have a good thing going. I don't want to see you transferred somewhere dangerous."

"It would be worth it," she smiled. "Anyway, I can handle it if they did."

"I know," he agreed, "but I don't think I could."

That statement was filled with so much emotion and sincerity she had to let it soak in before she could actually decipher it. He didn't look at her but kept his eyes down, following his hand that moved down her body and then back up again in the most tender way. He worried about her, but what she found the most enlightening was that he genuinely cared about her.

She rolled him over on his back, bracing her hands on either side of him, looking down at him. She wanted to say so much but what he had just told her was still hovering around her and she liked the feel of it so much that instead of words, she showed him, beginning with his lips and then moving down to his neck.

He couldn't put into words what it felt like as she made her way over his body. It was by far the sexiest move anyone had ever performed on him, not that it was the first, but the fact that it was being done by her left him forgetful of any past performances; this one he would remember fondly.

She had never been so turned on before, finding every inch of him more thrilling than the next. She'd never been the instigator or the adventurous one in bed, but with him it was enticing. The thoughts that were going through her head of what she wanted to do him were just as exciting to her as she knew would be for him.

Her hands moved over his chest as she kissed his stomach, feeling him already through his sweat pants of how much he was truly enjoying this. She opened her eyes and saw the scar just above his hip, knowing immediately it was where he had been shot that night. She touched it with her finger, feeling the rough tissue that had grown over it, reaching down with her lips and kissing it, being reminded again of the events that took place and his earlier confession of having feelings for her back then. He was going to give his life for her.

She looked up at him as he stared down at her, both of them reliving that night. He had been prepared to die, he wasn't ready for it, but he was prepared for it. As he lay in bed with her he thought back to his actions. He didn't stay behind because he was the capable one at the time to fight them off, it was more so because if one of them had to go, he didn't want it to be her.

He pulled her back up so she was lying on top of him, spreading his hands over her face and through her hair. "You make me think about things I never have before."

"Like what," she asked.

"It's times like this that I wish I had a different life. I wish I could pick you up on a Friday night after work and take you out and then sleep in on Saturday morning with you, a normal existence."

"Who says we can't have that? It may not be ideal but it's all we have, so we'll just make the best of it. Besides," she smiled, "just think how great it will be when we do get together after that separation?" She sat up on him, moving her hands over his chest. "Explosive."

He rubbed his hands up and down her thighs, not telling her the other thing he was thinking. '_Love'_. He was falling all over it, not sure if it was true yet or not, but if this kept up she could get him there, he was sure of that.

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Steve slept soundly on his back; the sheets pulled up just below his hips, exposing the V that led down to what Michelle considered was one of his best features. She smiled, blushing slightly over that thought as she kneeled on the bed next to him, just admiring him. Their last encounter had been explosive to say the least. She could still feel the lingering effects of it as she looked at him. Her body tingled, recalling the way he said her name as he made love to her. Or the way he peeled the robe off her shoulders as she straddled him, making love to him first.

The rain still pounded on the door outside, but inside that room it was calm and safe. She lay down next to him, finding that perfect spot where she could nestle in close, knowing she was welcome, and just as she had expected, the strong arm draped over her and pulled her in. It was everything she knew it would be, safe and calm. She knew at that moment she was falling in love. It had never happened to her before, but there was no other explanation for what she was feeling. She began to wonder if they were meant to be together, if this is why they ended up in the same place, at the same time. Was he her destiny? She never believed in that sort of thing before, but after being with him now, she began to think that fate held a bigger hand in their meeting like this.

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Steve opened his eyes and stretched his arms over his head. He noticed instantly that she was gone, sitting up on his elbows and glancing toward the bathroom. "Michelle," he called out and then saw the note on the mirror by the dresser written in pink lipstick.

_'Happy Birthday!'_

He smiled brightly and lay back down again, assuming she'd be back. He was thirty years old. "Geez," he mumbled, "where did time go?"

He thought of the question his father had asked him the other day when he spoke to him. '_Where did he expect to be at thirty?_' He had no answer for that. Alive, was one that popped up over the last couple of years, but to say that to him would have been morbid and frightening for a parent to hear from a child so he kept it to himself.

He had made it though, and here he was lying in a five star hotel bed waiting for a beautiful woman to come back and spend the day with him. He was already sure it would be the best birthday he'd had in years. He glanced toward the sliding glass door, knowing their beach adventure was going to have to wait. The rain still came down, not as hard but the weather wasn't cooperating for them. Nonetheless, if he had to stay in the room all day it would still be great, as long as Michelle was there with him.

He threw the covers off and got up, going to the bathroom and turning the shower on, starting out a new chapter in his life that began with the sole promise to himself that he'd get to Germany as often as possible, not that he needed to push himself on that one, the commitment was already there.

Michelle waited at the front desk for the manager to return with a candle for the small cake she had gotten from the kitchen after calling down the day before, requesting to have it made.

He came around the corner holding it up as if it was a treasurer find. "I found one!"

"Thank you so much!" she said taking it from him. "I really appreciate this."

She took the cake and headed for the elevators when her phone went off in her back pocket. She pulled it out assuming it was Steve wondering where she was when she saw her CO's number appear. She set the cake down on a small table and answered it.

"Hello." She prayed he wasn't calling her back early, thinking of Steve and feeling that first glimpse of separation from him.

"Baker?" he said in that stern voice. "I apologize for interrupting you on your furlough but some exciting news just came in. You need to report back to duty tomorrow, but for good reason."

"Yes Sir?" she said, trying to hide the extreme disappointment that was engulfing her.

"New orders came in just this morning. You're being transferred to Langley." His voice was upbeat, assuming she would be happy about it too.

She on the other hand felt her heart drop to her stomach. "Sir?" She didn't think her disappointment could get any worse, but it had, ten fold.

"Langley, Baker! They wouldn't give me the logistics of the job, but you're in. You're going state side soldier to the one of the most prestigious military places on the planet!" he said with even more enthusiasm. "I've arranged a flight home for you. I'll email you the flight info. Congratulations Baker."

If this had been a week earlier, hell three days earlier she would have been jumping for joy, but it was on the other side of the world from Steve and she knew this would kill any kind of relationship with him. The distance was too far and he'd never make it state side, not for months on end. "Yes Sir, that's good news, but I really like where I'm at and…"

"Baker!" he said adamantly. "This is a huge promotion for you. It would look very bad for you and for me if you looked at it as a burden." He huffed, "I don't know why you would anyway. Besides, you impressed someone at the top and they want you there. It's a done deal. You leave two days after you get back tomorrow."

"Yes Sir. Thank you Sir." She was trying her hardest to hold back the tears.

He shook his head at her lack of enthusiasm, wondering what it was that had her doubting herself. "Ok then. I'll see you when you get back and we'll discuss your relocation."

"Yes Sir." They both hung up at the same time and she stood there in shock, her mind reeling over the news she'd just been given. The first tear came out and slid down her face as the elevators opened for her once again. She picked up his cake and got on, pushing the button for her floor instead of his. Two others got on after her before the door closed. She kept her head bent, trying to hide the sadness that was consuming her and fighting back the tears that were teetering on the edge of her eyes.

She made it to her room and stuck the card in the slot through blurred vision, pushing the door open and then closed, leaning back against it as the flood gates opened and she slowly slid down to the floor, cake still in hand. She set it down next to her and put her hands over her face and began to cry, wondering how this would ever work with him now. It wouldn't. It was impossible. They would be on opposite sides of the world.

She wiped her face off and stared out at the rain that poured down, knowing it was a long shot with him anyway. The previous night she had thought he could be her destiny, but she laughed angrily at that idea now. It was a cruel act of fate that put them together and nothing more.

Her thoughts went to him. He had seemed so genuine in wanting this to continue, wondering how he would react to the news. Would he be sad like her, or would he be a little relieved? She wondered then if maybe everything she was feeling was one-sided. She knew he wasn't just using her for a weekend fling. She knew that for a fact, but maybe it wouldn't be as devastating to him as it felt right then to her. She had to prepare herself for that, after all it had only been three days and who fell in love after only three days, she thought.

"I did," she said sadly, wiping another tear as it slipped out. She glanced down at his cake, knowing he was waiting for her in his room, probably wondering where she had run off too. She smiled at the message she'd left on the mirror, giving him the reassurance of her return. She pushed herself up off the floor and set the cake on the table going in the bathroom, splashing some cool water on her face until the redness disappeared. She stared at the image in the mirror and decided she wouldn't tell him right away. She wanted to have a nice day with him on his birthday.

"Tonight," she sniffed, wiping her nose. "I'll tell him tonight." She forced a smile, "Now smile and be happy that you got to have three days with him. Three perfect, memorable days." She felt the tears form again.

Steve stepped inside the warm shower and looked up into the water, letting the soft spray wash over him. He felt pretty relaxed considering he had reached a milestone in his life. It didn't really bother him as much as he thought it would. He was thirty, so what. He smiled over the fact that he was thirty years old yet he woke up after spending the night with a beautiful woman who made him feel more alive than he ever had in his entire life . "Thirty feels pretty damn good," he chuckled.

"I hope I feel that way when I turn thirty," Michelle replied.

He pulled the curtain back, smiling at her as she stood in the doorway, holding the cake with the lit candle on top and then began to sing to him.

"_Happy Birthday to you_," she sang slowly, setting it down on the sink. "_Happy Birthday to you_," she continued, pulling her shirt over her head and then began with her shorts. "_Happy Birthday to Stevie_." She picked it back up walking over to him, naked. "_Happy Birthday to you_."

She smiled and held it up as he blew out the candle.

"That is the most mouth-watering cake I have ever seen," he smiled brightly.

"Did you make a wish?" she asked, taking his finger and running it through the frosting. She put it in her mouth, slowly pulling it out, enjoying his reaction.

"Jesus," he moaned, "get in here." He pulled the curtains back and took the cake from her, setting it up on the towel shelf next to the shower. "You are my wish." She stepped inside as he wrapped an arm around her waist and closed the curtain with the other hand, pulling her under the warm water, kissing her at the same time.

His body felt so warm and firm as he held her close. She couldn't breathe, not because of the kissing but because of the way he was kissing her. Her arms went around his neck pulling herself up closer to him, encouraging his rhythm that was incredibly sensual, making her all the more heartbroken over her dilemma but not wanting him to stop either, taking what she could, while she could. She was happy for the water spraying her face, hiding the relentless tears that were forming once again.

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Michelle slid down his body until her feet were back on the bottom of the tub again. His hand braced on the wall of the shower and the other still holding her as she rested her head on his shoulder, both of them panting, still overcome by the powerful climax that hit both of them at the same time. Her emotions were all over the place, not wanting to move from this spot, ever.

Steve used his fingers to pull away the soaking wet hair from her neck and then kissed her. "Happy Birthday to me," he whispered to her. She looked up at him but he caught something in her eyes before she smiled at him, and even then the sparkle he was used to seeing wasn't the same. He wondered if maybe he had hurt her, knowing it had got pretty intense for a couple of minutes. "Are you ok?" he put both hands on her face. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

His true sincerity was touching, making her all the more regretful. He was a good man. She refused to let this ruin her day or his and kissed him. "I'm fine. I was worried I had hurt you."

He grinned, both over her statement and the smile that returned to her eyes. "Good pain is happy pain," he said, moving her back under the warm water. He reached over her head and took down the bottle of shampoo and lathered some of it up in his hand. He spread it over her hair, working his fingers into the black silk as it lathered up.

She moaned over the motion of his hands. If she hadn't just had an orgasm she was pretty sure this would have done the trick. "You're very good at this."

"My first time, it's pretty fun." He used both hands to hold her head as he tipped it back under the water, letting it rinse her off, but careful not to get it in her eyes.

She looked up at him as he concentrated on his job, feeling that wave of regret wash over her again. It was horrible. "What do you want to do today? I think the beach is out of the equation."

"We could just hang out in here all day." He pointed toward the shelf, "We have food."

Michelle laughed, replacing the hurt with a genuine smile. She put her arms around his neck. "My face hurts from smiling so much over the last couple of days."

"That's good pain," he informed her. "I'm going to go back with a permanent grin on my face. The next time you see me it'll probably still be there."

Those words hit her hard as her smile faded. She rested her forehead against his chest, hating that she had to go through this alone.

There was defiantly something up, he didn't know what but he could sense it, wondering if the invitation to visit she had put out there wasn't as open as he had thought. He realized then that he really didn't know her, only what he had gathered over the last couple of days. Who knew what she had going back home. She was supposed to be here with another man and here he was. But those circumstances just didn't fit in with what they had accomplished over the last three days either. He felt something with her and up until that morning, he had sensed it was mutual. But the reality kept coming back. How could he rely on feelings like that after only three days?

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They decided since they couldn't make it to the beach they'd settle for the roof top pool after the sky had finally cleared and a mid afternoon sun appeared. Michelle purchased an overpriced bikini in the gift shop, arguing with Steve over who was going to pay. He demanded the bill since he declared it would be he that would enjoy it more than she would. She didn't find that excuse legitimate enough and forced her credit card toward the clerk, which he took.

They sat in lounge chairs, twenty-five stories up and away from the streets below that were being cleared of debris from the storm.

Steve took a drink of his beer and smiled over at her as she stretched out with a margarita on the table next to her.

"This is nice way to pass the day," he said.

She smiled over at him, but beneath the dark sunglasses her eyes showed something different. "It is."

"Are you hungry? Do you want to order something?"

She shook her head with no reply.

He had felt the distance all day, having to drag conversations out of her that had flowed naturally before, wondering if this was her way of letting him down easy, or maybe pissing him off and then that would be her way out. He wasn't going to have it if that was her plan. He sat up on the edge of the chair, facing her. "What's going on?"

She looked at him puzzled, thinking she had been hiding it well. "What do you mean?"

"I'm getting the strange feeling that…" he paused, feeling a little betrayed over her behavior. "I don't know Michelle, I'm getting the idea that you don't want me around right now."

She stared at him thinking that was the furthest thing from her mind. "No," she replied barely above a whisper. "I do."

"Then what's wrong?"

She looked out toward the pool angry that she had to come clean with him now, angry over all of it.

"I don't like games Michelle and I'm not good at them, so just tell me what's on your mind."

She took off her sunglasses and he saw right away the unhappiness in them, hoping it wasn't something he'd done. She sat up on the chair and faced him, their knees barely touching.

"My CO called this morning when I was downstairs."

He didn't like the sound of that. His first guess was that she had to report back to work early, which meant she'd be leaving. He didn't like how it felt either. "Ok?" he said, encouraging her to continue.

She bit her bottom lip, hoping she wouldn't cry in front of him. "I'm…" she started and then stopped looking straight at him to see his reaction, knowing this moment would speak volumes and answer any question she had about his feelings. "I have to report back tomorrow. I'm being transferred to Langley."

He felt his heart drop to his stomach as the words hung in the air, knowing that meant an almost a permanent separation. His chest tightened and he stopped breathing until his body forced him to take in air, reminding him that he was still alive, even though he felt like he'd been run over.

Michelle saw it all over him, the same reaction she had when she got the news, except for the tears, but he stared at her as if knowing as well as she did that this was like a death sentence to any kind of relationship for them.

"Langley," he finally said, his mouth suddenly dry. "That's," he licked his lips, feeling parched. "That's a huge promotion." He was still coming to terms with it and trying to keep face for her sake, proud of her for such an accomplishment but wanting to kill the person with his bare hands who had signed the orders.

"Yes, I guess it's a done deal." She swallowed down the lump in her throat.

He nodded, knowing if she were being transferred there of all places then it came from high up, someone had taken notice of her. By the sound of it he was guessing she had questioned the orders too, he wondered if that was because of him. He reached across and took her hand. "I'm so proud of you Michelle. You deserve it."

They stared at each other but neither one spoke of the real issue, as if afraid to voice it and turn it into a reality.

He looked down at her hand as he held it with both of his, caressing his fingers over it, and thinking for the first time in his life how much he hated the Navy.

"I don't suppose," her voice shuttering, "that there are too many flights going to Langley from where you're at."

He didn't want to look up and see in her eyes what her voice was emulating. Instead he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "No," he said sadly, "there's not." He wanted to tell her everything was going to be ok, but he didn't want to lie to her. It wasn't ok. It was the worst possible scenario.

When he finally did look at her his heart took the brunt of the pain. She looked exactly how he felt.

"I didn't want to tell you today and potentially put a cloud over your birthday. But I guess I couldn't hide it very well either, could I?"

He grinned slightly over that, not yet to able to pull a smile out. "Well at least I know it's not because you don't want me around."

She on the other hand couldn't find a smile if her life depended on it. "I just wanted to have a nice last day with you." She couldn't hold back anymore as the first tear fell.

He switched places and sat down next to her, putting his arm around her. "Hey, this doesn't have to be the last day. I mean that."

She nodded, laying her head on his shoulder, knowing he did mean it, but also knowing he couldn't promise it either, neither of them could.

He wanted to tell her so badly that they'd work it out, but he didn't have a solution to give her. His mind was reeling with possibilities, but none would get him to Langley, Virginia for a quick trip here and there, once maybe twice a year if he was really lucky, and what kind of relationship was that. It wasn't, he thought, it would be a fling. He didn't want that for her. She deserved more. He wanted to be the one for her and was ready to step up to that role but now he was given the horrible task of giving up what he wanted to ensure she would be happy. He was thirty, she was only twenty-five, he couldn't ask her to wait for him and he wouldn't. It broke his heart but he wouldn't put that on her.

She sat up and wiped her eyes with the towel on the back of the chair. "Ok, enough now." She forced a smile, looking up at him. "Just tell me that you won't ever forget about me?"

"Impossible,_" _he said honestly. "If I live to be a hundred years old with Alzheimer's, Michelle," he said touching her face. "I still wouldn't forget you."

She kissed him for that and just as she went to break from it he kissed her again.

What had begun as the best birthday of his life had turned out to be the worst.


	8. Chapter 8

Michelle smoothed down the front of her dress and looked at herself one more time in the mirror before going to his room to meet him. It was her last night with him and quite possibly the last night ever with him.

"Stop," she scolded herself, "don't do that. It'll be fine." She looked up again at her reflection but knew it wasn't going to be fine, leaving him was going to be difficult and worse yet, the idea of finding someone who could measure up to him seemed impossible to her at the moment, having that broken hearted fear that she would be alone forever.

Steve buttoned down his shirt, seeing the missed call and voice message on his cell from his Dad. He stared at it, recalling their conversation just four days earlier and how much his life had changed since then. He had laughed his father off when being told how it would hit him hard when he met someone, but now here he stood, feeling that hit in his gut, in his chest, all over his body. The reaction from it was just as he had predicted.

He didn't want to return the call, knowing he would have to talk about her, how could he not. Her presence had taken over his life. He just didn't want to discuss it now, not tonight. He was still trying to come to terms on how he was going to let her go tomorrow, dreading that moment when he had to say goodbye to her. He sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling weak over it. They were going out to dinner for his birthday but he was finding it difficult to even put on a shirt let alone leave the room. He had no desire for food and was wondering how he would even get anything down.

He heard the knock on his door and knew this was it. He had to do this for her, put on a good act and be happy. It was their last night.

He quickly slipped his shoes on and grabbed his wallet, not wanting her to come in the room, not even sure he could spend the whole night with her, or if he should. He opened the door and she stood there in a black dress and pumps, looking beautiful as ever. It was a sight he etched in his mind but at the same time he was devastated over it.

"You look beautiful," he said coming out to the hall. He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her.

"Thank you." He looked handsomer than he ever had in his blue shirt and black slacks. It made her wonder how she was going to sit across from him all evening without wanting to fall into his arms, knowing already what it felt like to be there. It would be what she missed the most about him, never being with a man before who of made her feel as wanted as he did.

They walked to the elevator and stood next to each other, both feeling the burden of time that was ticking down, wishing it would stop just for them. The mood was somber even though they were both desperately trying to hide it from the other.

She looked at him and they both smiled, but it was so artificial that if it could, it would have screamed out for mercy.

He put his hand on her back and gently caressed it, not able to take his eyes off of her, soaking in as much as he could.

"Let's not think about tomorrow, ok?" she said, leaning against him. "It's your birthday. We can go any place you want." she tried to sound upbeat, looking up at him, "Where do you want to go?"

He stared at her knowing there was only one place he wanted to be with her and it wasn't some noisy restaurant.

The elevator doors opened but he didn't move, except for his hand that slid down her arm until his fingers were entwined through hers.

He wanted to be alone with her. He wanted her in his bed.

She felt his penetrating stare move through her with so much intensity it took her breath away.

She gripped his hand tighter as he led her back to his room.

The door closed on it's own behind them and he stopped in front of his bed, wasting no time with words and kissed her.

There was absolutely no place on earth she would have rather been at that second than where she was.

He pulled up on the bottom of her dress, lifting it as she held her arms over her head allowing him. She remained only in a black thong and the black pumps. He looked her up and down and the hunger that eluded him before suddenly came to life, but it was her he was craving.

She reached up with the same enthusiasm and began to unbutton his shirt as he did the belt on his pants.

She sat down on the bed and scooted back, slipping her shoes off as he peeled the rest of his clothes off and then crawled up to her, laying her back with a kiss.

She could smell his cologne, the same one he wore the first night they met in the bar only three days before. It seemed like years to her now.

He drank her in as if he'd been in the desert, almost dead from thirst and she was a well full of the nourishment that he needed to survive. He couldn't get enough of it and he couldn't get close enough to her, lifting her off the bed with one arm as she clung to him with the same eagerness.

She gasped as he pushed into her, forgoing any foreplay that they had enjoyed before. He couldn't wait this time and she only encouraged his impatience by controlling the rhythm that was heated at first and then she slowed it down, using her body as the instrument, which he played beautifully following her tempo.

Her neck was soft and the smell of her perfume was like an aphrodisiac pulling him in deeper and deeper into this woman who had walked into his life, giving him the prospect of a new one. His hands moved on her, not staying in the same place, enjoying every inch of this body that had him reeling and delirious with a heated passion that had eluded him for thirty years. There were no words to describe it, only a kiss that spoke to her what he felt.

She tilted her head back as he gripped a handful of her hair and kissed her. He rose up, keeping both the timing of the kiss and his body as one, pushing deeper into her until she felt the first signs of it erupting inside of her. It worked its way through her as if he was guiding it on a path, touching every nerve in her body until she couldn't hold on anymore.

The sound of her climaxing felt almost as good as the actual act itself. It was all he needed to hear to follow her into the same light, almost afraid of the force that was building inside of him as well. He said her name as if pleading with her to help him as he clung to her, taking her in as she held him tightly, feeling his body release inside of her as he pulled her closer yet.

In those few seconds he had managed to surpass once again the most romantic moment of her life.

It was over but the after effects were just as powerful. The emotions that carried over left them both weak, more so than the act.

Steve slid his hand down her body, not able to or wanting to move from the position he was in. It felt too good. He refused to accept the idea that he'd never see her again; it seemed impossible at this moment.

Michelle caressed her hands over his back and up through his hair as he rested on her, their hearts both pounding from the aftermath. She turned her head to the side, closing her eyes as a tear slipped out the corner, overcome by feelings that were relentless in their pursuit to overtake her.

She felt his lips on her cheek and his warm breath move down between them as he kissed her neck. She looked up at him as he smoothed her hair back away from her face, kissing her lips. When he pulled back and met her stare it was intense to say the least. A thousand words passed between in the silence, neither one able to voice what they were feeling for fear it would only make the situation worse than it already was. It didn't matter anyway what they said, he felt it from her and she understood his silence seeing all she had too in his eyes and the way he had made love to her. She was more than satisfied, pulling his head down on her shoulder. They didn't move or speak for a long time; they just lay there and soaked each other in.

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Steve signed for the food and thanked the waiter, taking the tray from him wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. He carried it inside as Michelle sat up on the bed, leaning back against the headboard, wearing nothing but the sheet around her waist.

"Dinner is served," he said, setting it down on the edge of the bed and taking the silver topper off the plates, exposing two bowls of pasta.

"That smells so good," she declared, reaching for one of the bowls he held out it to her along with a glass of white wine that came with it. She set the glass on the nightstand and the bowl on her lap, unwrapping the cloth napkin that had silverware folded up inside.

He took the spot next to her on the bed.

She reached over for her glass and held it up to him as he did the same with his bottled beer.

"Happy Birthday," she said, touching hers to his.

"Thanks," he said, leaning over and kissing her.

She twirled her fork in the food, coming up with a good portion leaning over and taking a bite.

He did the same, moaning as it hit his taste buds not realizing how hungry he actually was. "Damn this good," he said with a full mouth. "Almost as good as what Mom used to make," he paraphrased.

"Ha!" Michelle huffed. "The only thing my Mom was good at cooking was meth." She took another bite as if that statement had no impact on her whatsoever.

He glanced over at her midway between bites. "I'm sorry."

She looked over at him with a mouth full of food. "Don't be. Sally Ann was a great cook."

He filled his mouth, "Who's Sally Ann?" Both of them too impatient and hungry to be polite, besides they didn't feel the need anymore. They were beyond that.

"She was our cook. Well, cook, slash Nanny." She wiped her mouth off and took a drink of wine.

"You had a cook?" he asked surprised. Her comments earlier about her mother possibly being in jail made him assume she came from a tough childhood, but then again, he thought, even rich kids can have a shitty childhood.

"Yes, and a house keeper and lawn guy and a pool guy. What we didn't have was a family."

He couldn't believe he had spent these days with her and talked about so much but never knew any of this about her. He blamed himself for not asking too many questions, it just seemed off limits because of the 'jail' subject. "What happened to your Dad?"

She shrugged, dragging her bread through the white sauce. "I don't know. She got pregnant with me but they broke up. I've never met him. She never talked about him either."

He shifted slightly so he could see her better, assuming she came from inherited money, which made him wonder even more about her life choice. "Why did you join the Navy?"

She stared straight ahead and he could see a smile curve on the end of her lips as if recalling a memory.

"My Great Uncle Greg was in the Navy during World War II. He used to tell me stories when I was little when he would come for holidays. I looked forward more to his arrival than I did Christmas morning. He was great! He was the closest thing I guess I had to a father figure. He understood me. I was such a tomboy, drove my mom crazy" She looked over at him and laughed. "Uncle Greg would take me outside and throw the football and play catch with me. For presents he always got me the coolest stuff." She looked straight ahead again. "Then one year for Christmas I opened a box from him and it contained all his medals, his uniform everything that he saved from the Navy." She let out a deep sigh. "He died later that year. I treasured all the stuff in that box, and that along with the stories he would tell me about being apart of this country and how lucky I was to be born here. What it meant to sacrifice to keep it safe and how it was every persons duty, boy or girl. I got it, I understood him too. So when I graduated from high school I shocked the hell out of everyone and joined the Navy." She looked over at him as he stared at her in awe. "What? Everyone has a story like that?"

He shook his head. "No they don't."

She smiled, "What's your story?"

He picked up his beer and grinned. "I saw Top Gun and wanted to meet girls." He leaned over and kissed her as she laughed. "Tough, smart girls."

She rolled her eyes at him, taking another bite of her pasta. "You dork. Truthfully, did you want to be a Navy Seal from the beginning?"

"Yes," he replied without hesitation. "It's the reason I joined. Living so close to Pearl Harbor growing up I knew about them and even knew a couple of them. Once I got into high school, it just seemed like the right move. I didn't want to go back to Hawaii right away. I was still pissed at my Dad for moving us. So I joined and I haven't regretted a day of it." He glanced over at her. "Until today."

She felt the same way, forgetting about her appetite that suddenly vanished. They both picked at their food for the next couple of minutes until she set her half eaten bowl on the nightstand and slid down in the bed. He did the same with his food and joined her. They faced each other as she curled up with the extra pillow between them.

"I'm a little nervous about my new job."

"Don't be, you'll do fine."

"They're going to expect so much."

"And you'll prove to them they made the right choice."

"I don't know anyone there."

"You'll meet people." He hated to think it and didn't dare say it but knew she'd meet men. She was too beautiful not to attract them, especially being back home in the states.

"I don't want to meet other people," she whispered. She meant men and knew he got the hint.

It physically hurt him to imagine her being with another man, and the idea of him meeting someone else like he was with her was so farfetched it was almost laughable. "I can't ask you to wait for me. I won't. I don't know when I'll be able to see you again and if you meet someone…" he paused wanting to be selfish and tell her to wait as long as it took but he couldn't do that to her, "I don't want you to give up that opportunity." It was the first time he had lied to her.

"Are you saying that for my sake or for yours?" Wondering if he was telling her not to wait because he didn't want to wait.

"You tell me Michelle, what do you want me to do? I'll do it."

He turned the tables on her. She wanted to tell him to wait, but she couldn't do it either. It hurt like hell but she couldn't do it. It wouldn't be fair. She didn't want to talk about it anymore either. The thought of him touching another woman was heartbreaking, she'd wait for him though whether he wanted it or not. "I don't…" she swallowed, "I don't want that for you either."

He put his hand on her face comforting her. "This doesn't have to be the end of it. We can still talk."

She knew even that would be difficult. He didn't have the best communication lines to the outside world in his field of the Navy, lines were secured for security reasons and he couldn't use a regular cell phone, but at least he was making that effort.

"Ok," she smiled. "I'll write to you."

He liked that. "I've never got a real letter from a girl before. Can I get pictures too?" he grinned naughtily.

She giggled, "Of course. I'll send you some great shots of Virginia. I hear the scenery there is gorgeous."

"Virginia!" he roared, rolling her over on her back, pinning her down. "I don't give a shit about the scenery in Virginia." He slowly pulled the sheet down, exposing her upper body. "This is the only scenery I want to see." He leaned down and kissed her right breast, "Beautiful," he commented on it, and then moved to the left one, kissing it. "Look at these stunning mountains." He moved up to her lips, "Soft, pink landscapes," he sighed before kissing them. His hand moved down her stomach between her legs, "And the valleys. They take my breath away."

She smiled up at him, loving how he could make her feel better so quickly. "I promise I'll try to slip something in there for your pleasure."

He kissed her again before rolling off of her, lying on his side, his head propped up on his hand. "I'd appreciate that. I'll keep it hidden in my vest and take it with me on missions for good luck."

"You know I monitor those missions and will probably be seeing even more now." She bit her bottom lip, wanting to ask but not sure if it was fair of her too, knowing it could get him in serious hot water.

"You want to know my code name don't you?"

She nodded.

He let out a deep breath as if thinking hard over that. "Well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." He put a hand on his chest. "For my own protection of course."

She ran a hand down his arm seductively, "Would you make love to me first so at least I die with a smile on my face?"

He laughed over her comeback. "Gladly."

"Seriously though, I understand why you can't tell me."

"Kalua," he blurted out.

"Kalua?" she questioned, "You mean like the drink?"

"No," he chuckled. "It's a Hawaiian way to cook pork. My CO loves it and knew I was from Hawaii so that became my code name."

"Kalua," she repeated. "I'll watch for you."

He found comfort in that, not knowing why but he did. "Now back to those pictures," he grinned.

"What about me? I want pictures too." She reached over on the nightstand to her phone and sat up, pointing it at him as she pulled his towel off with her other hand.

He put his hand over his crotch, "No way!"

"Come on," she whined.

"If you get a picture of that, it's all you'll think about and you won't sleep at night."

She laid down next him, holding the phone out in front of them. "Ok you're probably right about that, I'll settle for that gorgeous face instead."

He huffed over that, putting his head against hers as she snapped off a couple of selfies. She set it back over on the table and switched the light off on the nightstand, leaving the room only slightly lit and then rolled back over on top of him. She straddled him with one hand braced next to his head and the other she slowly slid down his chest.

He smiled at the seductive move, "Are you ready for desert now?" he joked, but her expression didn't respond to the humor. She stared down at him in a way that changed the mood in a second. He'd never had anyone look at him like that before. The only way to describe it was angelic. He put both hands on her hips and slid them up and down, mesmerized by her.

She lay down on top of him, sliding both hands under his head, holding him like he had done to her so many times. "I'm going to make love to you," she whispered, to him. "I want you to feel what's its like from my perspective."

He swore his heart skipped a beat.

She took control, sliding her body down on him, moving at a pace in which he had mastered with her, seeing it on him now that same desire that would engulf her when he was in control, and getting his perspective of how good it felt to deliver the pleasure.

He whimpered softly, letting himself be exposed to her for the first time, the first time to anyone. Her face was his line of sight and she stayed focused on his, delivering to him exactly what she had set out to.

She slid her arm under his shoulder and slowly picked up the pace, resting her lips against his but not actually kissing him. His body tensed up and she knew he was close, waiting until the last possible second before she delivered a kiss that sent him over the edge, enjoying it just as much as he did.


	9. Chapter 9

Steve sat across from Michelle in the airport bar, sharing a beer with her. There was no long conversation but only small talk about her flight and his that left two hours later in the opposite direction. He was supposed to stay an extra couple of days but changed his plans, not wanting to, nor able to go back to the hotel without her. He loved this country but he was almost certain he would never return to Thailand either, at least not without her.

She looked at her phone, "I should make my way over to the gate. They'll be boarding soon."

He slid off the chair and thru a couple of dollars on the table, leaving the half drunk beer.

Michelle took a hold of her carry on handle as they started walking down toward gate nine.

He reached down sensing her sadness and took her hand as they walked slowly, while other passengers hurried by them as if rushing to their destination. Steve and Michelle on the other hand were in no hurry.

They took two chairs over by the window and no sooner did they sit down when the announcement came on for first class passengers to board. Her seat was in row fifteen, so she was going to board last.

Steve stood up and took her hand, making their way over behind a large pillar, out of sight.

He put his hands on her face, wanting to say so many things to her, but unable to think of what they were now. His mind was racing as the long line for boarding began to move. She stared up at him as the first tear fell from her eyes. He rested his forehead against hers. "Please don't cry," he practically begged, not sure he could take it. "I can't believe, and I don't believe this is the last time we will see each other." He pulled back using his thumb to wipe away several others that followed the first one. The anxiety he felt at the moment was torture. He had fallen in love with her, he was sure of it. He had no other explanation for the misery that engulfed him over this separation. It was worse than he had anticipated it to be, so much worse. He put his arms around her as she clung to his shirt, her face buried in his neck. "We'll work it out."

She wanted to tell him she loved him so badly. It was right on the tip of her tongue, but considering their circumstance it felt unfair to say it to him now. "I'm going to wait for you," she shuttered, pulling back so she could see him. "You don't have to wait for me, if you meet someone…" Before she could get the words out he kissed her. It was soft but enough to stop her from finishing that thought. She cupped the back of his neck and pulled him in more, giving him a kiss he would never forget.

It was bittersweet taking what she was offering up to him at that second. He didn't want to break away from it but at the same time it hurt knowing he had no idea when it would happen again.  
>They broke but still remained close.<p>

"Listen to me," he said to her, glancing over at the line that was only a few people now, having heard the final call for all passengers to board. He looked back at her, wanting to tell her he loved her, but was torn over what that would do to her and how he could live up to it after she was gone. "I'll get in touch with you as soon as I can, ok?"

She nodded, wondering if that's what he really wanted to say judging by the long pause and the regretful expression on his face now. He walked her over to the chair and took her carry on as they made their way to the door to the walkway.

She handed the woman her boarding pass, being the last one. She turned back and hugged him one last time. "Thank you Steve for the best four days of my life. Whatever happens now, I'll never regret a second of any of it. I'll write you. I promise. I'll write you on the plane. Watch for it." She kissed him quickly, seeing his eyes misted over which only made the moment so much more agonizing. She turned and walked away pulling her carry on behind her, fighting with everything she had not to break down right then and there.

He stood there watching her as she turned and glanced at him one last second before turning the corner, leaving him with one of those stellar smiles that could make him weak, and then she was gone.

He walked away from the gate not having any clue where he was going; he just walked. He felt like he was in a fog. His thoughts consumed with the things she said to him and things he said to her and the things he didn't say that he should have. He put his hand over his heart, trying to ease the pain that suddenly over took him. How could he just let her go? How could he take these last few days he spent with her and not realize what had happened between them was real. Had he become so cynical to his own happiness that he didn't even realize how happy he was until it was too late. He should have told her. He should have made it crystal clear that he would do anything possible to keep them together.

He stopped in the middle of the walkway as people hurried by him, feeling the unstoppable urge to tell her now. He turned around and began walking back toward the gate until he was in a full sprint, coming up to the door as the woman who had taken her ticket closed it.

"Wait!" he said in a panic. "I need to see someone on that plane really quick!"

She looked up at him shaking her head. "No," she said in broken English but with a heavy Thai accent. "Doors close now."

"Please! I just need two seconds!" he pleaded.

"Doors closed now." She repeated, closing it once again as he reached up and put his hand on it, stopping her.

"You can give me a second!"

She let go and took his arm, leading him over to the window, pointing toward the plane as it began to back away from the skywalk. "See, doors closed. Too late now."

He stared at her plane as it moved her further and further away from him. He was too late. He should have said what he wanted to say. He'd let her walk out with nothing.

He sat down in a chair and just stared out the window until it was gone, never in his life feeling so lost and so lonely. He couldn't move, it was literally the worst feeling that he'd ever come across.

He didn't know how long he sat there just thinking about her. It gave him comfort amongst the turmoil. He considered texting her, but knew that would be wrong and to say what he needed to over the phone felt just as impersonal, knowing he should have said it to her face. He decided to wait for her letter and then find some way to put it into words. He'd never written one before but knew what he wanted say, and actually felt a sigh of relief knowing he could say it on paper where he wouldn't stumble, it would be laid out in black and white and then she could take it from there.

The first signs of their separation hit him as he wondered if this distance between them would sustain these feelings they had now. He was sure his would, but he couldn't speak for her, all he could do was just wait. Wait for that letter she promised him that would be his answer.

Michelle undid the seat belt after they had leveled out and stood up, making her way down the aisle to the restroom. Once inside she closed the door and leaned her head against it as the tears just erupted. She wanted to fall down on the ground and just sob. She never should have got on the plane without telling him. What if he was waiting for it from her? What if that's what he wanted to say but was afraid of her reply. He was the only person in her life who she truly could trust and she had just let him go. She must have been out of her mind. She flashed back to their last departure after visiting him in the hospital, leaving her medal behind with him knowing then he was something special, and to be thrown back into the mix in such an unexpected fashion was like fate granting her a second chance, and what did she do, she threw it away.

She pulled down some towels and wiped her face off, looking at her expression in the mirror, gone was that glow that appeared four days earlier after their first meeting, now only a shadow of it remained. He was genuine and honest, but more than anything else she was sure he would find a way to be with her again. She needed to tell him everything she was feeling, already putting it into words; she just needed the paper to write it out.


	10. Chapter 10

Michelle ran for her phone as it rang, jumping over a box as she packed. She didn't recognize the number displayed, hoping it was Steve.

"Hello," she answered, anticipating his voice.

"Hi Michelle."

The voice she heard wasn't the one she was hoping for. "What?" she said to the 'boy'.

"I'm sorry. I want to apologize for everything. I broke off my engagement," he blurted out, hoping to get that piece of information out there incase she was going to hang up on him.

"Well good for you," she said sarcastically. "I'm so happy for your ex, she must be relieved."

"I want to see you."

"Impossible," she said flatly.

"Please. I miss you."

"Well get used to it. And do not ever call me again."

"Did you really sleep with him?" he asked, wanting to know if the pictures and texts were real or not.

"It's none of your business what I did in Thailand."

"It was on my dime!" he snapped.

"And Steve and I appreciated that. Now fuck off." She hung up not giving him a second thought.

She went back over to the boxes and resumed packing when her phone rang again. She ignored it at first assuming it was him calling back, but when it went to voice mail and then rang once more she got mad, reaching for it angrily.

"Stop calling me or I'll report you to my CO!"

"Wow," Steve said. "If you didn't want me to call, you shouldn't have kissed me like that at the airport."

A smiled erupted on her face. "Hi! Where are you?"

"On base about to head out. I was home for about twenty minutes when new orders came in. They were glad I came back early. Me," he sighed, "not so much. What's up with that '_stop calling me'_?"

She sat down on the floor, "Oh nothing, it's just that guy was calling me. I set him straight. Please be careful wherever you're going."

He smiled over both of those statements. "I will. What are you doing?"

"Packing."

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow," she said. "They didn't give me much time. When I got here I was debriefed and there were boxes already labeled with my new address sitting outside my apartment door. The Navy is efficient, you gotta give em' that."

He heard his name and looked over his shoulder, "I have to go pretty quick. I just wanted to call. I don't know when I'll get another chance. I have to turn my phone in. You'll be in Virginia by then I'm sure."

She felt like she did at the airport, just hearing his voice made her miss him all the more. "I miss you, Steve."

It was what he wanted to hear. "I miss you too. I was thinking." He hesitated but didn't want to make the same mistake he did at the airport by not speaking his thoughts. "I'm up for re-enlistment in a couple of months. What if I didn't?"

She knew what he was saying. "Really?"

"It's a thought, and it would also be a solution. What do you think?"

"You would come here?" She smiled over the idea of having him there all the time.

"That could be a plan." He saw Sean impatiently waving him over.

"I want you to be sure and really think it over, but I think it would be great."

"Ok," he smiled. "I really have to go. I'll call as soon as I can." He began walking toward the helicopter.

"I started a letter for you," she confessed.

The ending to this conversation couldn't have been going better. "I started one for you too."

She smiled brightly feeling a flutter in her stomach, "You did?"

"Yep." He pushed the hand away of the MP that was standing at the platform wanting to take his phone.

God she loved him. _'Just say it you fool.'_ But she didn't. "I'll send mine so you should get it hopefully by the time you get back."

"Ok, I'll watch for it. I have to hang up now Michelle. I'll call you when I can."

"Please be safe." '_Tell him you love him,' she thought._

"I will. You too." He wished he could say what he wanted too.

"Steve?" She heard a click and knew he was gone, cursing herself for holding back. She could picture him in his flight suit, maybe a parachute attached, or just his fatigues with a gun strapped across his chest, going only God knows where. She should have said it. "Damn it," she sighed.

She had to sit for a couple of minutes, feeling that loss all over again. "I miss you so much," she said out loud.

Steve took a seat closest to the front. Sean looked back at him as he strapped in, yelling over the sound of the rotors as they fired up the engines.

"Who is she?"

"What?" Steve yelled back.

Sean leaned in closer, yelling louder. "Who is she?"

Steve put his hand up to his ear. "What?!"

"Who is," Sean yelled even louder and then got the hint by the smile on Steve's face that he wasn't going to tell him. He put his hand up giving him the finger.

Of all the people he could have told it would have been Sean, but even so he didn't want to put him in that position of knowing, especially since he knew her too. It was wrong by Navy standards, but to him what he and Michelle had was anything but wrong.

As they lifted off the ground he thought about the letter he had started for her. He only had three sentences complete and shook his head, having no idea how to say it. The last thing he wanted was to sound like a greeting card or worse yet, for it to come across sounding insincere. Of all the complicated things he had to do in his life, this was going to be the most challenging. He laid his head back, thinking about her and her letter that would be coming. It was an hour to their target, so he had lots of Michelle time to just think.

About half way to the destination he felt a jolt and looked up toward the cockpit seeing Sean flipping switches and then a flash just outside the window, hearing the explosion of artillery being fired at them. He stood up and grabbed the toll bar that ran along the top of the helicopter making his way to the back, knowing they might have to make an emergency jump. His partner Jerry tossed him a parachute as he wiggled out of his backpack, putting the chute on first, glancing up toward the front as Sean looked back at him, making sure he was suiting up just incase.

They made eye contact just as another explosion erupted and the cockpit filled with smoke and sudden flames blocked the view.

"Sean!" Steve screamed out, heading toward him when the helicopter began to spin out of control, throwing him to the side and then the floor.

"We gotta get out!" Jerry shouted.

Steve tried to push himself up but it was useless against the plummeting force. The copter came down in a dense area of trees, clipping the tops of the two tallest before landing between three others. The force and weight were too great as it cracked one of the giant pines and then fell the rest of the way, turning over and over before hitting the ground. He tumbled with it as his training kicked in to just go with the rotation. It felt as if it might never stop as he and Jerry were flung about the interior like rag dolls, hitting everything including each other unable to control or hang on to anything. It landed on its side with one last thud that hurt worse than the tumbling itself.

It was silent and just as he caught his breath he heard the hissing sound and looked forward seeing a ball of flames that looked like a giant wave coming at him. He put his head down feeling the heat, but it wasn't survival that was his last thought, it was regret over never seeing her again.

"Michelle," he shuttered in a whisper, waiting for the flames to over take him, knowing he would burn but hoping he would suffocate first. He heard Jerry scream, wanting to get to him but knew he couldn't. He could feel the fire burn his neck and the back of his head realizing he'd been spared because part of a seat in front of him had diverted the flames. It had gone right over him, sparing him for now and just when he thought he might survive, the helicopter shifted once again. The last thing he remembered was falling.

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Michelle swiped her new badge and entered the secured area for the first time. Her new CO, whom she'd spent the last two days with in meetings, along with three other transfers, met her at the door.

"Good morning Michelle," he said cheerfully.

"Good morning, Sir," she smiled back at the older man, loving the informality of this place, assuming it would be anything but. It was almost like working in an office setting, except for all the high-tech equipment and secured areas. Some were attainable and some had no signs on them at all, just plain doors. She knew those were the most secured areas.

"Let's get you settled in."

He led her over to a desk that was set up with three monitors and two computers. They were both already hard at work, as information scanned across the screen. She was familiar with some of it, being she came from a job that was similar, the only difference now would be that she had greater access to the information she was seeing. Her job was to decipher what was coming in from the bases around the world and hand off the information based on the encrypting codes to the proper authorities. She laughed to herself at one of her peer's description of their job as being modern day switchboard workers. That explanation was pretty precise except instead of Betty calling Sue for a recipe, it was Commander Joe calling Admiral Bob with information about an enemy position and waiting on orders to take them out.

She settled in and her CO let her get familiar, but by the afternoon she was in full force, even going as far as getting clearance for a satellite reposition request confirmed.

By the time she got home she was mentally exhausted. She laid down on the bed and didn't even have the energy to unpack any of the boxes that had arrived while she had been at work. She closed her eyes and wondered where Steve was at the moment, back safely on base she hoped. Her thoughts drifted to the day they spent at the floating market, recalling the fun she had. It was a good thought as she drifted off to sleep.

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Steve slowly opened his eyes. He heard voices but the ringing in his ears from the crash made it too difficult to understand who was talking or what they were saying, not that he cared at the moment. He closed his eyes again, feeling no pain but just drowsy. He wanted to sleep and nothing more, so he did.

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Michelle reached out for Steve's hand in the crowd of blank faces as he took it, taking it up to his lips and kissing the back of it. It was warm and his smile was sincere.

She closed her eyes over the beauty of it and opened them again in bed. She looked to her left seeing him there and sat up on her elbow, putting a hand on his shoulder as he faced the other direction. She rolled him over and to her horror his face was bloodied and disfigured. She screamed out in her sleep.

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Steve screamed out in pain as the Afghan woman pulled on his broken leg.

"Stop!" he shuttered. The sweat poured off of him as if he'd just been dipped in a pool of water. "Please don't," he trembled, begging her, trying to look down at the wound with his one good eye, the other swollen shut, knowing his leg was bad. His hands were both bound to the side of the wood table with rope.

The man behind him quickly put his hand on his forehead laying it back and holding him down inside the small two-room house made of mud bricks and straw. They didn't fear his screaming; knowing no one would hear him anyway.

The woman picked his leg up under the knee and he felt the bone move against a nerve, screaming out again. "Ahhh God!" he screamed, "Stop!" He looked from her to the man over his head, begging them to stop the torture. "Please don't," he shivered, his body trembling from the agony.

The man looked at her and nodded as he stuck a piece of leather in Steve's mouth, holding him down on the shoulders, which wasn't difficult. He was weak from his injuries and was incapable of resistance. He was at their mercy, which they gave little of.

He closed his eyes, wanting to kill the both of them with his bare hands if he could only get a hold of them. The anger was interrupted again by a shooting pain up his leg to his hip and over his chest. He bit down on the leather strap and heard the snap of his bone, arching his back as his eyes came flying open never experiencing that type of brutal pain. He screamed and growled as the man kept the relentless hold on his shoulders. The aftermath was almost as horrific as the moment itself, his leg throbbed and felt like it had been ripped from his body.

He came down flat on the table again as the pain rippled through him. He turned his head to the side feeling his body succumb to the agony, his one eye fluttering.

He focused on something in the corner of the dim room, seeing a young girl holding his flight jacket tightly with both hands, hiding part of her face behind it. The look in her eyes was almost as frightened as his were.

"Help me," his lips moved, but no sound came out.

She watched his one good eye open and close slowly as he stared at her, until it finally closed for good. She moved slowly toward her father as he took the leather strap out of his mouth.

"Is he going to die?" she asked quietly in Dari, the Afghan language of her family that went back generations.

Her father put a hand on her shoulder ordering her out of the room as his mother began to remove the rest of his clothes.

"Is he going to die Papa?" she asked again more adamantly, holding the jacket under her chin.

"I don't know." He shooed her away. "Go make some tea for your grandmother. She'll be up late."

She backed slowly out of the room, staring at his face as he slept soundly. He looked so peaceful now she thought, glad for that. When she found him she thought he was dead then, knowing he was an American soldier.

She had gone up in the woods earlier that day, knowing a helicopter had crashed somewhere up there three days before, but also knew it was dangerous and she would get punished severely by her father is she got caught, but she wanted to see.

She looked from a distance up the hill, hearing the other soldiers from the next village as they searched through the rubble that looked spread out all over from what she could see. She crouched down behind a smaller tree, hearing them coming closer when she saw him lying only a few feet away from her.

Her eyes grew as big as saucers seeing the body laying on its back and facing down the hill. His right leg visibly broken with bruises and burns on his face and hands. She instantly felt sorry for him that he had to die in the woods all alone. She wouldn't want that. She wasn't alarmed over the sight of him, having seen many dead bodies in her ten years of life, but this was the first time she had seen a dead American soldier.

Something caught her eye in the sunlight as the trees swayed.

His dog tags hung from around his neck just a few feet in front of her. She crawled up to them as they lay just above his head, reaching her fingers up and touching the medal, feeling the indentation of his name. She got a hold of one and gently pulled it, catching it on his chin when she heard the unexpected sound of a soft moan come from him.

She slid back behind the tree as if he might jump out at her, but as she peeked back around she knew that was impossible. He couldn't hurt anyone, besides, she had seen American Soldiers before, and even though they looked towering and fierce next to the Afghan men that came to her village and caused trouble, the Americans were kinder.

She crawled back up to him and knelt beside him. He had black smoke marks on his neck and his face was covered with dried blood from the cuts on his forehead and a bloody nose. His right eye swollen shut. The heavy jacket he had on hid any other damage she was sure was there. She wondered if that moan was a last effort to live so she carefully slid three fingers inside an open space and felt for a heartbeat. It was soft but she could feel it.

She looked up the hill, hearing voices coming closer, glancing back down at him in a panic, not for herself but for him, knowing if they found him they would do horrible things to him, and kill him for sure. She'd seen the brutality they could leave in their path. She began to gather up sticks on her hands and knees and then took handfuls of pine needles and leaves, covering him with the debris.

She slid back down behind the tree, looking up the hill getting her first sight of one of the soldiers knowing she should flee but was afraid to leave him there. Instead she went up the hill toward them, her good sense screaming for her to stop, but she had a plan.

She ran into the first one as he raised his gun at her. She pretended to be just as startled to see him, but part of the fear on her face was real, hoping he didn't shoot her.

He came down to her, grabbing her violently by the arm and shaking her as another joined them. "What are you doing here girl?"

"My lamb," she shuttered as her small body shook from the jolting. "My lamb is missing. I find her here sometimes."

He let go of her, tossing her into the other man. He grabbed her the same way as she stumbled into him. She looked over as two more joined. She began to feel she had made a terrible mistake as her heart raced and the tears formed in her eyes.

"You know you shouldn't be here! What are you looking for?" he yelled angrily.

She shook her head, staring up at his fierce expression. "My lamb. My lamb is all."

He bent over still holding her arm and picked up a stick off the ground and began to hit over the backside with it, thrashing her over and over.

She stood still even though it hurt badly, knowing trying to resist would only make it worst. She'd seen what happened to people who resisted.

He finally stopped and pushed her away as she fell to the ground, tossing the stick at her. He pointed toward the bottom of the hill, "Go home and don't come back here again," he yelled.

She scrambled to her feet and darted down the hill, hearing them laugh at her, one of them saying he should have taught her a different lesson like he did his wife. She didn't know what that meant and was glad.

She stopped about a fifty feet down behind a tree and looked back up at them as they began to walk away from where the American was lying. She smiled rubbing her back thigh that stung, but knew her plan had worked. She turned and sprinted down the hill toward her house to get her father.


	11. Chapter 11

"We shouldn't have brought him here," Joran said to his mother, watching her clean the blood off of his face as he lay passed out on the wood table.

"And what then," she said angrily, "leave him in the woods to die like an animal. Or worse yet, let those savages get him."

"Its dangerous having him here," he whispered loudly.

She turned staring him down. "It's dangerous even without him here. If it weren't for them we would all be dead. Anai did the right thing. A brave girl my grandchild, I wish I could say the same for her father."

He sat up over that statement, "I went and got him. I risked my life to bring him down that hill!"

"In the dark and after I demanded it. Anai was beaten yet she went back up there. What if it were any of your neighbors, would you have left them? He deserves the same treatment."

He looked at the man lying on the table battered, bruised and nearly dead, wondering what it was that gave him the courage to be a soldier. He just wanted to live a life without war or the fear of the enemy coming into his village, or worse yet, to his door, which at the moment could be a real possibility if anyone found out they were harboring an American soldier.  
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Sean walked into his CO's office, his left arm encased across his chest in the tight bandage that went around his shoulder after being dislocated in the fall from the helicopter. The side of his face was red from the burns and he sported two black eyes. He limped slightly on his right leg after they pulled out a stick from his thigh.

"Any word yet?" he asked. "When is the next team going out?"

"You should be in sick bay soldier," Bryce said to him in a voice that was more of a command.

"Fuck sick bay!" he practically yelled. "I want to be on the next rescue team that goes out."

His commander rose up from behind his desk. "Stand down Lieutenant! I know emotions are high right now and I know Commander McGarrett is your friend," he paused, letting out a deep breath, resting both hands on the table and then sitting back down his voice calmed, "he's mine too, but Sean…we've been out there three times and it's too dangerous to keep going back. They already shot down one, and the rescue helicopter took on fire as well. We've scoured the area and he's just not there. We have to assume that he was either thrown from the wreckage before it landed like you or that he's been captured." He feared the later worse than his death. "I'm sorry Sean. But either way you know as much as I do that he's probably dead. That crash was horrific."

Sean glared at him, refusing to believe it until he saw a body. "When is the next team going?"

He stared back at him, wishing he had his enthusiasm but knew the odds were slim. He lost two friends in that crash, one of them still missing. "1300 hours. They're taking a heat sensor this time. I had to push, and I mean push hard for this fourth sweep. They were already declaring him deceased. The wreckage is massive. Jerry and Luke both were burned beyond recognition and found almost a hundred yards away from each other. It's a miracle we got their bodies back. If they don't find Steve this time…" he didn't bother to finish the sentence. "Sean, Steve knew the risks involved every time he left the base. He signed up for it."

"Maybe so, but he also knew that he had back up if he ever got into trouble. We can't just write him off as MIA or worse. Jesus Commander, you know if it were you, me or any one of us, he'd put on a backpack and walk there to find us. I'm not sitting on this," he turned to leave, "and neither should you."

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Michelle stared at her computer screen taking a sip of coffee. She'd tossed and turned every night since the dream, wishing he'd call her, but she knew it could be a while before that would happen. It had been five days since she had last spoken to him and a week since she'd seen him. The image of him was still vibrant and so were the feelings. The distance between them hadn't diminished them at all; on the contrary she could feel them growing stronger. She smiled, catching another memory of their time together, wishing she had asked him more questions now about himself and his family. She felt she knew him, but how much could you really get to know someone after only four days.

"_Enough to fall in love_," she thought, knowing that to be true.

At times it was difficult to even concentrate on her job thinking about him, and that was dangerous. She cleared him from her head as a message appeared on her other screen, alerting her of a code that she'd never seen before.

She stood up at her desk, getting her CO's attention. "Excuse me Sir. Can you take a look at this?"

He glanced over from a conversation he was having with one of her colleagues and broke from it, coming her way. "What do you got, Baker?"

She sat back down, "I'm not sure Sir. I haven't seen this one yet."

He looked at her screen and nodded. "That's a security clearance code. This is where you would enter your password they gave you. Do you know it?"

"Of course Sir," she replied entering it.

"Good, because I don't. Only you do, and of course, the Pentagon."

She typed it in and it immediately took her into a site that was completely unfamiliar to her. "Sir?"

"Welcome to the big leagues Baker," he grinned, leaning over and typing in a command and then using the mouse. The message disappeared. He explained the different areas of the sight. It looked intimidating at first. Different codes flashed across the screen that looked random but she quickly realized with his explanation it was a pattern and only certain words were picked up and read. "In time you'll be able to read this as if you were reading the newspaper," he told her.

He clicked on an icon in the corner that took her to another site. "This tracks just about every Naval station around the world. Except of course the ones that we aren't supposed to know about," he grinned. "If you click here, it will show orders that have been entered in the last seven days. We track them and keep them until the Pentagon picks them up."

"Orders, Sir?" She questioned his wording.

"You know, missions." He looked down at her. "I know your file Baker and I know you know that word."

She smiled, "Yes Sir."

"Some orders are for just random training maneuvers and some come from the top and are only viewed from this room, until they move on. Every single one has to be entered and logged, regardless."

"Like Special Ops missions?" she asked, thinking of Steve.

"Exactly," he replied. "If the coded mission has a star next to it…" he paused sorting through some of the links and then clicked on one, "like this one. That means it came from Washington."

She looked up at him, "So the message is asking me to relay this order to the proper authorities?"

"Yes, but they must have the code of the day to request it, but that happens before they get to you. So if you see something come up like that one there, then rest assured it is valid and more than likely vital information they are seeking on an order. These are not to be dismissed for even a second. They are top priority. I already delivered that one, so if you get another one then drop what you are doing and relay the information to the proper authorities. Every second counts in these matters."

"Yes Sir," she replied, knowing all too well what that meant. She wondered if hers and Steve's request for assistance that night on the hill had come through a screen like this one.

She stared at the blank line that had the word 'Code Tags' next to it. "What is this?"

"That will reveal the names of military personnel and their current status who have, are, or will participate in a," he used his fingers as quotation marks, "mission, in the next seven days as of today, because remember, they are gone in seven days. No order lasts longer than a day or two and if they do then we will never see them. They will be housed at the Pentagon from start to finish. The Code Tags can only be used if you know the actual code given to a soldier. Birth names are never used for security reasons. Every once in a while a request will come around for the status or location of an individual who is being sought for an order. That's when you will use it."

"Yes Sir." She knew if she typed in Steve's code name he had given her that she would get his whereabouts instantly.

"Any more questions?"

She looked up at him, "No Sir. Thank you."

"You're doing well Baker. Glad to have you on board."

"Thank you Sir."

She diverted her attention back to the screen and the Code Tags line when the site disappeared.

"Sir!" she called out. "It just vanished."

"It's only available to you for one minute after a message is complete. They shut it down for security reasons."

She nodded her understanding, looking at where the link had been on the screen. It was a way to see him if she wanted too, but was it ethical or not? She worried about him but not in the sense that she didn't trust him, she did. But she couldn't dismiss what her CO had just told her about missions only lasting a few days. He'd been out of touch for five. She started to recall his tone of voice on the phone the last time she spoke to him, was it sincere or did she just hear what she wanted to hear? Maybe the letter he was writing was a Dear John letter to her.

"_Stop_," she scolded herself. "_You'll drive yourself crazy if you keep this up_. _He wouldn't have called you in the first place if he didn't really miss you." _She smiled over that thought. "_Get your head together and do your job. He'd have a heart attack right now if you knew what you were thinking instead of concentrating_." She took another sip of coffee and flipped through the manual on her desk, getting back to work, resting assured they were still in a good place.

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Anai sat next to Steve's bed watching him sleep. They had moved him from the table four days earlier onto a bed with a thin mattress filled with hay and feathers, trying to make him as comfortable as possible. His lower left leg was wrapped tightly in a bandage and then covered with mud, forming a primitive cast. He hadn't woken up since the night they had brought him there and re-set his leg. His left wrist was also broken and bandaged. The break they had determined was not as severe as his leg so they just let it be. There were no other broken bones that they knew of but what was happening on the inside was unknown. They were surprised when he made it through the first night and even more so the last three nights.

Anai dipped her finger in the mixture of oil in the bowl her grandmother had given her and spread it over his lips to keep them from cracking. The swelling on his eye had gone down but it had turned a horrible black and blue looking almost as bad as ever. He had a high fever and was on the verge of being severely dehydrated. She heard her grandmother tell her father the night before that of all he went through that's what he would probably die from if they couldn't get any liquids into him soon. But he had to wake up first.

She took the cup that was on the floor and opened his mouth, pouring some of the water inside, but it only ran down his face and onto the bed. She took the towel and wiped it up when she thought she saw his eyes flutter.

She stared at him bolting up to her knees next to the bed when he did it again. She thought about running to get her grandmother who was outside doing chores or her father who was tending the animals, but was afraid he'd wake up and then go back to sleep again. She held the cup as he slowly opened his eyes and looked at her.

He stared blankly at her as if he didn't see her at all. She gently slid her hand under his head and lifted it, putting the cup up to his lips. He opened his mouth, his body telling him he needed this and drank the water. He had no recollection of the night they brought him there or whom she was, nor did he feel threatened, she was just a child. He was unaware of his surroundings or why he was there. His mind could only focus on one thing at a time and right now it was the water.

"My name is Anai," she said softly to him as he drank.

He knew some of the Dari language but was too mentally and physically weak to be able to decipher what she was saying.

"Drink it all," she said to him in a motherly voice, smiling from ear to ear, tipping it slowly as he did just that.

She set his head back down and tore into the other room, filling the cup back up again from the bucket on the table and came back in, kneeling back beside the bed. She repeated the process as he drank another half cup before closing his eyes.

"No, don't go back to sleep," she begged him. "You have to eat something."

She gave up as the water began to seep out of his mouth and run down his neck, knowing he had gone back to sleep.

She cleaned him up and sat back on her knees, cup in hand, staring at him, waiting for him to wake up again.

The door opened in the other room and her grandmother appeared.

"He woke up!" she said excitedly. "He drank a whole cup and then some of another."

She smiled at her granddaughter's excitement, coming in the room and kneeling next to the bed. "That's good Anai. You're a good healer. Someday maybe you will be a doctor."

That thought had never crossed her mind before now. "I could be a doctor?" she asked as if her grandmother was teasing her.

She reached over and put a hand on her face. "I think you would make a fine doctor."

She smiled, nodding in agreement, looking down at her first patient. "He didn't talk but he drank a lot."

Marna put her hand on his forehead. "His fever is still very high."

Anai put her hand on the same spot when she removed hers. "Yes it is," she agreed. "What should we do to make it go away?"

"Sometimes a fever is good. It's the body's way of healing itself."

Anai touched his fingers that were lying on the bed next to her. "He needs good American medicine doesn't he?"

Marna nodded and sighed, already having discussed that with her son, but not knowing how to go about contacting the right people to come and get him. "I'm doing all I can for him, but you're right. He needs proper medicine." She looked over at her then, "You mustn't tell anyone he is here Anai. That could bring the soldiers from the other village. Even if you think you can trust that person, don't. They would give a reward to know he was here and then they would take him and maybe hurt us just for helping him."

"I know. I won't tell anyone. I promise." She looked down at him sadly. "I don't want him to die though."

Marna pushed herself up and went in to the kitchen and brought back a bowl of water. She set it down by Anai's side. "Why don't you use the damp towel and wipe his face off. The cool water might help with the fever."

She stood back and watched her rinse off the towel in the water and gently glide it over his face ever so gently, speaking to him at the same time, telling him he was going to be ok and should wake up. She smiled at her granddaughter's compassion, wishing she could fulfill her dream of becoming something besides a goat farmer or the wife of a goat farmer, but the life that she was born into was already set out and it broke her heart to know that Anai would have the same chances that she did, none.

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The helicopter landed back on base as the four men climbed out leaving Sean by himself as he just sat there, coming to the realization after this fourth and final attempt to find Steve that he was in all reality, dead. He'd lost friends over the past couple of years being a pilot, but none of them were as devastating as this one. Steve wasn't just a friend; he was more like a brother. They meshed perfectly, and in a place of chaos and stress each of them always knew how to alleviate the other from it when it got to be too much, usually in a humorous way. They had known each other a long time and he wasn't sure this death was one he'd move on from so quickly. He missed him already.

Sean sat there feeling the chaos and stress more than he ever had and had no one to talk him down from it. He looked up seeing his CO standing at the sliding door.

"I'm sorry Sean," he said, feeling the loss too.

"Yes Sir," he said gathering up his gear and getting out and walking past him toward the barracks.

"We…you did all you could."

"Yes, Sir, I know," telling him he understood that there would be no more rescue attempts. The fourth one was put together knowing by the tone of the acceptance from the top that there would not be another.

He closed the door to his room and sat down on his bed, looking at the ice chest of beer that he'd put together almost a week before for he and Steve's reunion after every mission he returned safely from. He reached over and flipped the top off seeing the bottles still sitting in the melted ice. He reached in and took one out, twisting the top off as his eyes filled with tears. He took a quick drink and dropped his head down unable to control the emotions that filled him over the loss.

"I'm sorry Buddy," he whimpered as he began to cry for the first time in years. He had no idea where Steve was but he could only pray that he was actually dead and not in the hands of the enemy.

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Steve opened his eyes and saw darkness. He had no recollection of the past week confused of his surroundings. A woman appeared at his side as his eyes tried to focus on her. The dark hair looked familiar and he tried to lift his hand to reach out to her, mumbling the word. "Mom?" he whimpered feeling a calm flow through him over her presence.

He felt the gentle grasping of his fingers and responded in a different way to the gentle touch. "Michelle," he said this time only with more pleasure in the soft tone as he drifted back to sleep. "Michelle," he murmured, closing his eyes again feeling the peace that she brought with it.

Marna leaned over him. "Wait, wake up. You must eat." She held the bowl of soup, squeezing and shaking his hand, trying to get him to wake up again. "Wake up," she said firmly surprised that she saw his eyes flutter open again. "Yes! Wake up now," she smiled. "Michelle," she repeated his words, not knowing the American language or what that word meant. "Michelle," she said again as he became more alert over it, wondering if it was a name.

He looked up at her sleepily as she lifted his head and fed him the meaty broth. "Yes," she said smiling, dipping the spoon in the bowl again. "Michelle. Michelle. Eat more now." She got almost the whole bowl down him before he passed out again, but she felt satisfied.

She took the damp towel and cleaned his face off, looking down at him. His beard had grown in covering some of the marks on his face. He was strong, stronger than any man she had ever known, not knowing how he had survived all these nights. She thought again of the word 'Michelle', wondering if that was the name of his wife perhaps. He must have people who miss him. She thought of the fear and pain that would bring if she were missing Anai or her son, Joran and not knowing where they were. It would be torture.

She was doing the best she could for him but knew it was limited. He needed help. They needed to find a way to get him out of here and to an American base or he was going to die, or at least be crippled.

She put her hand on the broken leg in a motherly way. She knew how to re-set a bone but also knew if not done correctly it could lead to all sorts of infections. She worried about him. Like Anai, she didn't want him to die when help was so close.


	12. Chapter 12

Michelle stared at the words 'Code Tags' on her screen. She had just relayed a request and knew the screen would vanish in a matter or seconds unless she pursued it further. She argued with herself the same as she had the last time the site had appeared, letting it go that time, but her worry had begun to get the better of her. She hadn't heard from Steve in over a week now and just knew something was wrong. The waiting was driving her crazy but worse than that it was the unknown that made her the most concerned.

She hovered the mouse over the line and looked up, seeing her CO speaking on the phone. She looked over her shoulder at her colleagues who were busy with their own work. She clicked the mouse and the line became highlighted. She typed in the code word 'Kalua' that he'd given her and pressed enter on her keyboard.

The screen went blank and then information began to open, beginning at the top and quickly filling in the blank space as it over ran the display on the screen and automatically began scrolling down. There were dates and names that she recognized as labels given to missions, seeing the one they had been on together two years before. It came up so quickly she couldn't keep her eyes on one place as it changed. She took the mouse and scrolled up to the top that showed the most recent. The date he last called her stood out and she scanned through it, not necessarily understanding the meaning of the code wording describing the mission but saw the words "_aerial attack and helicopter crash_" but it was the letters written in capital bold that caught her eye and held her frozen to that spot.

'_DECEASED__**'**_

Her stomach became knotted and she clutched her chest.

She sat paralyzed in the same position with her hand still on the mouse, staring at the word when the screen suddenly went blank, shutting it down for security reasons and blackness appeared where the information had been. She looked up seeing her CO still on the phone while tears filled her eyes as the reason for Steve's absence sank in, wanting to scream out for someone to help her, to help him. Her breathing changed to short quick gulps as if she were struggling to take in air.

One of her colleagues next to her recognized her state of anxiety and instantly came to her aid.

"Michelle!" he said, putting a hand on her back, trying to get her attention as she stared blankly ahead, the onset of hysteria swiftly getting a grip on her. "Michelle! Are you alright?"

"I can't…" she shuttered, "He can't be…oh please…" she pleaded to a higher power. "Please no," she whimpered as her CO came to her side.

"Michelle?" he looked to the man for an explanation. "What's wrong with her?!"

"I don't know," he answered.

Michelle scooted back in her chair and stood up, stumbling as they both reached out for her. She pulled away quickly. "I have to go," she mumbled. "I have to get out…of here."

"Let me help you," her CO demanded, taking her arm.

She pulled away from him, moving rapidly to the door, leaving behind her purse, her phone, her badge, everything. She just needed to get out of there and away from the news that had left her completely shattered. She pushed through the doors going for the exits, not needing security clearance to leave.

She pushed through the last door and came out to a parking lot as the sun hit her face, blinding her. She put her hands up and moved around a corner of the building leaning back against it, slightly hidden from some bushes and bent over, bracing her hands on her knees as the news over took her once again. She followed the wall as she sank down to the ground, pulling her knees up to her chest.

"_He didn't deserve this_," she cried. "_We didn't deserve this_." She barely got the thought out when her mind shifted to his body lying somewhere all alone. The sorrow over took her from the loss.

She didn't know how long she had sat there, feeling empty and heartbroken before she felt a hand on her shoulder, looking up and seeing her CO squatting down next to her. Her expression must have alarmed him because his was just as devastating and concerned.

"Michelle, what can I do?" he asked sincerely, not knowing what had triggered her grief.

She shook her head, not sure she could speak let alone tell him about Steve. "I'm…" she gulped in air, wiping her face off. "I'm sorry, Sir." She went to stand up and he gripped her under the arm, helping her.

He quickly pulled out the handkerchief from the pocket in his uniform jacket, shaking it out, never before using it for its rightful purpose as he handed it to her. "I'd like to help," he said again, knowing it was the right thing to say but not sure he would be of any real help. Crying women was not something he was accustomed too.

"Thank you, Sir," she sniffed, trying desperately to regain her composure, knowing her behavior was unbecoming of the United States Navy, but the pain she felt at the moment outweighed any rational thoughts that might pull her back to her duty. "I'm sorry, Sir. I don't think…" she felt another wave of sadness coming over her. "I can't go back in there." She used the handkerchief to cover her mouth as more tears began to flow.

"No, no," he quickly assured her that he wasn't here for that. "I brought your things. Your purse and things." He pointed toward a spot where they laid a couple of feet away. "I think you should go home for the day. Can I get you a cab, Michelle?"

"I have my car." She pointed toward the parking lot not sure if that was even where she had parked. She couldn't think straight.

"I would prefer you not drive." He led her out of the landscaped area to the walkway and bent over, gathering up her things. "I'll drive you home."

"You don't have to do that Sir," she sniffled.

He ignored the protest and took her by the arm, gently leading her toward his car.

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Anai sat next to Steve's bed with an open book, reading a short story to him about a boy who wandered off into the desert and found all sorts of adventures. It was her favorite story and she read it with enthusiasm even though he was sound asleep next to her. She looked up as her father came in the room.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm reading to the American," she said.

He walked over and looked down at him for the first time in days. He didn't want him there and made no attempt to help in his healing. "He's not even awake. He can't hear you."

"Maybe he can," his mother said, coming in the room behind them. "You keep on Anai. I like to hear you read."

He huffed and walked out.

"Why doesn't he like him?" Anai asked.

"It's not that he doesn't like him, he's afraid of him."

She looked down at the man lying in the bed who had scarcely moved in days, confused over that. "He can't get up. How could he hurt Papa?"

"Not that kind of afraid. He's afraid of what might happen if he stays here."

"I haven't told anyone," she confessed proudly, "and I won't."

"I know you haven't."

"I don't want them to find him. I want him to go home to Michelle."

Her grandmother shot her a quick look. "Did you hear him say that too?"

She nodded, "Yes. He mumbles sometimes but he says that. I think it's his wife. She must be so worried about him." She glanced down at him with pity.

Marna nodded slowly in agreement, looking at him the same way and with worry herself. "How are we going to get him home Anai?" she said, not really expecting an answer from her ten year old granddaughter, it was more of a statement.

She thought about that question a long time as her grandmother gave him a bath with a wet towel. "What if we wrote a letter," she blurted out.

She smiled over that and then her smile slowly faded as she contemplated that idea. The market place that they traveled too once a month always had soldiers there. They couldn't bring one back to the farm that would be too dangerous for them, but if they could get a message to one of them, then it could happen secretly.

She stood up and went to the other room, speaking to her son. "We have to go to the market place tomorrow."

He looked at her confused. "For what? Our trip isn't for another three weeks."

"We can get a message to one of the soldiers there about him."

He rose up from behind the table and his plate of food. "What?! No! You can't talk to the soldiers there you know that. It's too dangerous. They have people watching who talk to the Americans. You know what happens to them. We were just there, if we go back again so quickly it will set off alarms."

"It's our only chance to get him help. We can't wait too long."

"And leave Anai here alone with him? No! I won't have it."

"She's capable of being here and taking care of herself and him. It will only be for the day."

He glared at her, "You're not even asking me, are you? You're telling me."

"What other choice do we have?"

"This is my family. You're all I have. I lost my wife to them already, why would I want to risk your lives too, for him?" he pointed angrily into the next room.

She took a step closer to him, her anger flaring. "Do you not know that he too has family and the reason he is here because he is trying to protect your family! Do you not see that? He is not the enemy. The enemy is out there," she pointed. "The enemy killed your wife and would take your daughter if it wasn't for people like him in the next room." She shook her head, looking at him with disgust. "You, you sound like the Taliban with your weak mind and your bitterness. You stay here and hide in the hay shed. I'll go to the market place alone then." She stomped back into the next room with Anai and Steve, closing the door behind her.

He stood there staring off fearing the unknown more than he feared his mother's words of going alone. He couldn't lose his family. It was hard enough when he lost his wife but if something were to happen to Anai, it would kill him, or if something happened to he and his mother, what would become of her. She would be an orphan, and he couldn't even think of the unspeakable horrors that would bestow upon her.

He sat back down in the chair thinking about the man in the next room.

He didn't know him. He didn't want to know him.

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Steve opened his eyes, feeling coherent for the first time in days, looking around the empty room. He tried to lift his head but the pain in his chest prevented it, causing him to gasp. He tried to get a read of his surroundings as a dreaded fear overcame him, considering himself to be in enemy hands. He turned his head and saw a man sitting at a table in the next room. Was that the guard, he thought? His mind began to race over his predicament.

He tried again to move, shifting his good leg and then trying to lift his broken one. A shot of pain ran up his body as he tried to contain the agony but couldn't as a moan escaped from him.

Joran looked over from his place at the table and saw that he was awake and looking at him. He glanced over toward the door where Anai and his mother were bathing just outside in the little room off the kitchen area, wondering if he should call for them.

Steve felt a panic as the man rose from behind the table. He couldn't move and defend himself. He was completely helpless and at his mercy, which he knew was going to be minimal if any. He had no way to fight back from what was approaching him, feeling his heart rate explode, but he was determined to protect himself at any cost and not give into anything he had in store for him.

Joran came into the room and saw instantly the fear that turned to anger and then back again as he approached the man. He stopped knowing it was his presence that was making him that way. This man who fought battles and walked into wars instead of running away from them was afraid of him, him!

He realized then that he wasn't really afraid of him, but the unknown, just like he was. He didn't know he wasn't the enemy; he probably had no idea what had even happened to him. His sympathy for him grew and he put up a hand to show that he meant no harm.

Steve stared at him, not believing for a second that he wouldn't hurt him. He moved his fingers, forming a fist ready to release a blow if he had too, but knowing his strength was powerless, even now he struggled to keep his eyes open against the fatigue that was already plaguing him just over the few minutes he'd been awake.

"Please don't be afraid," Joran spoke in the foreign language, holding both hands up now. "You are safe here."

Steve understood most of what he was saying but it was sketchy as he tried to concentrate through the pounding in his head. "Taliban?" he asked between breaths, staring at him.

Joran stood up erect with his shoulders back, "No!" he replied firmly as if that was an insult.

He began to understand that this man really was no threat. "Who you…" Steve asked him trying to recall his Dari. "Who are you?"

Joran came closer to him, shocked over his knowledge of their language. "You speak Dari."

"Some," he whispered.

"My name is Joran. This is my home."

"Water," Steve asked, feeling his whole body parched, not just his throat.

Joran went back to the table and poured a glass, bringing it over to him. He knelt down by the bed and helped raise his head as Steve winced and tried to take the cup but couldn't. He let him hold it as he drank down the whole thing. "What is your name?" Joran asked him.

He took a breath before speaking in English. "Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett with the Unites States Navy, 843910." He laid back closing his eyes, letting the pain of just drinking settle in him. He looked back at him as he stood over the bed. "Why am I here?" he asked, trying to recall something, anything.

"Your military helicopter crashed up in the forest. My daughter found you in the woods. I brought you here." He watched as he took in that information, deciphering what he could from the foreign language. His eyes barely open and then all at once he could see the memory returning to him over what must have been a harrowing ordeal.

"Sean, Jerry" he whispered hoarsely, recalling the explosion near the cockpit and then the sound of Jerry screaming out when the flames rolled over them. He closed his eyes picturing Sean and the pain from his injuries shifted to the emotional pain of the possible loss of his friends. Sean had been like a brother to him, praying both were alive but fearing the worst.

Joran sat in the chair next to the bed, feeling that compassion for him once again, wondering if the words he said were names of people. He assumed so because of the sadness that was displayed on his face. He understood that pain, having lost so many of his friends but mostly his wife. It made him think of the name of the woman he had said over and over in his most delirious stages. "Michelle," he said, as Steve shot a look over at him.

It frightened him that he knew that name. "What?" he said in English, too startled to find the word in Dari.

"Michelle," he repeated. "You called out for her. Your wife?"

He didn't know how to explain who she was. He realized then he must have said her name in his sleep. A whole new set of emotions washed over him, missing her more than ever, wishing he had the comfort of her there with him now. It gave him peace just thinking about her. He missed her and in that moment of peace he found out just how much she really meant to him.

He looked up at Joran and nodded, yes. She wasn't his wife but she was without a doubt the closest thing that had ever come to that and denying her that title in this moment he felt would have been like lying. She meant that much to him.

Joran saw him as a man for the first time and not just a threat. This man had family too and he was there lying in that bed injured because he had voluntarily left his home and wife behind to come to this foreign country to defend others families, his family. He felt ashamed for not helping with his care more and for the things he had said about leaving him in the woods. He was a coward compared to this man. Anai was even braver than he was. He decided he would do what he had too to get him back to his wife. He owed him that.

"My mother and I are going to the market place," he explained. "There are American soldiers there. We will try…" he paused and then rephrased his words, "we will tell them you are here. We can't leave for a few days. You have to sign your name there and we just came back," he explained. "If you can hold on for a couple more days I think we can go then without being noticed."

Steve nodded, giving him a faint smile, feeling the fatigue overcoming him. His headache had eased some from the water, or was it just the thought of Michelle that gave him relief. He closed his eyes again, seeing her on the deck below his in the hotel that first night. It was a powerful moment that he relived happily in his thoughts as he drifted back to sleep.

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Michelle lay on the couch in her small apartment in Virginia. The blue robe Steve had bought her at the market place in Thailand was wrapped around her body over the clothes she had worn the day before. It comforted her, as if it were his arms around her.

She held a towel in her hands, wiping her face every few minutes as fresh tears fell. She had no one to talk to about what she was going through. She couldn't even call his family. What would she say? They didn't know her. She had spoken to his sister once for just seconds, but how could she explain to her that she loved her brother more than any man she'd ever known. What would they gain knowing she existed? Perhaps more heartbreak knowing he had died before he had a chance to experience love, a family, children. She would have given him all that. It wouldn't be right to come forward now, so she let that idea go, keeping it to herself, knowing that she too had lost all that. It died with him.

She saw the words on the screen again, 'DECEASED.' It was a word that left her crushed. She'd seen helicopter crashes and knew the devastation, praying that he hadn't suffered and died quickly.

She used the towel as fresh tears spilled out, missing him now more than ever. The pain over never seeing him again was heartbreaking. She didn't want to move from this spot ever and worse yet didn't have the will too. All she could think about was him. She had no closure and no way of finding closure.

She looked at the coffee table in front of her and saw the finished letter she'd written for him through her blurred vision, reaching over for it. She read through it not having to see it to know what it said. It came from the heart. She reached over and picked up the pen and sat up, scribbling on the paper with an unsteady hand what she wanted to from the beginning. She stared at it and then folded it up, lying back down again, crying for him, for her and for what they could have had.

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Marna knelt down next to the blanket of the man selling fruit. Her head and body covered by a Blue Burqa with a thin piece of translucent material around her face so she could see. She picked up a pear and pretended to examine it but her attention was on the three American soldiers who stood off to her left, engaged in a conversation. They were there to patrol the market place and keep it safe for visitors.

Joran stood behind her wondering how they were going to accomplish this feat. There was Taliban everywhere, but the tricky part was that they hid amongst the crowd. You never knew who they were until it was too late. He watched the three men break up and begin to walk, their eyes on alert for any kind of negative activity. He put his hand in the pocket of his pants and felt Steve's dog tags that Anai had found along with a note of the location of their farm. He squeezed them tightly feeling the anxiety and pressure of what he had to do.

Marna looked over her shoulder as he walked away from her and made his way over to one of the soldiers. She wished he would have let her do it, but he refused, knowing how dangerous it was being a woman. At home his mother was a strong, opinionated person, but here, that type of independence could be deadly to her.

Her attention was drawn back to the owner of the fruit stand as he asked her impatiently if she was going to buy anything. She wanted their trip to look necessary so she took a bag of them.

She stood up, slowly walking in the direction of her son when her eyes caught sight of a man staring at Joran from across the way, sending a wave of panic through her; not recognizing him as a neighbor, which only ignited her fear.

Joran stared at the gun on the soldier's hip and the larger machine gun strapped to his chest. He looked fierce and his expression showed no emotion as he scanned the area around him. He made his way toward him, only a few feet away, nervously toying with the objects in his pocket. They made eye contact and the soldier turned, facing him directly, putting his hand on the machine gun as if he felt threatened. Joran forced a smile but that's what it looked like as well, forced. The soldier held his hand up for him to stop as Marna came up behind him.

"We should go now." She looked over at the soldier as he watched the two of them.

"I haven't given him the note," Joran mumbled to her.

"I'm afraid. We should go."

"We have to do this now. He needs their help. He's not going to live much longer. We should have come days ago. If he stays with us he will die or be crippled. It has to be now." He ignored her as he moved on toward the soldier.

Marna knew he was right. She'd sat next to Steve trying to comfort him through the pain that she knew was worse than he let on. He was strong both physically and mentally, but she knew he couldn't hold on much longer.

She scanned the crowd for the man, seeing him again coming closer to where they were. The sweat from her panic began to run down the side of her face as Joran continued his quest. She feared either the soldier was going to shoot him or the man watching him was going to report him. They had heard of people being stopped on the road on their way home, never to be heard from again. Her mind was racing on what to do when she felt someone bump into her. She turned and saw it was another Afghan woman and quickly developed a diversion.

She dropped the bag of pears on the ground. "Watch what you are doing you stupid woman," Marna shouted at her, bumping into her hard, knocking the woman off her feet. Several of her companions came to her aid, yelling at Marna now as an argument broke out about the cost of the bruised pears.

Joran knew right away what his mother was doing and turned toward the soldier as he made his way to the women right past him. He took the items out of his pocket and said the words in English that Steve had spoken. "Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett United States Navy."

The soldier stopped, looking at him oddly over that statement.

Joran pushed the contents of his hand toward him, "Information," he said in Dari, pleading with him to take the items.

The soldier looked down at his hand always on the lookout for an initial threat, but took the items as Joran quickly turned away and ran toward his mother, taking her by the arm under her Burqa and pretending to scold her for causing such a scene. Two other men had joined and were on the verge of disciplining all three women when he dragged her off, shaking her along the way.

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Anai sat next to Steve's bed cutting small pieces of an apple for when he woke up again. He looked weak and his fever had yet to break, which caused him to sweat a lot and the pain in his leg was apparent when he was awake, seeing the stress on his face from any kind of movement. She hoped that her father and grandmother were able to get him help. Even though he was awake more now, he didn't seem to be getting better. His face was almost covered with a beard but it couldn't hide the sickly color of his skin that had proved his deterioration.

She looked up from the cutting board on her lap, hearing his moan. She set the contents back on the ground and picked up a small piece of the apple. "I have this for you," she said holding it up to his lips.

"No," he moaned, feeling too weak and wanting to go back to sleep.

"Yes!" she scolded him. "You must eat! This is good food for you."

He looked at her, being drawn to the bright blue eyes that looked like an angel reprimanding him. It made him smile through his discomfort; she was that beautiful. He opened his mouth and let her feed him, feeling almost guilty for not obeying her command she was so adamant on her request. She reached down and took another piece, holding it up to him.

"That's good." she spoke to him as if he were a child. "You eat it all,".

He found it amusing amongst the pain that it took to just chew. He was well aware of his dire situation, knowing if he didn't get out of there soon and to a proper military hospital that he wasn't going to make it. They were trying to care for him but he knew the degree of his injuries. His leg was badly broken and if they hadn't reset it correctly an infection would set in, which could easily spread and kill him within days. The high fever was the first sign of it.

The pain throughout his whole body was the second sign. When he was awake he thought about his family, his friends but mostly Michelle, wondering if she were missing him as much as he was her? He thought about the letter she promised to send him. It would be there by now, waiting for him if he made it back. He knew what he wanted to say to her now in his letter, wondering if it was what he would read in hers. Regret plagued him once again knowing there might be a chance he couldn't say those things. No one knew of her and if he died here then she would never know just how much he loved her. He was willing to re-arrange his life to seek out these feelings that were so real he couldn't deny the existence of them anymore, welcoming the challenge of being with her. He'd do whatever it took. He'd even walk away from the Navy and not look back. He wanted her that bad.

Anai put another piece of apple in his mouth as he slowly chewed, trying to stay awake for her sake.

"You read well," he said to her between breaths, hearing her do that for him sometimes while he concentrated trough tremors of pain. Her reading was comforting.

She smiled, "I like to read, but I can't go to school. They closed the school for girls so my father teaches me."

"Do you like school?"

She nodded enthusiastically, "Yes! I like school very much. I miss it." She fed him another piece. "Do girls in America got to school?"

"Yes," he replied, "it's the law."

She dropped her hand with another piece of apple in it, staring at him as if that news was impossible for her to comprehend. "It's the law? They make them go to school?"

Steve gently nodded his head, trying to get the right words to explain. "There is no Taliban in America. We make rules and leaders have to do what we say." He watched the expression on her face as that sunk in, realizing how different her life was here, and maybe, he thought, finding out for the first time how different life was for women around the world.

"How do I get there?" she asked sincerely.

It was an innocent question from an innocent child that he wished more than anything else he could answer for her, but there was no answer. She couldn't. "It's far away," was all he said.

She understood that, knowing it was a place that only existed on paper, not even sure if he wasn't teasing her, maybe he was making it up, a fantasy, like some of the stories she read.

She picked up another piece of apple but he shook his head. He'd lost his appetite, not that he had one to begin with. There was nothing he could do for her and worse yet, his being there could get them killed, her whole family. That scared him more than anything. He didn't want to die, but he didn't want the blood of a dead child on his hands either. That was something he didn't think he could ever live with. His only hope was for them to accomplish what they had set out to do, and more importantly, do it quietly.


	13. Chapter 13

Michelle woke up with the sun shinning in her eyes, but it felt anything but good. She didn't want to move, but the insistent knocking on her front door forced her to get up.

She looked through the peephole seeing her CO and sighed, not wanting this confrontation just yet, but knew it was inevitable. She opened the door to him.

He looked at the woman he had dropped off two days before. She was wearing a blue silk robe with sweat pants. Her dark hair up in a bun but the haunted look on her face remained. "I've been trying to get a hold of you, Michelle."

She knew she was in trouble. She had been ignoring her phone as well as work, which was the same as not reporting for duty. It could be seen as an act of desertion. "I know. I'm sorry Sir. I'll get dressed now and come to work."

He shook his head. "I'm not here about work. You are in no condition to work. I was worried about you."

She looked up at him. "Sir?"

"May I come in?"

She was still so distraught she couldn't believe she hadn't invited him in yet. "I'm sorry Sir. Of course, please."

He followed her into the apartment and closed the door as she quickly picked up some tissues off the coffee table and floor, going to the trash in the kitchen. It alerted him that whatever had happened was still an open wound.

"I've been covering for you at work, but I need a timeline Michelle."

She came back in the room and sat down on the loveseat as he sat on the couch. "Yes Sir. I've been thinking about that." She bent her head, feeling slightly ashamed of the decision she'd made and had to convey to him now, but at the same time she also felt it was the best one for her. She looked him straight in the eye when she told him, not wanting to be a coward about it. "I'm not going to re-enlist, Sir."

He let out a deep sigh. "When we brought you on, we were all under the impression you were going to sign up for another four years."

"I know Sir, but things have changed." She thought about Steve again. Before him her plans were for another four years. He was going to come and be with her in Virginia, but post him everything had changed and she had no desire to be apart anymore of what had killed him. She just wanted out and couldn't see a life involving the Navy anymore.

"I don't know what happened the other day Michelle, but this is a very big decision you are making and I think you should give it some time before you decide this."

"I already have Sir. I don't want to be apart of the Navy anymore or anyone associated with it." Just saying those words hurt, but so did losing Steve. "I respect you very much Sir and I respect the uniform but I don't have the desire to wear it anymore and I think it would be an injustice to try to fake another four years. My heart just isn't in it."

He sat back in the couch staring at her, not knowing her very well, but knowing enough from her words that it was a done deal. "I'm very sorry to hear that."

"I'll be back to work tomorrow," she said.

He pushed himself up off the couch. "I don't think that's a good idea. Your work depends on the person sitting at that computer to be 100% focused, lives depend on it. I can't let you back in this condition or with this attitude. You only have a couple of months left before your time is up so I think I'm just going to put orders in for an early release. It won't go against your record. Although I'm very disappointed right now by your decision, in your defense, you've been an exceptional soldier and I won't let this tarnish your reputation." He made his way to the door as she walked with him. "You've served your country well for eight years. You even won the Navy Expeditionary Medal which proves to me that you don't back down in a fight, so whatever it is that changed your mind, I'm sure it's a decision that you didn't make lightly" He put his and on the doorknob and turned to her before he left. "Just so I can say I asked. Would you like a couple more days to think about this?"

She tried to picture herself putting on her uniform and sitting in front of that computer again where she had received the worst news of her life, but before she could even get the thought processed fresh tears welled in her eyes. She just couldn't do it. "I'm sorry Sir. I'm sorry I disappointed you and I'm sorry I let the Navy down, but I just don't have the heart for it anymore." Those words said all that she was feeling.

"I can't say that I understand Michelle, but I respect your decision. As I said already, you served your country well and you have nothing to feel sorry for." He opened the door; "I'll put in the request for your discharge today."

"Thank you Sir." She watched him leave and closed the door behind him. She stood in the room alone and felt like that little girl all over again when her mother would leave her telling her she'd be back in a few hours, but knew she'd be gone for days. It was lonely and scary. In just the past two days, she had lost the one man who could have given her happiness for the rest of her life and also lost the life style that she had loved and fought so hard to live up too. Both were gone and she had absolutely no idea where her life was going to go from here. It was the loneliest and scariest place she had ever been in.

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Marna and Joran walked down the road on their way back from the market place when they heard a car pull up behind them. They moved out of the way to let it pass but it stopped in front of them and Marna's heart stopped as the man who had been watching Joran got out with two other men and a boy. The two men with him had weapons and she knew without a doubt they were Taliban.

"Stop!" The man she recognized said as he approached Joran. "You are Joran Sareen, yes?" his voice stern.

Joran stared at the two men with weapons, thinking not of himself but of Anai and what would become of her if they shot them dead right here and now. "Yes," he said almost breathless.

"My name is Dehqan Malhotra and this is my son Feda." He reached his hand out to Joran, introducing himself, but also enjoying the fear in his eyes, knowing this arrangement would be an easy task. He made no effort to even acknowledge Marna. She was just a woman and paid her no mind.

Joran focused on his hand, trying to come to grips with the meaning of what was going on. He was being told by the handshake gesture that it was a harmless encounter, but he didn't trust the Taliban to even know the word 'harmless'. He shook his hand hoping Dehqan couldn't feel the sweat that had built up on his palm. He looked to the boy next, who seemed to be about thirteen or fourteen years old, having the same intense expression as his father's when they approached him. Even after the introduction he had no emotion, only seriousness.

Dehqan motioned to his son. "Feda saw you before at the market with your daughter. What is her name?"

Marna bit her lip, trying to hold back tears behind her burqa, knowing what they were going to ask and knowing more than anything else that if they refused it would almost certainly be someone's death in the long run, mainly Joran's or Anai's.

Joran stiffened up in defense of his daughter, knowing as well as his mother what they wanted. "Her name is Anai."

Feda looked up at his father pleased with that name. "I would like to see your daughter," Feda said.

"She's only ten years old. She's not ready for visitors yet."

Feda looked up at his father for guidance. They weren't used to being told no.

Dehqan patted his shoulder as if telling him not to worry. "My son can be very aggressive and has not learned the proper way in which to speak to a woman's father. But he is very smart and a very hard worker. He comes from a family of wealth and is seeking a wife for his sixteenth birthday. He has chosen Anai."

Joran felt a cold shiver run down his spine. He wasn't asking permission he was telling them that he wanted her. He also knew that if wealth was involved that there would be more than one Anai. She may be the wife but there would be other women living in the house that Feda would be with. He had no desire to give his daughter away to such a man, nor such a family. "I appreciate your notice of my daughter and your generous offer. I would like to think about it before I make my decision."

Feda went to speak up his displeasure when his father gripped his shoulder.

"We understand your wanting to think it over and respect your right to do so." He motioned for his son to get in the car. Once out of hearing distance Dehqan smiled but not in the pleasurable way in which the expression was meant for. "My son could choose any girl within a hundred miles of here. He chooses Anai. I don't think you will need much time to think this over. We would like Anai to come live at our home when she turns twelve, so Feda's mother can teach her the proper way to tend to her husband before they wed."

Joran knew there was nothing he could do. They would kill Anai if she refused or if he did. Either way it was a death sentence for her in this life. "I understand," he said.

"We will be visiting your farm soon, so Feda might be able to speak with her."

That news was alarming on a whole new level. "She's ill right now so I would wait until she is feeling better. That's why she stayed home today instead of joining us at the market."

"Very well," he said, "not today, but soon. Very soon." He motioned to the road. "My we take you the rest of the way to your farm?"

"No," Joran smiled graciously. "No thank you. It's a nice day and I enjoy the walk."

"Very well then." He stuck his hand back out to him. "We will meet again Joran and next time in the presence of your beautiful daughter."

He didn't reply but just nodded. He and Marna watched all of them get back in the car, turn around and drive off.

"Joran," Marna said as the tears flowed. "We can't let that happen. Do you know what kind of life that will be for her?"

"He's not going to have her," he said without hesitation. "I'd die before I would let them take Anai." He walked past her continuing on the road to their home.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"I don't know, we'll leave and go somewhere else if we have too."

"And go where?"

"I don't know."

"If we told the neighbors, maybe they could help?"

"No!" he turned to her. "Don't speak of this to anyone! Don't you understand? There is no place safe. There is no one safe to tell. If just one person decided to talk then we would all be killed. It's just like the man that's there now, which frightens me even more. They want to come to the house. What if he's still there?"

"We can't move him, he's too weak."

Joran knew that too. "We just have to hope the soldier I gave the note too knows what to do with it, and quickly."

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Sean looked out the window of the helicopter as the pilot set it down, seeing his CO below waving something at him from the ground. He took off his sunglasses and saw a pair of dog tags in his hand as he stopped waving and let them hang from the chain, holding them out toward him, a smile spread across his face so wide that Sean knew in an instant that they were Steve's, and by the look on his CO's face, it only meant good news.

He ripped the headphones off his head and unclipped the harness over his shoulder, coming out of his seat before the rotors even had a chance to unwind. He slid open the side door and jumped out, running over to him; his head slightly bent from the giant blades circulating overhead.

"We found him!" his CO yelled out as he got closer. "We found Steve!"

Sean wrapped his hand around the dog tags, looking at the name on them, still in shock as his CO explained the situation.

Sean looked up at him and smiled just as wide. "I told you he wasn't dead. That son of bitch could live through a fucking nuclear bomb!" They both laughed and gave each other a quick hug over the good news.

He followed him back toward his office. "We're getting a rescue mission together as we speak. I just got the news about twenty minutes ago."

"I'm going!" Sean said, "damaged hand or not, I'm going."

His CO slapped him on the back. "I know. I'm not even going to argue with you. I don't know anything about these people who have him, but it's in hostile territory. It's not far from where you guys were shot down. You could easily come under enemy fire again. That's why were waiting for back up from the main command center."

"Waiting?" Sean stopped and stared at him. "For how long?"

"Relax, they'll be here before nightfall and we leave first thing."

"Has anyone called his family?"

"No, they never contacted them to begin with. You know the routine in these situations, they like to wait at least two weeks before they send out death notices just incase they find something, that way we don't look like we didn't try if they do show up alive, like now. Pain and suffering is a huge lawsuit and they try to avoid that mistake."

"Is he hurt?"

"I don't know, but I'm assuming so or he would have tried to make it back on his own."

Sean nodded, knowing that was true. It gave him a bad feeling wondering what the extent of his injuries were and if they were life threatening? He'd been gone for nine days hoping he could hang on for just a few more hours.

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Steve held Michelle close, running his hand through her hair, recalling how soft it was. Her kiss brought out so many emotions that he couldn't even decipher some of them they were so new. It was perfect. The moment was perfect. He felt so good; never wanting to leave this spot he was in, gripping her tighter.

He opened his eyes as a shot pain rippled up his body. Gone in an instant was the dream of Michelle and replaced with the fear of his own mortality. His faced was drenched in sweat, no matter how many times Anai wiped it off.

She dipped the towel in the cool water again frightened over his appearance. He had woken up suddenly, his body tensing up as if the pain had become too much for him. His hands shook and she thought for sure he was dying. She reached down and gripped it tightly as he opened his eyes looking at her, desperate for some kind of relief from it all.

Death at the moment would almost be a blessing. He couldn't take it anymore. He'd been lying there for over a week now and he'd given it his best. He needed some kind of escape from this torture that kept him awake for hours or woke him from a much-needed peaceful sleep to agony. He couldn't talk himself through it anymore; his spirit was fading fast and the prayer to bring him peace had shifted from survival to peace in another way.

"Please," Anai begged him, clutching his hand, seeing it in eyes. "Please don't die."

He closed his eyes again, '_Let it come_,' he prayed, '_if you're going to take me, please just let it come now_.'

"Michelle wants to see you again," Anai blurted out, hoping that would ease him some. "She wants you to come home. You have to see your wife again."

Hearing her name brought back the dream. It felt so vivid to him now. He thought about her in this same position and would encourage her to fight and find the strength no matter how bleak it seemed. He would beg her to survive so she could come back to him. He thought about being this close to death once before and how she had pulled him through it. He fed off of that and Anai's words that Michelle was waiting for him. The letter, he thought. It was that letter that was waiting for him when he got back that gave him the strength he didn't know he had left, and the one he needed to finish for her. There were words in his heart that were too important to go unsaid.

'_You can do this_,' he encouraged himself. '_Help is coming, you know it is so stop feeling sorry for yourself._' He closed his eyes seeing her from his dream. '_She's waiting. Don't disappoint her_.' The pain eased into a manageable state as the trembling subsided some. '_Don't take me yet_,' he pleaded with a higher power. '_Please. I need more time_.'

Once again he was back on track. He squeezed Anai's hand, "Read to me some more," his voice weak, knowing the sound of her voice was the comfort he needed.

She reached over for her book, still holding his hand and began to read to him her favorite story of the brave boy who loved adventures.

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They entered the house and Anai looked up from reading as she continued to sit by him as he slept. She set down the book and came into the other room. "I'm glad your back. He woke up in so much pain." She glanced back at him. "I thought he was going to die, but we talked and he feels better now. He went back to sleep. Did you give the note and necklace to them?"

Joran smiled at her worry over the man in the next room. Her compassion and spirit were just as beautiful as she was. He thought again that he would die before he would let them take her and turn her into a slave for some rich, spoiled boy who would never appreciate her for who she really was. "Yes," he cupped her face with his hand. "We gave them the note."

Her smile brightened. "That's good Papa," she hugged him tightly around the waist. "You are so brave."

He put both arms around her, hugging her back. He looked over at Marna as both of them looked at each other with tears in their eyes.

He took Anai's hand and sat down at the table. "Anai, I want you to pack up all your things. The things you love most and can't live without, like your books, and I want you to have them ready incase we have to leave quickly."

She looked at him confused. "Where are we going?"

He looked up at Marna for help.

She sat down at the table with him. "There was a man who met us on the road on the way home. His son wants to meet you."

That didn't clarify anything for her. "Why?"

Joran and Marna looked at each other again, not sure how to explain to a ten year old that two men she didn't even know were dictating her life.

"The son wants to marry you someday," Marna spoke up. She saw the shocked look on Anai's face, knowing she understood some of what was happening.

"I don't want to meet him." She turned to her Father. "Papa please, don't send me away," she begged as tears filled her eyes.

He quickly put an arm around her. "Never! I would never send you away to live where you would not be happy. Never," he assured her. "That's why I want you to be ready incase we have to leave quickly."

She wiped her eyes, "We could go to America," she blurted out. "Girls there go to school because it's the law." Her eyes big, still not able to comprehend that to it's fullest.

Marna reached across the table for her hand. "America is very far away, Anai. We can not go there, but we will find a safe place."

She nodded her understanding. "I don't want to marry anyone." She swallowed hard, knowing there was more they weren't telling her and whatever it was must be truly bad or they wouldn't consider leaving the place that had been apart of their family for generations.

Steve watched and listened to them from the next room. He'd woken just in time to hear enough, being able to piece together what Anai couldn't understand. His concern for his own safety took a backseat to what was being played out in there. This little girl who had taken such good care of him was in danger and he knew whoever this person was that wanted her must have been frightening in the eyes of Joran, otherwise the idea of leaving their farm and life would not be an option.

He smiled slightly at Marna as she came toward him. The pain in his leg was giving him extra trouble but the situation with Anai was more of a concern to him.

She kneeled down on the floor next to him, putting a comforting hand on his forehead, feeling the fever that had ignited in him once again. "Joran got the message to the men at the market place. I think they will be coming for you soon."

He nodded, thanking her for that. "Anai," he said quietly, feeling the fatigue already. "I'll do everything I can to help you."

She smiled at his gesture of words, and believing he meant it, but not taking it too literally. "You worry about yourself right now."

Steve reached up, moving more than he had in over a week, grabbing her wrist. He gritted his teeth through the pain, "She saved my life. I won't let anything happen to her, or any of you."

She stared at him, seeing the certainty more clearly now in his eyes. "I'm frightened for her," she confessed; her eyes welled with tears, hoping if he could help that he would.

He nodded, releasing her wrist as his hand fell to the side. His breathing turning to short gasps just over that small exertion. "I will," he promised.

She held his hand knowing he was in pain. "I want you to sleep now. I know they will be coming for you. Anai, Joran and I will be all right."

He continued to look at her as she smiled in that comforting, motherly way.

He wasn't going to leave there without them.


	14. Chapter 14

Joran heard the door to the house fly open and slam against the back wall. He jumped up off the floor where he'd been sleeping since Steve's arrival. His heart pounding, praying it was American soldiers and not the other. The room was dark except for a faint candle they kept by Steve's bed for when he woke up at night so Marna could tend to him.

He saw two men come at him in full gear with helmets on and night vision goggles over their eyes, weapons drawn.

"Get on the ground!" One ordered him; speaking in English but Joran knew what he wanted.

He held his hands up and knelt down on the ground, pointing toward the back room as Marna and Anai stood next to Steve, huddling each other, both fearing the same thing as Joran but relieved when they heard the American words being spoken.

Sean's CO, Bruce came in the house and scanned the room, followed behind by Sean. He held a light that he set down on the table, which illuminated the whole place. They both made their way to the other room of the tiny house as the three other soldiers stood guard as well as another six outside.

Sean looked at Marna and Anai as they hugged each other tightly. He stood over the bed, looking down at a man who stared up at him with tired, weak eyes, unaffected by the chaos and who's over grown beard hid most of his sickly looking complexion, but Sean knew in a second it was him. He looked like hell but he was alive.

He knelt down next to him, swallowing down the lump in his throat. "Hey Buddy, you look like shit. You want to go home?"

Steve continued to stare at him, not sure if what he was seeing was a dream or reality. All this time he had thought for sure Sean was dead too. "Sean," he whispered hoarsely. "I thought I saw you die." He tried to reach up to see if he was real, but the smile that erupted on the face of his friend told him he was.

He put a hand on Steve's forehead, laying his hand back on the bed. "Don't move. We got a lot of catching up to do. I put those beers back on ice for your homecoming."

Steve smiled and laughed through his tears of joy over seeing him. "I could use a beer, and some pain killers," he grinned.

Bruce leaned over Sean's shoulder. "Hey Steve. Good to see you buddy. We got a bird coming in and some good meds waiting for ya." He motioned for the medics, who came inside.

"He needs a shot of pain killers," Sean said standing up and moving away from the bed. He cringed as they took the blanket off of him, seeing the bruises and broken leg wrapped in mud. In just the small amount of time he'd been gone he'd already lost enough weight to make it noticeable. He looked over at Marna and Anai who both smiled as they gave him a shot, knowing he was getting the medicine he needed.

Steve didn't feel the needle over the pain that had become constant and at times unbearable, but he did feel the solution as it moved through his body giving him that relief he'd been praying for for days.

"Oh my God," he moaned, his eyes becoming droopy. "Nice. It feels nice."

Both medics smiled at each other as they began to administer first aid in the form of an IV.

They all heard the sound of a helicopter landing outside.

Steve looked over at Anai as she stood in the corner with Marna. "Anai," he said reaching out to her, feeling only a slight discomfort that would have normally engulfed him by this point with agony.

She slowly made her way over to him, taking his hand. "You will get all better now," she said to him.

"You have to come with Me." He looked up at Sean as they slid him from the bed to the stretcher with the blanket he was lying on. "They have to come with us."

"Steve," Sean said, laughing him off. "That's impossible. We can't bring them back to the base with us." He attributed this crazy idea to the drugs they had just loaded into him.

"Yes they are!" he demanded. "They're coming with us. We can't leave them here." He held tightly onto Anai's hand as they picked up the stretcher. "They're going to come for her. They can't stay here. They're in danger!"

"Steve," Bruce jumped in. "We can't bring them."

He held firm to the little girl. "I'm not going without them!" he shouted, as they tried to pull her away tipping the stretcher.

"Steve!" Sean said reaching out for him at the same time that Joran did.

Joran laid him back down with his hands on his shoulders. "I will take care of my family," he said in Dari.

"No," Steve said shaking his head. "I won't leave you here."

Marna moved to his side. "You need to go now, we will be all right." She smiled that same calming smile that he'd seen a hundred times over the past week, especially late at night as he lie there suffering. "We will never let any harm come to Anai."

"I can't," he whimpered, feeling more helpless now than he ever had.

She took his hand and pulled Anai's out of his grip.

The little girl backed away staring at him, knowing she'd never see him again.

Joran motioned for them to go.

"Wait," Steve said reaching out for Sean's arm, "Goddamnit stop! I can't leave them here. Please Sean," he begged him as they walked him out to the waiting helicopter.

"We have to go, Steve. I'm sorry." He knew what these people had done for him and the loyalty he felt to them now. His whole life and the people he cared about more than anyone else were the ones that were loyal to him, so he knew more than anyone else that this was killing him, having to leave them behind knowing they might be in danger.

Once outside they rushed him to the helicopter.

"Wait!" Anai yelled running after them.

Sean held back one of the guys as he went to block her path.

She ran up to the side of the Steve's stretcher and put the book she had read him so many time on his chest. He put his hand over it, fighting back the tears as she leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"Michelle will be so happy to see you."

He lost it then as they slid him inside, recalling how both she and Michelle had pulled him back from giving up on life that night. "I'll be back for you Anai. I promise!" he shouted out, seeing her standing there as they shut the doors.

Sean sat in a seat at Steve's feet watching him turn his head away but still seeing all the emotion that he was dealing with at the moment. He tapped one of the medics on the shoulder and leaned into him. "Give him something to knock him out."

The man looked up at him and then down at Steve, seeing the same thing he was and after witnessing what they all just did, he knew it was a request to put him out of his misery, at least for a while. He motioned to his partner as he added something to Steve's IV.

Sean watched his face go expressionless and then in a matter of seconds he was out cold. He was glad to have him back, but knew him and knew this was going to be a long recovery in more ways than one. He recalled a time almost a year earlier when he himself had been shot at on a flight and the pilot who was a buddy of he and Steve's had been hit. He had to fly the helicopter back to the base with the corpse sitting next to him, repeatedly staring at the photo of the dead man's wife and kids that he kept on the dash. The trauma from that was agonizing, but if it wasn't for Steve, he was sure he never would have flown again. He got him back on his feet, and he'd do the same for him.

He watched the medics care for him the best they could in the small compartment, thinking about what the little girl had said to him. He wasn't as fluent in Dari as Steve was, but being in that part of the world for so long, he picked up enough to understand. He wondered if Michelle was the name of the mystery girl he'd been trying to get out of Steve on the day of the crash? Wondering if she knew of his fate or of his recovery.

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Michelle closed and taped the last box that was sitting on her bed, looking at the time on her new cell phone. Her CO had been by the day before and collected her phone that was property of the Navy and her security badges that had been turned off a week earlier. She sighed loudly and groaned, knowing she was going to be late to her last psych meeting before her formal discharge took effect the following day. She hadn't changed her mind about re-enlisting but her CO made psych mandatory in order for him to sign off on her early discharge. She'd been too overly emotional out of the blue for him to ignore the situation and he felt it was the Navy's duty, as well as his own to give her the help she needed, if she wanted it.

She talked a little in the meetings but never mentioned Steve by name. He was gone and she didn't want anything to afflict his career or leave any kind of negative mark on his record, knowing their affair could have been damaging to him. It didn't matter anymore what the Navy thought of her. She was out and not a moment too soon. Everyday since that incident she'd wanted nothing more than to just get away, as far away as possible from this place and the heartache that wasn't healing by any means. He consumed her thoughts, and just when she didn't think she had anymore tears to shed, she would recall a feeling or something he had said, and she'd be right back in the middle of the nightmare, or worse yet, she would wake from one after dreaming of his death.

Her cell phone rang and she glanced down at her mother's number. She ignored it for now, dreading the decision to go home, but it had been almost three years since she'd seen her and it was time. She also knew the new house she was living in was going to be big enough that she could escape from her if she had too.

She had a trust left over from her father and her Uncle Greg that she'd never touched. It could afford her a new beginning anywhere she desired. She even considered Hawaii, but knew that would be a decision she would later regret; knowing the memories of Steve would just haunt her there. The same was for Thailand; she had loved that city as much as he had, but going back there would never be an option.

She just needed some time to get over him before she ventured out into a life that she had no idea where it was going to lead her, but the one thing she didn't even consider in her unknown future was a partner or a family. At the moment it just seemed impossible without him as the leading man, wondering if she could ever find anyone that would live up to him.

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The monitor above Steve's head held a steady heartbeat and the IV in his arm had a constant drip, feeding him intravenously as he lay motionless.

Sean came down the row of beds, stopping at Steve's as he held a hand up to a nurse that was seated at the end of the row behind a small desk with a computer monitor in front of her. "How's our boy doing today?"

"Fine," she smiled. "He stirred twice already today. You might get lucky."

She didn't bother getting up, knowing he was just going to sit with him like he'd done everyday since Steve's arrival three days earlier. He'd yet to wake up to a full conscious state longer than a couple of seconds and not once had that happened while Sean had been around.

He took the seat on the stool next the bed and turned his IPad on to pass the time. He glanced over at him, seeing more color return to his face. He seemed to be getting better each day, but the trauma that had inflicted him was worse off than first thought once they got him back to base and in the infirmary. He'd had two broken ribs and a hairline laceration on his kidney, which they operated on immediately. The timeline of his rescue was critical as the doctor explained to them afterward. Another day with that injury, two at the most and he would have died. His left wrist was also broken, which now housed a cast, including the left leg that had been re-set by Marna and Joran. The doctor also inquired into that, stating if it hadn't been done correctly that an infection could have easily set in and either killed him or cost him his leg for certain. He praised whomever the person was that set it and then had the notion to keep it firm in the mud pack. He admitted when he first took off the primitive cast he was certain it would be disastrous, but was pleased over the outcome.

Sean had reached out to Steve's Dad , letting him know of his accident, but playing down the injuries, knowing he couldn't be there to help and being so far away would only worry him more. It was a pact he and Steve had made to each other if the occasion had ever come about. He used words like de-briefing and temporary isolation for the reason there was no communication from him. Assuring his Dad he was making a full recovery and telling him that Steve said not to worry.

He looked up from an email he was writing to his Mother, feeling the reality of Steve's situation and how close he came to his own death, escaping the helicopter almost completely unscathed. He was the only son amongst three daughters and his Mom had always been his confidante growing up. They had great talks and he missed her, more so lately. He spent the next hour writing her and catching up on other ones as well, and just as he was about to put this visit to rest he saw movement.

He glanced down at Steve as he slowly opened his eyes, focusing on him.

He set down the IPad and leaned over resting his arms on the steel bars. "Hey, wake up," he said to him. "I've been sitting here for three fricking days. I'm starting to feel like a needy chick. Talk to me."

Steve stared up at him with a confused expression and then turned his head, getting familiar with his surroundings. "What time is it?" he asked groggy.

"Why? You got somewhere to go?" Sean chuckled.

He went to sit up and Sean reached over, holding him down.

"Why are you always in such a hurry to go somewhere? Relax, will ya."

He laid his head back in the soft pillow. "What day is it? How long have I been here?"

"Three days."

Steve reached out for him with his broken hand. "Go get me Admiral Hicks!" He looked down at the cast on his arm as if seeing it for the first time.

Sean motioned for the nurse as he tried to get up again.

"Sean," he pleaded, "go get Hicks!"

"Steve, Admiral Hicks is in Texas, remember. We're in Afghanistan."

He went to sit up again as the nurse joined them on the opposite side of Sean.

"Commander, please lay back," she demanded respectfully but with a rigid tone. "You're going to rip those staples."

"I have to get Anai." He grabbed the side of the bars on his bed with his right hand, trying to pull himself up.

"Shit!" Sean growled, as the nurse quickly ran off to the medical supply room. He ran around the other side of the bed and tried to pull his hand off the bar. "Goddamnit Steve! Lay down!"

"I'm going to back," he mumbled.

"You don't have to," Sean tried to explain. "She's fine. We got the HCR involved. They went in with a team and got them out." He bent down getting his attention and making eye contact with him. "Listen to me! She's in Turkey right now. Do you hear me?"

The nurse came up behind him and swiped an alcohol swab on Steve's arm and then stuck a needle in.

His body almost instantly succumbed to the medication as Sean and the nurse both laid him back on the bed.

"Turkey?" he muttered.

"Yes! You idiot! She's safe and sound. You think they were going to let a family that saved a United States decorated Navy Seal die?"

Steve only heard the safe and sound as he closed his eyes, hearing Anai's voice as she spoke the words to him. "Michelle wants to see you," he murmured. "She's waiting for me."

Sean watched a smile curve on the corner of his mouth as he drifted off, wondering again who this Michelle was and why Steve would tell him she was waiting for him. He didn't even know anyone named Michelle. "Who is Michelle?" he asked the nurse, wondering if someone was coming to see him by that name.

She shook her head. "I don't know," she huffed, "he's on a lot of medication right now though, so he could be talking about someone from ten years ago."

He sat back down on the stool, "Yea, maybe." but had an idea it was more than that.

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Steve woke up alone in the dimly lit room, scanning his surrounding's, knowing he was in the infirmary back at base. There was a light at the end of the room and he saw a male sitting behind a desk at a computer. He looked to the other side and saw empty beds. His body felt heavy as he lifted his head and looked down at the cast on his lower leg that was propped up on a pillow and then the one on his left wrist that was also resting on a smaller pillow. He knew he was in bad shape, barely recalling speaking to a doctor about his injuries, knowing he had surgery but couldn't remember what for.

He laid his head back on the bed and also recalled a sketchy conversation with Sean, hearing him say Anai was safe. He felt relived over that but wouldn't be completely satisfied until he knew for sure. Until then he could only pray that the little girl who had saved his life really was safe in Turkey.

His thoughts then went to Michelle. He'd done a lot of thinking about her while lying in that bed close to death. She had been like a godsend to him, not sure he would have made it through some of those days without her image to focus on, or the knowledge of her waiting for him. He smiled then, thinking about the letter that should have arrived by now. Words from her even on paper would be a blessing. He had no idea where his cell phone was with her number inside, knowing he couldn't call her. He also had no real idea exactly how long he'd been gone, but knew it was over a week, maybe two. He wondered if she were worried about him, knowing he'd be going out of his mind if the tables were turned and she'd left on a mission and he hadn't heard from her. She would have called his phone, he was sure of that. He suddenly felt an urgency to get his things back and get that letter that he so desperately wanted to read. He thought about his own, having the words in his head, still knowing exactly what he wanted to say. The feelings he felt in the airport in those last moments with her hadn't faded, if anything they'd grown stronger, feeling more convinced than ever now that she was exactly what he'd been missing in his life. It was so crystal clear, and just as when he laid in bed at Joran's thinking of her, that euphoric rush swept over him giving him peace unlike any medication that was known to man.

He simply loved her.


	15. Chapter 15

Steve slowly pushed himself up almost to a sitting position with his back against a pillow as Sean approached his bed, his eyes focused on the items he was carrying.

Sean waved the package in his hand and a couple of envelopes in the other. "Got it! You can relax now." He set the package and letters on his lap. "I don't know why you wanted your mail so bad. You late on your cable bill or something?"

Steve ignored the sarcasm quickly sorting through the letters on his lap. He didn't see anything from Michelle, knowing the package was the Hawaiian birthday shirt from his Dad. He looked up at him after going through the pile once again. "Is this everything?"

"Nice to see you too, Buddy. No thank you, or hey glad you stopped by, or thanks for going out of your way to get my mail?"

Steve ignored that too. "Are you sure you got it all?"

Sean sat down on the stool. "What are you looking for?"

Steve shook his head, focusing back down at the pile. "Nothing, just…" he shook his head again, not able to tell him about Michelle, not just yet. He thought for sure her letter would have come by now. It was disappointing to say the least, but as he sat there staring down at the vacancy, the thought crossed his mind, '_What if she had changed her mind in the last two weeks about them,_ _about him,_ _and maybe the letter was never going to come.'_ He looked back up at Sean, "Can you get my cell?"

"What's going on? Who are you so anxious to talk too? Is it the mysterious Michelle?" He threw that in hoping he'd take the bait, but the anxious look in Steve's eyes had suddenly turned to a worried one, which answered the question for him.

Steve shot him a look, surprised that he would say that, but wouldn't indulge that it was Michelle Baker. "I just need my cell. Can you get it back for me?" He knew if the letter wasn't there then at least she would have left him a message, hoping at least. That disappointing feeling turned to a dreaded one that was tearing at his gut.

"Sure," Sean replied. "Right now?"

"Yes," he said, swallowing down the dryness in his throat that had suddenly appeared. "I need it now."

Sean nodded, not having to be a rocket scientist to know what was going on. He suspected it was about this Michelle person, and he also knew the trip to Thailand was involved. Steve came home from that trip just a little too happy and tight-lipped on the details. It was obvious he was expecting to hear from her, and by the look on his face it was a huge disappointment that a letter hadn't arrived, especially all that he'd gone through the past couple of weeks. A woman could only cause that painfully distraught look coming from him. '_The poor guy_.' Sean thought.

He slid off the stool, "I'll be back in a little while."

"Thanks Sean. I owe you one."

"Don't worry about it." It dawned on him then that Steve had probably thought about her a lot while he was laid up. Perhaps fallen in love with her, but he wondered again who she was. He was pretty sure she didn't exist before Thailand, so if he met her there, then whatever affair they had was brief. How could he really know her? It also made him question Steve's frame of mind being in that life-threatening situation after the accident. Maybe he had only fallen in love with the idea of the woman rather than the actual one, not considering this to be a serious let down for him if it didn't turn out well.

He glanced back at his damaged friend lying in the bed as he left to run the errand. Two casts, broken ribs, torn kidney, hoping those wounds were going to be the extent of his injuries and not a broken heart too, really having no idea how to console that. '_But he couldn't possibly have fallen in love in four days_.' Sean thought. He'd get over it quick, he decided, once life and his routine fell back into place again. In the meantime he'd do what any buddy would do in this situation; he'd have his back, no matter what.

Steve laid his hand over his stomach, trying to ward off the discomfort that had settled there. It wasn't from hunger and it wasn't from his injuries. It was a new pain. He presumed it to be the one his father had warned him of. It was the fear of losing someone who had managed to weave her way into his heart. She was the only one that he'd ever let get that close. If he lost her now…the thought sat there as he got a small glimpse of the heartache that followed along with it. He squeezed his hand into a fist as the pain in his stomach tripled. He wasn't going to lose her. She was still with him. He was sure of it. What they had in Thailand wasn't just an affair, he told himself. It was real. She felt it too. He knew she did.

He couldn't talk himself down from this one. He just needed to hear her voice, and have some type of recognition to prove to him she was still in it as much as he was. He just needed to talk to her. It suddenly occurred to him that maybe she was thinking the same thing about him. He hadn't called her in over two weeks and how would she know about what he'd been going through? She couldn't. Perhaps she was feeling the same dreaded ache he was.

His eagerness to speak to her became a need that was testing his patience, wishing he had told Sean to hurry. He couldn't bare the thought of her in this much pain over something that didn't even exist.

He laid his head back on the pillow, closing his eyes. It was an awful feeling, this thing they called love. It was his first real experience with it, and so far it was playing havoc with his head, his body, his emotions, his life, but as he pictured Michelle standing on her balcony looking up at him after that first day they had spent together, he knew that no matter what the outcome, he wouldn't change what happened in Thailand, not for a second. It was hands down the best four days of his life.

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Sean handed him a small box that consisted of the watch that his Dad had sent him before he left for basic training and his cell phone.

"Thanks Sean." He went straight for the phone, pushing the button at the top and watching impatiently as it powered up. He glanced up at him. "Did you have any trouble getting them back?"

"No. They had already put it back on your bunk in your room." he spoke to him but saw that his attention was mainly on the phone as the display screen lit up, within seconds messages and texts appeared that had been waiting for a reply.

Steve moved quickly through the texts first, seeing two from his Dad, one from Mary and one from a former CO that had heard about the accident. He then went to the missed calls, feeling an excitement grow inside of him, assuming and almost sure one of the several missed was going to be from Michelle.

He stared at the numbers, recognizing all of them and not one was hers. It had been two weeks and not a call or a letter from her. The reality of his worst fear began to set in and that awful pain to his gut returned with a vengeance.

Sean could feel the same disappointment that showed all over his friend's face. "You ok?"

Steve forced a smile even though he felt sick. "Yeah, I'm good." He held the phone up. "I need to make a call."

Sean got the hint that it was his time to vacate. "You need anything before I take off?"

"No, thanks."

"I'll be back tomorrow." He put a hand on his shoulder, not saying it out right that he knew what was going on, but letting him know in another way. "If you need anything, you know you can get a hold of me anytime."

Steve nodded, "Ok, thanks buddy."

He waited until he was around the corner before he brought up Michelle's number. He held it in his hand, staring at the send button almost afraid to pull the trigger and hear it straight from her lips or worst yet, hear the apprehension in her voice that she wanted out but didn't know how to say it. He didn't know which would be worse. Or maybe she was just waiting by the phone for his call. He pushed the button and hoped for the best.

It rang twice and then an operator came on and his worst fear was playing out in the form of an automated voice, informing him that the number had been disconnected and no longer in use. His hand fell from his ear to his lap, still holding the phone, vaguely hearing the female voice repeating it over and over as he stared off into space, realizing everything he'd relied on while laying in that bed was a sham. She had just checked out of his life. No note, no goodbye, just over.

His throat felt like it was closing up as he tried to breathe. He slid back down into the bed, fighting off the blow of her actions that left him dazed. His mind reeling over what he had believed they had together and what the reality was. Had he imagined it all? Had he led himself to believe that it was more than what was really taking place? He wondered then if the conversation with his Dad and the discussion about his isolated future hadn't played a part in his fantasy. Did she just show up at moment in his life when he was looking for something or someone to break the monotony? He had to take it into consideration, but as the idea of that floated around him it still didn't explain the feeling of loss that he was dealing with right then and there.

He missed her the second she got on the plane and left him. He missed her as he lay awake at night, using her as a form of medication to heal himself, and he missed her mostly the night he wanted to die but held on only because of her. It wasn't a fantasy, even if she didn't feel the same way; he'd fallen in love with her. That he couldn't deny, no matter how much he wanted to at the moment.

The excuses began to filter in as he tried to explain it without feeling angry toward her. Maybe the distance was too much for her? Maybe he didn't put himself out there enough and left her uncertain of his true feelings. He wanted to kick himself now for not telling her to wait for him, for not admitting to her that she'd knocked him off his feet. He had her at one point and began to blame himself for letting her slip away. It was his own fault. He'd let her get away. He had to blame himself because at the moment he couldn't blame her, he just couldn't.

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Sean stood up from tying Steve's shoe on his right foot, the other in a walking cast. "Don't get used to this kind of treatment. It's a one time deal."

Steve grinned at him but there was no smart-ass comeback banter that their friendship had been based on over the years. Sean hadn't heard it since he'd been back from his ordeal.

Steve slid off the bed as the nurse and Sean both steadied him. "I got it," he said quickly, stepping down on his left foot for the first time in almost three weeks without crutches or assistance. The cast felt odd at first but as he took a step he realized it was just like wearing a pair of really heavy combat boots. It was the cast on his left hand that was going to be a pain in the ass. He had about another two weeks left for that one and four for the leg cast. He'd be out of commission for a while. He dreaded that more than anything else. He basically had nothing to do but sit around and think which was torture in itself, because his thoughts always seemed to lead their way back to Michelle, no matter what he did to avoid it, it was inevitable.

Sean grabbed the bag of Steve's things off the bed as they both made their way to the exit.

"Do you want to go over to the mess hall and grab something to eat?" Sean asked.

Steve shook his head, "No." His appetite had been fluctuating since returning but it wasn't the accident that was causing the loss of it.

Sean pushed the door open and they both stepped outside into the warm air.

"Fuck," Steve growled, "it's hotter than shit out here!"

Sean chuckled over that, "You were expecting snow?"

"Can you drop me over at headquarters?"

Sean looked over at him. "What for? You're off duty."

"I know I just want to see the paperwork on Anai and her family. I want to make sure their being taken care of, wherever they are."

"They're in Turkey," Sean replied.

"I know they're in Turkey," he replied sarcastically. "You already told me that, but I want to see for myself."

"Jesus you're short tempered lately," Sean snapped. "Keep it up and you can hobble over there on your own."

Steve glanced over at him, regretting the harsh tone. "I'm sorry.

Sean nodded, shaking off the attitude, knowing very well what the issue was even though he'd still yet to indulge the details to him. He'd spent a good portion of the last week with him while he recovered, but the conversations were minimal and they mostly just watched sports on the Armed Forces Network, passing the time, but it was clear to him Steve's mind was elsewhere. On the woman he presumed. He figured he'd spill it in due time and if he never did then that was ok too. He just needed to get back into his life. Getting out of the infirmary was a good start, and so was his request to go to headquarters.

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They pulled up in a jeep out front of the main building and Sean jumped out, coming around the other side and giving him a hand. "I'm going to drop you and run over and get my laundry. I'll be back in about half an hour."

"Ok, thanks," Steve said sincerely, finally showing some appreciation for all that he'd done for him since he'd been back. "Hey, how about I buy you a couple of beers tonight over at the Officer's Club?"

Sean leaned back, looking at him like he didn't recognize the person talking to him, "You're buying?"

Steve smiled over that. "I'm offering once, take it or leave it."

"I'll take it! I'll take it!" He jumped back in the jeep and drove off, yelling to him as he did. "I'll see you in thirty."

Steve stood for a second and watched him, regretting again the harsh tone. Sean had been there for him since he'd got back and not once asked about Michelle again, even though he may not have known it was the same Michelle Baker from two years before, he knew the logistics of the ordeal without having to ask. As far as Sean was concerned he'd been dumped, but to Steve it was so much worse than that. She had leveled him without an explanation. Over the past week his feelings began to turn on her, hating her for it.

He went inside the front entrance to headquarters and greeted a few people as he did, getting well wishes and hugs on his safe return. He went straight for his CO's office and knocked.

"Enter!" the voice bellowed from the other side.

Steve went in and his CO Bruce rose up from behind his desk. "Steve! Hey, come on in."

"Thank you Sir." He shut the door behind him and made his way to a chair across from his desk.

Bruce came from around the other side shaking his head at Steve's visually battered body. "You know Sean said something to me when we found out you were alive that hit the nail on the head."

"Yeah, what was that?" He slowly sat down in the chair, not getting nor necessarily wanting help from his CO, it would have been rude in both of their opinions.

"He said, and I quote. '_That son of a bitch could live through a nuclear bomb'_."

They both laughed over it. "That's kind of what it felt like."

"Well, we're glad to have you back, almost in one piece, but in another couple of weeks it will back to normal."

"Yes Sir," he agreed, thinking about Michelle in that second, wondering if his life was ever going to be back to normal. "I wanted to talk to you about the family that took care of me."

He went back behind his desk and sat down. "Yes, I knew you'd be asking about that so I had the department put together a file for you. He opened up the side drawer and pulled it out, handing it across the desk to him. "All the information is in here."

"I understand they're in Turkey," he said flipping it open.

"Yes. Once wind got around of your rescue and the gallant efforts that little girl and her family put out to protect you, the orders came down from the top to get them out."

Steve looked at the letterhead at the top of one of the pages. _UNHCR. _He knew that meant the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees. "How did the HCR get involved?"

"The Navy in itself can't go in and just rescue a family and relocate them. That's not our business. But you have some people at the top that are very aware of your distinguished career. They're the ones that pulled the strings, and with a Seal escort of course, they went in and got them out."

He read over a letter in the file stating their whereabouts. "They're in a refugee camp?" he shook his head. "That's no good."

"They aren't in danger Steve. They're safe."

"I've seen those camps. I don't want Anai there. She needs to go to school." He closed the file looking over at his CO. "I want to get some money to them. Get them out of there. Most of my savings is in US banks. If I can get a cashiers check, can you get their passports cleared for release?"

He sighed, shrugging, surprised over his offer. "Sure. I think I could get them cleared pretty quickly."

"Ok good."

"What kind of money are you talking, Steve?" he asked curiously, not thinking it would be prying since he'd be the one in charge of getting it to them anyway.

"I have about twenty thousand. They could get a fresh start somewhere with twenty thousand."

Bruce's eyes flew open over that sum. "Are you sure about that?"

Steve nodded, more than sure. "They saved my life. Even if I had miraculously survived in those woods, I would have lost my leg for sure. I wish I had more to give them."

He had to agree with him there. They did pull out a miracle saving his life like that. "Ok, you get the money together and I'll see what I can do about their passports."

Steve used the arm of the chair and pushed himself up with his good hand, holding the file in his casted hand. "Thank you Sir." He tried his best to salute but Bruce shook him off.

"Quit. Get out of here and go relax for a few days."

"Yes Sir." He turned to leave when Bruce spoke up.

"You know who was the biggest instigator and the one who got the ball rolling on this don't you?"

Steve shook his head, "Sir?"

"Sean. He wouldn't take no for answer. He's a pushy little shit. I almost sent him the to the brig a couple of times myself for insubordination He was like that when you went missing too."

Steve smiled, "Yeah, he's a good guy. Thanks for your help too, Sir."

"Any time Commander. Now out." he smiled.

Steve walked back toward the exit, feeling that relief off his shoulders knowing Anai and her family was safe. He stopped at another door and went inside this time without knocking. The room had three computers in it; each one nestled in a cubicle so the occupant could have privacy. He was the only one in there and sat down at one, entering his password. It brought up the Internet and he accessed his banking account from the United States, checking the balance of his account. He had a little over twenty two thousand dollars, pleased with that. He'd call his Dad who was also on the account with him, just incase something happened to him. He'd have him wire the money to him. He smiled over his decision, knowing it was the right thing to do.

He didn't need it now for anything anyway. He did have plans for some of it though and would have kept some if Michelle were still with him. He had thought he was going to need it for plane tickets back and forth to Virginia. He felt that familiar pain strike him as he thought of her. He hated the way it made him feel, it wasn't the loss so much anymore as it was the betrayal.

"Goddamn her," he growled under his breath. He should have known better. It was just like he had told his Dad, who the fuck needed it. It was a worthless emotion that had done nothing worthy for him, except maybe a couple of days that turned out to be just an illusion. An excuse he kept trying to filter into the equation. He sat back in the chair staring at the screen wondering how she could have cried at the airport when leaving him and then not so much as even a note saying goodbye, or '_I can't'_. He could have at least understood that and had some kind of closure.

The thought suddenly occurred to him that what if something had happened to her. What if she couldn't contact him? His heart began to race over the idea of her being injured, or worse.

He sat up and maneuvered the mouse around the screen, pulling up security files, entering his password over and over until he was deep enough to find her secured file, wiping his sweaty hand on his shorts before clicking on it, praying that nothing bad had happened to her. He wasn't sure he could physically take that blow.

He stared at the screen, relieved but also shocked to see that she had been honorably discharged from the Navy only a week before. A whole two months before her re-enlistment date that showed as well. He searched through her file, trying to find a legitimate reason rather than the bullshit political one, hoping to God someone hadn't found out about the two of them and forced her out. He shook his head at that, knowing he would have been contacted and questioned by now if that were the case.

Nothing. There was nothing but the typical propaganda that he had used himself to fill out these forms for any of his men. He clicked on her last physical assessment form and was surprised to see that she'd under gone a psychic evaluation just before her release. That shocked him more that anything else.

He knew that file would be completely off limits and not even his highest contacts could attain it for him. He couldn't understand why she would need to see physic, wondering if it had to do with her leaving the Navy, another move that left him baffled.

It only took a couple more clicks to obtain her last CO's contact information. He looked at his watch and was alone in the room, taking advantage of the privacy as he dialed his office number. He did a quick assessment of the time difference between where he was and Virginia, putting them at about eight in the morning.

A woman answered almost immediately.

"Commander Albens' office," she said.

"This is Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett. I'd like to speak with Commander Albens, if he has a minute."

"Yes Sir," the woman said obediently. "Let me see if he's available Sir."

"Thank you," Steve replied not sure exactly what he was going to say. He couldn't just come out and ask him the real reason he was calling. He tried to get a plan together when the phone clicked.

"This is Commander Albens. What can I do for you Commander McGarrett?"

"I'm calling about one of your recent transfers. Umm…" he paused as if looking for the name. "Baker. CPO Michelle Baker. Her name came across my desk. I'm looking for someone to head up a special assignment. What can you tell me about her?"

"Well Commander, I can tell you to keep looking. Baker was discharged last week."

"Really? I missed that. I was under the assumption she had two months left."

"She did, but…" Albens paused not wanting to tarnish her name or the career she had left behind. "She was an outstanding recruit, but she had some personal issues that deemed more important than her Navy career and wanted out, and given her exemplary service I got her discharged moved up."

"Can you be more specific?"

"Not really."

Steve tried to push a little further, "Now that I'm really digging into her file I see that she had a physic evaluation just before her discharge. The reason I'm asking Commander is that this special assignment can also be done by a civilian and she came highly recommended, but if her mental stability isn't…"

"Hold on now," Albens jumped in. "She's not mentally unstable. She just had an emotional breakdown so to speak."

"Can you elaborate on that?" He closed his eyes, hating this conversation. He was talking about Michelle as if she were a complete stranger; it hurt to have to use these type of tactics just to get information about her, but he had no other way.

"I don't know what happened, to tell you the truth. She was doing well, very well and then decided not long after she had been here that she wanted out of the Navy for good."

"Did she say why?"

"No, and I never asked." He sighed, recalling her outburst and uncontrolled crying, "I've never been good with consoling crying women, you know what I mean?"

The pain in his gut moved elsewhere over hearing that, feeling his chest tighten. "Yes, I understand that."

"But let me again be clear Commander. I didn't then, nor do I now see her as mentally unstable because of this incident. I also believe that you will be wasting your time trying to recruit her for anything that has to do with her former Navy life."

"Why do you say that?"

"She was very adamant about wanting out. Her exact words were '_I don't want anything to with the Navy, or anyone associated with it ever again.'"_

That must have included him, he thought sadly. He stared at her name on the computer screen, picturing a completely different person than the one Albens had been speaking of, knowing he'd probably never know why or understand the true reason behind her hasty departure. He had to let it go though; he had to let her go.

"If that's all Commander," Albens asked, commenting on his silence.

"Yeah," he replied quietly, not able to hide the disappointment in his voice. "Thank you for your time."

He hung the phone up and sat back in the chair, feeling confused and rejected but more than anything else, heartbroken. He looked down at his phone and brought up the picture of her sitting on his lap in that bar. He stared at her face, still not able to connect the woman in the picture to the woman who ran out on him. He refused to believe that the time he spent with her wasn't genuine, even from her standpoint.

He could dig deeper and find her if he really wanted too. It wouldn't be that difficult, but the part that hurt the most was that she knew exactly how to get ahold of him and hadn't. If she wanted to see him or talk to him, she could.

He looked down at the picture again, seeing her smile that had given him so much pleasure, wondering if she even cared what it was doing to him now. His emotions flipped and the smile no longer gave him pleasure, but made him angry. Part of him wanted to seek her out just to confront her, asking her why she had led him on the way she did. What was the purpose of it? His life had been going great before he stepped into that bar in Thailand and accepted that drink from her. It wasn't a perfect life, but it was stable and more than anything else he was in control of it. He felt none of that now. Even if his routine returned to a familiar existence, he knew he'd never be the same again post Michelle Baker. She had led him down a path that he'd never experienced before and let him feel things he wished he hadn't now. What he felt in Thailand was good, how he thought of it now was a curse. He couldn't imagine wanting those feelings ever again and taking the chance that they would turn into what he was left with now. It was too much of a risk. She had ruined him from that stand point and didn't even seem to care.

His phone buzzed in his hand and he saw a text from Sean, telling him he was outside whenever he was ready.

Steve glanced back at the computer and grabbed the mouse, hastily maneuvering around the screen, closing her file and at the same time shutting her out of his life.

"I'm done with you," he said bitterly, tossing the mouse to the side and pushing himself out of the chair.

He came outside to Sean sitting in the jeep and tossed Anai's file in the back, lifting his broken leg in first and then pulling himself up in the passenger seat. "Let's go get drunk," he said to him.

Sean laughed, looking at his watch. "Right now?"

"Fuck yea," he growled. "You're not going to pussy out on me are you? Besides, have you and I ever needed a scheduled time of day for a beer?"

"Hell no," he said happily, seeing his old friend reappear. He didn't ask what had happened in the last half hour to change his attitude, he didn't care; Steve was back. "You're still buying right?"

"Yep." He pulled his phone out and looked at the pictures of he and Michelle in the bar one more time, deleting one and then and then deleting the other. For a split second he regretted it, knowing it was the only real picture he had of her, but quickly felt that anger of rejection. The jeep swerved and he almost dropped his phone over the side as he grabbed the windshield. "What the hell Sean"

"Watch where you're going, asshole!" Sean yelled out to the jeep that went flying by them. "It's all these fly boys that came in for training. They may be able to fly a plane but they sure as hell can't drive a fucking jeep."

Steve looked around the open base at the noticeable amount of extra bodies around. "How long are they going to be here for?"

"The rest of the week and then we get our base back."

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Sean twirled his finger in the air toward the bartender, letting him know they wanted another round. "Do you want to do a shot?" Sean asked him.

"Sure."

"Add two tequilas," Sean yelled out.

"No tequila," Steve protested , not wanting to taste the liquid that he had tasted on Michelle after kissing her for the first time. Like Thailand it was an enjoyment that lost its luster. "Whiskey," he grinned.

"Whiskey?" Sean laughed. "Ok." He yelled back over to the bartender. "Make it two JD's instead."

They downed the shots feeling relaxed and on their way to a good buzz, nursing the second round of beers in front of them.

"I was talking to Bruce," Steve said, toying with the beer in his hand. "He said it was you that was a big influence in getting Anai and her family out of there."

Sean shrugged like it was nothing. "I knew it's what you wanted, so I was just speaking for you while you were indisposed."

"He said you were a pain in the ass, nagging him like an old lady"

Sean laughed, "Like I said, I was just speaking for you."

Steve tipped the top of his bottled beer against Sean's as a silent thank you, both of them taking a drink.

"They're held up in a refugee camp," Steve said. "I'm going to send them some money to get them out and get a fresh start."

Sean leaned back in the chair. "You know what, I've got about a grand I can chip in."

Steve looked over at him surprised over that. "Seriously?"

He nodded, "Sure. They saved your life man. I owe em'. You know how I hate to drink alone."

Steve laughed, "It always comes back to the love of your life doesn't it?" He held up his beer. "The beauty in the bottle."

"You can't go wrong with this girl," Sean joined in. "She never turns her back on me."

"Not like the real ones anyway," Steve huffed. His expression turned serious as he leaned in over the table. "Let me ask you something?" he whispered, feeling the shot creeping up on him as it mixed with his pain medication. "What's the closest you've ever got with a woman?"

"I'm not a virgin dude," he laughed. "I've gone all the way! I've got pictures to prove it," he joked. "They may not look like the babes that you hook up with, but they were women."

They both got a good laugh over that.

"Seriously bro," Steve asked again. "You know what I mean."

"Are you asking me if I've ever been in love, without actually asking me?"

Steve chuckled over his parody. "Ya, I guess."

"Then no, I can't say that I have." He took a long drink of his beer, looking over at his friend whose expression was almost disappointed over that answer. "Why, have you?" But he was pretty sure he knew the answer without having to ask.

Steve sat back in his chair and shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think so." He knew how much it bothered him when other people lied to him, but he never realized how much it would hurt when he lied to himself. "It's bullshit," he said bitterly. "I think it's just a waste of emotion that has no real value." He smiled over at him lazily. "I'm much more interested in the hot babes you seem to think I can attract like honey." He glanced around the bar. "Maybe we can attract some tonight." He held up his broken hand. "Maybe I can use the wounded soldier to get laid," he chuckled, taking a swig of his beer. It sounded like a good idea and the more he drank the less Michelle Baker played an influence on him. He smiled over at blond who caught his eye, but the willingness to take that next step wasn't there. Physically he wanted to move on hoping it would ease his pain, but emotionally he couldn't do it. He was still in love with her no matter how badly he tried to convince himself otherwise.

Sean stared over at him, hearing the sarcasm in his voice, but knowing him well enough to know that's all it was, sarcasm. He'd never seen him go home with someone who ended up being just a one-night stand. He was hurting, he could see that without a doubt. The fact that he was already talking about getting laid, Sean thought, that was a good sign and one that told him again that he'd get over her quick. Whoever she was. She couldn't have had that much of an influence on him in that short of time. Steve was too mentally strong for that.

"Hey," Sean asked, changing the subject off of women. "Have you talked to your Dad?"

"Ya, twice since I've been back. I'm glad they never told him about the MIA right away. Thanks for that Sean. I know again that had to do with you."

He shrugged it off like the other acknowledgments, "It's what I would want in the same position. Why put him through that until we knew for sure."

Steve nodded in agreement. He leaned forward picking up his cell as it buzzed, alerting him of an incoming text. He slid his thumb across the unlock position and stared down at the picture that he had just deleted earlier of Michelle sitting on his lap in the bar in Thailand. He sat up trying to get his mind wrapped around it, when he saw the text dialogue.

'_Hey dickhead.'_

Steve knew right away it was the 'boy' that she was supposed to go there with. He set the phone back down remembering the harassing call from this guy to her the last time he had spoken with her in Virginia, but it wasn't his problem anymore, he thought.

The phone buzzed again with a new message. He picked it back up.

'_I bet she's spreading her legs for some other guy in Virginia right now.'_

He squeezed the phone in his hand, angry over the disrespect, but when picturing her, it wasn't some other guy, it was him that was crawling up to her as she smiled, welcoming him. She couldn't fake that, what she made him feel, the way she was with him, the way they were together, it wasn't an illusion. No matter how badly he wanted to believe it and no matter how much better it made him feel about the situation, deep down inside he knew she had been on the same path as him. He didn't understand her reasoning for the break up but he also couldn't hate her for it. He had told her not to wait. He must have been out of his fucking mind. She deserved his benefit of the doubt now. He had respected her beyond words before and even now, it wasn't something he could just shut off. If something or someone made her move on then he had to respect that too. He had his chance and let it go by.

He ignored the text and stared at the picture of the two of them, glad he had it back. It had been a mistake deleting it. He couldn't delete her from his life no matter how hard he tried. He loved her then and he still loved her. That's what he needed to accept and deal with. She had saved his life twice, once on that hill and once in a dark room where just the thought of her was lifesaving. How could he hate that person? He couldn't. She possessed all the qualities he most admired in the people he respected; she more than anyone else.

"What's going on?" Sean asked seeing that look on his face return that had been plaguing him all week, wondering if the text was from the mysterious Michelle.

Steve looked over at him, recalling his question to him earlier and his own response that wasn't a lie but pure denial of never being in love. "I ran into someone while I was in Thailand," he finally confessed to him, needing to talk about her, but more than anything else, wanting too.

"Who?" Sean asked, knowing he was about to get the full scoop on the mystery girl when Steve's phone buzzed again.

He looked at the message from the 'boy' that was becoming annoying.

'_I'm talking to you dickhead. I asked you a question.'_

Steve went to shut it off when he heard a voice from across the way.

"Hey dickhead. I'm talking to you."

He looked over in the direction of the voice that spoke the exact dialogue from the text, it took him about two seconds to piece it together. The 'boy' was sitting across from them. He held up his phone to Steve and he could see the picture from across the way of he and Michelle.

"I knew that was you," he said bitterly, glaring at Steve and then over at Sean. "I asked you a question dickhead."

The word 'boy' didn't fit the description of the man staring him down, nor his friend that was next to him, giving him the same look. His size wasn't intimidating to him even with his own hand and leg in a cast; Steve was more interested in his words that were an insult at Michelle more than him.

"Say again," Steve asked, more or less warning him. "I have a hard time understanding flyboys who can't hack the ground missions so they ring the bell." He smiled over at him, recalling Michelle telling him he had bailed from the BUD/S class by ringing the brass ship bell three times because he couldn't hack it.

Sean chuckled over that remark, not knowing the situation that had suddenly escalated out of the blue. He didn't care what the issue was, he was behind Steve 100% and would go to blows if the moment called for it, which looked like it might.

The 'boy's' nostrils flared from trying to retain his anger over that remark as his buddy glanced at him, almost silently telling him to kick the guy's ass for that. He pushed his chair back, "You got a big mouth for a wounded bird," he said. "Was her nasty snatch worth getting your ass kicked."

Sean saw Steve's eye twitch over that remark. '_Holy shit,'_ he thought. '_Here we go._'

"You say another word about Michelle," Steve warned, "and you're going to be the wounded one."

The two men looked at each other and laughed over that threat. His buddy joined in the banter, "Did Baker get on her knees for you guys too," he laughed.

The 'boy' pointed to he and his buddy. "She did both for both of us," he lied. "Michelle sucked our dicks like a world champion."

Steve pushed his chair back and stood up. They followed suit as well as Sean who had finally put two and two together hearing the name Baker and knowing it was Michelle Baker, Steve's former recruit who had saved his life on the ridge. He was still reeling over the facts that were pouring in as he realized she was the woman from Thailand that he'd run into. He had an affair and fallen in love with Baker! '_Holy shit!'_ he thought. It went way beyond what he had considered to be just a reckless affair. They had history, and more than that she had saved his life, and knowing Steve the insults being thrown at her now, regardless of the heartbreak was a cause for battle. He wasn't so worried about Steve being wounded and defending himself as he was about what he would do to the two guys.

Steve came around the table and walked over to theirs, standing in front of it with the boy directly opposite and his buddy to Steve's right. Sean came up and joined them. He was the smallest of the four, height wise, but growing up he'd had his fair of fights and won most. Steve had no qualms about him being his backup, knowing his capabilities.

"You don't listen very well do you, boy," Steve tormented, wanting him to take the first swing.

He leaned over the table smiling ruthlessly. "I listen good, especially when she was panting away with her lips around my dick."

His buddy laughed.

The first blow didn't come at the boy like predicted, instead he struck a left hook with his cast hand and connected with his buddies nose, shattering it and sending him backward into the table behind and then the floor.

Steve reached across and gripped the end of the table with his good hand and flipped it over on it's side, sending beer bottles flying, clearing the path between he and the boy, the table landing on top of his friend still on the floor.

He stared at Steve as if he were a mad man; baffled over the quick display of violence that had him wishing now he'd kept his mouth shut. He had underestimated this person by a long shot. He went to make a move in his defense but never made it.

Steve deflected the blow with his cast hand, feeling the bone inside move, but not reacting to the sharp pain. His adrenaline was off the charts as he hit him across the jaw sending him back into the wall directly behind him. He reached out and grabbed him by the throat, pinning him there, shoving his knee into his crotch and holding him several inches off the ground in that position.

"If you ever disrespect Michelle again," his voice calm and calculated considering the situation, "I'll kill you." He squeezed harder, "Do you hear me now?" The veins on the boys forehead began to bulge over the extra pressure and lack of oxygen. "I can't hear you, dickhead."

His buddy pushed the table off of himself as Sean stood over him. "Don't try it, or I'll break your jaw next."

The boy looked in the eyes of Steve knowing he meant every word he was saying. He gasped trying to catch his breath through the relentless hold, feeling his body succumb to the suffocation, reaching up and grabbing his wrist trying to get it off.

He held firm, watching him squirm, having no mercy for this person. The built up anger over losing her was being played out before him now. He was defending her honor not just because he loved her; it went deeper than that. She had saved his life at the risk of her own. No matter what she did to him after that night on the hill she would always have that over him, which in turn left him torn over his feelings toward her. He couldn't hate her; she was apart of him from that night on and even more so after Thailand. That's why he was squeezing the life out of the person before him, his loyalty to her would never fade. It was crushing to know that he would never get over her.

Sean grabbed his arm and yanked on it, "Let him go Steve!" he pulled again when he got no response as if he were in trance. "Steve!" he yelled at him. "Let him go!" he wrapped his forearm around his neck and pulled him off of him. He released the grip around the boy's throat as he fell to the floor, gasping for air.

He stared down at him, stepping back away as Sean pulled on him.

"Let's go," he said adamantly as the other patrons in the bar stared at Steve, a majority of them sure he was going to kill the guy. Sean grabbed the jeep keys and their phones off the table and pushed him toward the door, following behind him with a hand on his back as if leading him.

They came outside and Sean walked him around the other side of the jeep, getting him inside. He lifted up his broken hand, seeing traces of blood on the cast in the twilight. He glanced up at him to let him know that he'd probably broken it again, but the look on his face caught him off guard. It wasn't tense and angry like it should have been just coming off of a fight. It was sad. The saddest he'd ever seen on him or anyone before. He took into consideration what had just happened in there along with the new knowledge of Baker being the mystery woman. Wondering if the affair had started up while he was her CO, knowing that could be serious trouble for him. But by the furlong look on his face, if that were the case, he was pretty sure Steve would have considered it a risk worth taking.

"You ok?" he asked him.

Steve looked up at him and slowly nodded. "It's been a bad couple of weeks," his voice imitating the look on his face.

"I know," Sean patted his shoulder, understanding all too well now. He went around the other side wanting to get out of there before the MP's showed up if someone had called them.

He stopped in front of the barracks and pulled out Steve's cell phone that he'd grabbed off the table, going to hand it to him but seeing the picture of he and Michelle from the text. He pulled it back and looked at it, almost not recognizing her as the beautiful woman sitting on his lap. He did recognize the grin coming for his friend though. It was the same happy expression that Steve had sported coming back from that trip. It had alerted him that there had to be a woman behind it, and now he was looking at the proof.

He handed it back to him, "That's a good picture. Is that in Thailand?"

Steve nodded, taking the phone and looked down at it, "That guy back at the bar," he explained staring at her image, "he was supposed to go there with her, but she found out he was engaged back home and went alone. I ran into her at the hotel my first night." He stopped there; recalling how he had tried to avoid a relationship with her in the beginning only to realize it was impossible to fight the attraction between them.

"It was innocent at first, but we just…" he shook his head seeing her on that balcony below and the look they exchanged with each other. "It was crazy how fast it happened." He took a deep breath and let it out. "Fuck," he moaned. He felt that all familiar pain in his chest. He looked over at him sheepishly, wondering if he'd said too much and made Sean uncomfortable. "Easy come easy go, you know."

Sean could only imagine what he was feeling, but knew it was harsh. "It doesn't sound like its easy go," he replied passively. "Where is she now?"

"Virginia, I think. She was transferred to Langley while we were there. Kind of blew our plans to see each other again."

"She's back in the states," Sean said. "That's rough."

Steve didn't tell him the rest. What was the point? She was gone and telling him the gory details of her sudden departure wouldn't change the way he felt, but it would change the way Sean thought of her. He'd dislike her for what she'd done to him; he knew if the roles were reversed he'd curse the woman that did it to him. He just didn't want him to think of her in that way. She didn't deserve it. Their situation was unique. Again, he had told her not to wait for him. It wasn't fair to ask her too and it wasn't fair of him to blame her for it now either.

He should feel blessed that he got to spend that time with her that he did. What he experienced in those four days could sustain him for the rest of his life. He felt it had too, because he was sure he'd never meet anyone ever again that would give him what she had. That pain was the hardest to overcome.

He wanted to talk about it. He needed to talk about it, but Sean wasn't the one he chose.

He sat down on his bed after leaving Sean, holding his phone in his hand, still staring at the picture of he and Michelle. He wondered where she was at the moment and if she thought of him as much as he thought of her. He had few regrets, but the biggest one yet was the day he let her get on that plane and walk out of his life without telling her how he felt. He'd regret that day for the rest of his.

He reached across and opened up the bottom drawer of his dresser and pulled out the letter he had started for her before he left on that fateful day of the crash. The two lines spoke of his joy over running into her in Thailand and the rest was in his head, played out over and over in the last few weeks. It was a group of words that came together but there was only one meaning behind all of them. He reached over and picked up a pen off the nightstand and wrote down the three words that he wanted to say but would never get a chance too, staring down at them, missing her more than ever.

He pulled up his father's number and called, not knowing the time in Hawaii at the moment and not caring. He needed to hear his Dad's voice for comfort. He felt a low point in his life fast approaching and needed him to pull him out. His throat tightened and he pleaded with him to pick up, seeing the blurred words through his tears on the paper at his feet.

"Steve," his father answered sleepily.

"Hey Dad," he said quietly.

His father sat up in bed, hearing it in his voice. "What's wrong son?" he asked knowing his boy well enough to know when he was hurting.

He wanted to tell him everything but didn't know where to start or if he could even get it out. "You were right," his voice shuttered. "You were right about everything."

"Tell me what happened son."

"I met someone, but..." He took in a breath trying to ward off the tears, but just hearing his Dad's voice was like a gift, allowing him to let down his defenses and grieve for her and for the life he so desperately wanted with her. "I lost her because I didn't try hard enough. I didn't listen to you." He wiped his hand over his eyes, sniffling. "Do you still miss Mom?" he asked, wondering if this would last a lifetime.

He understood now, it was a woman. He wanted to give him some comforting words but it was a life lesson that he had to learn the hard way, like everyone else who went through a broken heart. "Yes, I miss her everyday. But Steve, it won't feel like this forever."

"It only seems like it?" he sniffed, halfheartedly laughing, but it quickly faded to more tears.

"Yes, for a while." He felt the pain for his son, wishing he could take it away, but it was impossible, all he could do was talk and listen. He remembered how his buddy Joe had talked him through losing his wife, hoping it wasn't the same kind of loss for his son. He wouldn't wish that pain on anyone. So he began the conversation to help him through. "What's her name?" he asked, going down the steps of his house to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.

Steve stared down at the letter feeling the soreness in his hand from the re-break but it wasn't even close in comparison to the aching in his chest. "Michelle," he replied quietly. "Her name is Michelle."


	16. Chapter 16

**Part 3**

Chapter 16

"Danny! He's going for the dock!"

Steve threw down his radio putting both hands on the steering wheel, swerving his truck around a car that had stopped in the middle of the road after seeing his emergency lights in their rearview mirror.

"I know he's going for the dock!" Danny replied irritably. Not necessarily angry with Steve for such useless information as he was at the guys they were chasing.

"Shit!" He slammed on the breaks, gripping the steering wheel of the Camaro with both hands as a tour bus crossed the intersection, not seeing, nor hearing his sirens in time. The back of the Camaro fishtailed before coming to a dead stop just before plowing into the driver's side of the bus.

He looked to his left at the black SUV that went flying by him and just caught a glimpse of Kono giving him the shaka sign through the passenger window and then hearing her voice on the radio just seconds later.

"Step aside Danno, officers in pursuit."

He vaguely heard Chin laugh before she let go of the radio button. Steve flew by him next in his truck.

"Are you still in this thing," he joined in the banter, "or are you going to hop on that tour bus for a trip to Dole?"

He mumbled a few choice cuss words before replying to the team. "Someone had to clear a path for you armatures." He flung the Camaro in reverse, backing away from the bus as it tried to get out of his way, the driver looking down at him apologetically. He put it back in drive and then gunned it as the tires spun before catching asphalt, and once again he was in the pursuit.

Steve slammed on his brakes coming up behind Chin and Kono as they both exited the SUV. Their guns were drawn and they had already begun chasing the suspects on foot through a maze of tanker storage shells after the perks had abandoned their car trying to escape on foot. Steve jumped out in the same fashion, looking over his shoulder hearing Danny pull up behind him. The door to the Camaro was open before the car was even at a complete dead stop.

Steve was already in a jog toward the path that Chin and Kono took, slowing down and waiting for his back up.

"Glad you could join us," he teased as Danny came up behind him with his gun drawn.

"Shut up," he said flatly, taking the lead.

They heard gunshots and both took off in a sprint.

Danny broke from him and went around the side of another storage container, but they still moved forward at a quick pace, knowing the others moves as well as their own. They heard more gunfire and then Chin yelling out on his radio. The words spoken sent a chill through both of them.

"Kono's been hit!"

They both came from around the corner at the same time in a full run, coming up to the chilling scene of her lying on the ground with Chin holding her head, but as they both neared they saw her wave her arm, motioning for them to keep going.

"I'm fine! Get those assholes!"

Steve glanced down seeing the leg injury on her thigh as Chin pulled his belt off and wrapped it around her leg, just above the wound and at the same time calling for an ambulance.

Danny took the lead as they darted through another row of tankers coming out on the other side to an open area as a boat was just taking off from the dock. They both ran to the edge and raised their guns, firing at the two suspects as well as the other two who had joined them as they sped across the water.

Danny stood firm, holding his automatic with both hands and fired off the rest of his clip, hitting one as he fell against the side of the boat and then went over into the water. The boat kept its course and speed, leaving them behind.

They saw his partner try to run to the side as the two others pulled him back under cover and out of the path of the of the oncoming bullets.

They finally lowered their guns and Steve pulled out his radio, requesting Coast Guard assistance, giving the description of the boat and divers for a recovery.

He caught up with Danny as they both ran back to Kono as she lay on her back with her head resting on Chin's thigh. The concern on his face was expected.

They knelt down next to her already seeing the extent of her injury in the paleness of her complexion.

"How you doing Kono?" Steve asked.

"I'm fine," she groaned through the pain. "What happened?"

"They got away, but Danny got one."

She smiled up at him. "Way to go Danny."

"Pay back," he grinned, putting a hand on her arm.

They could hear the ambulance and the backup police patrols approaching in the distance.

"Hang tight, Kono." Steve said. "Help is coming." He put a hand on Chin's back. "She's going to be ok."

"I know," he said positively, but the tension was apparent in his voice.

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Steve watched a little girl sitting on the floor of the hospital waiting room as she played with two dolls. The newer one had long dark hair, the same as hers, while the older looking one was bald and had a torn dress; she kept that one on her lap and closest to her. She loved that one the most, he could tell.

Chin had been on the phone since arriving a half hour earlier, talking to relatives and informing them of Kono's injury and surgery while Danny read over email messages on his phone.

Steve took a sip of his coffee as the girl's Mother stood up and instructed her older brother to stay put that she was going to go down the hall and get them some snacks from the cafeteria.

"I'll be right back," she informed him, glancing over at the three of them, knowing they were police officers. "Leave your sister alone," she added, as if that statement was repeated on a daily basis.

Steve was pretty sure that order wasn't taken too literally judging by the kids attitude, also because the second his mother was out of sight he set down the video game in his hand and slid off the chair. He stood leaning back against it and stared at the three of them, as if contemplating in his head if he should forgo whatever he was planning.

Steve watched him knowing full well he was going to dismiss the authority in the room and do something to his sister, the temptation was too great. He could read this kid as well as he could most of the perks that sat in the interrogation chairs. Sure enough he stared at his little sister as she smiled and held up the newer doll over her head, making cooing sounds as if she were a real child. The brother quickly made a dash for the open opportunity and grabbed the raggedy baby by the arm off her lap and began to shake it.

Steve was about to intervene assured that tears were only seconds away when something happened that surprised him. The little girl came off the floor as if she had suddenly turned into a mother bear, ready to pounce on the suspected prey that was harming her cub. She dropped the newer doll as if it meant nothing, confirming his earlier assumption that the raggedy one was her favorite. She reached out for the doll demanding it back as her brother held it up over his head. The anger on her face played out in her actions as if she'd become fed up with his teasing and this moment was going to define their relationship for the rest of their lives.

She forwent the doll and grabbed his hair with one hand and the collar of his shirt with the other and began to shake him like he did her baby.

Danny glanced up from his phone over the commotion as the boy began to scream at her to let go, but she refused. He tossed the doll on the ground and Steve was really ready to intervene if he tried to retaliate on her, but he didn't, almost as if he were too stunned over her outburst. She let go of him and picked up her baby and grabbed the other one as well and moved away to another spot on the floor, plopping down and glaring at him as if silently warning him to never do that again, or else.

Steve grinned as the boy sat back down on the chair rubbing his head where she had pulled his hair, staring at her like she was a complete stranger.

She glanced over at him, fury still in her eyes, wondering if she were going to get in trouble for what she had done knowing he was a police officer.

He smiled at her, assuring her what she had done was perfectly acceptable to him. '_Self defense,_' he thought.

She pulled her babies on her lap and hugged them, looking back up at him again, only smiling back this time; the sweetness returning to the beautiful little face, reminding him of someone he once knew.

It was moments like this that would catch him off guard and he'd think of her; his smile remaining in tact.

The dark hair and auburn eyes were similar, but it was her feistiness that really reminded him of Michelle. It had been four years since that day he'd dropped her at the airport in Thailand, and even though the heartbreak had faded he still thought of her often. There were times when she would be so vivid in his memories that it seemed like yesterday. He still missed her, regardless of time.

He wondered where she was or what direction her life had taken, and often thought about getting in contact with her, but never made the move. There was really no point anymore. He held no ill will against her and when he did think of her, it was usually on a good day, when he he'd be surfing some good breaks or on a run through a particularly beautiful spot and he'd stop to admire it, mentally thanking her again for saving his life.

His thoughts then went to Becky and the smile faded to a troublesome one. He'd been feeling the pressure lately to make a commitment. He was thirty-four years old and knew time was running out but he just didn't feel the urgency to take that next step. He cared for her a great deal, but love? He wasn't sure about that and had yet to make that verbal confession to her. She was good to him and he did go the extra mile for her on a couple of different occasions, but it was more out of a sense of duty and pushing from Danny and the others. Deep down he knew what the problem was, he just didn't know how to get over it, or over what Michelle had given him in those four days in Thailand. He had never felt that with anyone since, not even Becky.

It was times like this that he missed his Dad. He needed that guidance and fatherly wisdom to put him on the right path. He'd walked him through so much including the heartbreak of Michelle, recalling the night they talked for almost two hours straight about her. He held nothing back feeling a weight off his shoulders as his dad listened and commented with advice and then listened some more. Like him, his Dad held no ill will against her and never once spoke negatively, only giving him his perspective but always in a positive way. She had in fact saved his son's life, how could he have disliked her. '_Sometimes life didn't always work in the way we want or hope_,' he remembered him saying, '_it can run you over like a freight train, but don't let that discourage you from living, son. You'll only be wasting precious time.' _He understood that statement all too well, losing him the following year. He was sure he was speaking of his own regrets of mourning his mother for too long and of sending he and Mary away. He thought about that statement again and wondered if he wasn't still holding on to the past too tightly and needed to let go once and for all and give Becky the chance she deserved. Maybe a push forward on his part was needed to get over what was holding him back. A commitment would surely be a push forward.

His phone in his pocket buzzed distracting him and he leaned back pulling it out, seeing the Governors flunky Kevin Albright's number appear.

"McGarrett," he answered, standing up and leaving the room. He stood just outside the door.

"Commander," his voice tense. "The Governor needs to see you immediately."

"I'm at the hospital. Kono was shot. He's knows that. I'm not leaving here until she's out of surgery."

"I understand Commander, but this is a dire situation that demands your attention."

"What's going on?"

"Not over the phone. How soon can you be here?"

Steve shook his head irritably, glancing over at Chin and Danny as they sat next to each other talking. "Give me about twenty."

"Thank you Commander."

He came back in the room, slipping the phone back in his pocket.

"That was Albright, something's come up and they want me there, ASAP." He looked over at Chin as if apologizing but it was just as much of request of his absence than the other, the only time he would ever ask that sort of thing from him, but the situation was unique.

"We're good," Chin replied, knowing Steve wouldn't budge from that room unless it was an emergency. "She's a tough broad. She'll be fine."

Steve smiled over his description of Kono. "You got that right." He put a hand on his shoulder. "Call me as soon as you hear something."

"I will," he replied.

"So what's the big emergency?" Danny asked.

Steve shrugged, "I don't know. Albright wouldn't mention it over the phone."

Danny's eyes widened, "He wouldn't mention it over the phone?" he chuckled. "What's he been doing, reading spy novels again. That guy is so over dramatic. He's like a teenage drama queen."

Steve and Chin both laughed.

"Yea, well," Chin said, "he's the Governor's drama queen so as long as he puts up with him that means we do too."

Steve blew out a breath, knowing how true that statement was. "All right. I gotta run." He started to back up and pointed at Chin. "Call me as soon as she's out of surgery."

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Steve stood up as the Governor came in the office.

"I'm sorry to keep you waiting, Steve," Governor Denning apologized, shaking his hand before he went around his desk. He glared over at Albright who trailed behind him. "And I'm also sorry for dragging you away from the hospital." His attention went back to Steve with a worried expression. "How's Kono? Anything she needs, you know she'll get it."

"Yes Sir, thank you. I haven't heard from Chin yet. She was in surgery when I left." The concern turned to a smile. "But she's tough as nails. I have a feeling she'll pull through just fine."

Denning chuckled, "I have to say you are 100% right about that." He motioned to the chair he had just risen out of. "Have a seat." He looked over at Albright who was just about to take the vacant chair next to Steve. "Get us some coffee please. Steve likes his with cream."

Albright's eyebrows shot up in surprise over the request, glancing over his shoulder expecting a secretary to be standing there. When he saw no one he pointed at his chest. "Me?"

"I want to speak to Steve alone so instead of being rude and telling you to get out, I'm asking you to get us some coffee. Please."

Steve kept his eyes forward and tried even harder to keep the smile off his face.

"Yes Sir," he said respectfully, but Steve could hear a hint of sarcasm in that tone. The Governor didn't seem to care either way.

Once the door closed he sat back in his chair, the atmosphere casual. "I want to first off thank you for a great job that you, Danny and the team have been performing. That drug bust last week made nationwide coverage, and believe me it did not go unnoticed by people at the top."

Steve nodded, "Thank you Sir." He knew what he meant by people at the top. The President was from Hawaii and he and the Governor had ties dating back to school days on the island. He also knew they kept in touch.

"Have you spoken to the Coast Guard yet about the body they pulled from the water after the altercation on the docks?"

"No Sir. The last update I received they were still looking."

"Well they found the body and she's at the Coroner's office."

"She?" he asked a little surprised over that. "Do we have an ID yet?" He was a little taken back that he hadn't been informed as of yet, but was even more so that the news was coming from the Governor.

"Yes she and the identity is why you're here. Personally, I wouldn't have dragged you away from the hospital and I didn't know that Albright had. I apologize for that. Protocol I guess," he mumbled. "Anyway. The body was identified as Maria Estalonzo."

The mood in the room changed as Steve sat up in his chair. "Really? I didn't know that's who we were chasing. I didn't even know they were in town." He knew that name clearly and also knew that the other person on the boat was Emilio Estalonzo, the husband.

He explained the day's events to the Governor. "We had the warehouse staked out for two days knowing something was going down. Once the activity began to escalate we moved in. Gun fire was exchanged at the scene and we did take down several of their members but the two people who escaped by car," he corrected himself by putting names now to the perks they chased through the streets of Honolulu, "Maria and Emilio. They escaped by boat, exchanging fire with Chin and Kono, that's when she was hit in the leg. By the time Danny and I got to the water the boat was already taking off. They must have contacted someone to pick them up there, or it was an escape route, which I'm guessing they probably had more than one. We fired at the boat as it sped off and Danny hit Maria. She fell over the side." He looked at him questionably. "Why didn't the Coast Guard contact me?"

Governor Denning leaned forward resting his arms on the desk, looking across at him. "You know how diligently we have been working to get the drug trafficking off our island."

"Yes Sir," Steve agreed. "Without it sounding too much like a suck up," he grinned, "You've been doing a fantastic job."

He shrugged off the compliment. "I sit in an office and sign off on your requests. You and your team are the ones doing the fantastic job."

"You give us the backup and support we need to do just that."

"We work well together," Denning grinned. "I trust you but sometimes things can get out of my hands."

"You sounded like you're about to drop something on me Sir. Is it going to hurt?" he smiled, feeling like they had become friends over the last couple of years working together and although he did respect the role he played as Governor, he respected the man even more.

"Not going to hurt you so much as it could me."

"Sir?"

He reached over and picked up his cell phone, using his thumbs to maneuver around the device and then set it back down on the desk as a message played from the voice mail. The accent was Columbian and the tone was outraged.

"_You motherfucker! You're dead! DEAD_!" The voice screamed out. "_I will kill you and gut you like the pig that you are! You take my wife_!" the voice turning to a growl as they both heard his anguish over that statement knowing the threat was real. "_I'll take your whole family_!" he screamed out. The line went dead and the Governor reached over and turned his phone off.

"That came in about forty five minutes ago."

"Jesus Sam," Steve said, feeling a chill run through him. "Emilio," he said knowingly.

He nodded. "Emilio." They confirmed it.

Steve stood up and began to pace the room, going into soldier status, reverting back to some strategies he would use when given a mission to escort an official. "We need to beef up your security. We need to contact Hickam and get some guards over here. I can do a sweep of the exterior. Get the security up a notch or two."

"Hold on," Denning interrupted, standing up behind his desk. "That's where the whole 'out of my hands' has come into play."

Steve looked over at him with a confused expression. "What do you mean?"

"Personally Steve, I think you are the most qualified to do this job but…" he sighed. "Albright contacted Homeland Security and in turn it was relayed to the President. I just got off the phone with him, that's where I was while you were waiting for me."

He had a feeling he knew where this was going. "Let me guess. He's going to execute an executive order and I bet we see some guys standing around in black suits with black sunglasses very soon. Am I right?"

"I didn't even know it was an option to have the Secret Service detailed to anyone other than those associated with the Presidential office," Denning replied still coming to terms with the whole thing.

Steve filled him in. "The President is the only one that can designate the Secret Service to guard other government officials or US citizens."

"Again, I feel very capable in your hands but…"

"But nothing Sir," Steve interrupted him. "This is a legitimate threat against your life and the lives of your family. We need to embrace this. I'll work with them on every level and do whatever is necessary to keep you, Kim, and the kids safe."

Denning smiled reaching his hand across the desk to him. "Thanks Steve, I knew I could count on you."

He shook his hand firmly. "Of course Sir, always."

"I'm glad you said that because I'm about to drop the other bomb." He hated telling him this, knowing he was going to go through the roof. "The FBI is taking over the investigation."

Steve griped the back of the chair in front of him with both hands, bending his head trying to control the anger that was erupting inside of him over that news, knowing once again that it wasn't the Governor calling the shots. "Three months," he said through gritted teeth. "Three months we've been working this case and now they're just going to swoop in and take over?"

"Steve…"

"I apologize Sir, but it's bullshit and you know it!"

"I already told them that you were to be involved."

Steve bent his head again, but laughed this time. "Come on, Sam you know better than that." He pulled his badge off his hip, handing it to him," Here, why don't you just take this while you're at it. It'll be about as useless in the investigation as my help."

He waved his hand telling him to put it back. "I know and I apologize for that. But it's a done deal. They're going to be contacting you for your files."

He shook his head irritably. "Ok. But I'm going to be keeping an eye on things anyway. This has got way out of hand for me to just sit back and do nothing."

Denning smiled, "I was pretty sure you were going to say that." He reached across the desk with his hand once again. "And I think you for it. It'll make me sleep better."

Steve grinned over the compliment, shaking his hand. "What about the Secret Service? When do they arrive?"

"Tomorrow. Albright is putting together a file. It'll be delivered to each member of your team this evening. It'll give you a head start on who you'll be dealing with."

Steve nodded his understanding. He'd dealt with Secret Service before while in Naval Intelligence. They were smart but most were like robots. He was about as anxious to be working with them, as he was the FBI.

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Michelle stood perfectly still in the lobby of the hotel, while her eyes scanned the area around her, keeping an ever vigilant watch over her surroundings. Her back was to a wall, avoiding anyone sneaking up behind her. It was the first lesson of many she had learned from Steve and still used most of them on a daily basis in her job and personal life.

She saw him coming toward her but didn't make eye contact until he was almost directly in front of her, looking beyond him, her responsibility coming first.

"They've exited through the basement garage and are probably halfway to the airport by now," Paul said to her. "You can relax now."

She let her guard down but physically she didn't falter her posture.

He leaned in, speaking in the ear without an earpiece attached to it. "Have I told you how incredibly beautiful you look today?"

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "Yes."

"Hmm," he moaned. "It's worth a second time around."

She gave him another firm look, telling him to stop but in a polite way.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, standing next to her and facing the same direction as if they were two statues. "That was unprofessional of me, but sometimes I just can't help myself. Besides," he grinned. "You're going to be very happy with me when I tell you you're next assignment."

She sighed, hating how he patronized her sometimes, treating her like this job was a treat and she should be on her hands and knees like a dog, panting over his dangling it in front of her. "I'm on the edge of my seat," she replied unimpressed.

He glanced over at her. "Pack that little blue bikini you wore in the Hamptons because you're going to Hawaii."

That got her attention. "What? Hawaii?" Her surprised expression changed as she rolled her eyes. "I don't have enough vacation time to take a trip to Hawaii." assuming it was an invitation.

"This isn't a vacation. This is work." He came around facing her. "The President has requested this personally and I was put in charge, which means I select my team."

She looked him square on, "So even if I leave that blue bikini at home, am I still worthy?" She needed to know she was wanted because she was good at her job and nothing else.

His expression turned serious, "Michelle. You are one of the best I've seen come through in a long time. I'm selecting you because I want the best."

She smiled ever so slightly over that. "Thank you, Sir."

"You don't have to call me Sir," he whispered, "when it's just the two of us."

"When I'm at work you are Sir. I don't care if we are in the middle of the desert surrounded by nothing but miles of sand. You're Sir."

He nodded, loving her loyalty to the job and the fact that she was personally the biggest challenge he'd ever come across. "Have you ever been to Hawaii?"

Her thoughts instantly went to Steve, wondering how it was going to feel being there. It was his home that he loved so much. "No, but I heard it's beautiful, not only the islands themselves but the people as well." She felt that pain over the loss that had eluded her for sometime, but truly it was never really too far away.

He looked at her queerly, never hearing that soft tone in her voice before. "You talk about it like you've been there."

She quickly recovered not wanting to go there, unsure of the outcome if she let herself fall prey to those feelings that she had become a master at diverting. "I knew someone who was born there. They spoke highly of it."

"Well, maybe we can get some sights in while we're there. There's going to be nine of us going total. We'll be working in groups of three."

"Who are we protecting? I'm assuming we're going because of a threat to someone the President knows since it's his home state and I don't recall there being any past Presidential credentials living in Hawaii at the moment."

He smiled, "You are very clever, Michelle."

She wanted to roll her eyes again and tell him it was common sense but kept her composure. She had got herself into a predicament that was drawn on a very thin line. He was her boss, but she was also sleeping with him. Sometimes she would look at him and see the man who had first attracted her to him. He was strong, intelligent and handsome, but as the relationship deepened she began to see him for what he truly was and for who he wasn't, and that was Steve.

"The person is the Governor of Hawaii. He's been getting death threats from a Columbian drug dealer. The information is all on file. I'll show you tonight. He has a task force of some sort that's run by ex-military, but obviously they can't do the job so the President called in the big guns," he grinned.

She did roll her eyes this time, glancing over at him. "You're ex-military. I'm ex-military. That doesn't mean whoever is in charge is lacking the skills, this is obviously someone the President knows and respects."

He let out a deep breath shaking his head and smiling at her. "You won't let me get away with anything, will you? Damn you're sexy when you put me in my place."

"Paul," she warned him again.

"I know," he held his hands up in defense. "I can't help it. I find you to be the most fascinating woman I've ever met and I lose my composure around you. It's not my fault Agent Baker," he sighed, crossing his arms. "You have the three things that keep me on my toes. Brains, feistiness and the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."

She smiled over at him, pleased with the ranking of those three things he mentioned, physical attribute coming in last. He was a good man and she knew he cared for her maybe even loved her, but she just couldn't bring herself to cross that threshold with him. She had old wounds that were still healing, wishing she could move on, but her heart just wasn't in it. And now this trip was going to open those wounds, she just knew it. She couldn't go to this place and not feel his presence, but she also couldn't turn down the opportunity career wise, knowing Steve would roll over in his grave if she had, getting a slight bit of amusement over that. He was always so encouraging, assuring her that she had the strength, and knowing just what to do or say to pull it out of her. She had yet to meet anyone like him. It made her wonder then if his father had brought him home to be buried in the Memorial cemetery there. If he was, then she couldn't and wouldn't pass up the opportunity to visit him, no matter how painful it might. But in the end she couldn't help but feel it would be comforting too. She missed him but more than anything else she loved him, and always would.

"When do we leave?" she asked Paul.

"Tomorrow." They began walking toward the exit of the hotel as the other agents joined, heading back to the office for a debriefing of the day's event. "Are you going to come over tonight?" he asked hopeful.

"I really should stay home and pack if we are leaving tomorrow."

He agreed but couldn't help but feel disappointed over it too. "You're probably right. I'll send over a copy of the file so you can review it and then we can go over it on the plane ride."

"Ok." She put a hand on his back before she made her way over to the other Agents. "Thank you Paul for including me."

He looked over at her, surprised at the use of his name, but even more so over the small gesture of her hand. She didn't display physical responses to him very often, so when she did it was like a gift he felt privileged for receiving. She was unlike any woman he had ever been with. While most were always on the run to get him down the isle, Michelle was the opposite. Her lack of emotional state in this relationship only pulled him in deeper, making him feel like a begging dog and when he would get the pat on his head like she just gave him, it made him happy. He hated it, but loved it at the same time.

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Steve got out of his truck after coming home from the hospital via the Governor's house. Kono was in recovery and doing fine and he had insisted on staying at the Governor's residence, only to be told to go home and get some rest. There were several guards posted around the mansion that had been brought in from the local Navy base. The Governor assured him they were in good hands.

He stopped at his mailbox and pulled out the three days worth of mail, scanning through the letters and junk mail on the way to his door. He smiled brightly at the letter postmarked from London, England.

He came inside and dropped everything in his hands on the coffee table except that letter, and even forwent the rumbling in his stomach, sitting on the couch and opening it right away.

A letter from Anai was always a treat. She was fourteen now and spoke, as well as wrote, better English than he did, and even though they hadn't seen each other since that night he was put on the helicopter outside her home they had remained close. She wrote him often and sent pictures. He always replied diligently.

Her letters were like a short story always filled with some sort of new adventure she had discovered or something new she had learned in school. Her latest was art, but she had a deep passion for medicine and no matter what her latest quest was, there was always something in her letters that related to medicine and what she had learned. She was going to be a doctor, there was no doubt in his mind or anyone else's. He was privileged to know that he was her first patient and when she won the Noble prize someday, which he was sure she would, then he had bragging rights.

He finished reading it and picked up the picture of she, her father and grandmother, all standing in front of her school after she had given a report on the most influential artists who ever lived. He wasn't surprised that she had received a top grade for it, knowing it probably blew away anyone else's in the class.

He smiled at the little girl who had found him in the forest, nearly dead and the family that had nursed him and taken care of him so diligently, litterly saving his life, never once taking credit for what she often thanked him for, which was the same thing, saving her life.

She was growing up so fast. She already had the University picked out that she would attend and two scholarships had already been offered. It wasn't just he that saw her greatness.

He too was setting aside some of his own money to give her for a graduation present, which would come before the others. She was already two years ahead of her classmates the same age. She was simply brilliant.

He heard a soft knock on his front door as Becky peeked her head inside. Her long blond hair was up in a ponytail and she was still dressed in work clothes from the office.

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hey," he smiled back. "I didn't know you were coming over."

She came in the rest of the way and closed the door. "I talked to Danny and he told me about Kono." She walked over to him and bent over giving him a kiss. "You doing all right?"

"I'm fine. She's the one that got shot."

"I know," she rolled her eyes, sitting down next to him. "Why I even ask is beyond me."

He put a hand on her bare knee where her skirt had ridden up, "Because you're sweet." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Sorry for the smart ass reply."

She shrugged, "You're just being you," she teased.

He squeezed her knee, tickling her as she moved away from him on the couch.

"Steve," she laughed pushing his hand away. "Is that a letter from Anai?"

"Yes." He held it up. "She's studying art now."

She could see the light in eyes whenever he spoke about her, wishing secretly he had that same look when he spoke about her, but knew he didn't. "I don't know why you don't go and visit her." she looked from the letter to him. "We could go together. We've never gone anywhere before."

"Yes we have. We went to Maui."

"Maui isn't going away. Maui is a twenty minute plane ride to the place we basically just left."

"You didn't have fun on Maui?" he questioned, recalling they did exactly what she wanted to do and that was get up in the morning, have breakfast, sit by the pool, have lunch, take a dip in the ocean and then have an expensive dinner and then bed, repeat twice. The sex was pretty good, but it was the longest two days of his life. If he went to London to see Anai he wasn't sure he would take her, but then again he wasn't sure how he would maneuver around not taking her without seriously hurting her feelings. He didn't want to do either.

"Maui was nice for me, but I don't think it was so great for you." She put a hand on his back. "What if I look into air fares and just see what they have available. And I promise there won't be any sitting by the pool and relaxing. We'll see the whole country while we're there."

He looked over at her with a raised eyebrow, wondering if she could read his mind. She was very intuitive when it came to his thoughts, surprising him on more than one occasion. "Can we book a hotel that doesn't even have a pool?" he teased her.

She shook her head at him, "Was I that boring?" She started to think that whole trip was a disaster from his perspective when all she wanted to do was be alone with him and hopefully see if he had a romantic side, which she learned he didn't. Or if he did, it wasn't something he knew how to use.

"I'm sorry." He pulled her down as she tried to get up. "Hey. I'm sorry," he said again. "It wasn't boring," he sighed. "It's just hard for me to sit and do nothing."

She did know that about him but was hoping that just sitting with her would be worth it, which she also found out was not the truth at all. She loved him, but it was like being in love with a stranger sometimes. She didn't now how to prove herself to him anymore than she already had over the eight months they'd been seeing each other. He just seemed like he was going through the motions while she was the one that was holding them together. She looked over at him, tired of the chase, feeling she needed something to sustain her. "Do you…" she wanted to ask him so badly if he loved her, but was afraid of his answer. It might break her heart. Instead she went for the easy fix. "Do you enjoy being with me?"

He felt a blow to his manhood, knowing he wasn't living up to what he should be giving her. She was good to him. She was really good to him and she didn't deserve what he gave in return, which wasn't much. He just felt like he had to always pull it out of himself and force it. He didn't want to force it, he wanted it flow naturally like it should have, like it did with...he paused that thought, reconsidering what giving everything he had to Michelle had done to him. This relationship with Becky was easy because he didn't have to feel scared of that loss, or the painful separation that still hurt, simply because he didn't love her like he did Michelle, but he did care for her, very much.

"Yes. I like being with you" He went one further feeling he owed her and took her hand. "I think you're an amazing woman, Becky. You're beautiful, smart and you put up with me. I don't know why sometimes, but you do. I don't deserve you, but I'm glad you're here." That he meant wholeheartedly. He didn't deserve her and felt he'd better figure out what he wanted soon or he was going to lose her. He had come to the conclusion that they would never have what he and Michelle had, but maybe this was the next best thing. That relationship had run him over, there was no chance for that in this one, it was selfish on his part, but it was also safe.

She bent her head and smiled, pleased with his answer that would sustain her for a long time. "Have you eaten yet?" she asked, looking back up at him as he smiled at her.

"No."

"I'll make you something."

She stood up and he reached out for her arm, pulling her back down for a kiss, which she happily obliged. He watched her walk toward the kitchen as his smile faded. She really deserved more. He had to try harder. Whoever said '_its __better to have loved and lost , than never to have loved at all_,' was full of shit in his opinion. If it weren't for Michelle, he'd be able to give Becky what she needed.


	17. Chapter 17

Michelle stopped in the middle of a sit up, hearing her computer ding, alerting her of new mail. She forewent the message and continued on with her exercises until she reached two hundred and then rolled over on her stomach and did fifty push ups.

She pushed herself up off the floor on the last one and reached over for a glass of water she had set out for when she finished her workout. She did the most strenuous one early in the morning with weights and cardio and finished out every night with the other. She barely broke a sweat but drank down the entire glass.

Her phone went off next and she reached over picking it up off the counter in the kitchen that was open to the living room.

"Hello," she answered.

"Hi," Paul replied. "I didn't interrupt your workout did I?"

"Nope, just finished."

"Good. I sent over that file on the assignment in Hawaii. It has some details about the case and the people we're going to be working with. Look it over and if you have any questions, give me a call and I can be over in about ten minutes." He smiled into the phone, wondering if she got the hint of that.

She got it. She felt bad for putting him off earlier and wasn't sure what it was going to be like on assignment. They'd have separate rooms for sure and she didn't want the other team members to know about the two of them just yet, if they already didn't. He was still her boss even though it wasn't necessarily frowned upon for them to be seeing each other, she didn't want people to take it the wrong way. "Are you all packed?"

"Packed and ready to go." He was hoping she'd give him the green light.

"Why don't you give me about two hours and then come over. We can go to the airport together in the morning."

"I'd like that," he said sincerely. "I'll see you in two."

She smiled, actually looking forward to seeing him. "Ok, see you then." She hung up and stared at her phone, wondering why it came in waves for her. Sometimes she really enjoyed being with him, and other times it felt like a chore. She knew his feelings for her were true, but wasn't sure if he loved her or not. They never spoke of that, nor did they speak of the future. They lived day by day and for now that was good for her. It was all she was capable of anyway. He didn't seem to mind and that pleased her even more.

She filled up another glass of water and went in the den, sitting behind the desk and touched the pad on her laptop, waking it up. She maneuvered around to her email and downloaded the file from Paul.

She took another drink, holding the glass in her hand as she clicked on the icon opening it up. She read the first paragraph, which was half a page long, describing Emilio Estalonzo and then scrolled down as she came to Governor Sam Denning and his task force. She looked at his picture and then began moving down a little further when something caught her eye, seeing the name McGarrett.

'_Lt. Commander Steve McGarrett, Head of Hawaii Five O task force, working directly for the Governor of Hawaii.'_

She stared at the name feeling her heart pound until she let out a breath, realizing it must be his father, which was a shock in itself. She knew he was a police office but never knew that he was a Lt. Commander as well. The idea of working with Steve's father was like a catch-22, weighing heavy on her, questioning whether or not she should tell him that she knew his son, that she had loved his son.

She began to feel that ole familiar hand of fate that had so many times reared its ugly head when it came to she and Steve, but perhaps this trip could be the closure she so desperately needed when it came to that relationship.

She read through the other names; Detective Daniel Williams, Lt. Chin Ho Kelly and Officer Kono Kalakaua. She scrolled down a little more as images appeared, wanting to know if there was a resemblance between father and son.

The pounding in her chest returned with a vengeance as the rest of her body went numb as she stared at his picture. She felt in a fog as if someone had just put a white sheet over her head, unable to register what she was seeing, shaking her head in disbelief as the glass of water in her hand tipped and slowly began to spill out onto the floor, completely unaware of it. Her head began to swirl over the photo of Steve. If anyone had been in that room with her, the pale expression on her face would have been alarming, as if she had just seen a ghost, which she thought she was.

She dropped the glass on the floor and reached her hand up to the monitor, touching his photo with her fingers. It was recent, that much she did know. He was dressed in his Navy uniform, but his hair was longer and the date below the picture gave the years of service to Five O, which had been the last three.

She couldn't focus. She couldn't breathe, still unable to believe what was happening.

He was alive. It was impossible. She saw it on the screen before her with her own eyes but still couldn't believe it. This couldn't be him. This was a joke. Paul was playing a sick , sick joke on her. Somehow he found out and he was sending her this fabricated file on Steve. There was no other explanation.

Her stomach was in knots as she scrolled down further, not seeing anything else on him, but seeing information about several arrests and drug busts by the Five O team. She closed the file and pulled up Google, typing in his name, having to back space several times not able to control the shaking in her hands, pressing search.

His name appeared over a dozen times with dates going back only a few months. Tears formed as she clicked one of the hyperlinks that brought up a news article from a Hawaii newspaper. He was on the cover with one of the other men in the file photos wearing a bulletproof vest and badge, leading a man away in cuffs.

She bent over putting her head between her knees, feeling faint.

"No," she shuttered. "This isn't true. This can't…this can't be true." She saw his code name and saw the word deceased. She saw it! It was there. They said he was gone. Why would they do that? All this time she mourned for him, cried for him. It changed her life. It ruined her life. She sat back up and stared at the picture of him on the screen until the tears blurred the vision, pushing her chair back and standing, not able to pull her eyes away from the man who had once been the love of her life and whom she thought was taken from her so brutally that it literally shattered her into a million pieces.

She didn't even realize she had been moving away from the desk until she hit the wall behind her, slowly sinking down to the floor, still staring at his image. "How?" she sobbed. "How could this happen? How could he let this happen?"

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Steve woke up out of a dead sleep. He reached over for his watch, seeing it was only three fifteen but he was wide-awake. He looked over his shoulder at Becky who lay undisturbed.

He carefully slid out of bed, reaching for his sweat pants. He closed the door on his way out and went downstairs.

The file that was sent over from the Governor's office still laid on the coffee table. It had arrived just as Becky had finished his dinner. He attempted to look it over but after their earlier discussion he decided to forgo it and focus on her for the night instead. If he was going to give this relationship the attention it deserved, he needed to think about stuff like that. So he set it aside.

He picked it up now and sat down on the couch, putting his feet up on the coffee table and flipping it open.

He read over the agenda, which he was already familiar with, but was more interested in the Secret Service Agents that were coming. He wanted to know each individual and their credentials so he could be aware of whom he'd be dealing with when they arrived. He knew many had come from military backgrounds, which could be good or bad. Some had egos that were off the charts. That would only make life hard for he and his team. He wasn't about to sit back and hand them the reins like he had to do with the FBI. He had an emotional stake in this. The Governor was his friend. He'd been to his house and celebrated events with he and his family, both professionally and personally.

He looked over the leader of the group first. 'Major Paul Barone, retired Marine, served fifteen years, five of those as commander of troops who were the clean up in Iraq after the takedown. That was some of the most dangerous parts of the world at the time. He lost two friends himself during his own deploy time over there. Barone had proved his ability in the military but Steve wondered just what kind of leader he was; smart and patient, or brass and in your face? He'd learned to deal with both kinds so he wasn't too worried about it.

He flipped the pages over and read over the next two. They also were Marines who served in Iraq about the same time as Barone. He wondered if maybe he hadn't recruited some of his team from over there. It would have been a smart move, something he would have done. The next two were one Army and one civilian.

"What," he mumbled, "no Navy?" flipping over the next file and seeing the emblem first. "There we go." He saw the picture of the agent next and his heart skipped. He pulled his feet off the table setting them on the floor as he sat up; his mouth open, staring at the picture of Michelle. He didn't have to read the name below it, he knew it was her.

The facial expression in the photo was the typical seriousness that was associated with the Secret Service, but she was still just as beautiful as she ever was. He had wondered for the last four years where she was and what she had done with her life. Now he knew. She worked for the Secret Service. The shock of seeing her was there in full force, but not the surprise over the job choice. She would have fit in well.

Her dark hair was longer but the stunning features hadn't changed a bit; neither had his feelings that he thought were under control as he stared at her recent photo.

It washed over him like a tidal wave, taking his breath away. He touched the image with his finger, recalling how soft her skin was when he was allowed to do that for real, missing her still. He had been willing to change his life for her. He would have done anything necessary to be near her, until she gave up on them. She didn't even give him a chance. She just checked out.

The shock of seeing her was still so vivid that it just then dawned on him that she'd be there the next day. She'd be on his island, in his office, in his life again, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. She was coming.

He tossed the file on the table and dropped his head in his hands, running them over his hair. '_Holy shit_,' he thought. '_I can't do this. I can't see her. What the fuck am I going to do?_' He'd been in some of the most stressful situations known to man and had the ability to work through and overcome just about anything thrown at him, but this, this was something he had no idea how to even prepare for.

He'd never had a panic attack before, seeing them first hand but never experiencing one for himself. His heart rate was off the charts and he couldn't catch his breath, sweat began to build on his temple and in his palms. He wiped his hands on his pants as he stood up and walked toward the back door.

He went outside into the darkness and started walking toward the water. He just needed to clear his head. He often swam for therapy, beginning when he was younger and something was bothering him, or when he felt his world was getting out of control, especially after his Mother's death, and now.

He pulled down on his sweats and stepped out of them, standing on the beach completely naked as he kept moving forward into the water until he was waist deep and then dove in and started swimming as fast and as hard as he could, reaching his arms out and plowing into the water, pushing himself harder and harder through the waves. His was mind racing with memories of Michelle and the two of them together, moving as swiftly as he did through the surf.

He got about a hundred yards out and stopped, treading water with the vast ocean in front of him.

"Fuck!" he yelled out angrily. "Why? Why are you doing this to me?" his voice broke. "What did I do wrong?" He went under the water trying to prevent the emotions from getting the better of him, something he also did when he was a boy. He held his breath until he thought his lungs might burst, coming back up again gasping for air.

The anxiety finally reached a level where he could cope and he laid back in the water and just floated. He stared up at the stars recalling the night he sat by that boulder waiting for the Taliban to come for him. He'd been thinking about this very spot, knowing he was going to die and wishing he could be there just one more time.

He was here now. He'd survived that night. He survived because of her. He also survived that night in Anai's house because of her too. The bond he still felt with her hadn't been touched for a long time, but it was there. So was the respect he had for her. It wasn't just some ex coming that he'd once known, it was Michelle. She was a part of him and always would be. That would never change.

He rolled over and began to calmly make his way back to the beach, feeling the hysteria disappear and a calmness take its place. He needed to prepare himself for the next day. He wasn't only nervous as hell to see her, but a part of him was excited too. He'd missed her.

He came out of the water as Becky came down the lawn running toward him. "What's wrong? Why did you go out there?" she asked confused and worried, but above all concerned over his odd behavior.

He stopped, reaching for his sweat pants and getting them back on just before she reached him. "Its nothing," he said walking past her. "I just needed a swim."

"Steve!" she shouted.

He stopped and turned to her. "Quite, you're going to wake my neighbors."

"Wake…" she shuttered, shaking her head even more confused. "Wake your neighbors? What the hell is going on? I wake up and you're not there and I come downstairs and you're nowhere." She pointed at the ocean, "You come out of the water naked at three in the morning and you want to stand there and tell me it's nothing?"

He went to her having no idea what to say. How could he tell her? How would he explain to her that the love of his life who he held above all other women, even though she had broken his heart, was coming to town tomorrow and they were going to be working together. What words could he possibly use to describe it without hurting her.

He put his hands on her arms, "Listen to me. This is just something I do when I'm stressed. I have a lot going on right now with the Governor that has me concerned; not just for him but also for his family. He's counting on me and on top of it the President is sending a Secret Service convoy down here to try to do my job." He looked down, hating that he had to lie to her. He hated liars. "It just helps clear my head is all."

He felt her hand brace the back of his neck as he looked back up at her.

"Why don't you ever confide in me? If you're feeling that way then talk to me. Let me help you. I want too."

The lights from the house shown just enough so he could see the sincerity on her face over that statement. It was something you said to someone you not only cared about but also loved. She was so beautiful and her concern for him was touching. He put his arms around her and hugged her tightly, wishing with all his heart that he could return those feelings, but they just weren't there. He knew it now more than ever after the news of Michelle.

Becky hugged him back, kissing his neck, mistaking the generous hug as the love she'd been looking for from him. "You can trust me," she whispered to him.

He didn't want to hurt her like he'd been hurt. He didn't wish that pain upon anyone, but even more than that, he didn't want to be the one causing it. "I'm sorry," he said, but again, the apology wasn't meant in the direction she had thought.


	18. Chapter 18

Steve handed Chin a cup of coffee as they stood next to Kono's bed.

"Thanks brother," he whispered.

"How she doing this morning," he asked.

"Good," Chin replied. "It started out to be kind of a rough night but they doped her up pretty good at around one and she hasn't woken up since."

Steve nodded; glad to hear she was doing all right. He looked back over at Chin who looked worst than she did. "How you doing?"

"Me? I'm fine. Long night for sure, but I'm good."

"You should go home and get some sleep. I'll stay with her. Danny should be over in a bit after he drops Gracie off."

"You both should go," Kono blurted out with her eyes still closed. "You're yapping is keeping me awake."

Steve smiled. "Yeah, looks like she's doing just fine. Can I get you a shot of whiskey or something tough girl?"

She opened her eyes and reached over for his coffee. "I'll take that coffee."

He pulled it away, "I'm not sure if you're supposed to be having any liquids."

"What?" she whined. "I take one for the team and you won't even give me your coffee?"

He handed it over to her. "All right, here. But," he warned pointing at her. "If that Hawaiian nurse out there comes in and asks, you didn't get it from me."

Chin laughed. "You gotta be talking about the one that's six foot and looks like a line backer."

"Did you see her?" Steve chuckled. "She'd kick my ass."

"I'd love to see that," Danny said, entering the room with a bag of Malasadas "I'd love to see any woman kick your ass. I'd buy tickets for that."

"Nice of you to join us this morning Daniel," Steve fired back, pretending to check his watch. "Get lost on your way here?"

He ignored the sarcasm and went straight for Kono. "I got you your favorite," he said setting the bag down on the bed. "Cocoa Puffs."

"Danny!" she smiled brightly. "You are a true friend. Thank you," she purred, digging into the bag. "I'm starving."

He looked over at Steve, grinning broadly over his gift to her, as if that was his smart ass reply to the earlier sarcasm.

"I brought her coffee," Steve quickly defended.

"Save it, " Danny said. "I was here in time to hear her beg for it."

He pointed over his shoulder. "Did you see that nurse out there?" he pointed then to the bag. "You're in a lot more trouble than me if she sees that. And that, I would buy tickets for," he chuckled.

"She doesn't scare me as much as the group that's joining us today." He leaned against Kono's bed, crossing his arms. "I take it you read over the file last night sent over from Albright?"

"Yes," he replied, feeling that knot in his stomach tighten over the thought of seeing Michelle in only a few hours. "Did you?"

"Of course. It was a great bed time reading, put me to sleep."

"What file?" Chin asked.

"You didn't go home last night," Steve explained. "Albright sent each one of us a file on the Secret Service team that's coming to the island today."

"A lot of ex military," Danny said. "You should get along great with them," he motioned to Steve. "I want to get along with the dark haired one. What's her name?" He snapped his fingers in Steve's direction trying to jog his memory. "Did you see her?"

"Baker," Steve said, feeling sick to his stomach, wondering if just saying her name showed the apprehension all over his face.

"Baker," Danny whistled. "If the picture does her justice then she'll be worth putting up with them."

"I'm sure she worked her ass off to get where she is. She's a professional Danny! The Governor and I expect you to treat them all that way too."

He and Chin both looked at him, surprised over the lecture.

"Settle down. You're not going to be like this the whole time they're here are you?"

"Like what?" he snapped.

"Like that!" He motioned with both hands to him. "Are you going to salute them when they get off the plane?"

Steve shook his head. "I'm just telling you. We have to work closely with these people for however long it takes until the Governor is in the clear and I want to make it as smooth a possible."

"Relax buddy," Danny could see the tension on his face, mistaking it for what he just said, not having the slightest indication it could be anything else. He knew Steve was stressed over this and decided to throw him a bone on this one. "I'll behave. I'll be the ever diligent partner like Robin is to Batman."

Chin huffed, "You mean more like what Laverne is to Shirley."

That broke the tension as all four laughed.

'_You do need to settle down_,' Steve told himself. '_Get your head together. It's going to be fine_.' But no matter how many times he told himself that it didn't help. The tension was so taught that the second his head was cleared of any conversation it went directly to Michelle and this reunion that he was dreading, yet at the same time a part of him was anxious to see her. He assumed she wasn't married, judging by the same last name, but who knew. He hoped she wasn't, not sure how he would take the news. He wasn't naïve to know she that hadn't been abstinence since their departure, but just the thought of her with someone else still hurt. He hated that.

He'd never told Danny about her. The only people in the world who did know were Sean, his father and the 'boy'. Sean and he still kept in contact but never spoke of her, knowing first hand what he'd gone through to get over her. His father was now deceased and he was pretty sure the boy had no intention of even thinking about her again.

What would he tell Danny anyway? He and Becky were pretty close friends. He's the one that had introduced them to begin with. She was a friend of his little sister's growing up and moved here from Jersey. She was around a lot when she first got here and one thing led to another and here he was now. How could he tell Danny about Michelle when the girl he was seeing now was practically a little sister to him? He couldn't even bring himself tell him he wanted to end it with her. It was a mess, but right now that issue took backseat to the one that was flying thirty five thousand feet over the Pacific on her way to Honolulu airport.

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"Michelle? Michelle?" Paul said again.

She looked up from the paper, missing the last minute of the discussion; her mind elsewhere. "Yes?" she replied, "I'm sorry, Sir? Could you repeat that?"

Paul stood up as the rest of the agents sat around the large, round mahogany table on the renovated 747 thirty thousand feet in the air. "Let's take a break. We've been at this all morning. There's a buffet set up by the galley. Go eat and we'll meet back here in an hour."

She went to get up when he put a hand on her forearm.

"Would you please stay? I'd like to speak with you." He watched the others leave and asked the last one out to please shut the door. He turned to her, "What's up with you? You seem very distracted."

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

He sat down and took the back of her chair and swiveled it so they were facing each other. "Is it something between us?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Is it this assignment? Are you feeling unsure?"

"No!" she said adamantly. "No Sir."

He sat back in the chair. "You never tell me anything Michelle. I'm trying to help and I'm trying to be as patient as possible, as both your boss and your…" he didn't finish that part, not knowing exactly what he was to her, "but you make it difficult. You told me to come over last night and then at the last minute you call me and tell me not too. No reasonable explanation, and now this."

She stared at him, knowing he deserved something. He was right, he was patient with her, but more so as her lover. As far as her job went she felt she was on top of her game, except for this one distraction that had her completely caught off guard.

"I need you 100% right now."

"I know. I won't let you down, Paul."

"You never have before," he said, but only meant that professionally. "I hope you know that I didn't pick you for this because we're sleeping together? I chose you because you're one of the best. You're sharp and you know when to act and when to re-act in a seconds notice. That's why I brought you. If the other," he motioned between the two of them, "is the distraction, then maybe we should keep it strictly professional on this assignment."

She knew everything he said was for her benefit, not his. He bent over backwards for her in this relationship and she couldn't remember the last time she had done something nice for him. She felt horrible over that. He was a good man and none of this was his fault, wishing she could tell him about Steve, but knowing it was impossible. If they were in another life together he could have made her very happy, but they weren't and the only man she had ever truly loved was now back from the dead and thrown into the mix, making her life hell at the moment.

"This assignment is important to me too. Not only because you chose me, but because I know how important it is to you. I appreciate you being there for me Paul, both professionally and privately." She reached over touching his hand. "It's not you and it's not the job. I'm glad I'm here and you won't regret bringing me," she smiled, "professionally or privately."

He liked the later part of that conversation the most, knowing the first part was a sure thing. She was one of the best. "Ok then," he stood up. "Let's go grab some chow."

"You go ahead. I want to read over this some more." She motioned to the paperwork in front of her.

He smiled and nodded; glad they seemed to be back on track. "Ok. "I'll save you a turkey sandwich, extra mayo."

"Thank you."

She watched him walk out and close the door behind him. She turned back over to the paperwork and flipped open the page to Steve's photo, staring at it. Her emotions were all over the place. She had no explanation as to why he had cut off the relationship with her. She had used her credentials the night before and dug deeper into the helicopter crash, at least getting an explanation of the reason she was told he was dead.

He had been gone for eight days before he was found. They had done four searches before calling it off and presuming he had perished in the crash with the others, upgrading his status to deceased, which is what she had seen. The information was very strategically laid out and never mentioned how he was rescued or the extent of his injuries. She was sure whatever mission he was sent on must have been top secret to keep even that information secure. It didn't matter anyway where he was going, she thought, he had made it home, and the part that hurt the worst was that he never tried to contact her. He never once made an effort to find her. With all of his qualifications and security clearances he could have located her easily, but never did.

She had come to the painful conclusion the night before that perhaps he had a change of heart while he was gone for those eight days. He had told her not to wait for him. She just never knew he meant it for real. Their last conversation was so vivid in her memory. She had always held it dear to her heart after he expressed that he was willing to give up his Navy life and move to Virginia to be with her, but now that memory was cursed, wondering if he felt he'd spoken too soon about that move. She knew he had signed up for another four years shortly after coming back from that accident. '_He didn't want Virginia_,' she thought sadly. '_He didn't want me.'_

She wondered then if he even knew that all this time she had been grieving for him. If he did know, then she had to come to the conclusion that she didn't know him at all! Who would do such a thing and let someone go on and believe that? That couldn't be true, she thought. He couldn't be that cruel, but it's exactly what had happened. She had to consider it. Did he even know she was coming? She had to assume so since she had information on him and she was assured they would require the same from them. The thought of that first meeting and being in the same room with him after all this time and all the heartbreak she went through and what she knew now, it was like being on an emotional roller coaster to say the least. In the last 24 hours she had gone from mourning a man she had changed her life for to mourning the life she had given up all for a man who didn't want her.

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"Why does it have to be so formal?" Danny said, fidgeting in the hot sun as they stood on the tarmac by the runway at Honolulu airport. There were several uniformed officers behind them and five squad cars as well as three black Suburban SUV's parked for the agents departure.

"At least we didn't have to put on ties," Chin reminded him. "Would you want to be standing out here in a suit?"

"Good point."

"Here they come," Chin pointed at the 747 with the American flag painted on the side as it taxied up and stopped about a fifty yards away from them.

A truck with stairs attached pulled up just below the door that was opened by a man dressed in a dark suit. Steve took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. The heat from the sun coming off the tarmac was nothing compared to the sweat that was building from the reunion that was about to take place. He watched closely as the people began to depart the open door and descend the steps, making their way toward them. He paid them no mind; it was the woman who exited last that suddenly made his pulse rate soar.

Michelle held tightly on to the briefcase in her hand, feeling the sweat on her palms form. She bent over slightly looking out the window at the men standing just a little way from the plane and recognized him immediately, even from the distance. She stood back up and felt her heart rate go through the roof. It was the most surreal moment of her life. '_Oh God that's him! He's really here!_' she thought panicked. '_Ok, just relax. You're under control_,' she encouraged, instilling confidence in herself, proving that even though they were on his turf, she was in charge. '_In the business you're in, you out rank him this time. He's the one that fucked up and walked away from you. Show him that it didn't faze you. You went on happily, successfully no doubt!_' She stood up a little taller; the expression on her face becoming firm. '_You work for the President of the United States. You're a Secret Service Agent and you're fucking great at your job. Screw him!'_ It helped some.

'_Just don't make eye contact,_' she decided at the last second as she departed the plane, hoping she didn't stumble down the steps, barely able to feel her legs.

He was taken back over the anxiety that suddenly eluded him. Seeing her again didn't cause the havoc he was expecting, instead calmness moved through him and a smile erupted on his face. She moved just as he had remembered, that confident walk and that body. '_Jesus,_' he thought, eyeing her in the tight black skirt that came just above the knee and a white shirt with the black sport jacket. She looked beautiful. His thoughts went to the black dress he slipped over her head the last night they were together in Thailand. His line of sight was blocked as Paul came straight toward him with his hand out.

"Commander McGarrett," he said shaking his hand. "I'm Agent Paul Barone. It's good to meet you."

"Agent Barone. Good to meet you too," he replied, trying to keep eye contact with him and not look beyond him to where Michelle was approaching. He saw Paul look in Danny's direction expecting an introduction. "This is…" Steve turned motioning to him. "These are my partners, Detective Danny Williams and Lieutenant Chin Ho Kelly. Officer Kalakaua is in the hospital recovering from a gunshot wound to the leg."

"I heard. I hope she makes a full recovery," Paul said sincerely.

"She will. Thank you." This Barone wasn't the uptight, in your face type of agent he had dealt with in the past. He was professional of course, but above all he was more socially engaging than what he was expecting. He liked him right away.

Paul motioned to the several people standing behind him, including agents and assistants. "This is my team."

He began to introduce each person as Steve, Danny and Chin made their way down the line, shaking hands. He saw her toward the end of the group with her head slightly bent, still not looking at him.

"This is Agent Baker," Paul introduced. "This is Commander McGarrett, Detective Williams and Lieutenant Kelly.

"Agent Baker," Steve smiled, holding his hand out and waiting for her to look up at him. He'd wanted this moment for four years.

"Commander," she said taking it firmly as his was more gentle. Touching him after all this time was both exhilarating and painful at the same time. She only looked up enough to see his chin, knowing if she saw his face she'd fall right back under his spell. She was too angry and guarded right now for that. She pulled her hand away and looked at Danny, taking his hand. "Detective Williams." She pumped it firmly twice and then made eye contact with Chin next. "Lieutenant."

Steve moved on to the last two agents having no recollection of the men he had just met, still reeling over the fact that she had just completely dismissed him. He looked down the line at her as she stood next to one of the taller men as if trying to hide behind him. '_She's not even going to fucking look at me?_' he thought angrily. '_What the hell!_' He wanted to walk over and shake her. Hadn't she done enough damage to him over the past four years? Now she was going to pretend like she didn't even know him, as if the time they spent together in Thailand was an illusion, a mistake, or perhaps a waste of her time! His was anger building by the second. If this was the game she wanted to play, then so be it. Just then, he finally got the attention he'd been waiting for, but the circumstances had changed.

She couldn't take it anymore and glanced around Agent Douglas, wanting to catch just a small glimpse of Steve. She was startled to see him looking directly at her. The impact of meeting his gaze after all this time was bitter sweet. He was just as handsome as he ever was, making her heart flutter in a way that it hadn't in a long time, but the stern glare he gave her she knew was because of the cold shoulder. She could see the genuine hurt in his eyes over it.

She'd made a mistake. She felt she'd made a huge mistake. She looked away from him ashamed with herself. '_Why did you do that?_' She could only imagine how she would have felt if he had done the same to her. She had just set the tone for this reunion and it wasn't a good one. She wanted to be angry with him for the past but it was hard to see that look on him and associate it with someone who didn't care about her. Who didn't want to see her.

She was again reminded that their relationship began way before Thailand; it began on the side of hill, in the dead of the night, when they both had decided to risk their lives for the other. He didn't deserve this, regardless if he had changed his mind about the relationship. And after witnessing the look on his face she also began to change her mind about her theory. Maybe there was more to his sudden departure four years earlier than she had anticipated. There were so many questions she had, but one answer she did know for sure, being this close to him again had stirred emotions in her that were unsettling. She had thought that hating him would help the cause, but she could barely bring herself to even be angry with him anymore. He had that much power over her. After all, she had loved him very much at one time; not sure exactly where that love went in the last twenty-four hours, finding it difficult to believe it had just vanished.

He watched her make her way over to one of the SUV's after he'd consulted with Paul about setting up a meeting with the Governor in the next hour to go over the details of his schedule. He also watched with great interest as Paul put a hand on Michelle's back and whispered something to her before he departed to the other car. It wasn't what Paul said that sparked his curiosity but the way in which it was delivered. It was almost intimate, wondering if they had something going.

He felt a blow to his ego as well as a jealousy trait that he had always been assured eluded him. He'd never been the jealous type before, but at that moment his liking toward Paul quickly vanished, wanting to break the hand off that had touched her like that. Not able to or necessarily wanting to think about what else had touched her.

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Michelle listened but watched more intently as Steve laid out the format for the reason behind the Governor's needed protection. She looked over the file that was given each agent on the possible whereabouts of Emilio Estalonzo. He was on a no-fly list for Honolulu airport and the Coast Guard was on high alert for any boats coming and going from Oahu, going as far as searching vessels that had cargo coming in and out of Mexico or with Columbian connections. He informed them of the FBI intervention stating the information he provided, they also had.

She tried to concentrate on what he was saying but the visual of him standing there is what held her attention. He commanded the room, the same as he did that night he walked into the bar in Thailand. She was attracted to him immediately back then, the same as she was now, hating that influence he had over her. She was torn over the happiness of seeing him and the anger she harbored over the rejection. He refused to make eye contact with her, which was making it even more difficult to concentrate. This trip was proving already to be a challenge that she had not had time to plan for. She didn't want it to be this way regardless of the anger. She wanted to come across as strong and unaffected by the separation, but knew that was going to be a long shot to pull off, because it affected her deeply.

Paul explained the course of action that they preferred as far as surveillance and keeping tabs on the Governor. They were convinced as well as Steve that Estalonzo was still on the island somewhere and an attempted hit was more than likely. They discussed future social events that the Governor refused to cancel including one the next night, which he was hosting for several charities from all four islands that had exceeded their goal for donations for the year. It was an award ceremony that was going to happen whether they advised against it or not.

They stood up after an hour as Steve and Paul shook hands.

"You're very thorough Commander," Paul declared. "I appreciate that. It doesn't leave anything to haste. I think we're going to work well together."

"Me too," Steve replied. He hated that he liked him. He was convinced more than ever that something was between he and Michelle after watching them walk together from the cars and enter the room together and then her intentionally taking a seat at the other end of the table, or maybe she was just trying to keep as much distance as she could from him. Either way the circumstances were uncomfortable to say the least.

He received several more compliments from other agents as they departed the room, half of them beginning their first hours of duty by heading over to the Governor's mansion where he and his family resided, while the other half was going to the hotel to check in and have dinner.

Paul left the room first, speaking with the group that would be taking the first watch. Steve held back and allowed the others to exit before him and to his surprise so did Michelle.

She made her way to the door, being the last one, wanting to say something to him but not knowing what at this point.

He didn't want another slap in the face so decided to vacate before her when he heard his name being quietly spoken. He stopped half way out the door, not sure he wanted to give her the satisfaction but it was the way in which she spoke that made him turn.

They stood alone in the room as the others made their way down the hall slowly toward the elevators, still engaged in the topic at hand.

She held the same briefcase in her hand and looked at him this time, giving him the full attention he deserved. "I'm sorry about what happened back at the airport," she said, not believing her first conversation with him was an apology. The last physical one they had he held her face in his hands, telling her they'd see each other again, he was sure of it. Well, he was right.

"You wouldn't even look at me," his voice stressing his hurt over that, not letting her get away with dismissing him for a second time.

She looked down, fidgeting with the briefcase in her hand. "I'm sorry, but you had to sense how difficult this is for me?"

"For you?" he said bewildered, wanting to shake her once again. "Difficult for you?"

She looked up over the sarcasm in his voice. "Yes," she said, not believing how selfish he was being. It was he who ended it and she was supposed to come here and bend over backwards to accommodate him and pretend like nothing had happened. "Why are you making this so hard for me? Do you just want to rub my nose in it?"

"Jesus," he groaned. "You're a piece of work you know that? I was willing to let bygones be bygones, but that's not good enough for you. You want me to crawl, don't you?" he stepped out the door. "It's not going to happen. It wasn't me that made this difficult and uncomfortable, you did that all on your own Michelle. And now you want me to cater to your feelings?" he looked down the hall as the last of the members of the group began to get on the elevator. "You better hurry Agent Baker, you might miss your ride and I'll be goddamned if I'm going to play tour guide again for you, just to get kicked around all over again." His anger was ignited over another incident that left him wounded a second time already that day. He began making his way toward the elevator.

"What are you talking about?" she whispered loudly chasing after him, all the anger and pain from the last twenty four hours, hell from the last four years was swaying her outburst. She couldn't stop it. "That's funny coming from a man who doesn't even have the guts to stand up and do the right thing. Oh no, you just disappear, you vanish into thin air like you never existed, like Thailand never existed." She wanted to swing that briefcase and hit him with it. "If getting snubbed at the airport hurt your feeling Steve," she said angrily "then you have only yourself to blame not me!" She walked past him as the elevators closed too late for either one of them.

She pushed the button angrily over and over glancing further down the hall looking for the door that led to the stairs, just wanting away from him. She'd never been so angry in her life. How dare he accuse her? She looked back down toward him for the exit when she saw him standing there looking at her. His expression was perplexed as if he were contemplating her words. The idea of him letting her believe he was dead was still sitting out there, not yet to be abandoned.

"What's the matter?" she continued the mockery. "I bet you never guessed you'd ever run into me again." She pushed the button, wishing it would hurry, "Believe me, I never thought in a lifetime I'd run into you." Those words were so true that just saying them now as she stood there with him was like a double edge sword, cutting her from both sides. She wanted to slap him for letting her go, but a part of her had been so in love with him that just being able to stand here and argue with him after thinking he was dead, was a blessing that cut the deepest.

The things she was saying just didn't make sense, yet the anger she displayed over it was so genuine it made him stop and think. For him it was all about the letter. Why did she cut off communication.

"You said you'd write me," he replied coolly. "You never did. I waited for it. I was laid up for weeks, just waiting for something from you. I got nothing. I didn't give up Michelle, you did.

"And send it where Steve?" She fought to keep control over the emotions that were overtaking her. "The morgue? Because that's where I thought you were the last four years."

She knew that second by the stunned expression on his face that he never knew.

He was astounded, his mind racing with what she had just said to him, shaking his head, not able to believe it. Was she serious? She had to be rattling his cage with that.

She faced the elevator but it was her voice that told him it wasn't a joke. "I hadn't heard from you in days. I was so worried." She took in a deep breath, trying to find some composure before she continued. "I typed in your code name…" she looked over at him. "Kahlua. The one you'd given me." She closed her eyes, seeing it on the screen. "Your status was deceased. I saw it." She bit her bottom lip to prevent it from quivering, reliving that day, feeling the impact even four years later. She looked back over at him with tears in her eyes. "All this time I thought you were dead, until yesterday."

She looked so painfully sad and so vulnerable it was hard to see, breaking his heart once again. He was trying desperately, but he just couldn't get his mind wrapped around it. All this time he thought she didn't want him, when in fact she had been grieving for him. It was the worst thing he could have imagined, yet at the same time it answered so many questions that he never understood. "I didn't know," he said quietly, "I swear to God, Michelle. I didn't know." He stepped toward her feeling that natural instinct to comfort whenever it came to her. "I tried to contact you but you left the Navy and…"

They both froze as the doors to the elevator opened and Danny stepped out, unaware of what he had walked into.

"Hey," he said to Michelle, "They're looking for you downstairs." It was then that he noticed Steve standing there too. The look on his face sent off alarms that something was up. Something major. He looked back over at Michelle as she walked past him and got on the elevator, her head slightly bent as she pushed the ground floor button.

"What's going on?" he asked Steve, but his attention was on Agent Baker. Danny glanced back over at her, seeing her bring her hand up to her face just before the doors closed. "What the hell happened?"

He waited for an explanation but it was clear that Steve's mind was elsewhere, Danny figured the elsewhere was probably on its way down the elevator. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"It's nothing," he finally spoke, turning around and going for the stairs that were halfway down the hall, not wanting to run into her in the lobby. He had to sort out his thoughts before he could see her again. This was too unbelievable.

"Steve!" Danny yelled, following behind, but it was as if he wasn't listening. He entered the stairwell behind him descending the steps and catching up with him, grabbing his arm. "Hey! Hold up."

"What?"

"What do you mean what?" he pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. "What was that back there? Did you two have an argument or something?"

"No. It was nothing, Danny. Just let it go." He tried to move on when he grabbed him again.

"Don't just walk away from me. Something is clearly going on. Do you know her?"

"No," Steve lied, pulling his arm away from his grip. "It was nothing. She had some reservations about my report. That's it."

"That's it," he practically laughed in his face. "You're going to stand there and tell me that's what I walked in on?"

Steve held both his hands out, "What? You want me to make something up?"

"No," Danny huffed angrily, "It's obvious that you already did. I just don't know why you're lying to me about it." He walked past him down the steps.

Steve shook his head. "Jesus, I can't catch a break today." He caught up with him on the next floor. "Danny."

He turned around eyeing him suspiciously, "Were you hitting on her?"

Steve almost laughed at him this time. "What?"

He repeated the question but emphasized each word. "Where you, hitting, on her?"

He knew that question was more for Becky. "No." He wanted to tell him about Michelle, but he was being so melodramatic at the moment it was almost as if he were talking to Becky. "I wasn't hitting on her. So don't get all upset Becky and start crying or anything," he said sarcastically.

Danny's expression turned, suddenly feeling foolish for asking it. "Ok, ok, I get it." He leaned back against the wall with his arms crossed. "She just confides in me, more than I want her too. Way more than I want her too."

Steve leaned back on the railing shaking his head. This day was getting worse by the minute. "Becky confides in you? About me?"

"She doesn't really tell me stuff, but she asks my advice about you."

"Really? And what do you tell her?"

"Not much," he quickly replied. "Believe me, I don't like it anymore than you do." Danny pushed himself off the wall, "Look, your relationship is none of my business, but Becky is like a little sister to me, so just promise me one thing. Don't cheat on her. I know that feeling man, it hurts. Get out if you feel you're going that way."

"I've never cheated on anyone in my life, Danny." He defended wholeheartedly, glad the subject had turned away from Michelle. "I wouldn't do that to her."

"Ok then," he leaned over and slapped his arm. "Sorry I turned into a teenage girl's best friend. Won't happen again. You and Becky, that's your business. I'll be sure to let her know that too next time she comes to me." He took a couple of steps and stopped, turning back over his shoulder. "Are you going to tell me what happened up there, or is that none of my business too?" He knew the bullshit explanation he'd given him was just that, bullshit.

Danny was his best friend, his partner and the closest person he had in his life. They were Ohana, even if blood wasn't involved. He didn't even know where to begin to explain his relationship with Michelle. What Danny had walked off the elevator and interrupted was probably the most disturbing clarification of information that he had ever received. He was still trying to come to terms with it himself, how in the hell was he going to explain it to him right then. "Let it go for now, Danny. Please?" he asked, almost as if pleading with him, but still giving him the understanding that when the time was right he'd fill him in, but now wasn't the time to discuss it.

He got the logistics of it right away in the tone of Steve's voice and the expression that returned. The same one he'd caught a glimpse of as he interrupted whatever it was that he and the Agent Baker had been discussing. The question whether or not he knew her wasn't a question anymore, he did. He was also confident that when the time came for him to know the details, that Steve would tell him, until then he decided to let it go as asked. "Ok," he agreed.

"I appreciate that," Steve said, descending the steps again. His thoughts instantly went back to Michelle and what she had told him upstairs. He was still trying to get his head wrapped around the fact that she was here with him in Hawaii and after all this time she thought he was dead. He wanted to see her again, needing to know more.

Everything he had led himself to believe over the past four years had shifted in a direction that made him angry now. Angry with himself for letting the heartbreak and his ego get the better of him and for not pursuing her whereabouts sooner. He had kept her at a distance where it was safe, always afraid it would just lead him down that same path that he never wanted to walk again, not for her, not for anyone. That fear had cost him dearly. It cost him four years and a life that could have been spent with her.


	19. Chapter 19

Steve sat on his bed looking at the picture of Michelle sitting on his lap in the bar in Thailand. He hadn't seen it in a while, having moved it from his phone to a computer and printing it out, putting it in the envelope with the unfinished letter that now sat beside him along with the cherished medal she had given him.

He stared at the beautiful smile that had graced his life for four of the best days he'd ever spent. That moment he was looking at was just the beginning. He could still smell her perfume and the feel of her body up against him in the street as they walked back to the hotel. He looked at his hand remembering how good it felt when he held hers, and the moment that defied everything when he kissed her for the first time.

She was a gift that came into his life when he doubted such things existed, proving to him that of all the experiences and goals he thought he'd accomplished, none were more important or more vital than the experience she gave him. He hadn't been living life like he thought, he'd been missing it.

He glanced over at the letter and the last three words he'd written on the page the night he sat in his barracks and cried the one and only time for her. It was by far the worst night of his life and a night he will always be thankful that his father was still alive for. He wasn't sure he would have got through it without him.

And now here she was again, this woman who had left him broken, back in his life just as swiftly and unexpected as she had arrived the last time. And just like the times before, she never ceased to surprise him in the most unexpected ways. He loved that most about her. She kept him on the edge of his seat that was for certain.

Becky stood at his bedroom door as he sat on the bed looking at a picture and grinning. "Hi," she said.

He looked up startled, "Hey! I didn't hear you come in." He put the picture back in the envelope and quickly folded up the letter doing the same with it.

"I called for you when I came in but you must not have heard me." She watched as he quickly put the items back in the mysterious envelope that he kept in the bottom drawer of his dresser, underneath the old shirts he seldom wore but still held on to, along with the medal in the blue velvet box. She knew it wasn't his because all the medals he'd received were displayed on his black Navy jacket.

She'd seen the items one day when he'd been looking for a shirt to change into. He pulled one out of that drawer and she saw the items, asking him about them but was dismissed quickly. He was clearly telling her it was none of her business. It was just another secret piece of him that she was never sure she would ever be able to put together.

"I thought you were going straight to that party," he said, lifting up the row of neatly folded shirts in the opened bottom drawer and setting the envelope and blue velvet box under them, closing it. He stood up and faced her as if what he had just done meant nothing at all.

She stared at him for a couple of seconds before answering. "I came over to bring you that blue tie." She held it up but her eyes focused back on the bottom drawer.

He knew what she was thinking and wished she wasn't. He felt like he'd been caught doing something devious when in actuality it was perfectly innocent. He walked over and took the tie. "You didn't have to come all the way over here. I could have just met up with you there before I went inside." He smiled at the dark green dress she had on. "You look pretty." He hoped the compliment would remove the curiosity about the contents of the bottom drawer.

"You're not even dressed yet."

"A quick shower and I'll be ready in ten minutes."

"I didn't mean to interrupt anything. You seemed pretty engaged in what you were looking at."

And there it was. He knew it wasn't going to go away that easily. "I'm going to jump in the shower. I know you have to be there early so I'll see you there."

She wasn't going to let him dismiss her again. "Why don't you trust me, Steve?"

"Why don't you trust me?" he fired back.

"I do."

"Then why do you go behind my back and talk to Danny? Is that how you show trust?"

He was diverting the subject as usual. "What other choice do I have? You? I only get from you what you choose and that's not much?"

"What do you want Becky? You want to know what's in that bottom drawer?" he pointed down to it. "Are you so goddamn adamant about knowing every detail of my life that you have to know about that too?"

Those words cut her. She turned and started toward the stairs.

"Shit," he mumbled, going after her. "Wait, Becky." He didn't mean it to come out that viciously, but as far as he was concerned she was stepping on sacred ground that she had no right too.

She made it half way down before he caught her, wrapping an arm around her waist from behind and grabbing the railing with his other hand as she slightly stumbled like he knew she would in those heels.

"Let me go," she pleaded, almost in tears.

He ignored her plea only hanging on tighter, "I'm sorry." He rested his head on her shoulder as she stood on a step below him. "Becky, I'm sorry." He knew she was crying by the way her body trembled. He let go of the railing and moved around in front of her. The guilt swept over him at the sight of her tears. He put a hand on her face, looking up at her as she bent her head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

She lifted her head seeing on his face that he meant every word he'd said, he was sorry, but she also knew that he was sorry for the way it was said, but not for what he said.

"I love you, Steve." she said for the first time, almost as if it hurt to feel that. "Do you love me?"

She had floored him with that. What was he supposed to say? He wouldn't lie and say yes, but knew if he didn't say something quickly that would be like saying no. He just didn't want to hurt her again. "I would do just about anything for you, Becky. I know you want more, but this is all I'm capable of right now." He was still lying to her because he was capable of it, just not with her.

"Whose medal is that?" She forewent the letter and picture, needing to walk away from this with something besides the textbook answer he just gave her. She knew a returned 'I love you' was a long shot at best, wishing she hadn't said it, but it was already out there and he looked so torn over the way he had scolded her upstairs. She decided to see just how much she could get out of him while he was still vulnerable from the guilt of that scolding.

He knew he owed her something and was relieved that she only asked about the medal and not the picture or god forbid the letter. Neither of those two he would have budged an inch on. He would have stepped aside and let her leave for good if she demanded it.

"When I was a CO in the Navy I trained Seal graduates," he began, seeing her eyes light up over his revelation. "There was this one recruit that was having a particularly tough time getting through. No one trusted them for various reasons." He didn't bring into light it was a woman, afraid that would lead to questions about the letter and picture. "I encouraged them and pushed them forward over and over until they finally got the message they belonged. Then on our first mission as a team, things got out of control." He could still see clear as day the pleasure in the man's eyes that stood on that boulder, aiming his gun down at him, and the surprise on both of their faces when his chest exploded. "This soldier ended up saving my life on a ridge. They received that medal as an award for doing that, but gave it to me because they felt it was only what I had taught them and they didn't deserve it." He hadn't spoken of that night in years and only a handful of people even knew about it. He felt he'd given her what she wanted. "And that's it."

She put a hand on his face and smiled, "Thank you." She leaned down and kissed him tenderly for that, knowing it was a lot for him.

He wondered if he still would have got the sweet gestures if she knew the soldier was not only going to be at the event they were both attending but she was in actuality a woman who he held above all others, even her. '_Probably not,_' he thought as he kissed her back.

It sparked her curiosity as to why he never said the word 'he' as he described the ordeal, wondering if it were a woman and wondering again why he would hold that information back. She knew the clues to that question were in his bottom drawer.

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Michelle slipped the envelope back into her suitcase under a pile of clothes, not having time to unpack just yet. She looked at her watch and groaned, knowing she'd spent too much time reminiscing about him. She was going to be late if she didn't hurry. She'd just come off her first assignment watch for the Governor, but the whole team was on schedule for the charity event being held at someplace called Iolani Palace.

The morning and afternoon had been uneventful at the Governor's office. She was stationed outside his door for most of the day while her colleagues were present at various places around the grounds.

She knew Steve worked closely with him and wondered if he'd be showing up at his office that day. His name wasn't on the list of scheduled appointments but they were also informed from Albright that he seldom made one and showed up at his own convenience. Of course there would be no qualm about letting Commander McGarrett through. Michelle got the hint from the sarcasm in Albrights' voice that he and Steve were not necessarily the best of friends. She couldn't help but be amused by that. She could easily see him over stepping authority when it came to something he felt strongly about.

The last time she saw him was by the elevators the previous evening. That brief conversation had cleared the way for forgiveness she felt on both sides, but a much needed discussion was certainly due. She had no way of contacting him other than professionally. She had his cell number, they all did just incase something came up but she didn't want to speak to him over a cell phone. This matter was too delicate. She had no local home address for him and didn't know how she would go about asking for one, and even if she did, just showing up at his house was a risk all on it's own. What if he were married? She didn't see a wedding ring on his hand, but he could be living with someone. He could have a family, children for all she knew. To think otherwise would be naïve. "_He would be a great catch_,' she thought. '_He'd be a good husband; loyal, giving_…' she almost blushed over her next thought. '_a good lover_.' She knew that first hand. He was an exceptional lover in her opinion.

Her mind drifted back to that first night in Thailand when he burst through her door and pinned her against the wall, making love to her. Her body tingled just over the memory of it. To this day it was still the most intense and satisfying sexual experience she'd ever had.

He'd be at the gathering tonight she was sure of it. Most of the security staff would be there. The FBI had taken over much of the investigation leaving Five 0 to attend to the Governor's security, as if the United States Secret Service was not enough she huffed. She wondered how Steve felt about that? She couldn't imagine with his Naval Intelligence experience and now being a police officer, which didn't surprise her in the least, that he wouldn't be vital to the FBI in finding this Estalonzo person. But, she also knew how the FBI worked. They acted as if they were the Lone Ranger, called in to save the day. She had yet to meet a G-Man she liked.

She slipped her gun into the shoulder holster on her jacket and closed it. The nervousness from the previous day of seeing him wasn't there this time. She was actually a little eager to see him. He was sincere when he told her he didn't know that she'd been grieving for him, she was sure of it. The stunned look on his face was real, he couldn't fake that. She'd laid in bed the night before going over their conversation. It gave her time to sort through the evidence on both sides and she thought she understood now why he was so angry with her. From his perspective she had left him. That hurt to even consider, wondering if he had been as deeply affected by the loss as she had been? Did it change him too? And most of all did he feel the same peace now that she did? It had been four years since she'd felt this good, attributing it to his return from the dead. The world was certainly a better place with him in it. She couldn't quite decipher her feelings toward him yet. Was it him or was it the feeling of freedom that all this time she had been in mourning and just like that, the mourning period was over.

She'd loved him before, did she still? That thought scared her, wondering when it was time to leave and go home, would she be left with another heartbreak all over again?

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Danny gave Steve a subtle wave, alerting him of his place in the corner of the Ioloni Grand Ball room. He made his way over to him just as the Governor came toward the microphone that was on a makeshift stage, raising he and the DJ up just high enough over the crowd of approximately two hundred guests.

"Hey," Danny said as he joined him. "Everything seems to be going smooth as glass."

"It should be," Steve responded. "We've got more security detail than guests."

Danny nodded in agreement over that. "I ran into Becky earlier. She apologized for getting me mixed up in your guys' relationship. So you must have said something to her about it, ratting me out?"

"Sorry buddy," Steve responded. "It just came out in the heat of the moment." He scanned the room, not for Becky, but for Michelle.

"It's all good. I won't have to worry about her coming to me anymore. I put that to rest."

Steve spotted her over by a door, standing erect and alert. It reminded him of the first day he met her as she stood perfectly still in line as one of his new recruits. His attention was diverted as he heard Becky's name being said by the Governor. She accepted an award for her boss that couldn't attend the annual ceremony.

Danny nudged him as he clapped for her.

Steve raised his hands doing the same. "She didn't get the award," he mumbled, still a little irked at her for what went down at his house. He felt like he had to constantly appease her and was running out of things to make that happen. He thought then of the contents in the bottom drawer of his dresser. His eyes instantly went to the other side of the room focusing on the woman who never needed appeasing.

He needed to talk to her about the day before. No. He didn't need to, he wanted to. He wanted to see her again but not here not like this. Someplace where they could be alone and just…talk. He'd thought about her a lot since the previous day. Sorting out what she said and going as far as seeking out his file and getting the details of the timeline while he'd been with Anai. It was a part of his Naval history that he never wanted to see, but the day before had changed everything. He found a page scanned in amongst the paperwork that had him deceased three days after the date of the helicopter accident, written in thick red marker across the page was the word VOID and then the date of his return to the base.

It was surreal to see it now. She was telling the truth, not that he didn't believe her, but he wanted to see for himself. He couldn't imagine what she must have gone through, knowing if the roles were reversed it would have killed him.

He watched her now across the room as she slowly turned in his direction and they made eye contact. It was as if no time at all had passed between them. He felt the same way he did four years ago when he dropped her off at the airport in Thailand. He was in love with her then and he still was today.

"I'll be right back," he told Danny and made his way over to her.

She watched him make his way toward her as her heart began to race. She fidgeted just slightly, unbeknownst to anyone else, but she did, all because he had the power that could make her weak and unsteady on her feet. She anticipated what he was making his way across the room to say to her.

'_Will you runaway with me_?' she thought humorously. She secretly wished he'd asked her that question four years ago. She would have gone.

She glanced over in Paul's direction seeing him conversing with another colleague, not sure why she felt like she and Steve were about to do something devious. Their relationship as of now was perfectly innocent. She looked back over toward him and felt her heart sink to her stomach.

"Hey handsome," Becky said, catching him by the arm as he went past her in the crowd. She stood in front of him and gripped the top of his tie letting it run through her hand. "Are you on duty or can I have the first slow dance?"

"I'm on duty." He looked past her at Michelle who quickly turned away just before they made eye contact.

"I understand. Do you want to come over after you get off duty?" She smiled seductively. "I'll wait up."

He looked at her as she smiled up at him, seeing a happiness that radiated off of her. She loved him. It hurt that he didn't love her back. He wondered if he'd led her on too much and it was his fault. Two days before he was willing to forgo those feelings of doubt and make it work with her no matter what. But today, he had no doubt that he couldn't. He would never be good for her. She was so beautiful and deserved someone who could appreciate the little things she did for him that drove him crazy. Someone else would find it endearing.

"I'll call you," he smiled. "But don't wait up. You know how things can get." He put a hand on her back, gently caressing it.

"Ok." She did know, and it was one of the things she most hated about his job. She was always available to him, but it wasn't the same for her.

"If not tonight, I'll see you tomorrow." He gave her a squeeze, "I have to go."

She smiled like she always did, watching him walk through the crowd. She felt it slipping away. He was slipping away. There were times when she felt he was right there next to her and other times when she could sense that he wanted to be anywhere but next to her, like now. It was moments like this that she didn't know why she was even hanging on.

She turned to go get a drink when she saw him speaking to one of the Secret Service Agents. At first she thought nothing of it, but then something caught her eye that made her stop and stare at the woman.

It was her; the one in the picture in his drawer. She was sure of it.

Her curiosity earlier that day at his house had got the better of her and when he got in the shower she pulled out the contents of the envelope, knowing it was off limits but hoping this might reveal something she could work with, anything to get a glimpse inside who he really was. The contents of the drawer exposed a man who was capable of everything she wanted. She read it in the letter and saw it in the photo. She recalled the picture of him and the pretty girl with the dark hair sitting on his lap. They were happy together.

She stared at them again, only from across the room this time.

'_Michelle,_' she thought. She couldn't take her eyes away from their conversation as they stood next to each other conversing as if they didn't know each other at all, but knowing what she did, she could see the words he'd written in the letter all over him now, and the woman as well. The contents of that drawer wasn't the disclosure she had been hoping to find, on the contrary it only made her regret the foolish move.

Michelle turned away from the conversation between Steve and the woman. She wasn't naïve to know that it was an intimate one. He was sleeping with her. She could see it all over the woman's face when she talked to him. She adored him, wondering if the feelings were mutual. She knew that feeling. She'd felt that way once too.

Steve came and stood next to her as they both faced the crowded room. "Agent Baker."

Michelle looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "Commander."

"Everything going ok?" he asked.

"Could be worse. We could be surrounded by Taliban."

Steve let out a laugh over that unexpected reply. He'd forgotten what a great sense of humor she had. "I'll take guys in monkey suits over that anytime."

She smiled ever so slightly, trying to keep her composure over the presence of him standing this close to her. It was thrilling to feel it once again after all this time.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," he apologized, "if I was harsh." Both of their eyes still focused on the job.

"Me too," she replied sincerely.

"We need to talk, but not here."

"Yes we do," she agreed, "and no, not here. And it's not like we can just meet down in the hotel bar for a shot of tequila either."

He chuckled again. "I agree." He looked over at her. "Do you run?" he asked.  
>"Run?" she questioned. "Like for exercise?"<p>

"Yes."

She had an idea where he was going with this. "Yes I do."

"There's a park just south of your hotel. You could say you're going for a run and we could meet there tomorrow night, say 7:30?"

"Make it eight. Paul likes to have debriefings after dinner when were on assignment. He thinks people are more relaxed."

He wondered if those were 'private' debriefings, feeling that jealously trait ignite in him again, but let it go. "Eight it is. Tomorrow night." He started to walk away.

"How will I find you there?" she asked.

He grinned over his shoulder, "You've never had a problem before finding me in the dark."

He heard her laugh this time as he kept walking, smiling from ear to ear, missing that sound.

Tomorrow night couldn't come soon enough.

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Michelle came out the door to her room, wearing a pair of running shorts, a sports bra and blue and white Nikes. She tucked her room key in the pocket of her

shorts and went for the elevator.

"Hey!" Paul yelled out from down the hall. "Where are you going all dressed up," he smiled, coming toward her.

"I'm just going to go for a quick run. I don't want to waste this beautiful weather. I heard it's going to snow back home this week."

He looked at his watch. "It's almost eight. Kind of late for a run."

"Not really," she shook her head. "How often do I get to run on the beach anyway?" She smiled as the elevator doors opened. "Here's my ride."

"Be careful, stay on the beach and in lighted areas."

She turned around in the elevator giving him a look.

"I know, I know, but I have to say it anyway." He leaned in speaking to her just as the doors closed. "I worry whether you like it or not."

The doors closed and her smile faded.

"God! You are a horrible person, Michelle," she scolded herself. "He's so good to you." She felt a twinge of guilt in her stomach over her deception, putting her hand over it. She had lied to him and even felt that slight possibility that what she was doing was wrong, but as the doors opened to the lobby regardless of the possible deception, she never once reconsidered the thought of not going to meet Steve.

By the time she got out to the boardwalk all thoughts of Paul were gone. She turned south and started running down the path that followed the beach. It was dark out but the crowds of people enjoying their vacation were plenty. She had to dodge around several hand holding couples and families with strollers. She didn't mind, glancing over every few seconds at the water that looked just as beautiful and calm as it did during the day. She remembered Steve describing Hawaii to her that day they were on the gondola at the floating market. The look in his eyes and the tone of his voice as he described the people and how beautiful it was. She understood now, in awe with this place as well, wishing she had time to see all of it. Wishing also that he could be her tour guide again. What a gift that would be, she thought.

She came around a small bend in the path and saw lot's of trees up ahead, knowing that must be the park.

She came upon it and slowed to a walk, scanning the area, smiling to herself over his last statement of never having a problem of finding him in the dark.

She walked along the cement path that weaved its way through the trees and out toward the main road that went through downtown Waikiki. The park wasn't big so she was sure she wouldn't have a problem finding him. No sooner did she get the words out when she saw him coming toward her.

She had her hair up in a ponytail and he couldn't help but notice the long slender legs that she used to wrap around him when he made love to her. She had a beautiful body back then and still did today.

"Hi," he said when they were in speaking distance.

"Hi, looks like you found me instead." She felt the strong urge to hug him, missing him so much, but held back.

He smiled, holding out a bottle of water to her. "I brought you this. I wasn't sure if you were going to actually run or not."

"Thank you," she said sincerely taking it from him. She was parched but not from the run. Her nerves had her a little unsettled over this encounter, wondering where it would leave them when it was over. She took a drink and offered some to him.

He declined, watching her put the top back on. "I wasn't sure if you were going to make it."

"I ran into Paul in the hallway." Her face showed the guilt she was feeling from before. "I hate lying to him."

"Why, because he's your boss, or because you date him?"

She looked at him surprised. "How did you know he and I were seeing each other?"

Hearing the confirmation from her hurt worse than he thought it would. "I see the way he looks at you. I know that look."  
>His response was a surprise as well. She thought of the woman he spoke with the night before. She knew that adoring look as well. "I saw you talking to a woman last night at that event, a blond, very beautiful. Your girlfriend?" It was really unfair of her to be jealous, but it was uncontrollable.<p>

"Becky," he replied. "She's a good person. I've never referred to her as my girlfriend, but yes we see each other."

She liked that answer. "That's how I feel about Paul," she confessed. "He's a good guy too."

An awkward silence formed between them, neither one knowing what to say after that, still reeling over the idea of the other being with someone else.

"I'm sorry again about the airport Steve." She repeated the same apology from the night before.

"I know."

She looked up at him then. "I'm not sure where we should start this conversation."

"How about four years ago," he grinned, motioning to a picnic table. "Let's sit down, Michelle."

They sat next to each other facing away from the table rather than across from each other, it seemed more natural. She toyed with the bottle in her hand not knowing how to begin.

He took the initiative, wanting her to know that he never gave up. "After I got out of the infirmary, I tried to call you. Your cell phone had been disconnected."

"It was Navy property," she explained. "They took it back when I left."

"I saw that you were discharged early." He never knew the answer to that question but as of yesterday he began to understand that maybe it was because of him.

"I thought you were gone." She looked over at him. "I was heartbroken. I just…" she paused, recalling the pain that was associated with it, but knowing at the time and even now she had made the right decision. "I just couldn't go back to it."

He wanted to reach over and take her hand, knowing it wasn't his fault, but it was still he who had caused her the unhappiness, that was hard to swallow.

"What about you?" she asked. "Why did you re-enlist months before your release date?"

It was the same for him. "I needed structure," he said quietly, "I needed to get my head into something that would take it off of you. I was pretty messed up for a while."

They looked at each other, both realizing for the first time how this had affected the other. Not knowing if it had at all. It was almost a relief to know that each had grieved in some way over losing what they had.

"You must have hated me," she replied sadly.

"I was pretty angry with you," he said. "I thought you'd just swept me under the rug, but it didn't last long," he confessed. "I could never hate you, Michelle. We've been through too much together. I am sorry though that you had to go through all that. I couldn't imagine. At least I had the knowledge that you were still alive. If it was the other way around…" he shook his head unable to even comprehend those feelings. "I think I would have lost my mind." He remembered just then her CO telling him she had an emotional breakdown. There were so many pieces falling into place for him, but putting those two together told him just how much it had affected her.

She was glad they were talking, it felt so good to be able to just sit with him. All the pain from the last four years just slipped off her shoulders. Here they were again, different circumstances by far, but the same two people who respected each other, that never waivered.

"What happened to you? I know you were in a helicopter crash. But what happened?"

He spared her the gory details and only told her the logistics that left him in the forest and how Anai had found him.  
>She saw his expression change as he talked about the little girl who had saved his life. His eyes came alive speaking of her so proudly and with so much enthusiasm. Again, he spared the details of the endless nights that he laid awake in agony but made it more about Anai and her family and how she would read to him and talk to him when he felt at his lowest. He told her how they risked their lives to get him help.<p>

"They live in London now. Anai goes to a good school. She wants to be a doctor and already has scholarships lined up. I haven't seen her since that night, but we write to each other quite a bit. She's amazing Michelle." He reached in his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, taking out a recent photo of her. "This is from just a couple of months ago."

She leaned over in the dark while he used his phone for a light. "She's beautiful."

"She is. And she's so smart. She's a great kid."

She looked up at him as he described her letters and what it meant to him every time he got one. She didn't think she'd ever seen him look so handsome before. He really loved that little girl. She could tell.

He put the photo back in his wallet, "Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble on about her. Sometimes I get carried away," he grinned.

"You didn't," she quickly assured him. "I want to know about her. Tell her thank you next time you write her. Tell her a friend said that."

He smiled over that. Becky never said anything like that. She was never interested in the letters either, only the trip to London.

"Anai knows who you are," he blurted out.

Michelle leaned back, shocked over that. "She knows who I am?"

"Yes. I was in pretty bad shape after they had rescued me from the forest. I used to say your name in my sleep. They thought you were my wife."

She stared at him wondering how in the heck after four years and only sitting with him for this brief amount of time had he possibly gone and surpassed once again the most romantic moment of her life. She realized then just how much they had missed not being together.

"Are you happy, Steve" she asked him out of the blue. "I mean in life. Your life here, are you happy?"

He shrugged, "Yes. I guess I am. I've got a great job, great friends." He remembered his Dad asking him that same question the night he ran into her in Thailand. He gave almost the exact same reply, but if he had asked him that same question four days later, it would have been '_Yes, I'm very happy_.'

She wondered then if the woman was a part of that happiness. She saw the way she looked at him. She loved him. That was the worst part about this reunion. She couldn't stand the thought of another woman with her hands on him. She hated her. "And you have Becky," she reminded him.

He ignored that. "What about you? Are you happy in Virginia? Do you like your job?"

"It can be stressful but I do like it. Virginia is a beautiful place, but it's cold in the winter, really, really cold. I don't like working in that. But overall, I guess I'm happy too." She didn't want to sound like she didn't appreciate what she had.

"And you have, Paul," he reminded her this time. "I like him. He seems like a good guy." He did like him, but he also hated him.

'_He's not you_,' she thought. '_It'll never work with him simply because he's not you._' She felt that wave of guilt wash over her again being there with Steve, but in all honesty, she still didn't care. She wanted to change the conversation away from both of their prospective lovers. "How's your family, your sister, your Father?"

No one had asked him that question in a long time, because everyone he knew already knew the answer. "My sister's good. Same ole' Mary. She's in San Diego right now." He smiled at his little sister's wandering spirit. "And when I say right now that's just a figure of speech. It could have changed yesterday."

Michelle chuckled over that, remembering him telling her about her travels. "And what about your Dad? He must be thrilled that you're back home again."

Steve's smile faded as he looked down. "He passed away three years ago. That's why I came home." He spared her the details. There was no point.

She immediately reached over for his hand, hearing the sadness in his voice. She didn't care how it looked, it was a reaction that was so automatic she didn't even have a chance to stop it. "I'm so sorry Steve. I know you and your Dad were close."

He stared down at the hand that was inside of his. The moment instantly catapulted him back four years, so did the feelings, and with the conversation about his Dad, his emotions were all over the place. "I wish he could have met you." He put his other hand over top of hers, caressing her long slender fingers. "He would have loved you."

She didn't even attempt to pull away from him, not caring at the moment if it was wrong, or whom they hurt, it felt too good. She needed it. She'd needed it for four years, recalling the pain of knowing she would never feel it again, and yet here she was. No, she wasn't going to pull away.

But he did.

"Agent Barone," Steve said, leaning back against the table displaying a casual showcase.

Michelle looked up seeing him approaching on the path that led through the park. "Hi Paul."

"Well hey you two," he replied unsuspecting at first but then the odd occurrence kicked in. "What's going on?"

"I ran into Commander McGarrett on my way back to the hotel," she lied. "I would have run right past him if he hadn't said something," she smiled innocently.

"I was waiting for a friend of mine," Steve joined in, "and I looked over and there she was."

"Where are you going?" Michelle asked, wondering if he were checking up on her.

"I thought I'd take your advice and get outside and enjoy the weather while I could."

Michelle stood up, "Well you're just in time to walk back with me."

"My pleasure," Paul smiled. He looked down at Steve holding his hand out. "Commander, you have a good night."

Steve stood up and shook hands with him. He felt they'd pulled the wool over his eyes, convincing him nothing was going on, but all it did was make him feel like shit. Paul was a decent guy. "You too."

Michelle smiled, "Goodnight Commander."

"Goodnight," he said.

As Paul turned away Michelle looked up at him once more before departing. It was only for a couple of seconds but both of them could see clearly in the other that the separation was too soon, way too soon. He didn't like this sneaking around with her, but there were other lives involved that were emotionally tied to both of them. It wasn't fair, he thought. It wasn't like he had his chance with her and blew it. It had been beyond his control, or hers. They deserved the right to seek it out and see if it was still there. He wanted that, but as he watched her walk off, he couldn't help but wonder if it was only he that wanted it. If he lost her a second time there wouldn't be anywhere to run too again. He'd have to face it head on and at the moment he didn't feel he had the strength to go through that again.

"He's a nice guy," Michelle said of Steve as she and Paul made their way through the park toward the beach "Do you like him?" She knew how much Steve respected him and wanted to know if it was mutual. She wished she could tell him the truth. That was weighing on her, heavily.

Paul nodded, "Yes, I do. He's easy to work with. He listens without being over bearing like some ex-military I've worked with. Why?"

She shrugged, wondering if her voice or her questions had revealed too much. Paul was good at reading between the lines. "He was just saying almost the exact same thing about you, so I was just curious."

"Who was he waiting for?"

She looked out toward the water but could see him looking at her out of the corner of her eye. It was making her nervous. "I think his girlfriend. I saw her last night at the charity event."

"Oh? I didn't notice that."

"You might have noticed her though, tall, blond, beautiful," she smiled over at him. "Notice anyone like that last night?"

He put an arm around her as they moved off the path and followed the beach down toward the water. "The only woman I noticed last night was tall, dark and beautiful."

Once again that guilt flared up. She wasn't good at deception, wishing once again she could tell him, but it would only hurt him. She didn't even know where she stood with Steve. He had someone like she did. He had a life here and she had one back East. She began to think she was being naïve to even consider any kind of relationship with him again. It was even more complicated than last time, but she couldn't help but wonder that if he asked her to stay, would she? Even considering it gave her the answer she knew she would give him. But again, she felt she was being naïve.

She entered her hotel room after saying goodnight to Paul, not inviting him in. She couldn't do it. She wasn't sure she could ever sleep with him again, knowing where her heart stood now. When she left the island she'd be leaving her heart here with Steve, but one thing was for sure, she wasn't going to leave him again without telling him.

She went for her cell phone and brought up Steve's number, texting him a message.

"_Trying to elude other people and have a conversation isn't something we are very good at, is it?_

She smiled, setting the phone on the bed. She started to undress and was heading to the bathroom to wash her face when it buzzed. She went back seeing a message from him already.

"_It's a small island but you're lucky, I know a place to escape the people. Are you up for an adventure?"_

Her smile couldn't get any wider.

"_Do I get a hint?"_

_"It's not suicide hill." _He smiled as he sent it.

Michelle laughed as she read it.

_"That's a relief. OK then. Yes Sir, I'm in. BTW I love your island _

Steve sat in his driveway and smiled, reading her last text. He knew the perfect spot but just didn't know the perfect time.

_"When can you get away?"_

_"I'm on duty at 9 in the morning until 9 at night. Is that too late?"_

_"Never too late."_ He meant that in more ways than one.

Michelle took it that way too.

_"Where should we meet this time?"_

He pulled up a map on his phone of the place and took a screen shot of it, sending it to her, with a time.

"_9:30 tomorrow night_."

She looked at the map. It took her a second to figure it out but then smiled.

"_9:30 tomorrow. I'll be there. Sleep well Commander_."

He read her last text feeling a jolt of anticipation, wishing it were tomorrow already. "It's a date," he said smiling, texting her back.

_"You too, Michelle."_

He went to get out and his smile slowly faded as he looked over at Becky's car that was in the driveway parked next to him. He had completely forgotten about her as he sat there conversing with Michelle.

"Shit," he moaned, knowing what he had to do. He couldn't go in there and pretend anymore. This was unfair to her, unfair to him, it was wrong all around. His heart just wasn't in it. Michelle's return assured him of the task he had to accomplish tonight. He had no idea where the relationship with her was going

but he wanted to give it a shot, and that thought alone was enough to seal the coffin on he and Becky's relationship.

He walked to the door feeling his stomach turn, knowing this was going to hurt her. It was the last thing he wanted but it couldn't be helped. Breaking up with

her would hurt less than if he cheated on her, or so he told himself.

He stood outside the door and could smell food, feeling even worse knowing she had cooked for him.

"You have to do this," he whispered. "You can't keep leading her on. It's selfish and wrong." With that thought in mind he opened the door and went in.

"Hi!" she said happily. "I wasn't sure you were going to make it in. I saw you out in your truck for a long time."

"I was talking to someone."

"That's what I figured." She gave him a kiss as he set his keys down on the table.

"I made you spaghetti. I hope you're hungry."

He watched her go back in the kitchen as she began to tell him about flights to London that she'd seen on the Internet. She was quoting airlines and prices when he joined her.

"Becky, I need to talk to you," he said softly, his voice setting the tone, which got her attention.

She turned around seeing the apprehension all over his face. It set off alarms. "What's wrong?"

He didn't reply but just looked at her, trying to find the words to tell her.

"Steve?" She went to him, concerned something had happened and then all at once it dawned on her.

"I…" he paused, searching for the strength. "I can't do this anymore. I can't, Becky. I'm sorry."

It took her a second to let it soak in as the worried expression turned angry.

"You're a coward," she spat. "Don't lie to me and tell me you can't. Tell me the truth!"

He understood the anger, feeling it once before himself. "Becky, this isn't working for me."

"You're a liar!" her voice becoming more venomous by the second. "You don't even have the balls to tell me the truth!" she pushed past him, bumping his shoulder as she went in the other room.

"What do you want me to say?" he said following her. "Don't make this worse than it already is."

She stood at the foot of the stairs staring at him as he came in the room. "I know, Steve. I know."

"You know what? I never meant to hurt…"

"I know about her!" she yelled. "She was there last night. I saw you talking to her."

"You saw me talking to who?" His anger began to match hers, knowing she was talking about Michelle, and the only way she could have known about her was if she had seen the picture and read the letter in the bottom drawer of his dresser.

"Michelle," she said coolly. "That's her name isn't it, the one in the picture you keep hidden with that letter?"

His guilt over ending their relationship vanished. "That's none of your goddamn business!"

"It is when it's effecting my life! We were fine until she showed up here."

"How can you say that?! You know that's not true. You talk about me lying. What about you?" he stopped there, not wanting to say something in anger that he'd later regret. What was the point. He didn't even care that she had read the letter, it only assured him he was doing the right thing. "I can't give you what you want."

"Do you still love her?" she refused to let it go, needing to know once Michelle was gone from the island and out of his life again if there was still a chance for them.

"It's complicated. What you saw in that letter was written four years ago."

"She's the reason though," her voice calmed as if she were coming to her own conclusion. "She's the reason why you can't," she corrected herself, "why you won't let me in. Isn't she?" She bent her head, feeling the loss really hitting her and knowing there was nothing she could do or say that was going to stop it.

"Becky," he moved closer to her, "I never meant to hurt to you. You know that. And I meant what I said that I would do anything for you. I think you're an amazing woman but this isn't working. I wanted it too. I really did, but pretending isn't good for either of us. You can't really be happy knowing that exists."

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes, knowing what he said was the truth, she had just ignored it. She slowly nodded then, admitting it herself and feeling guilty for going through his things. He had every right to be furious with her over that, but he wasn't. "I know," she shuttered as the first tear fell. "I pushed you. I shouldn't have pushed and pushed."

He put his hands on her arms, "You didn't push me. If anything you were too patient with me. You should have dumped me months ago. I was sure you were going to and that's when I would try harder. But you don't need someone that's only going to try when things get shaky." He put a hand on her face, "I'm sorry I led you on. I'm so sorry."

This wasn't easy for him, she could see that. It gave her some peace, knowing he did care for her. He may not of loved her, but he cared. "I'm sorry too," she sniffed. "I'm sorry I went through your things. That was wrong. I was just looking for answers, but I shouldn't have done that." She started to cry. "I'm sorry."

He put his arms around her. "It's ok." He really wasn't mad, feeling her desperation that he had once felt too, going through Michelle's file.

She pulled away from him, "I should go."

"I'll drive you home. We can get your car tomorrow."

"No," she wiped her fingers under her eyes. "I'm ok."

"Becky," he went to argue with her when she cut him off.

"Really," she assured him. "I'm ok. I just want to be alone." She walked past him into the living room and gathered her purse and keys.

He followed behind her to the door as she turned to him before leaving. "You saw her tonight didn't you?"

He didn't want to lie to her. "It was all very innocent Becky. She's someone who goes way back to my Navy days. We just talked."

"She's the one that gave you the medal isn't she?"

"Yes."

She couldn't compete with that. She looked at him, knowing he was holding back just to protect her feelings. "It's really not all that innocent, is it?"

He didn't know how to respond to that. He'd already hurt her enough and didn't feel the need to make it worse by confessing to her that he was in love with Michelle. He always had been and he feared he always would be. He felt a wave of dread just then, knowing what he was giving up with Becky to pursue something that might not even exist.

She let the question go, knowing the answer already. She read it in the letter and saw it in the picture. He never looked that happy with her, ever. "I don't want this to come between you and Danny. I know he thinks of me as a little sister. I'll talk to him."

"Becky," he said, taking her hand. "It wasn't always like this. We had some good times and I don't regret a day being with you. I will miss you."

She smiled confidently over that. "I know you will." She leaned over and kissed him before walking out.


	20. Chapter 20

Danny and Chin hovered around the computer table in the office.

Steve came slamming through the doors of his office, clearly irritated. "Fucking FBI!" he growled. He went to the table and typed in a location and stood back as the information popped up on the screen, motioning to it angrily with his hands. "This is exactly the information that we told them two days ago. I gave them this! They sat on it and now Estalonzo is gone!"

"Calm down," Danny said. "What's going on? What did they say?"

"They were focused on the outlined areas of the island." His voice growing louder, "They even got some lame tip and went to Maui!"

"Maui?" Chin asked just as confused. "He's never been spotted on Maui. He's never been linked to anything there."

"Exactly!" Steve elaborated. "So of course that's where they're going to spend most of their time looking!"

Danny put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, we have jurisdiction. There's no reason we can't continue on in our investigation where we left off." He huffed, "Minus the safe house they already let him escape from." He slapped him on the arm a couple of times as if getting his attention and then pointed at the table as if it were a foreign object. "Bring up the file."

Chin chuckled at him as Steve did as he was asked. "You really need to learn to use this computer, Danny."

"Why? I'm the brains and you guys are the tech."

Steve glanced over at Chin and rolled his eyes. He pulled up the file and used his fingers to separate the folders so they all displayed on the table. "There you go." Danny pointed at the home address of a suspect that had bailed out Emilio a couple of months earlier after he'd been arrested for assault. "I think we start here." He put his finger on the address.

Chin leaned over looking at the information. "Isn't she the one who mysteriously came up with fifty thousand dollars in bail money?"

"Yes," Danny said, "look at her file. No job, no checking account, rental by the beach and pays in cash for everything. She either works for him or sleeps with him."

"Probably both," Steve said. "And I bet my life on it that the FBI hasn't even visited her yet."

Danny stepped back motioning toward the door. "Let's go talk to her."

Steve looked over at Chin. "I want you to stay here and run the current financials on any extended family; anyone related that's living on the island."

"Got it."

"How's Kono doing? I saw her yesterday and she was going out of her mind in that hospital."

"The same. Still going out of her mind. She can't stand being cooped up and they won't let her get up until tomorrow. She said she's practicing her investigative skills by watching marathons of CSI."

Danny huffed, "She should be watching MacGyver instead. The accuracy is about the same. At least then she'd be able to get us out of a sticky situation by using a rubber band and paperclip."

The three chuckled over that as Steve took a semi-automatic weapon from the gun cabinet, handing one to Danny.

"I thought we were going to talk to her," he said taking the weapon.

"Don't underestimate this guy or the people he associates with. It could turn into a real life CSI in the blink of an eye."

"Nice commentary. Now you sound like the guy from Dragnet."

Steve walked past him irritably. "Are you ready?"

"I'm waiting on you," he replied in the same tone.

Chin blew out a breath shaking his head. "You two be nice now on the drive over or I'll give you a time out in the interrogation room when you get back."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Danny looked over at Steve who was driving. "How are you getting along with the Secret Service detail?"

"Fine," he smiled. "Why?"

"Just asking." The smile on his partners face couldn't go unnoticed. He knew of the previous evenings breakup, seeing that it hadn't scathed him a bit. It was the woman, Agent Baker, who was the cause of the silly grin. He knew that much.

Steve glanced over at him. "What? You got something on your mind? Just say it."

"Why are you so hostile when I bring that up? Or should I say guarded."

He shot him a quick look. "What are you doing? Are you purposely trying to irritate me today?"

"No," he chuckled. "All I did was ask a question."

"Is this about Becky?" Steve asked irritably.

Danny laid his head back laughing. "Jesus you're on edge, aren't you? No, it's not about Becky. I know you broke it off with her last night and I told you before, it's none of my business."

"What did she tell you?" He wondered if she spilled the details of the letter and photo to him, not sure how he would feel about that.

"She just said your relationship had run its course and she didn't want it to come between you and I is all."

He glanced over at him, "And is it going too?"

"No! How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Ok then!" he fired back. "We can let it go."

"It's gone!" He tapped his finger on the arm of the passenger seat door, unable to control his banter, "So, I saw you cozying up to Agent Baker the other night at the charity thing. "

"I wasn't cozying up to her," Steve quickly denied.

"I mean I wouldn't blame you. She's a beautiful girl. Of course she's more your type than mine. Ex-Navy, a Seal even. I can't date someone who could potentially kick my ass."

Steve laughed over that last remark but still looked over at him as if that statement came across somehow degrading to Michelle. "She's not like that," he defended.

"Look at you," Danny laughed. "God you're so predictable sometimes. I'm just yanking your chain. I know something's up. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know you and Agent Baker have some kind of history. Just don't let it start interfering with our job. She has one to do and so do you."

"Thank you so much for that insightful wisdom Danielle. I'm on the edge of my seat for our next analysis session. But can we please focus on that job you keep referring too, and getting the Governor out of this mess so we can keep those jobs?"

"If you think you can, then sure, of course."

"God you're a pain in my ass," Steve groaned as they pulled up to the address.

"Well that makes us equal then," Danny agreed.

They knocked on the door of the house and waited. They could hear footsteps on the hardwood floors but no one was answering their request.

Steve used his fist, pounding on the door as Danny took out his gun, holding it at his side. "Five 0, open up! We want to speak to you about Emilio Estalonzo."

Danny took a step back. "I don't like this."

Steve was beginning to think the same thing until the door moved and a young native woman in a baggy white T-shirt and a pair of thong underwear opened it up, neither her physical appearance nor her clothing was appealing to the eye. "What?" she asked angrily, knowing what they were there for but not fearing them either. The house was clean of any paraphernalia.

"What took you so long?" Danny asked.

"I wasn't decent," she spat.

"You're still not," Danny huffed.

Steve pointed into the house. "Go put some pants on."

She looked up at him and smiled. "Why? You don't like this?"

He glared down at her. "Go get dressed. Now!"

She went to close the door and he put a hand on it, "Leave it open."

She turned and sauntered off toward the hall with the shirt only covering part of her backside, which was not acceptable in a thong. "You want to see the view huh?"

"Oh man," Danny moaned. "I can feel my retinas burning over having to look a that." He turned away facing the other direction.

Steve nudged him smiling. "She's probably free tonight. There you go Buddy."

"Not funny! Seriously, I just threw up a little in my mouth."

Steve smiled, peering inside the house. "Place is a dump." He looked across the room just then as a little boy appeared from around a couch that had seen better days. He waved to him with his fingers as he stared at him, wearing nothing but a pair of bright blue shorts. He guessed he couldn't have been more than four, maybe five. His hair was in need of a cut or at least a comb run through it. His dark complexion told him he was native to the islands, assuming he was the son of the woman, and maybe even Estalonzo.

The boy walked toward him as if not afraid in the least. Steve squatted down as he came and stood before him. "Hi, what's you're name?"

"Kai," he said in a small voice. He reached out and touched the badge on his hip. "Can I have that?" he asked.

Steve laughed looking over at Danny who had bent over, bracing his hands on his knees.

"Sorry buddy but I need to keep that."

He didn't argue.

"Is your Daddy home?" Danny asked him.

He shook his head, staring at his badge now. He didn't ask, knowing it was pointless, but he did ask another question. "Will you make me somem' to eat?

Steve looked over his shoulder at Danny watching his face turn grim. He moved around him and patted the back of the boy's head, motioning toward the kitchen. "Sure buddy. Let's see what we can find." Danny said, guiding him in that direction.

Steve followed behind him, scanning the inside of the house. "She sure is taking her time getting dressed." He went to the front of the hallway that led to the bedrooms. "Hey," he yelled out, "Kai is hungry."

The woman appeared from around the corner wearing a pair of sweat pants this time. "Kai!" she yelled out, coming down the hallway. "Where is he?"

"In the kitchen with my partner. Has he even had breakfast?"

"Yes!" she replied angrily. "He just hasn't had lunch yet." She tried to get past him when he grabbed her arm.

"Stay here!" he ordered, maneuvering her back against the wall. He went down the hallway keeping his hand on his gun and took a quick look in both bedrooms and the bathroom before making his way back out to them. "Ok."

He followed her into the kitchen just as Danny was spreading some peanut butter on a piece of bread. He was surprised that the kitchen was as clean as it was, considering the rest of the house. Kai sat in a chair at the table, kicking his legs back and forth, patiently waiting.

He sat up on his knees as his mother walked in. "I'm getting peanut butter an jelly," he said excitedly.

She put a hand on his hair, "Yummy," she said, glaring at Danny and then turned to Steve. "What do you want?"

"Have a seat." He pulled out a chair across from Kai.

"Get out of my house! I didn't invite you in. You don't have a warrant to be here!"

Danny handed the little boy his sandwich and then took the woman by the arm, moving her out of hearing distance of the child. "Kai invited us in because he was hungry, so unless you want us to make a call to Child Protective Services for the condition of this house I suggest you sit down and answer some questions."

She looked over at Kai and then sat down.

"Emilio Estalonzo," Steve said, "Where is he?"

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb," Steve warned her. "Just answer the questions."

"How am I supposed to know where he is?"

"Where did you get the money to bail him out?"

She looked up at him angrily, but didn't reply.

Steve took the seat next to her. "We know you got the cash from him. So don't deny it."

"I didn't!" she snapped.

"Where did you go to get it?"

She shrugged.

"That's not helping your cause," Danny informed her.

She crossed her arms stubbornly.

"How have you been paying your bills?" Steve asked.

She refused to look at him.

"We checked into your financials. You don't even have a checking account. You pay your rent with cash and you don't work."

She stood firm, refusing to speak.

Steve stood up and yanked her out of the chair, his patients reaching their end. He took into the other room, whipping her around so they were facing each other. "You listen to me!" he whispered angrily. "I don't give a shit about you. I'm thinking of the kid right now. Estalonzo is threatening the life of a top official that leads all the way to the white house. If we find out you are involved in any way with him, you'll be doing time. A long time! And that means Kai will be in the custody of the state. You'll probably never see him again." He shook her again. "Are you hearing me now?"

"Yes!" she said pulling her arm away. She glanced back in the kitchen at her son who was involved in a conversation with the other detective. She looked back up at Steve. "If I tell you, will you promise to let me go and not arrest me?"

"Depends on what you tell me. Do you kill for him?" he knew that wasn't the case, just wanting to scare her.

"No! I used to just make deliveries for him. I would pick up packages and bring them to another place. That's all!"

"What was in the packages?"

"I don't know," her expression becoming uncomfortable, "but I would guess drugs."

"Where did you pick them up from?"

"Random places. Never the same place twice. Sometimes a garbage can, or sometimes they'd be sitting on the doorstep."

"Where would you deliver them too?"

"A house over by Ewa Beach."

He knew that house. It was the one that had been overlooked by the FBI and was now deserted. "When was the last time you made a delivery?"

"It's been a while. It stopped after he was arrested, but a few days ago they called and wanted me to pick something up, but it wasn't drugs."

"How do you know?"

"It had a funny smell to it."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, like the smell after a gun is fired."

"Where did you take it?"

"I left it in a trash can on Queen's beach."

Steve pulled out a card from his wallet, handing it to her. "If you hear from him again, you let me know before you make a delivery."

She hesitated and then took it. "I'm the only family that Kai has," she said, as if that might sway him in some way.

"Then start being smart and don't mess up his life. I'll do what I can, but it's only so much if you're breaking the law, or lying to me."

She looked up at his stern expression. "I'm not. I swear."

"Ok then. Get a job, be a good Mom. Be someone Kai can look up to."

He went back in the kitchen, motioning to Danny, "Let's go."

Danny stood up, holding his fist out to Kai. "Later Buddy. Be a good boy."

"I will," he said with a mouthful. "Bye."

They walked out closing the door behind them.

"Nice kid."

"Yea," Steve replied. "Let's hope his mom doesn't screw it up for him."

"What did you get?" Danny asked him.

He filled him in on the details of his conversation with the woman. "That last package she delivered makes me nervous."

"You need to let the FBI know." Danny looked over the top of the Camaro at him before getting in. "You know that right?"

"What for?" Steve replied angrily. "They'll probably just stick up their ass and forget about it."

Danny couldn't help but laughed over his mockery of the FBI. "Even so,"

"I know. I know," he said stubbornly. "I'll tell them."

He looked at his watch, counting down the hours until his meeting that night with Michelle. He didn't know exactly where it was going to lead too or what the outcome was going to be, but just having that one on one with her was what he was most looking forward too. The park incident was cut too short. He just wanted to get her alone and have her all to himself for a while.

He hoped she'd be able to get away.

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Michelle walked down the corridor of the Governor's mansion, glancing at her watch. It was eight thirty. She had half an hour, plenty of time to get back to her hotel, change and freshen up before she met Steve. Paul had already arrived so they wouldn't be crossing paths at the hotel. He had the next shift after her. She never understood why he liked the night shift. He was in charge, he could have chosen anyone he wanted, but as always he liked the graveyard. Tonight she was glad for that. There would be no chance of running into him.

She stopped in the hallway and contemplated that thought.

There was no way around the description of what she was planning with Steve, except that it was sneaky. She was going behind Paul's back. What she was doing with Steve was dishonest, even though the plan was to meet and just talk, other thoughts were there, whether or not they amounted to anything was beside the point. The reality was that she was meeting another man in the middle of the night and Paul didn't know. It was wrong; otherwise she wouldn't feel the shame over it that she did. But she still couldn't bring herself to call it off either. She missed Steve. She missed what they had together in those brief days in Thailand, somehow knowing they could have it again, if only given the chance. The chemistry was still there she could feel it. The image of Becky hit her next. The guilt came crashing down on her again, knowing she was playing with her life as well. She loved him too. This whole thing was getting messier by the minute.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't as if she had come to Hawaii searching for it. Her innocence in this situation was genuine but so was her guilt over deceiving Paul more than anyone. She didn't want to hurt him, but the more she thought about it the more she was convinced that she needed to come clean with him about Steve. He deserved to know. She was wiling to take the risk of loosing him and at the same time confessing her feelings to Steve at the risk of not getting the reception she was hoping for, she might end up alone. The one thing she could count on was that when she landed on this island she had been confused and unsure of her actions or her feelings, but when she was sitting next to him in that park, everything seemed so crystal clear. He was worth the risk that could possibly turn her life upside down once again, only in a good way this time.

She came out the back entrance by the parking lot and pulled out her cell phone to text Steve. She wanted to see him so badly and had been looking forward to it all day, barely able to keep a thought in her head or on her job. But she felt her commitment to Paul should come first. Steve of all people would understand. She wondered then if he harbored the same guilt about Becky over the two of them sneaking off, assuming she didn't know either.

She looked up from her phone at a loud commotion, seeing a car come barreling through the barriers by the entrance, sending pieces of wood flying about in all directions. The obstacle didn't slow it down, on the contrary it only increased as it came speeding toward her.

Her training instantly kicked in, knowing the situation was the threat they had been preparing for. She had heard from their reports and through the FBI via the Five 0 team that explosives might be a threat as well. She knew from her training both from Paul and from Steve that this had 'car bomb' written all over it, and it was coming straight at her going about fifty miles an hour.

She dropped her cell phone and reached in her jacket for her gun. She held it out in front of her running toward the vehicle, aiming it at the tires and then the windshield, firing off four rounds but heard the cars engine roar as if the driver had laid open on the gas.

The path it made toward her was a direct line to the house. If she didn't take it out then not only her but also the people in the house were dead. She changed her stance and turned to the side, holding her gun out in front of her, looking down the length of her arm and unloaded her weapon into the windshield of the driver's side.

She watched it swerve and strike a cement bench. It flipped over on its side, instantly igniting into a ball of fire. Michelle turned her body away from the explosion but it did little to protect her from the blast of energy that lifted her off the ground.

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Steve stood at the entrance to the dock watching the small bridge on Kalakaua Avenue across the way. She would have to cross it in order to get to where he was.

He looked down at his watch. It wasn't even nine thirty yet, but his anticipation was off the charts. He looked back over across the way and felt slight jolt of electricity soar through him as he saw a woman, but it quickly faded as a man caught up to her, draping his arm over her shoulder.

"Damn," he sighed, looking at his watch again. He contemplated texting her, when his phone suddenly went off. He felt it buzz, alerting him of a text and then it began ring as a call came in. He didn't recognize the number but the text was self-explanatory from Albright. It only said three words.

"_explosion at mansion_"

He answered the call feeling his stomach turn as he began to run toward his truck.

"McGarrett," he answered, pulling his keys out and releasing the alarm.

"Commander! This is FBI agent Feder. There's been an explosion at the Governor's residence."

"Is anyone hurt?" His first thought was of the Governor and his family and then Michelle, knowing she would have been just getting off duty. His phone buzzed again alerting him of another call coming in.

"I can't confirm any injuries or casualties just yet. We are in route to the destination. There are federal agents on scene as well as the fire department."

Steve pulled the phone away seeing Albright's number appear. "I'm on my way!" he said to Feder, hanging up and taking the other call. "This is McGarrett!"

"Commander," he replied breathless, also hearing the intensity in Steve's voice, "Did you get my message?"

"Yes. Where are you? Was anyone hurt?" he climbed in the truck and started the engine.

"No, the Governor and his family are ok. They've been taken to an undisclosed location. There was one Agent that was injured in the blast and was taken to the hospital by ambulance."

"Who?! Who was it?" he demanded, feeling his pulse rate soar.

"I don't know."

"I'm on my way." Steve hung up on him and called Michelle.

Her phone went instantly to voice mail.

"Shit," his voice shuttered pulling out of the parking space, when his phone rang again. It was Danny.

"Danny! There was an explosion at the Governor's residence. I'm on my way right now."

"I know. I'm at the hospital. Chin and I were visiting Kono when we got the call."

"Get over there, now!"

"Steve," his voice hesitant, "listen to me. We came down the elevator and out through the ER just as an ambulance was pulling up. Barone got out. They were bringing Agent Baker in on a gurney. I don't know the extent of her injuries yet. This happened about five minutes ago." He still didn't know the details of how she and Steve knew each other, but he somehow knew this was going to upset him.

Steve felt his heart drop to his stomach, trying to concentrate on the heavy traffic in front of him and the idea that Michelle was injured in some way. "What did you see Danny? Did she look all right?"

The tone of his voice told Danny his assumptions were correct. "I don't know Steve. I couldn't tell. She had some cuts on her face, they went by us pretty quickly."

He flipped the lights on the truck and turned down the next block, heading in the opposite direction of the mansion, but a direct one to Michelle. "I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

He threw his phone down and put both hands on the steering wheel, weaving in and out of traffic.

"Please," he prayed and begged, "please let her be ok. Please."  
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He pulled up outside the ER door and parked there, coming around the front of the truck in through the doors as they slid open for him. He went straight for the front desk.

"I'm Commander Steve McGarrett, I'm looking for information about a Michelle Baker that was brought in. Secret Service Agent Michelle…"

"Steve!" Danny said, coming towards him. As he turned in his direction the feelings he had for this woman showed all over his face. He was pale as a ghost and his eyes were as frightened as if he'd just seen one.

"Danny! Have you heard anything? Is she ok?"

He held his hands up in a reassuring way. "Hey, it's ok, Steve. She's fine. She just had a dislocated shoulder and some minor cuts. They popped her shoulder back in and gave her some meds. She's fine."

The relief that washed over him was filled with so many emotions he could barely catch his breath.

Danny took him by the arm and led him over to a group of chairs that was off in the corner away from the most of the patients or from waiting friends and family. "Sit down," he told him.

Steve did as he was told still a little dazed over the ordeal. He was just now coming to terms with what she must have gone through four years earlier. It was a horrible, heart-wrenching ache that he didn't wish upon anyone. He bent over bracing his elbows on his knees, taking in deep calculated breaths.

"Well?" Danny asked.

Steve looked over at him, still shaken. "Well what?"

"Who is she Steve?"

He stared at him, not seeing his partner who was demanding an explanation but his best friend who was asking for one.

He sat back in the chair looking straight ahead and started from the beginning.

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"That's unreal," Danny said as he looked over at him, amazed over the history of their relationship. "I mean…holy shit. No wonder you couldn't tell me before. I can't believe it now." He shook his head bewildered. "She really thought you were dead this whole time?"

Steve nodded. "I looked up my file. It was there, the deceased form. She didn't know until they sent her the file for this trip."

"What are you going to do? I mean…you obviously still have feelings for her," he practically laughed, "I mean I saw the look on your face when you came in here. You were scared shitless. Is this going somewhere again?"

"I don't know, Danny," Steve said quietly.

"Does Barone know?"

"I don't think so." He looked at him oddly. "Why would you ask that?"

"Because I think they have something going on. He looked almost as worried as you did when he got out of the ambulance, and he was holding her hand as they led her away so I know it wasn't because he was her boss."

"They do see each other," Steve sighed. "I don't know Danny. I don't know where this is going, but I do know that when I'm with her..." He slightly turned his head in his direction, not wanting to verbally confess his love, guessing Danny would catch on without him having too.

He nodded his understanding.

They both looked up hearing their names, seeing Barone approaching them

"Speak of the devil," Danny whispered as they both rose out of the chairs.

"How is she?" Steve asked, not caring at the moment how it sounded.

"She's ok. Thank God," Paul said. "They have her on some pretty heavy medication, but she should recover completely."

"That's great news," Danny replied.

"I appreciate you both being here," Paul said and then thought how odd it was that they were there and not at the scene of the explosion, especially Steve.

"We were visiting Kono up on the fourth floor when we got the call, "Danny explained.

"Right. I saw you when we got here." He thought back but didn't recall seeing Steve there, but let it go. "I'm glad you're here. I have to make some calls. My bosses are going crazy, expecting a full report on what happened ASAP and the hospital is releasing Michelle. They were going to send a squad car over to take her back, but I would appreciate it you wouldn't mind making sure she gets back to the hotel safely?" He was focused on Danny, assuming Steve would go directly to the mansion.

"Not at all," Danny answered for the both of them.

"What did happen?" Steve asked.

"I don't have the full details just yet. Michelle was pretty out of it and even more so now. But from witnesses at the scene she took out the driver of a car that was filled with explosives before it could reach the house."

Steve smiled over her heroisms, '_That's my girl_,' he thought to himself.

Paul reached his hand out, shaking both of their hands. "I take it I'll see you both at the crime scene later on."

"Absolutely," Steve replied, wondering if he bought the whole Kono story. He was getting in a habit of lying to this guy but the coincidences with he and Michelle were getting to be too much beyond coincidences for him not to figure something out.

Danny looked over at Steve after Paul left, handing him Michelle's backpack that he'd given them. "You take her back to the hotel. I'll go over to the mansion. Chin's there now."

"I should be there," Steve said out of duty, but wanted nothing more than to really be with Michelle.

Danny knew that too, "Hey, I got this covered. You take care of her."

"Thanks Danny," he replied sincerely.

"Call me sentimental but I think you guys deserve a chance. She could be the one, Steve." He started to walk off shaking his head. "Jesus, don't let her slip away again, you idiot."

Steve smiled; glad he'd finally told him about her.

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Steve opened up the passenger door of his truck as the male nurse wheeled her out. He stopped just below the door and put on the brakes to the chair. Her right arm was in a sling to take the extra pressure off her shoulder for the time being. They had removed her shirt and she was now wearing a blue hospital scrub, but the black slacks remained.

"She's really out of it," he said to Steve, partly laughing. "She was fine a little while ago, but now she's zonked out."

Steve bent over and put a hand on her face. "Michelle? Michelle?!" he said again only a little more sternly.

She slowly opened her eyes, looking at him sluggishly and then her face lit up. "Hi, Steve," she announced happily as she recognized him through her haze of medication.

"Hi," he laughed. "I'm going to lift you up and put you in my truck, ok?"

"Ok," she sighed, not taking her eyes off of him as he slid a hand under her knees and with the help from the nurse got one behind her back as well. He lifted her easily out of the chair.

"You got it?" the nurse asked.

"Yep," he replied confidently, setting her in the passenger seat and reaching over locking the seat belt in. Her head fell to the side as she went back to sleep.

He shook hands with the nurse, thanking him and came around the other side and got in, looking over at her. He moved the hair from her face, seeing again the small cuts on her forehead, gliding his thumb over one of the bandages. Mentally thanking God once again for keeping her safe.

He began to pull out of the parking lot when she tried to shift her body in a more comfortable position and moaned painfully over the attempt.

"You ok?" he asked as she looked over at him with a pained expression.

"It's too tight."

He reached over and loosened the seat belt. "Better?"

"Mmm," she smiled and closed her eyes again, her head falling to the side toward her hurt shoulder. "Ouch!" she quickly sat up again.

"You can't put your head that way, your shoulders still tender." He tried to drive and help hold her up as she began fall asleep again with her head going in the same direction.

"Michelle, honey you can't sit like that."

She cried out again over the pain as she fell into the passenger door, the loose seat belt doing nothing to hold her in place.

He pulled over on the side of the road and leaned over, taking ahold of her good arm as she reached out trying to grab something to pull herself upright.

She looked over at him, sleepily. "I'm sorry. I'll stay awake."

She looked so tired and he knew whatever medication they gave her was either too much or she had a low metabolism for it, guessing the later of the two. There was no way she was going to stay awake. "Its ok."

He lifted up on the console between them, pushing it into the back of the seat with his elbow, making it one long bench seat and then undid her seat belt all together. "Come over this way," he instructed as he helped her slide over next to him. She laid her head on his shoulder that was the perfect height as he positioned his arm across her body, gripping her under the right thigh as if he was now the seat belt.

He looked down at her, "Better?" he asked again.

She moaned softly, wrapping her good hand around his arm that encased her body. "Yes."

He used his left hand to put the truck in gear and pulled back out into traffic.

She watched the lights from the other traffic go by them, feeling more relaxed than she had in four years. She loved this spot she was in and fought to stay awake, wanting to enjoy it for as long as possible. She gripped his arm tighter as he simultaneously pulled her closer to him.

"I missed you," she said, feeling that dose of surrealism hit her over being with him like this.

"I missed you too," he confessed.

She smiled over not just the words but also the sincerity in his voice. Her eyes felt heavy and she closed them for just a second, but that was all it took.

He knew she was asleep as the grip on his arm loosened. The moment was just as profound for him, driving slower than normal to the hotel, not wanting her to move from this spot, ever.

He parked as close to the entrance as he could and turned the engine off and just sat as she slept soundly. He had contemplated taking her to his house, not sure how he was going to get her up to her hotel room, but knew that would be a bad idea. He wouldn't be able to explain it to Paul without lying again. A part of him didn't care what he thought and wanted her there in his house regardless, but knew it wouldn't be fair to Michelle, forcing that scenario on her. He wasn't even sure where he stood with her now, all he did know was that he wanted a second chance. He reached over taking her hand that still held his arm, hoping she wanted one too.

He didn't know how long he sat there and didn't care either. He had her close again and was even able to text Danny and get updates on the scene at the mansion. Danny assured him that he and Chin had things under control and his absence although questioned was not necessarily frowned upon. The FBI that was there were well aware of the warning that Five 0 had communicated, but was taken too lightly. They had screwed up and knew it.

Michelle stirred almost an hour and a half later, lifting her head as Steve looked over at her and smiled as she blinked her eyes, trying to decipher where she was. She looked up at him and smiled back.

"Hi," she tried to sit up. "What time is it?"

"About midnight. Do you want to try to make it up to your room?"

She nodded, feeling the stiffness in her shoulder. She medicine was wearing off, but the pain wasn't as harsh as she thought it would be.

He held her around the waist with his arm, slowly guiding her as they walked through the deserted lobby toward the elevators. Once inside she told him what floor. The doors closed and she again laid her head on his shoulder, feeling sleepy still.

"Thank you, Steve."

He didn't reply but just squeezed her tighter. The moment was bittersweet for him, for both of them. They both felt it and they both wanted it, one of them just had to come clean and open it for discussion. It was exactly why they were going to meet that night by the docks to begin with, to talk, but now after the events of the night it seemed to have gotten off course.

He slid the key card in the slot from her backpack that Paul had given them, unlocking the door. He pushed it open guiding her inside. He slid the pack off his shoulders, setting it on the floor.

He switched the light on as she went toward the bed, sitting on the edge of it. She kicked her shoes off and he sensed her struggle to lie down, hurrying over to her, giving her that assistance. He helped her lay back as he arranged the pillows behind for the most restful position.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked her.

She stared up at him being reminded of a night four years earlier, wishing with all her heart she could pull him down to her lips and kiss him. Instead she just nodded.

He backed away from her feeling his self-control slipping away. She looked so beautiful lying there, even with the tousled hair and minor cuts. He just wanted to crawl in next to her.

"Are you leaving?" she asked, hoping he wouldn't but didn't want to ask him to stay. He'd already done so much and she wasn't sure if he needed to get to the crime scene or if Becky was waiting for him. That thought alone made her want him to stay all the more. It was selfish but she didn't care.

He had no desire to leave, nothing seemed more important at the moment than being in that room with her. He could feel her luring him in with just her presence. God what she did to him, it was merciless. He was free but he knew she wasn't, that thought alone held him at bay from going to her now, instead he kept his distance. There was a silent code between guys that didn't need to be spoken in order to be followed; Paul trusted him with her. He wanted to stay but knew it was wrong.

"I should go," he said quietly.

She knew very well why he was leaving. He was a good man. It was the same reason he left her that first night in Thailand, only to come back again. But this time there was someone standing in his way.

"I understand why you have to go."

"Do you?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered wanting to cry, knowing he was devoted to Becky. "There are other lives involved."

He stared down at her, wishing that wasn't true, but it was. He had yet to tell her about Becky, but what was the point. It was clear to him that Paul cared about her and she had yet to make that move to free herself up. "I'll let Paul know you're ok."

She felt the tears coming fearing that if he left this time he'd never come back.

He backed away from the bed, hoping this night was going to start out with spending some quality time with her, but it was ending up exactly where he didn't want it to go. There was nothing that told him she wanted the same thing he did. Paul was proof of that.

He turned to leave and she felt the panic in her rising, she wasn't going to let him walk away from her again. She pushed herself up; the words were on the tip of her tongue when he suddenly stopped. His back was to her as he stood frozen by the door, and then reached his hand toward her suitcase that sat on a stand. She held her breath knowing what he saw. It wasn't the letter, confident that it was tucked underneath out of sight, but what did catch his eye made her smile.

He stared down at the brightly colored item that was sticking out from under the top of the suitcase, recognizing it immediately. He reached his hand down and touched the soft material, caressing it between his fingers and then slowly pulled it out the rest of the way. He smiled down at the blue silk robe in his hands that he'd bought her in Thailand.

He looked back over at her. "You still have it." The happiness over that radiated from him.

"Of course I do. You gave it to me."

The material in his hands catapulted him back to the night she showed up at his door, wearing nothing but this robe and then how he had slowly pulled it off her shoulders as she made love to him. He needed to get back to that place with her. He wanted it more than anything. There was only one thing in his way. He looked back over at her again, asking the question that was going to break it all wide open.

"Are you in love with him, Michelle?"

He looked so vulnerable standing there, anticipating her answer. She fell in love with him all over again, slowly shaking her head, giving him the response she was hoping he wanted to hear. "No." That pleased him very much; she could see it all over him. She swallowed down the pain from saying it, knowing it was going to hurt Paul, but it was inevitable. He could never compete with the man standing across from her. "Are you in love with Becky?" she asked him, holding her breath now.

"Becky and I aren't seeing each other anymore," he confessed. "I broke it off with her last night." The surprise on her face he expected, but the smile she was trying to hide over that news was pleasantly surprising. It sent off all sorts of signals. He wasn't about to let the conversation end there. It was his turn for a question. "Are you going to tell him about us?"

"Yes," she replied without hesitation. "That's what I was going to do tonight before all that happened. I didn't feel right about meeting you behind his back. I was going to tell him tonight."

She had integrity and was loyal to the ones she cared about. She may not have loved Paul but she cared about him. He understood that and respected it.

It was her turn now. "Did you ever think about me?"

"Everyday." He walked back over to her, still holding the robe. "On some days, I'd take out your medal along with the letter I wrote you and that picture of us in that bar in Thailand. God," he smiled shaking his head, picturing her on the balcony. "That night." Those two words were all he needed to say to describe it. He'd yet to this day felt anything even remotely close to what she'd given him that night.

Michelle smiled back, recalling the passion between them that was off the charts. "Yes, that night. It was something" She laid back against the pillows, "You saved the letter you wrote me?"

He bowed his head down, slightly embarrassed over telling her. "Yes."

She could see the boyish grin on his face, thinking how sweet he looked, deciding to relieve him of the embarrassment. "I saved mine too."

He looked over at her. "You did?"

She nodded, not telling him it was only a few feet away from where he was standing. "I have something else too." She pointed toward her backpack. "See if my phone is in there."

Steve picked up the bag and shuffled through it, pulling it out. "Looks like it's been through an explosion," he grinned, taking it over to her. "I heard what you did tonight. Pretty badass. You must have had some incredible training," he winked.

She grinned up at him, knowing he was teasing but also seeing that look of admiration in his eyes. "It all happened so fast. I wasn't sure I was going to get away."

His smile faded, recalling his fear over that very thing. "You scared me."

The sincerity in his voice touched her. "I'm sorry. I know what that feels like."

"I'm sorry too," he confessed. "I blame myself for these past four years."

"Don't say that," she scolded him. "It was no ones fault." She smiled wanting to change the mood. "I'm so glad we're talking."

"Me too," he replied.

"Look," she said, using her good hand to maneuver around her phone that had scratches and dents on it, but the screen was miraculously unscathed. He knelt down next to the bed laying the robe over her legs. She pulled up a picture and he leaned over almost cheek-to-cheek with her as she showed him.

"Oh my God," he laughed. "I remember when you took that."

The photo was of the two of them as they lay on the bed in the Thailand hotel. Michelle had held the camera up, taking a selfie of both of them.

"Look at us," she sighed.

"We had fun."

"Best time of my life," she confessed. "Happiest too,"

He leaned back just slightly looking at her as she lay only a few inches away from him. "Me too."

"We were so good together in those four days, weren't we?"

He moved a piece of hair from her forehead. "The best."

She was torn over her feelings of joy being there with him again but also the sadness of knowing he really wasn't hers any longer wondering if he ever could be again. "I thought my heart was going to break into a million pieces in those months after I lost you. I don't know how I survived."

Those words were devastating to him, but they also held a clue to the one thing he had always wondered, did she love him. "I thought about you a lot in those days after the crash. I laid there some days fighting off death, just so I could make it back to you."

She closed her eyes, hating fate once again for taking him away from her, but thanking God for bringing him back. Her world was a much better place, knowing he was in it.

She opened them again, meeting his gaze as they both fell back into the comfort zone four years earlier, but the circumstance were different now.

He fought the urge to kiss her, telling himself it was wrong, knowing once he started he wouldn't stop there, he'd want all of her. She was so beautiful and the memory of how good it felt was compelling him to dismiss what was right and what was wrong.

Michelle could see the hunger in his eyes, knowing he saw the same in her. She wanted it too, she wanted him so badly, but not now, not like this. "I…" she stammered, fighting the urge the same as he. "I think…you should probably go…for now." wondering where those crazy words were coming from, because she didn't want him to leave at all. She quickly assured him that she'd free herself up too. "I'll talk to Paul tonight. I'll tell him about us. I'll tell him tonight."

He knew then she was on the same path as him now. Neither had to physically say it, it was written all over them. He also knew she was right, not now, not here. He didn't want anything or anyone to be standing between them. He reached up not able to walk away with nothing and touched her cheek that felt just as smooth and soft as he remembered. "I'll wait. You're worth it."

She reached up taking his hand, "Tomorrow. Can we meet tomorrow?"

He smiled over her eagerness in asking that question, as if she wanted an assurance before he left the room. He leaned over kissing the Band-Aid on her forehead, thanking her for that. "Absolutely."

He stood up and took the robe, laying it over her body and smiled at the sight of her. "Promise me you won't go out on the balcony until I've left the hotel." he winked at her as she smiled, biting her bottom lip over the memory of that, pleased that he remembered too.

"Don't come back pounding on my door then," she teased him right back as he walked away.

He glanced at her over his shoulder, "Would you answer?"

She didn't think she had ever seen a sexier look than the one he was giving her now. "Absolutely," she purred.

He felt his body react over that, anticipating their next encounter. "Sleep well Baker," he smiled as he left the room.

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Steve came out the elevator still smiling. He was so close, he could feel it. She was right there. He wasn't sure how in the hell he was gong to be able to make it through the next few hours until he saw her again. It was going to be torture.

He came out the door of the lobby making his way across the valet driveway when he heard his name.

He turned seeing Paul rising off of a bench he'd been sitting on.

"You know what," he said as he made his way to him. "I felt something was off when you two first met at the airport, but I let it go. And then when I ran into you at the park together, again I thought it was odd, but let it go. It seemed innocent enough but I think I was just ignoring the signs, until tonight."

Steve held his ground, knowing they had failed to pull the wool over his eyes like they had thought. He was too smart for that. In a way he was almost relieved. He let him say what he had to say, denying it would be useless.

"After I left the hospital tonight I saw your truck parked right out front. You weren't there visiting anyone." He stood in front of him but not directly, "You went there because you knew she was hurt."

Steve didn't even attempt to deny it, "Yes."

Paul let out deep breath, "I decided to look into your file as well as hers to find a connection. I knew you were both Navy."

Steve could feel the tension wondering how this conversation was going to end up.

"Did you have an affair with her while you were her CO?"

"No," he replied adamantly and then decided to come clean. "It was two years later. We ran into each other in Thailand…it happened then."

Paul turned away as if he was not only angry about the affair, but that he was just finding out about it.

"Look Paul," Steve started to explain when he turned back toward him.

"You were supposed to drop her off two hours ago!" He pointed up toward the rooms of the hotel. "Did you sleep with her?"

"No!" he took a step toward him wanting him to know he was telling the truth. "No!" He ran his hands over his face, knowing this was a messed up situation all around, but it was also going to have to be dealt with. "Listen to me Paul. Whatever you're feeling, anger, betrayal, hurt, I don't know, but what happened between Michelle and I four years ago has nothing to do with you, and I'm not going to apologize for it either. There were unforeseen circumstance that kept us a part and unforeseen ones that brought us back together."

He glanced over at him again with a confused look on his face. "You? You're the one she gave her medal too, aren't you?"

He hated that he knew all these intimate details about he and Michelle. "Yes."

"She told me you were dead." He said it as if hoping Steve would react negatively to that news, but he didn't get the reaction he was hoping for.

"I know. She thought I was." He stopped there, not wanting to answer for Michelle. "I think you need to talk to her."

Paul stared at him, knowing they had already discussed it behind his back, "YOU," he said bitterly, "you think I need to talk to her?" his voice hostile. "So you two already have it all worked out about what you're going to do with me?!"

The hostility was beginning to worry him. He knew Michelle was capable of taking care of herself, but in the state she was in now he doubted her ability. He never would guess that Paul would be the violent type but then again in his line of work he found people could be very deceptive. "This isn't something that we planned. There isn't a plot against you, Paul." He took a step closer to him, "You trusted me to bring her back here tonight and I did that. I took care of her because she's means something to me. I walked out of that room tonight because of you." He didn't want to make it worse than it was, but he also didn't want to leave without him knowing where he stood. "She saved my life, twice. What we have goes beyond any kind of physical relationship. I consider myself extremely protective of her. If anyone was to hurt her, especially physically." He paused not wanting to verbally threaten him but more or less wanting him to know there would be consequences, severe consequences. "I wouldn't hesitate for a second…Let's just say the badge would come off."

Paul stared at him, knowing exactly what he was saying. The words were carefully chosen but the look on his face told him he meant every one of them. "Jesus," he huffed, shaking his head. "does she love you too?"

The sarcasm oozed from him. "You should talk to Michelle." He walked past him toward his truck.

"What? You don't know, or you just want to be a prick and not tell me."

Steve stopped and turned. He'd lied to him several times already and wanted too this time as well, but couldn't do it, even though it put him at risk of allowing Paul the upper hand. "I don't know," he said uneasily. "I do know that she cares about you a great deal."

He stared as his back as he walked away, not expecting that reply. He hated that he was a decent guy. He wanted to punch him in the face, knowing too well now that it was Steve who had her distracted since the beginning of this trip, hell he huffed, since the beginning of he and Michelle's relationship. He was the reason she held back, a ghost that had plagued her thoughts and kept her from feeling all the things he wanted to give her. She had slowly been moving into the light with him too, he could feel it, until he had brought her to this godforsaken island. His only hope for the two of them was that she had a life back in Virginia. She had a good respectable job that she mastered, proving that tonight. There'd be commendations for what she had done. But most of all, she had him. She had to know how he felt about her. At that very second the urgency to tell her was compelling him to run to her room. Every second passing between them was not in his favor.

He walked toward the elevators, needing to see her now. He had to see her face. He'd know the second he saw her where her heart lied.

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Paul knocked softly on her door, not sure if she were awake but wouldn't sleep a wink until he spoke to her, that he knew for a fact.

She opened the door and seeing the expression on her face he knew at that moment he was doomed. She was expecting it to be someone else. There would be no point in confessing his love for her now, it would only be consoled but not returned. Her bloodshot eyes revealed to him that at least Steve told the truth to him, she cared.

"Paul," she whispered, fresh tears welling in her eyes.

He'd never fully experienced a heartbreak before, but it was chipping away at him now as he stood there. He couldn't hide his disappointment nor did he try.

"I need to talk to you," she said barely audible.

"I know," he replied in the same tone, wanting to spare her and himself as well of hearing the reasons once again. "I saw Steve downstairs."

The look on his face told her he somehow knew, wondering if Steve confronted him, finding that to be so unlike him. "What did he tell you?" she felt a wave of anger flush over her if he had done that very thing.

"He didn't say anything, Michelle. I figured it out." He couldn't believe he was defending the very man who was causing the pain that was coursing through him, but their actions were unintentional in their deception of him. Somehow knowing their relationship was truly innocent. "I know he was your CO. I knew there was something between you. He filled in some of the blanks but insisted that I talk to you." He leaned against the doorframe, feeling weak from it all.

She took his hand and guided him inside the room, closing the door. He leaned his back against the wall, not wanting to go any further. Steve had told him he hadn't slept with her, but he didn't want to see the bed just incase he lied about it.

"I'm sorry I kept this from you," she said. "I didn't know what to say, or how to say it. It was so confusing and it all happened so fast. I never meant to hurt you, Paul."

He wanted to fight for her, to remind her of the good times they had, the tender moments when he almost had her where he wanted her. She would be worth going to battle for, but he had to ask the one question that he knew would tell him whether or not he would be wasting his efforts.

"Tell me the truth, Michelle." He stared right into her eyes, wanting to see her first reaction. "Do you love him?"

Her downcast eyes gave him the answer before she spoke it. She wiped her tears and found the strength to face him.

"Yes," she barely got the words out as her voice broke and more tears flooded her eyes, knowing how much she was hurting him, "I'm so sorry."

Even in this moment of her confession of loving another man he couldn't help but put his arms around her. Her sincerity toward his feelings was genuine, that he knew.

She fell into him wishing he'd hate her and storm out, but she knew that wasn't his style. He was kind and patient telling her he understood by the way he held her.

There was nothing else to say. There was no fight left in him. He slipped his hand behind her neck, searching out her lips and kissed her once more, surprised that she reciprocated it, but still knowing it was a farewell kiss and nothing more.


	21. Chapter 21

Steve came in the office the next morning not yet hearing from Michelle. He'd gone to the Governor's mansion after leaving her the night before but could barely concentrate on his surroundings, too distraught over what would come of she and Paul's conversation. Even if she did come clean with him and break it off, they still had an ocean and an entire continent separating them.

He thought about Virginia, having been there a couple of times during his Naval career. It was a beautiful place, but not one that he had ever considered moving to, until he met Michelle, it made him re-think the possibility that he had considered four years earlier.

He looked around the deserted office, wondering if he could leave all this behind with a clear conscience. He'd worked so hard to build it up to what it was today, they all had. He knew confidently Danny could run Five-0 but it wasn't really the job he would miss as much as the people, but he also knew that if Michelle chose him that he couldn't let her get away again, no matter what.

He came in his office knowing that he was worrying about something that wasn't even on the table yet, deciding to tackle that when and if it arose.

Sitting on his desk was a letter with his name on it. He picked it up, assuming it had to do with the events from the night before, until he read the first line.

He sat down in his chair with a thud, it was the letter she had written him four years earlier. He instinctively glanced around his office, to see if she was still there, but saw no sign of her. He looked back down, finishing it.

_Steve,_

_I just left you at the airport in Thailand. I'm sitting here in my seat on the plane and I can't understand why. I don't belong in Virginia. The space that separates us now is so difficult for me to accept that I don't know how I'm going to make it until I see you again. Even as I write this I'm finding it difficult not to cry. I've never experienced the type of happiness and peace in my life as I have over the last four days. I want that! I want you! I could go on and on about what it meant and write paragraphs of the feelings it arose in me that I never knew existed, or I could just come to the point and..._

The letter stopped there as if she had set it down to finish later, but as his eyes scrolled down the page he saw the words that he'd been searching for. He stared at them seeing almost the identical scribbling that was on his letter to her. He recalled sitting in his barracks that night and writing it on the page that he'd started but never finished, but it never needed to be either. Just like this one, those three words were all he needed to say anyway. It was the same type of message he got now from her letter as well.

He sat back in his chair and read it again and again, each time his heart would beat a little faster. He looked at his watch, wondering if it was too early to go and see her.

He stood up and grabbed his keys off his desk. He had another plan all together.

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Michelle came out of the bathroom wrapped in the blue robe as she towel dried her hair. She tossed the towel on the bed, going for her suitcase when she noticed an envelope lying on the floor by the door.

She stared down at it seeing her name on the front and smiled, knowing whom it was from and what it was before she even picked it up.

She opened the door, looking down the hall in both directions but didn't see him.

She sat down on the edge of the bed and took the letter out that was inside, grinning happily knowing he must have already read hers.

_Michelle,_

_First off let me begin by saying I'm an idiot. I've never considered myself a foolish person but leaving you at the airport in Thailand I have no other choice but to accept my fate, because that's how I feel about what I did. Even if the circumstances were beyond our control I should have left you with more than the promise to see you again. I already miss you. I miss your laugh. I miss the feel of you laying next to me. I'll do whatever I have to you to keep us together. It was never my __intentions to leave you__. __I wanted to say to…_

His letter ended abruptly just as hers, with the last lines crossed out as if he couldn't find the words, but as she followed her eyes down, she saw exactly what he was trying to say loud and clear.

She pressed it tightly against her chest. Saying the words out loud to him. "I love you too."

She heard her phone buzz and scooted back on the bed, hoping it was Steve.

She saw the text from Paul informing her of a meeting with the Governor at nine that morning in his office. She recognized the separation that was already apparent between them, he never would have texted her before. It would have been a call. She knew she needed to transfer from his team and wondered if maybe he hadn't already set the wheels in motion. It would just be too difficult to work with him.

She looked down at the letter in her hand and thought about what would happen if she just never went back.

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Steve came in the Governor's office with Danny behind him. It was a large space but the room was quickly becoming full with the Secret Service detail from the night before already in attendance as well as the Governor's official staff.

He saw Michelle right away standing off in a corner, speaking with a colleague when she looked over at him, anticipating his arrival. They both smiled, seeing the contents of the letters written all over each of their faces.

Danny nudged him. "She looks pretty good this morning, considering the night she had."

"She looks great. She's tough," he said proudly.

Danny looked up at his expression and rolled his eyes. "Jesus, calm down."

"What?"

"I don't know the details of what happened when you took her back to her hotel last night, but I can pretty much piece it together by the dopey look on your face."

He glared down at him. "Nothing happened. We just talked." His thoughts went to her letter, recalling certain words that stuck with him; three in particular.

Danny laughed, "Talking's like foreplay. You guys did it and you don't even know it."

Steve gave him a silly, condescending laugh before moving away, making his way toward Michelle. The one person he neglected to see in the room was Paul.

She turned away from the conversation as he stood next to her. "Good morning," she said, unable to wipe the same grin off of her face that she'd been harboring all morning.

"Good morning. This is all for you, you know." He was elaborating on the commotion in the room.

She rolled her eyes. "It's silly. I don't need recognition for doing my job."

He admired that about her, knowing she didn't like being the center of attention. She never had. "I know this makes you uncomfortable. You may not think you deserve it, but you saved the lives of several people last night, including two kids. So just smile and say thank you. It'll all be over quick."

She nodded her understanding over his advice, but wanted so much to mention the letter, wondering what he thought of it and wanting to tell him what she thought of his, but the current location they were in wasn't ideal. Instead she gave him something else, "I told Paul."

He had figured as much after getting the letter. "Do you think you can get away later today?"

"Yes." She didn't even hesitate or consider her schedule. She would make the time.

He didn't have a plan yet, but didn't care where it was that they met either, just being next to her even in a crowded room was satisfying. He looked over at a commotion and saw Paul walk in with the Governor. "I'll call you," he said to her, moving away from her and back over to Danny. After the previous night he didn't think it necessary to potentially rub Paul's nose in it by hovering around her.

She understood his quick departure and was grateful for it.

Danny stood with his arms crossed, blowing out between his lips, making the quiver. "Are we going to get this thing started and over with or what?"

"What's the matter," Steve badgered him, "you got business somewhere?"

"I got the day off I'm hoping. You're little prodigy over there pumped three bullets into the Estalonzo's head, closing the file on our latest investigation, hence, giving me the day off."

Steve glanced over at him. "I don't think I gave the green light for a free day. I'm sure I can find something for you to do."

Danny slowly looked over at him, shaking his head irritably. "You're a sadist with a badge."

Steve chuckled. "I'm just yanking your chain Partner. Take the day."

Danny huffed, motioning with his head toward Michelle, "Like you weren't going to do the same."

"The thought never crossed my mind," Steve lied. "Work before women."

Danny believed nothing he said. "Work before women," he mocked him. "If you could get away with it you would have left me at the office all day to do your paperwork while you spent the day fishing on Delvin's boat or some other fun activity. You have no conscience."

"Hey," Steve smiled brightly, "you just gave me a great idea."

"What, the boat?"

"Well yeah," Steve said, looking over at him. "And the paperwork for last night that needs to be done. Have it on my desk tomorrow morning."

Danny huffed, "Sure thing boss, it'll only have two words on it."

Steve laughed, knowing those two words probably started with 'F' and 'O'.

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Michelle stood barefoot on the dock with the beach bag over her shoulder and her flip-flops in hand. She stared down at Steve in the boat unbeknownst to him, just watching. He pulled tight on a rope and she could see his muscles flex even under the shirt that he wore. She blushed over that, remembering his strength on several occasions as they made love up against a wall as he easily held her suspended there. Her body ached to feel that with him again.

They were both free. There was nothing standing between them anymore, not even work for the time being. A job well done was rewarded with an extended stay on the island for a week. The whole team stayed, everyone except for Paul, who left that morning on the first flight out. She felt that load off her shoulders, giving herself and Steve the chance they both deserved. It was a beautiful day, not only weather wise but also the fact that she was looking down on him, feeling a euphoric rush over the idea of spending the whole day with him, just the two of them, it was like they were back in Thailand all over again.

He looked over his shoulder just then as if sensing her arrival and smiled, dropping the rope and focusing every bit of his attention on her. He came and stood at the edge of the boat, looking up at her.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey," he replied, grinning from ear to ear. "I didn't hear you walk up."

"I was just watching you." She smiled as his face blushed over that. She loved those boyish looks that were sexier than hell. "It's just still so surreal sometimes to see you right there in front me. I feel like I have to pinch myself to make sure you're real."

He didn't think he'd ever seen her look more beautiful than way she was looking at him. He felt his heart begin to race, the way it always did when she was close by. "I'm real," he promised her.

"Permission to come aboard, Sir," she grinned.

He held his hand up to her, "Permission granted."

She accepted the sweet gesture and stepped on the edge before jumping down on the deck next to him.

He squeezed her hand just before letting go. "I'm glad you came."

His blue eyes held her close, caressing her as they roamed over her face. She held her breath wondering how she had survived without him over the past four years. "This was the perfect idea."

"Welcome aboard. Make yourself at home." He pointed down through an opening that led to the galley. "There's a fridge down there with beer, pop and some chips and other stuff if you get hungry. There's also a bathroom with a shower, and a couch if you get tired of the sun, or a bed if you get tired of me and want to sleep it off."

She looked over at his grin and laughed. "No chance of that." She looked up some steps that led to the controls of the boat. From where she stood they seemed just as impressive as the rest of the vessel. She turned as he fastened down the rope he had been working with when she walked up. "Is this your boat?"

"No," he huffed. "I could never afford this boat. Hell, I couldn't afford the maintenance on this boat. It belongs to a friend of mine that I grew up with here on the island. He and his family live on the mainland now but come her to vacation about three, four times a year. He likes it when I take it out so it's not just sitting." He undid the tie that held them to the dock. "It's a good tradeoff."

"Yes," Michelle agreed. "A very good tradeoff."

He went past her to the steps, going up a couple and then turned. "Do you want to come up here with me?"

She dropped the bag off her shoulder and followed behind him.

He stood at the controls and pushed a button as the engines turned over and the boat lunged. She reached out and caught his arm balancing herself.

"Whoa," Steve laughed, "are you sure you used to be a Navy Seal?" He turned, protecting his body as she gently punched his arm.

"Don't think for a second that I couldn't throw you in the water, Commander."

"I believe you." He raised his hands in defense, "I do. But just to make sure you don't fall in…" He reached out, putting an arm around her waist and pulled her in front of him so she was facing the controls.

She looked over her shoulder at him as he stood directly behind her. "You're going to trust me to drive this boat?"

He reached around her with both hands and began to turn on the satellite and GPS controls. "Teamwork."

She could feel his body pressed up against hers. The memories of their two bodies joined in the most intimate ways possible was flashing before her. She held hers palms up. "Where should I put my hands?" she asked, grinning.

He didn't verbally respond but she heard a low playful growl come from him as he took her hands and put them on the steering wheel. Her body was strong and fit, but what he remembered most were the delicate features and the softness of her skin when he used to glide his hand up and down the treasure that lied beneath him. The heat of the day was already making him sweat; yet it was only mid morning and the trade winds blew a cool breeze off the freshly showered mountains.

He backed the boat out of the moored space as they began to make their way out to the open water.

She looked at the beach as they passed Magic Island, seeing children playing in the gentle waves and the surfers further out sitting up on their boards, anticipating that perfect wave to come and carry them to shore. She looked back inland and gasped at the clear view of the lush, dark green mountains as the clouds encased the tops of them rolling down through the valleys, it was picture perfect. She felt a peace move through her that she'd never experienced before. This place was powerful. She remembered him telling her how people would come for a visit and never leave. She understood their desire as she marveled at the beauty of it now. The fact that he lived here only helped the cause.

"I think this is the most beautiful place I've ever been too," she said sincerely.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, hugging her for that. " 'Aole 'ikeka mea e loa'a ana na'e, 'ko'u aloha," he whispered to her.

She looked over her shoulder surprised at his gifted use of the native tongue. She didn't know what he said but it sounded romantically thrilling to hear. "What did you say?"

He focused on the path through the water in front of him. "You haven't seen anything yet." He glanced at her and smiled, neglecting to confess the last two words he spoke were, '_my love'_.

She rested her head back on his shoulder as they glided peacefully through the surf with nothing in front of them but the vast ocean.

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Steve held the scuba vest open as Michelle slid her arms inside and turned as he hoisted it on her shoulders and then held the bottom of the air tank that was attached to it while she zipped up the vest and fastened the straps.

"Ok, I'm good," she said as he slowly released his grip and she adjusted her stance to take on the weight. She had done the same for him just minutes before. She reached up handing him his mouthpiece that dangled behind his back and she reached behind and grabbed hers as well. "I'm so excited," she said eagerly. "I haven't dived in so long."

"Have you ever dived in tropical waters before?" Steve asked.

"No."

He smiled brightly at her, knowing she was in for a treat. "You think it's pretty up here," he pointed down with his thumb, "wait until you get down there."

She pulled her mask down over her eyes and nose, "Let's go!"

She went to the back of the boat, carefully maneuvering in her flippers along with the fifty-pound weight on her back. She stepped through the small opening and jumped feet first into the water. As she came up inflating her vest, she felt the splash from Steve. He popped up just seconds later.

He took out his breather, "You ready?"

She nodded enthusiastically, deflating her vest as she slowly went under, eyes wide as he laughed at her, already considering it the best day ever.

He followed behind her as she made her way down to the bottom that was about fifty feet.

Michelle's eyes darted back and forth, trying to take in all that she could see. It was beyond anything she could have ever imagined. It was almost like being in the middle of an animated movie it was so amazingly clear and colorful. She looked back at him wanting to yell out to him that he was right, it was just as beautiful as up top.

He went past her as they reached the bottom, guiding her over to a spot that he liked. The coral was especially abundant and the sea life that lived in and around it seemed to be constantly active. He felt a tug on his arm and looked back at her. She couldn't speak but he could tell by the look in her eyes that she was telling him she was impressed. It was what he was hoping for. He took her hand and pulled her over to a spot in between two coral boulders and hovered there.

She watched him take out the spear that was attached to his waist and poke it in a hole that was down about three feet from them. Suddenly on the other side of the rock a long eel came flying out of the tube that ran between it. Michelle let out a squeal of fright and then laughed as it twirled in the water almost angry at the intrusion and then darted back inside it's hidden domain.

They looked at each other amused.

They moved further along the edge of the reef stopping briefly as school of brightly colored Anthias passed in front of them. She swam forward, breaking up the swarm amused over how they went around her and then right back into formation.

He pulled out the spear again and motioned for her to take it. She held it out, assuming she knew what she was doing until he came up behind her, putting his hands over top of hers and showing her the best technique. They fired it two times and came up empty both times. He tapped her on the shoulder, and imitated pulling a gun from his hip and shooting the fish, and then pointed at her, grinning. She knew he was teasing her and took the spear from him trying it on her own this time. She aimed it at a school that swam by and fired, missing all fifty of them. She could hear Steve laughing through his breathing apparatus looking over at him. He pretended to cock a gun and hand to her.

She quickly turned in the water and went after him. He did the same, avoiding the physical backlash that he deserved.

She reached out, grabbing his ankle, pulling him backward as he curled in the water, trying not to laugh too hard as he fought her. She crawled up his body, wrapping her legs around his still holding the empty spear in her hand. He grabbed her around the waist so they were facing each other, finding equal buoyancy fifty feet under the water as they floated.

He held a hand up calling a truce, which she obliged but still didn't release the hold on him, instead she slowly glided her hand up his arm, moving it over his bicep, feeling his muscles that were taught from holding her. She took in a deep breath and pulled out her breather, putting her hand over his as well. He took in a breath and gently nodded as he let her take it out. She tilted her head, avoiding the masks and kissed him.

She smiled brightly putting his mouthpiece back in first and then doing the same to her own. He shook his head at her, but she could still see the smile in his eyes and on his lips even past the breather.

She released the hold on him as they continued on with their adventure. He took her further out on the reef, but was careful not to stray too far from the boat. He swam next to her but allowed himself to drift back every so often to get a look at her body in the bikini. Her backside was just as round and perfect as it ever was and held his attention too long at one point as she caught him admiring it.

He shrugged, as if he were telling her it wasn't his fault and used his hands to imitate the shape and then a thumbs up.

She giggled and shook it for him as she swam off, enjoying her time with him immensely. They had fallen right back into sink with each other.

She was admiring some brightly colored plants when she felt a tap on her shoulder and looked up at him as he held his thumb up, instructing her they should ascend, the air was getting low. She nodded in agreement as they both inflated their vests just slightly to raise them at the proper speed to allow their bodies to decompress.

They faced each other as he held onto her vest with both hands and slowly kicked their way up. It was a slow process since they had eventually gone down almost a hundred feet.

Michelle gripped both his arms looking across at him as he stared back at her. Her heart began to race and she was glad they were going up because her breathing began to escalate as well. She slid her hand behind his neck, gently stroking him, enjoying his positive reaction over it. '_I'll never leave you again_,' she thought to herself. '_Never._'

He had missed her so much, but it was this, just the feel of her touch on his body and the earlier playfulness that he missed the most. The seductive move compelled him to fly to the surface, wanting to get to the top so he could kiss her without any obstacles in his way. He had to control his eagerness for safety reasons, which was becoming increasingly difficult with every stroke of her fingers. He took one of his hands and slid it around her waist, pulling her in closer to him, still able to enjoy her soft skin, even under the water. '_You're amazing Michelle. Do you have any idea what you do to me_?'

When they finally surfaced there was no hesitation as they both dropped their breathers and pulled their masks off their faces. He leaned in to her as she pulled his lips to hers. She could taste the saltwater on his tongue as he played with her, catapulting her into a thrilling state of bliss, wanting all of him, not just his lips.

He wanted it too, breaking away from her and holding her hand as he quickly swam backward toward the boat while she kicked her legs, helping the cause, all the while keeping their gaze on the other.

He pulled himself up the ladder and over the side, reaching over as she followed his steps, taking his hand until she was on the deck.

"Get it off," she said eagerly, turning her back to him and glancing over her shoulder as he held the tank. She quickly undid the straps as he leaned over kissing her neck. "Oh my God," she moaned, working faster. She unzipped it and he slid it off her shoulders, letting it lie on the deck as he turned and she did the same for him but having to use both hands to hold the weight. She could see him working just as frantically to free himself of the vest. "Hurry Steve," she implored just as he wiggled his arms free and she set it down next to the other one.

He turned around and before she was even erect he had her in his arms, gripping her around the waist, their lips finding their home once again as her arms went around his neck. She moaned into his mouth enjoying his talents that she had dreamt about on so many nights, only to be woken and plagued with tears of sadness. The tears that touched her cheeks now were anything but.

He wanted her so badly he didn't think he could make it down to the galley, lifting her around the waist and feeling with his hand for the opening to the room below deck not wanting to break from the kiss that was more intoxicating than any aphrodisiac known to man.

Their bodies dripped ocean water and she forced them apart seeing his displeasure only to gain a smile from him over her question. "Didn't you say there was a bed down there?"

He held her hand going down the steps and to the back of the boat. She gripped his arm with both hands, following behind him as they came to the small hallway that led to the room that was only big enough for the bed. He stopped and turned, pinning her against the wall with his body and kissed her again. She wrapped a leg around his, pulling on his hips begging him to take her.

He braced a hand on the wall by her head, holding her close with his other arm, resting his forehead against hers. "I never thought I'd be in this place with you again." His voice weak, filled with so many different emotions, "I missed you so much."

She put both her hands on his face, holding him as tears fell down hers. "I don't ever want to be away from you again. I can't lose you again."

He looked down at her as she stared up at him, both feeling the words that had been written in the letters and thought of so many times but never spoken to the other and neither wanting another second to go by without the other knowing it.

"I love you."

They both spoke simultaneously feeling the breath of the words on their lips from the other.

He leaned back, seeing the look of surprise on her face as well, both of them laughing over it. She put her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly as he lifted her up and laid her back on the bed.

She scooted back as he followed her, his eyes showing the same hunger as he laid her back with a kiss. She pulled him down, feeling his blazing touch as he began to stroke her outer thigh that she had wrapped around him.

Her kisses were enough to satisfy even the most carnal ache, knowing he could die happy having the privilege to steal one of those kisses whenever he chose. He went to her neck as his hands roamed over her stomach. The pleasurable sounds coming from her only encouraged his exploration. He'd missed this body so much, needing her naked beneath him so he could savor what he'd been craving for four years. Being inside Michelle was a comfort that he could never verbally explain to anyone, it was a personal experience that he kept all to himself, it was his own piece of paradise. He wanted to experience that now, badly.

He slid a hand behind her neck and untied her bathing suit top and then did the same with the one behind her back, rising up just enough to see the beautiful creation as he pulled it away, all the while her hands roaming over his face, his neck, his shoulders, touching him in the sweetest way.

She arched her back as he kissed her breast. His tongue was warm and she shuttered from the gentle bite on her nipple just before he moved to the other. She felt none of the chill over the dampness from the dive, only the heat that poured from both of their bodies as they played with each other.

She took his hand and moved it down to her waist, guiding it over the outside of her thigh and then opened it as she led him inside, allowing him to continue as she untied the bows on either side of her bikini, sliding it out from beneath her just as his fingers reached the spot.

She wrapped an arm around his shoulder, hanging onto him as he kissed her hungrily and gently stroked her, feeling her body react from both of them. She couldn't control it nor could she hold it back as she came, her body trembling as he looked down at the ecstasy on her face from just his touch. It was nothing short of spectacular.

She reached down, slipping her hands in the back of his shorts, pulling them down until he was freed and naked on top of her. She could feel him pressed against her as she looked up at him; her voice husky over the anticipation of feeling him inside her again. "Sometimes I would just ache for you," she confessed, her eyes welling with tears. "I just wanted to sleep, hoping I'd dream of you." She lifted herself up, resting on her elbow, her lips barely touching his. "I love you so much. Make love to me again, Steve."

They were the sweetest words he'd ever heard spoken, lovingly giving her what she asked. The sensation that rippled through him was overpowering. The world around him and all that existed seemed to vanish except for her. With every stoke of their bodies he fell deeper and deeper in love until he felt he might melt from the sheer pleasure of it all. He tried to prolong the inevitable but was too racked by the feel of her wrapped around him to fight it off. It had been four years since he'd felt the ecstasy that only Michelle could instill in him.

His mind exploded as he gripped her tighter trying desperately to get closer to her all the while his heart pounding, feeling every nerve in his body reacting over what she was doing to him, until it all came together, slowly growing and building until he thought he might literally shatter into a million pieces.

She held him tightly as his body trembled and he cried out saying her name which heightened her desire for him as she welcomed yet another orgasm along with his. He didn't succumb to it and lie lifeless even though she knew it had been a powerful one, on the contrary his lips moved over her neck, as did his hand up her body until he had it buried in her damp hair. She could feel the breath from his weakness as he whispered to ear.

"I love you." He then rested his body, falling into her, not able to face her just yet.

She held him close, hearing the emotion in his voice and feeling the results from it on her shoulder, understanding why he hid in the crevice of her neck.

He'd once again managed to surpass the most romantic moment in her life as he allowed himself to become completely exposed to her. She would do anything for this person lying here with her, anything in the world. His wants, his needs, fulfilling them wouldn't be burdens they would be her way of showing him just how much she loved him too.

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Michelle lay still, completely sedated. She caressed her hand through his hair as the kisses began again down her neck, over her breasts and then back up again. She had fulfilled him sexually, but his want for her would never be satisfied.

He rose above her, resting on his elbows. His body still nestled between her legs, her feet slowly moving up and down over his calves.

"Don't move away," she said. "I want you to stay right where you are."

He kissed her for that, long and deep.

He granted her the wish and slid an arm under her head as they lay on their sides facing each other, their bodies entwined.

"I love you," he said quietly, enjoying the feel of her skin beneath his palm as he glided it up and down her body.

"I love you too."

"I won't leave you at another airport Michelle." He'd do whatever he had too to keep them together. "I can leave my board shorts behind for a winter coat."

It thrilled her that he was on the same path as she, but what he was suggesting didn't sit well with her either. "This is your home. You have a good life here."

"And you have a life there. I want to be with you. I can feel at home anywhere as long as I wake up next to you."

She kissed him for the words but let him know she didn't agree. "I may have a life there, but I've never felt more at home anytime in my life than I have here over the past few days. You were right about these islands. They have a way of pulling you in and wrapping their arms around you. I feel that. I don't want to go back to Virginia. I want to stay here with you."

He didn't bother to argue her point, he too knew this was where they belonged, but wanted her to make that choice. "I'll make you happy. I promise."

They were words that had no reason to be spoken as far as she was concerned. She knew he would. She smiled uneasily at him. "I have no job. I have no place to live." Her smile turned hopeful, "Do you think I could maybe pop a tent in your backyard until I can find a place?"

He chuckled over her parody, playing along. "I do live right on the beach. It could be an ideal place. You could bath in the ocean, fish for food."

"Sounds like the perfect spot."

He rolled over on top of her. "Would you keep your tent unzipped for me at night?"

She reached up and kissed him. "All the way."

He ran his hand over her forehead and back through her hair. "I can't wait to have you in my bed, in my home." Just the thought of it ignited him again as he moved her legs further apart with his knee.

She moaned softly into his mouth as he kissed her, excited too over another liaison with him, knowing this one would be slow and meticulous, having rid themselves of that first encounter that couldn't be controlled by either of them.

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Michelle slowly opened her eyes and for just a split second forgot where she was, then all at once a smile erupted on her face. She rolled over looking for him in the empty bed but heard him on the deck.

She came up the stairs, wearing the swimsuit and saw him putting the tanks away. "Do you need any help?"

He looked over his shoulder at her grinning. "Nope. I got it."

He set it inside the small compartment and closed the door, feeling a hand on his back as he rose up, facing her. She clasped a hand behind his neck and gave him several small quick kisses, which he accepted with pleasure.

"Are you hungry?" he asked after she finished and just smiled up at him.

"Starving." She looked around the boat. "What time is it?"

"About five."

She looked at him surprised over that. "Time flies when you're having fun."

He reached out and pulled her back to him, "If that's the case, it should be midnight."

"Having fun with me are you, Commander?" she dodged a kiss from him and giggled, pulling away from him. "I don't want to seem too easy," she teased, going to the edge of the boat and standing on the rim. "You have to work for it, but I'll give you some motivation." She undid the tie of her suit behind her back and pulled it over her head and then did the same to both ties on her bottoms, tossing them at him with a wide grin as they hit him in the chest. She dove in the water naked.

He went to the edge, bracing both hands on it as he looked down at her. She came up and lay on her back, floating, staring up at him with the most seductive smile he'd ever seen her adorn.

"You're wicked, you know that?"

She laughed, rolling over and began to swim towards the back of the boat when she heard a splash behind her.

She looked over her shoulder but didn't see him, turning in the opposite direction, but still no sign of him but knew he was lurking. She started to giggle feeling that fun nervousness when she felt his finger run along the bottom of her foot. She let out a scream going down under the water but still not seeing him. She came back up, frantically looking around. "Steve!" she shouted playfully, "Stop!" she laughed, going for the ladder at full speed now, trying to get away from his next ploy. She thought she was home free as she began to pull her self up when he came out of the water, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her back in.

"Tease me will you," he scolded.

She shrieked as she hit the water landing on top of him.

He let go right away as she went for the ladder again, only this time she just held onto it as he swam up to her, wrapping an arm around her naked waist, gripping the ladder just above her head.

"You know what?" he said, pinning her back against it, staring into her beautiful auburn eyes.

She felt out of breath, but not from the horseplay. "What?"

"You're the first girl I've ever been in love with."

She smiled shyly over that confession, which was about the sweetest thing she'd ever heard. "I am?"

He nodded, "All sorts of crazy things go through my head when I'm with you."

"Like what?" she asked intrigued. He shrugged slightly and the young boy appeared that she so loved and admired.

"I don't know, like am I patient enough. Do I make you feel the same way that I feel. That's important to me. It never was with anyone before, but it is now."

She put an arm around his shoulder. "Yes and yes. You're the first man I've ever been in love with too." She enjoyed the smile that radiated from him over that. "I think about things too that I've never thought of before."

It was his turn, "Like what?"

"The future. Where it will take us." She didn't want to waste anymore time and just put it all out on the table. "Marriage, kids. Whether or not I would be good at either of those. Whether I could give them to you and make you happy." She stared at him searching for his reaction, not sure she should have set the table so early in their relationship, fearing just slightly she might frighten him. Also, not really knowing if he wanted those things. She knew he liked kids, having that relationship with Anai, but one of his own?

It was exactly what he wanted to hear from her, not even realizing it until she said it. "I want those things too. I want them with you, Michelle. I want to marry you. I have since that first night in Thailand and I should have married you then. I never should have let you get on that plane. I went back for you but it was too late. I'll never make that mistake again. I have no worries that you will make me happy, no worries at all."

It was like being in the middle of one of her dreams, only he was real this time and she didn't have to fight off the loneliness that would engulf her afterward. Somehow she knew that dreaded pain would never creep its way back into her life again as long as he was there. "I love you, Steve."

"I love you too." He sealed it with a kiss.

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"Are you sure?" Michelle asked, backing away as Steve leaned in to kiss her. "There's still time to back out you know."

"No chance," he grinned, taking her left hand and setting it against his chest. "Besides, I paid cash for the ring, no returns," he smiled teasingly.

She moved that same hand up and around his neck, "Ok, well I guess you're stuck with me then."

"Yep," he leaned in and whispered, "Forever." She allowed the kiss as the others in the room cheered.

"Finally!" Danny shouted and clapped along with the others as they stood in the Governor's office along with the Justice of the Peace. The kiss ended the quick ceremony, but it was official. There would be no separation ever again.

Michelle went to each one and hugged them, having got to know them well over the past month. She and Steve had made the trip back to Virginia together and gathered what she needed, which she decided wasn't much. The rest was left in the hands of an estate sale and the money minus their commission would just be sent to Hawaii.

She hadn't regretted a second of her decision, nor had he.

They sat at a long picnic style table in JJ's bar drinking beer and eating pizza.

"This is the best reception I've ever been too," Kono toasted, raising her glass to them with a slice of pepperoni in her hand.

Michelle, took a bite of hers and laughed. "Thank you. Steve said whatever I wanted."

He put an arm around her waist, scooting her closer to him, "Whatever my girl wants, my girl gets."

"Wife!" Danny quickly corrected him. "She's your wife and you have to start referring to her in that way."

He kissed her cheek, "I have no problem with that."

"Where are you guys going for a honeymoon?" Chin asked. "I know people come to Hawaii but that's kind mundane for you."

Steve looked over at her. "I don't know. We've never really talked about it."

Michelle smiled over at Danny, "I have. Danny and I talked about it the other day." She reached down for her purse under the table as Steve looked suspiciously over at him.

"Why are you involved with my honeymoon plans? You're not going, no matter how much you kick and scream."

Danny made a revolting face as the others laughed. "You're going to make me lose my pizza." He motioned to Michelle who held an envelope in her hand. "She wanted to make sure you could get away. I told her yes."

Steve narrowed his eyes. "Get away where, and for how long?"

She handed him the envelope. "Just twelve days."

He took in a deep breath and let it out, glancing around the table as they all watched. He opened the envelope and took out two plane tickets, seeing the destination. He looked over at her trying to ward off the emotions that had suddenly and without warning taken over. "This is really where you want to go?" he asked her.

She nodded, overly pleased with his reaction.

"Where is it?" Kono asked, anxious to hear the place that had him clearly choked up.

"Is it Thailand?" Chin guessed.

"No," Steve responded, still looking at her, amazed that she would do this for him, "It's London."

"I want to meet Anai," she confessed. "I want to know the other girl in your life," she teased him. "And I want to personally thank her for what she did for you, and for me."

He turned and threw his legs over the side of the bench, standing up. "Ok, get up." He motioned with his fingers for Michelle to stand. "This deserves a proper thank you hug."

She giggled and swung her legs over and stood up.

He wrapped both arms around her, pulling her close to him. "Thank you."

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Steve stepped out of the taxi first, holding his hand out to Michelle as she exited behind him. The driver set their luggage on the ground next to them.

She looked at the row of attached houses that lined the street, appearing to go on forever. "Which one is it?" she asked.

Steve looked down at the piece of paper in his hand when he heard his name been yelled two doors down. He looked up and saw Anai coming toward him, waving her arm. She had on a pair of Levis and a buttoned down blue flannel shirt; her long brown hair swaying from side to side, looking nothing like the young girl he had left behind that night in Afghanistan. But as she neared, he smiled, recognizing the beautiful eyes that had seen him through some of the most trying and painful moments of his life.

"Oh my God," he exclaimed going towards her as she picked up her pace, running now. "Look at you."

She squealed with excitement and jumped into his open arms, hugging him tightly. "I'm so glad you're here! I've been watching from the window for the last two hours."

She released him and he put both hands on her shoulders, holding her back so he could get a good look at her. "I can't believe how tall you are." He moved his hand from her shoulder and cupped her cheek, "You look just as beautiful as ever."

She blushed slightly and hugged him again. "When I got your letter that you were coming I screamed so loud Papa thought I saw a mouse," she laughed.

He chuckled with her and looked over at Michelle who smiling brightly over their happy greeting. He reached his hand out for her. "Anai," he said as she released him and stepped back looking at Michelle. "I want you to meet my wife."

Anai smiled, "Michelle," she said, forgoing a handshake as the two women hugged.

"It's such a pleasure to finally meet you Anai. You're just as beautiful and charming as Steve described you."

Anai looked at her. "So are you. We used to talk about you a lot, " she looked over at him. "didn't we?"

He nodded, recalling several of their conversations. "Yes we did."

"You saved his life," Michelle said. "Thank you."

She smiled but shrugged. "Maybe, but you did too. He missed you so much. He just wanted to go home and see you." She looked over at him again and smiled sweetly. He had saved her life as well. "I think we're all lucky to have met one another."

Michelle put an arm around her as they both faced him. She had only known this young girl for a few minutes and could already see all the wonderful things he had said about her were true.

Steve looked at the two most important women in his life. He loved both of them equally but in different ways. It was surreal to see them together after all that he'd been through with each of them. They could think what they wanted but he considered himself blessed to be standing where he was. Those two strong, independent women had both risked their lives at one time to save his. They were without a doubt the most beautiful creatures he'd ever laid eyes on. He was certainly feeling the gift of life as he stood there admiring them.

"We are going to have so much fun while you are here." Anai blurted out. She reached down and picked up his large duffel bag and grabbed the handle of Michelle's suitcase and began to walk toward her house rambling off the plans she had for them. As they neared the front door, Joran and Marna came out smiling and waving, overjoyed to see him as well.

Steve looked over his shoulder as Michelle joined him, putting an arm around his waist as his went over her shoulder and they began to follow Anai. He leaned over and kissed her temple. "I love you so much for so many reasons, but what you did here, it takes the prize. Thank you."

She squeezed him, laying her head on his shoulder. "I love you too."

For the first time ever, he was at peace in his life. He thought back to that night in Thailand when he first ran into Michelle in that bar, and the conversation with his Dad just hours before. He had laughed him off for suggesting that he strive for a family and a wife.

He couldn't help but smile and look up toward the heavens, knowing that his Dad was probably looking down and laughing at him now, knowing he had seen it coming before he did, wondering if maybe he wasn't preparing him for the inevitable. It was the last piece of advice he had given him and he cherished it.

"_Thanks Dad_," he thought to himself, gripping his wife just a little tighter.

He was happy. He had a family again.

_** The End**_

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_**Thanks everyone for reading. Sorry it took so long to post this last one. The Holidays you know...**_

_**Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!**_


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